I want to thank YOU ALL for your stories!
This may sound bizarre, but finding this thread today has made me feel like I'm not alone (which rarely ever happens).
I dealt with anorexia and compulsive exercise for only about 2 years (and I still technically do since I'm still not comfortable with food). In those 2 years my weight plummeted to an all time very, very low. I was sick. I was breaking bones. I was exhausted. I couldn't sleep. My skin was gray. Etc, etc.
After my Dad died, my family wanted me to take part in an outpatient program, so...I did.
I'm guessing I've gained around 30 pounds (seems to be the magic number on here!), as I try to refrain from the scale as much as possible. I would like to lose 15 pounds in a responsible manner, but can't seem to make it happen. No matter what I do my body won't budge. I suppose I royally pissed it off with the years of abuse. I've had the thyroid tests, hashimotos tests, diabetes tests, etc.
I seem to have lost my willpower when it comes to food. Does anyone else have this problem? It's almost like I've been over compensating for the years of NOT eating without even realizing it. Does that sound weird?
My clothes don't fit (of course), I'm even more self conscious than I was before...I even found a job where I only work with 3 other people and no one really has to see me. I feel ridiculous.
Anyway...I just wanted to thank you all for your posts. They've given me a little more insight, and a little more hope. It's just nice to know that I'm not the only one.
This may sound bizarre, but finding this thread today has made me feel like I'm not alone (which rarely ever happens).
I dealt with anorexia and compulsive exercise for only about 2 years (and I still technically do since I'm still not comfortable with food). In those 2 years my weight plummeted to an all time very, very low. I was sick. I was breaking bones. I was exhausted. I couldn't sleep. My skin was gray. Etc, etc.
After my Dad died, my family wanted me to take part in an outpatient program, so...I did.
I'm guessing I've gained around 30 pounds (seems to be the magic number on here!), as I try to refrain from the scale as much as possible. I would like to lose 15 pounds in a responsible manner, but can't seem to make it happen. No matter what I do my body won't budge. I suppose I royally pissed it off with the years of abuse. I've had the thyroid tests, hashimotos tests, diabetes tests, etc.
I seem to have lost my willpower when it comes to food. Does anyone else have this problem? It's almost like I've been over compensating for the years of NOT eating without even realizing it. Does that sound weird?
My clothes don't fit (of course), I'm even more self conscious than I was before...I even found a job where I only work with 3 other people and no one really has to see me. I feel ridiculous.
Anyway...I just wanted to thank you all for your posts. They've given me a little more insight, and a little more hope. It's just nice to know that I'm not the only one.
Amazing. I really needed this.
I relate to this a lot. I was rail thin for two years and never felt more beautiful. But my body began to fail me. I was tired, fatigued, and all of my organs seemed to ache. I gained back 30 pounds when I moved back home. I feel so fat and gross and I'm ashamed to face old friends. It sucks but it's so nice to relate to people.
Wow I'm glad I found this site now I don't feel so alone!...I'm going through the same can't lose a pound no matter what I do!! I was anorexic for nine years I maintained my weight at 122 for all those years got pregnant and I started eating normal after I gave birth I had gained a total of 55 pounds!!! I'm so fustrated it's nuts I thought it would come off fast boy was I wrong I don't lose anything at least I haven't gained anymore but I'm eating 500 cals a day and I run for twenty mins most days and nothing I fe
I can relate to you on so many levels. I know how to lose weight I know what it takes to do that. But at the same time I know all of the sacrifices it takes to get to a weight I like. I am so embarrassed of my body particularly my face which I think just looks fat. I keep binging and obsession with food is getting a grip of me but just in the other extreme. I guess this is the punishment for not eating. So sorry to splurge and talk about myself so much it's hard to talk to people I guess!!!!!
This comment was so helpful to read. Thanks for sharing your confident IDGAF attitude with me! I really needed it.
I was 86 lbs. at 5'8" at my lowest. Quite a few of my teeth have broken and I had to have them pulled. Was tripping on cracks in side walks, fractured ribs and such. Then my body started to eat itself. There was no nutrition left. I'm "recovered " but I have gained all back. My body won't let me lose weight. It doesn't trust me. I have been told how long you were anorexic that how long it takes your body to trust you. Most of the weight is in my boobs and middle. I've screwed myself and I just have to wait for things to even out. P.s. I had to deal with menopause too.
I have the EXACT same thing. I CANT DO IT. I dont know why but i used to be the most 'disciplined' and even after I recovered and gained back about 20kg since being severly underweight from being impatient, I always looked up meal plans, exercise hiit, tabata ate vegan. And now all of a sudden once I've decided to make a "FULL" real recovery Ive gained about 12kg more than my recovered weight and I literally, can not lose it. I just stress about the thought of losing weight and going back to the way I was before and I have zero mental discipline. So I know what you feel like. I dont know why its happening.
Oh my...I am you. Empathising in the most profound, authentic way. My body no longer trusts me either...It seems as if it will always 'believe' that yet another famine period will always be 'lurking around the corner. Menopause DOES make it that much more unbearable....adding slowed NATURAL metabolism to the mix. I may just have to 'tough it out' for the fourteen years I endured the anorexia. Devastating.
