Bipolar husband always leaving and coming back

This has helped me so much. I've been married 1 1/2 yrs and he has left me just up and out of the blue now 3 times. He cuts off all communication and is very cold hearted. Each time he has came back he is very sorry and promises to get help. I believe he knows hes bipolar because he has told me 3 different times he might be a little bipolar, he could be bipolar........whatever you arent just a LITTLE bipolar you either are or your not. I went thorough the cycles with him everyday. Complete Rage over the littlest things, to calming, to pure bawling his eyes out. He destroyed many of my belongings, called me every name, accused me daily of cheating with numerous people, went through my phone, text, face book daily. The last time he came back he started to physically abuse me and that is where I drew the line. Not to mention I seen proof he cheated on me. The abuse and rage definitely got way worse each time he left and came back. This time he threw our huge wedding unity candle at me which put holes in the wall, he picked it up and held it above his head and told me to get the F##k out of the house before he bashed my f##king brains in....I was devastated to hear that from the man I married....I finally had him served with divorce papers this time and can you believe he actually was mad at me? Its the hardest thing I have ever been through is to be married to someone and not understand why they keep leaving you and trwating you so badly. All I can say is I may be lonely right now but its far better than the abuse and constant leaving.I cant wait for the divorce to be over ..this has been HELL.

Hello everyone. I know the original post is a year old but here I am in the middle of the night reading it and feeling like I'm reading my story of his story. I'm sorry for all of you and the pain you experience as it sounds like what I experience. It's interesting one of you talked about mania. I never think of my guy as manic as much as depressed, but he has been having more racing thoughts and trouble sleeping, maybe that is some hypomania. I just hope it gets better as it's like an emotional roller coaster and I keep think he will learn from the last times he ran or tried to escape. I keep hoping he will care about my feelings or our child. But when he's like this he doesn't seem to care. Maybe he still does and is just doing what he can to survive but being rejected by someone for a day, week, or month wears on the soul. Please tell me it gets better and some people stop running as their symptom. I guess those people aren't usin Google though?

I have been in this relationship for 21 years now and it continues to be the same thing again and again. He will leave and come back. He will start a fuss over anything. I know that he will never change I keep hoping that he will. He is my weakness and every time he wants to come back I let him. Even my children tell me not to let he come back but I cannot stand all the crying he does each time.Yes I am weak but I know I will continue to let him come back. If the relationship is new to you and this is happening PLEASE go ahead and get OUT. They will NOT change. It is like a merry go round that never stops.Wishing I was strong enough to do it myself.It is a very sad, confusing, and hurtful life with someone who is bipolar.

My husband and I will have been married 27 years this Friday. Guess what, he's gone again, 12th time. Last 3 or 4 months. He has neve r been medicated and never seeks help. We had three years of normalcy and then over night. Bam. I hate him, I love home, I hate him. Right now I want to punch his damn face. Nothing you say or do effects him. He hasn't seen me nor spoken to me. He ignores me like I was a crazy one night stand. I am starting therapy next week to deal with his ass. I am funny, pretty and make good money. There was no reason to leave me. He loves me so much but when he turns, I'm a stranger.

I agree, get out now if it's a young relationship. 27 years, I always let him come back.

I have the same thing with my husband. He is on meds and it doesn't seem to help. He's always angry. Always packing and leaving or he sits in the garage for hours. Sometimes he sleeps at the grocery store. He's abusive verbally and it's like he's possessed. One minute he is loving the next he's telling me to "f" off for no reason. He has no control over his "mouth" or actions and all his therapists basically just throw their hands up. He acts normal around them and flips out on me. Smashing pics off the wall. Screaming to the top of his lungs. It's insane. He's not the loving man I married at al. He doesn't work and spends most of his time in therapy. It definitely isn't working. So I totally empathize with everyone who also lives with this insanity.

Wow. So after 3 years of a relationship with a bipolar man, I see other people are in the same situation. My boyfriend has 2 kids and i have 4 (mine are grown). He goes into rages and then leaves for days. He has left at least 10 times (3 of them in the last 6months). He currently sitting in his truck in drive way. I don't know if he is leaving or staying. He just popped 2 neurotin about an hour ago. He is also on seroquel. He blames me for everything, calls me every name in the book, and tells me I have a huge ego. I am a very calm person. I am a nurse so I have dealt with people in rages or not thinking clearly. But I am at the point where I don't know how much more I can tolerate. His dad is a problem, an alcoholic, and interferes in our relationship (I am 45 years old). Every time my bf leaves, he goes to stay with his dad who gives him a truck, a place to stay, pays all his bills. So it's a perfect get away. Problem is, I am tired of him always leaving. I am financially secure and have no kids with him. So why do i stay with him? Because I can't imagine my life without him. When things are good, they are really good. But these rages are becoming more frequent and his mania more intense. I don't know what to do.

