My boyfriend is 57 and I am 46, I told him 3 yrs ago I wanted to get married. He has never been married and I have been married a couple of times from age 18 until 33. We have lived together for a year now and he avoids the subject. We have been dating for almost four years. I am moving this week. I feel like he will never marry me and am moving out. Probably regret it because I am so in love with him. What other choice do I have. I have strong convictions about being married. Time to move on and cry a little right?
Dear GoKatGo
I think you have made up your mind, but you are giving out mixed messages, and give no indication that he loves you. You seem to want marriage for marriage's sake, without considering suitability of the spousal relationship.
"I have been married a couple of times from age 18 until 33 ... he avoids the subject." He might be concerned about your marriage track record, or he might not want marriage. "He has never been married", but what has been his sexual history? Why has he never married? You have said little about him.
"We have been dating for almost four years ... I told him 3 yrs ago I wanted to get married ... We have lived together for a year now", So a year after starting dating you said you "wanted to get married" - not that you wanted to marry him? Nevertheless, you have been living together after 3 years of dating, and two years after you said you "wanted to get married". However you say "I have strong convictions about being married." But you have been living with him for a year! So what are those "strong convictions about being married"?
"Time to move on and cry a little right?" That is what you are doing isn't it? Or is "I feel like he will never marry me and am moving out" an attempt to force his hand.
So what do you talk about? What are his convictions? What are his religious views? What are his hopes, fears, dreams? Do they match yours?
He tells me he loves me on a daily basis. He occasionally says we are going to get married. We get along great, I just feel like he won't commit to me. Most of the issues you brought up don't apply. I guess I just wasn't descriptive enough. I am moving and he told me he loves me and doesn't want me to move. If he wants to date again, we can but I will not move back in without a marriage proposal. He also bought me a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas but it was the first ring he has ever bought a woman in his life!!! Not an engagement ring. He is very handsome and always has been. He has always been able to pick and choose women I guess. I love him and want to marry him. I dated my ex for 9 yrs and refused to get married to him. He just hurts my feelings that he won't commit to marriage so, yes, if this could sway him into marrying me then that is great. If not I will just have to get over it.!!!