So I read through some of the posts here....and I think it's safe to say that everyone having had an eating disorder before necessarily needs to be very cautious about losing weight again. It's very easy to convince yourself you are at a healthy enough place to do so. But chances are quite high you're not. If in the end you still decide to do it I encourage you to always make veeeery sure to do everything while loving your body. So if you end up hungry you absolutely need to give yoir body food. If your body is tired you absolutely need to give ot rest. I'd suggest you keep a journal each day or at least each week in which you write down honestly how you feel about everything, what exactly you are doing and why you are doing the things you are doing. Because "i do it because i want to lose weight" is not a safe enough reason.
My guess on what's going on is that you ever allowed your body to really heal.
"unfortunately you then proceeded to gain 25 pounds..." how realistic is it to expect your body to just go back to normal after being mistreated like that? Obviously it would go on and overreact a bit. Of course it would. Naturally it would. Thank god it would. You could have killed yourself after all. Your body is trying to safe you. It doesn't care what yoir beauty standards are, it cares about the health of your system. That has fairly little to do with each other. Look here...you already know what's going on, don't kid yourself. You make yourself believe that because you were not by official standards underweight at that time that your body has no need to gain any weight, I get that, I feel you, but it's nonsense. You don't want to give your body those two years to recover completely, eating everything, healthy AND unhealthy, eating freely and eating too much if your body wants to, then don't. But be aware that that will mean living the rest of your life in this endlessly grey zone of making yourself believe that you're not sick enough. It's your decision. Your body is keeping you alive. Since you're still undereating, why would it stop holding on to every single bit of food it can get?
"unfortunately you then proceeded to gain 25 pounds..." how realistic is it to expect your body to just go back to normal after being mistreated like that? Obviously it would go on and overreact a bit. Of course it would. Naturally it would. Thank god it would. You could have killed yourself after all. Your body is trying to safe you. It doesn't care what yoir beauty standards are, it cares about the health of your system. That has fairly little to do with each other. Look here...you already know what's going on, don't kid yourself. You make yourself believe that because you were not by official standards underweight at that time that your body has no need to gain any weight, I get that, I feel you, but it's nonsense. You don't want to give your body those two years to recover completely, eating everything, healthy AND unhealthy, eating freely and eating too much if your body wants to, then don't. But be aware that that will mean living the rest of your life in this endlessly grey zone of making yourself believe that you're not sick enough. It's your decision. Your body is keeping you alive. Since you're still undereating, why would it stop holding on to every single bit of food it can get?
Have you figured anything out? My story is very similar to yours. I recovered a few years ago with a few relapses of a few months at a time. I gained quite a bit after recovering and now I can't lose it, despite eating an extremely healthy (strict vegan) plant based diet and staying active. It's depressing and makes me not want to see anyone. Also very triggering.
Hi. It might be kind of late to reply since this post was posted over a year ago, but I was wondering about some advice. I suffered from anorexia my freshman year of high school and got down to 89 pounds at 5 foot 4 inches, while running cross-country and track. I was able to start eating more again by the end of that year, but instead of just gaining wait back in a healthy way, I started suffering from eating binge disorder which became worse and worse. This caused me to overexercise more and more throughout my sophomore year just to keep myself from becoming overweight. I was able to keep myself on average at 110-115 that year, but then over the summer before my junior year, I got a stress fracture and couldn't run or anything for for quite a while and my eating binge disorder got a whole lot worse as I became more and more depressed. I ended up going from the previous weight above to 165 pounds by the end of my junior year of high school. Throughout my senior year, I have gotten myself balanced out with my diet and exercise and my diet consists of a lot of protein, fruits and veggies and gluten free carbs when I eat bread or pasta. I usually try to keep my calorie intake at about 1200 calories a day or less. I also lift weights for 45 minutes to an hour a week, run 2 miles 2 days a week and bike 21 miles once a week, along with additional walking. However, these past few months I have just stayed at pretty much the same weight, which I can't understand since during my senior year I was eating a lot more food and a lot more unhealthy foods, yet staying at the same weight. Now I'm exercising a lot, eating less and much healthier and I don't feel like I'm losing weight, though I have gain in muscle mass and in endurance. I had my thyroid checked and it is fine, so I assume my metabolism is fine.
Currently, I am 18 now and am in my first year of college. I don't desire the perfect hair or the perfect nails or full lips or being the bell of the ball or anything. I just simply want to lose about 40-45 pounds so I can be at a healthy weight so I can run like I used to, feel more confident and be less likely to have to deal with chronic pain and arthritis. I just want to be at a balanced weight so I don't have to keep wasting my thoughts on weight and spend them on more valuable things, like my future.
I am wondering if anyone has advise about what could be going on. Is my metabolism compromised somehow because of all the stress that I had put it through? Will it balance out? Does it take time for my body to start functioning like it used to?
