I know exactly how you feel. The pain is coming from a storage of negative energy from the rape and it is stored in your womb. I am dealing with the same thing. I went years without sex because of my issue. Do not put a label on your pain as 'vaginisimus' or anything else that will try to define you as someone who owns this. Find out more about spiritual/psychological womb healing therapy. It is all over YouTube. I know how you feel about the sense of inadequacy regarding him. Even though my husband (newlyweds) is very understanding, I am terrified at the thought of another woman who can handle his length satisfying him in the way I have not yet been able to do. I am working on it. Anyone who tells you he needs to just accept not fully entering you is not considering the man's feelings btw. No one wants to feel pain and no loving partner wants to inflict pain. Both want enjoyable sexual pleasure and logically the vagina should be able to elongate. Check out the info on overcoming the womb trauma.
I am now much older and have a new boyfriend. Sex is painful with him every time but not as bad as before. It only hurts when he his my cervix, not after. I am contributing it to no foreplay.
A woman's body is designed to stretch in order to accommodate any size. I once had 10 inches and it didn't hurt at all but let me tell you this ... he had me so completely aroused like you have never known.
Bottom line ... make sure you get enough foreplay and relax those muscles.