My husband of 14 years does these same patterns he just told me he's leaving me again been through this now five times with him after he's gone for awhile he wants me back I'm heart broken once again we have no children so it should be easier to push ahead and be done with this for some reason I can't let go I love him. But I'm extremely stressed out and emotionally exhausted he's definitely bipolar and won't go to a therapist or get on meds he runs away blames everything on me and he treats and pushes the people that loves him away I have a feeling he's been talking to someone else behind my back but this is what he always done and when things don't work out on whatever he's doing he wants me back I'm sick of being rebound or someone he try's to go back to for comfort and to settle I need help on learning to let go

How long did your husband move out for each time. My husband has left 3 times in 6 years. Ist time 30 days, then on and off for a year, and now 6 months and counting. He is not diagnosed with any disorder but with everything I have researched he would be BP2

It breaks my heart to hear everyone's stories. My now ex-husband moved out while I was at work over 6 months ago. We had been married for 3 years, but have known each other since we were 19 (we are 50 now). He came over after he moved out to tell me it was over (we had a lot of conflict regarding his ex-wife and her always wanting extra money beyond his child support payments). He told me he would file for divorce, but after hearing nothing from him (and not even knowing where he lived) I filed for divorce after a couple of months. The divorce is now final. He has refused to communicate with me since the day he walked out the door. The feeling of being so betrayed is so overwhelming. I don't understand how he can just erase me from his life like that. Has anyone else experienced being completely erased from your BP spouse's life?

I have been with my husband for 9 years. Your stories are all too familiar to me. Mine has never actually left, but he has tried to. He's currently on meds, but they don't stop the cycles, just weaken them somewhat. I call him Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde. The complete shifts from one state of mind to another are exhausting and painful. My self-esteem is long dead. I'm on here today because another cycle has begun. Over the weekend, after an amazingly fun date night at his office Christmas party, he suddenly wanted to leave. The same drill as always. Suddenly, he doesn't love me and never did, doesn't like anything about me, doesn't want to be a family anymore, blah blah blah. (You can tell I'm getting bitter?) Now, 4 days later, he's my husband again. But, I've lived these patterns for years. I could get a text today telling me we're over. I could be in for several months of increasing hostility and emotional abuse. He might cheat again. We can never know what each cycle will bring, but I find it helps to pay attention to the patterns. Everyone's bipolar can be different, but the patterns the individual goes through seem to be consistent. If you want to try and work though your spouses illness with him (or her) it's helpful to be prepared for what's potentially coming. Bipolar is a degenerative disease. It won't get better, it will get worse. There are good medications and therapy available, but there is nothing that will ever make it gone. To anyone living with a bipolar spouse, arm yourself with as much knowledge as possible. You've got to know what you're dealing with and be honest with yourself about whether you want to commit to a lifetime of it. Sending love and strength to everyone here.

That was great

I need to reply. Everyone's replies have helped me so much and I keep re-reading them to remind myself that this isn't my fault. My husband (now ex) is bipolar. We were married just shy of one year. I only knew him for 2 months before we married. He was the love of my life. I have never met anyone like him. A few months into our marriage the nightmare began. He has moved out (packed all of his stuff) every single month for a total of 10-11 times when we have gotten in the stupidest fights ever. a few days later he comes back and is back to himself again....for 2 weeks. Then the cycle starts all over....not sleeping, getting more negative, more grandiose, more judgmental of me ( I can't do anything right) and then we get into an argument and things literally explode from there. Not only would he pack up everything, but he would be verbally and physically abusive (the physical came on towards the end of the marriage but it was escalating). He would say the most horrible things to me. He even changed his number on me once after he moved out. He would ghost me for a few days after he moves out. He would also threaten divorce and then finally he started filing papers. I signed the papers after a few months of this insanity but he would rescind them once we got back on better terms each month. Then he would push them through again....then rescind...etc as this went on every month. The only reason why we are divorced now is because he pushed the papers through and when he called the court to have them rescinded the judge had already signed the papers. So what he used as a weapon to hurt me ended up backfiring and now we are divorced. it is probably better but it hurts nonetheless. He started meds 6 weeks prior to the last blow up. for 5 weeks he was great. it was incredible. He was balanced and healthy and a joy to be around. Then the meds started not working and he didn't believe me when I was telling him that they weren't working as he started his cycle again. Now he won't speak to me. And I will probably never hear from him again. He thinks its all my fault and he is justified in his behavior. While he sees some of his behavior, he still blames me. I know I don't deserve to wonder if my husband is going to leave me or divorce me if we get in a silly argument. I know I deserve better. I love him but I am accepting that I have to let him go. This has been the hardest thing I have been through. It has broken my heart.

Well, this has been a great tool. (Although it’s geared towards men leaving woman) my wife of 3yrs has done this same thing to me. This will be the 4th time. When it starts, I am just a mess, wondering what I did, questioning myself, am I not love able? Worthy? I looked at every reason what did I do? Then I started looking into her bipolar depression with shizo maina or something like that. When it starts you blame your self. She cuts all contact. Except email. But it is just one sided. Me. This time around I thanked her, told her I’m here if you want to talk, and let her know that this is something I can’t deal with anymore. I do love her, but I need to love myself and know what my limits are.

Hi. I have the same problem. Three times hes just GONE POOF!!! Before the vanishing act - -_silent treatment for days, no affection, little communication and excuses to stay in his hometown with his parents. Lies about everything! Couple weeks no contact then txt out of the blue about some innane topic! And it's like he hasn't been anywhere but home. I can't take it anymore. I'm getting a divorce. It's too much on me. I was a recovering addict. 7 years clean. He's pushed me over the edge and I used. I always felt less than because of my disease..But confident in sobriety and fellowship with like people. He claimed he never did anything but told my son 2 years in to this 5 year marriage, he drank, ran the roads, partied hard but suddenly went away to job corp to get a welding certificate. ..in senior year or right after. I was unaware and felt mislead from the beginning.
Manipulation, lies, disappearing items, money huh he'd act distant if he had to contribute to bills. I am disgusted I put up with that. He's aware he has a problem. I found that out too .. later. Be careful dear