I apologize for it being such a long post. I hope that anyone who is struggling too can find the answers. :)
Currently, I am 18 now and am in my first year of college. I don't desire the perfect hair or the perfect nails or full lips or being the bell of the ball or anything. I just simply want to lose about 40-45 pounds so I can be at a healthy weight so I can run like I used to, feel more confident and be less likely to have to deal with chronic pain and arthritis. I just want to be at a balanced weight so I don't have to keep wasting my thoughts on weight and spend them on more valuable things, like my future.
I am wondering if anyone has advise about what could be going on. Is my metabolism compromised somehow because of all the stress that I had put it through? Will it balance out? Does it take time for my body to start functioning like it used to?
I apologize for it being such a long post. I hope that anyone who is struggling too can find the answers. :)
Hi everyone. I know this topic started a LONG time ago. However, I am guessing more people will find these posts, and I want to help.
I have also had a similar problem. I was anorexic/orthorexic in high school. I lost my period. I went into recovery and got my period back at 135 lbs at 5'4'' at the start of my senior year. However, I kept gaining weight, and I could not stop it. At 152 lbs, I was very upset. I tried weight watchers, running a lot everyday, restricting calories. As you can guess, none of it worked.
Now, if you are reading this and in recovery, I want to say that gaining weight can be very positive and it is necessary to nourish yourself to save your life. I know it's tough, but it is worth it. I remember around the time I got my period back, I started experiencing moments of extreme joy again. I had not had that feeling of joy in over two years.
Since I was 135lbs, I have gained weight and probably plateaued at 152 or 150ish lbs. Many other people on this page have had a similar experience even while dieting extremely. When reading messages on this page, I actually felt positively toward my body for refusing to loose weight because my body is just doing everything it can to keep me safe. Unfortunately, I might not always see it this way, but I will try to from now on.
Many people have said that they loose the excess weight naturally over time. So, all we can do is eat healthy and exersize at a safe level. I actually adopted that mindset about a four months ago. I went home for a college break and it turned out I grew half an inch since the last time I measured my height (about five months ago). So, the bottom line is we need to take care of ourselves. We need to eat heathly and own up to how much we eat (are we dieting or binging and how can we find a safe balance). And we need to take care of ourselves and love ourselves for where we are at. I know it is hard, but we are tough people! And gosh darn it, we have a lot of life to live if we take care of ourselves!
I have also had a similar problem. I was anorexic/orthorexic in high school. I lost my period. I went into recovery and got my period back at 135 lbs at 5'4'' at the start of my senior year. However, I kept gaining weight, and I could not stop it. At 152 lbs, I was very upset. I tried weight watchers, running a lot everyday, restricting calories. As you can guess, none of it worked.
Now, if you are reading this and in recovery, I want to say that gaining weight can be very positive and it is necessary to nourish yourself to save your life. I know it's tough, but it is worth it. I remember around the time I got my period back, I started experiencing moments of extreme joy again. I had not had that feeling of joy in over two years.
Since I was 135lbs, I have gained weight and probably plateaued at 152 or 150ish lbs. Many other people on this page have had a similar experience even while dieting extremely. When reading messages on this page, I actually felt positively toward my body for refusing to loose weight because my body is just doing everything it can to keep me safe. Unfortunately, I might not always see it this way, but I will try to from now on.
Many people have said that they loose the excess weight naturally over time. So, all we can do is eat healthy and exersize at a safe level. I actually adopted that mindset about a four months ago. I went home for a college break and it turned out I grew half an inch since the last time I measured my height (about five months ago). So, the bottom line is we need to take care of ourselves. We need to eat heathly and own up to how much we eat (are we dieting or binging and how can we find a safe balance). And we need to take care of ourselves and love ourselves for where we are at. I know it is hard, but we are tough people! And gosh darn it, we have a lot of life to live if we take care of ourselves!
I feel like I've been searching for something like this for the last 10 months almost everyday. I know there are loads of people who talk about overshooting weight from their experts position but I never felt like it was actually for me. This is exactly what I needed to know that I am normal and if I just nourish my body, treat it kindly and exercise it to stay healthy it will go back to normal. Thank you to everyone who has shared their story.
I have been anorexic/bulimic for 6 years and for most of that time was at around 100lbs (I'm 5'4). I was desperate to keep my weight there because I tricked myself that it was a healthy weight and I would only be anorexic if I lost more than that (tell that to my hair that fell out and me always being cold). Now I'm 165 lbs!! Which feels like torture but at the same time I'm actually happy and I'm not going to die. But it's still torture... Now I'm just going to wait for my metabolism to chill out and then the weight should come down to a normal one. I hope you can all join me in trying to do the same. Good luck everyone!
I have been anorexic/bulimic for 6 years and for most of that time was at around 100lbs (I'm 5'4). I was desperate to keep my weight there because I tricked myself that it was a healthy weight and I would only be anorexic if I lost more than that (tell that to my hair that fell out and me always being cold). Now I'm 165 lbs!! Which feels like torture but at the same time I'm actually happy and I'm not going to die. But it's still torture... Now I'm just going to wait for my metabolism to chill out and then the weight should come down to a normal one. I hope you can all join me in trying to do the same. Good luck everyone!