All of you sound jealous about the lack of time spent with your attention requirements. If you were an interesting as the video game then he would play with you instead. Most of the situations are in reality a very hateful remark is made to them then the man is hurt but hides his emotions from you in which that the resentments are created as a result of the unneeded hateful comments.
Yes this sound one sided unless you read the full disclosure.
My husband is a Programmer and was former military. Now that he is home he is working all the time very long hours then having to bring the work home again with him. I know how all of you feel yet i do not make any attempts to change him in any way an accept him the way he is.How many of you are a very needy person in which your entertainment is your husband instead of being content with yourself.
If you are lacking in yourself in anyway then you cannot be complete with anyone else. Stop competing with the entertainment and the husbands hobby. The constant nagging in a mans' eyes only pushes the man further into the game to drown out the attempt to be so bossy and command the husband what to do. When a man makes their mind up you have not force fully change but let the man feel it is their own idea. this creates a way that is voluntary to commit to the intimate time spent on your needs as well as the family needs. Very few ever think and see to put themselves in the shoes of the husband and commit themselves to the level of hard work that they are doing everyday to provide for the family. In addition the environment of the constant strife and anger for a man creates depression in which the only safe haven for the person in which is continually being verbally and emotionally assaulted. Women contain the nurturing maternal instinct the men contain the leadership instincts.
Discipline is from the Latin word which means to teach.
So teach one another and learn from and about one another.
As for the lack of the time spent with you directly diverted with the video game;Distractions are common with men.
If you were to make yourself as interesting as the game and not play the guilt slander anger card at them. Wives become more interesting.
Identify what the needs are by paying attention to details of without suspicion. Anger is a hate emotion. Love is a kindness emotion.
If you are always being resentful then you only push the husband into the place of where they can find peace. If it is any hobby being games hunting fishing or cars or even model cars and a collection of some sorts or watching movies music ( being the interest of the husband )
sharing in the interest makes the man feel accepted and a member which belongs to the family.
Think about what you are doing to your husband to create or add to the stressful situation. If you are seeking out the courtship rituals as it was when you first met and were dating. well that is part of the courtship the marriage is the real work which requires a level of commitment in which most never bother to think through as for the reason in which why the marriage was accepted and why you were ever married in the first place.Men work from eyes not the heart. The heart happens later. When you have children do you allow the husband to correct them or do you tell the man he is weak and a lesser member of the family.
So i challenge all of you to look inside instead of blaming or being angry. A man seeks out a equal match of themselves. If he were to got to the park with you would you over-react with anger again in public to do public embarrassment to get even for what happened earlier with the game. a man can say think and speak what is on their mind however not always mean what they say when they are tired of the stress created by needs that cannot be met by a person that cannot be content with being by themselves. A man wants to be honored and feel a sense of worth to the family unit. Do you devalue that option to participate with the male concepts.
SELFISHNESS IN A RELATIONSHIP AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT THE SELFISHNESS
A- I will state here in this portion of this post that this is not all one sided.
B- It requires all members of the family to work as a team to become the family team.
C - When communication fails the family fails.
D - A man speaks when the man is ready however not all mean see the time of when and not to speak with a female member being that the timing is never right to do so however do not hurt your husbands feelings because the husband is doing the best they can to open up to you then have the trust become broken over an over.
E - Make yourself as interesting as the hobby. Talk about him then that opens the conversation to slowly overtime become about you this helps the man become comfortable around the environment in which the man is in.
F - Yes there are also situation in which there are obsessions with the hobby being a video game because of the fantasy in which the games create however the man feels they are good at something then they should continue which what they can succeed at instead of listening the words that make the person feel like a failure. Make the person feel as a success and do not expect instant results.
G - Think back to what you were link truthfully when you met.
Shame on the person that imprisoned the husband for you to go live in a shelter. You still lost being the street placing the children in danger.
I do not feel sorry for you at all. You put yourself there and there you are to stay until you work well mostly likely get only some levels of welfare assistance and income without earning it.
Here is my comment to the relationship with the person in the military.
Military branches work the enlisted male and female 8 times more than any civilian job you can think of.
The enlisted clean administrate protect and serve our nation for freedom in a time of war and all you can think of is how you wish you had more time with him? Who is not respecting the person as a hero.The military has the highest rate of stress and suicide in any work field and they have to follow orders that you would view as ridiculous however the military enlisted must follow any order so any off time is pleasant to get away from work an not have someone ordering them around.
This is written from a US Navy Yeoman wife to a former enlisted veteran.
Not once have i ever seen anyone mention this is going to be an easy journey.
Family is hard work and a wife is the companion and helpmate to the husband the husband is the leader and part of the chain of command.
--Good luck to you.
And why would you dare to slander your husband on the Internet instead respecting the choice within the chain of command.
Learn to appeal instead of demanding to have rights to anything that you selfishly see to just have given to you.
men are less emotional than women. The military trains and conditions the emotional self out of the enlisted in which ( well for most men ) emotion is a lesser sign of weakness.
At the war-front if the pilot was to bail out for no real reason other than the way they feel would we be still here today to allow you to become divorce because you cant have your cheesy puffs that is in the kitchen for everyone to share in the household as a family.
BOTTOM LINE IS EARN IT! Never Demand It!
TRY A SOFT VOICE BE NICE AND DO NOT FEEL NEGLECTED AND REJECTED.
TRY DRESSING UP IN HIS FANTASY, DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
AS FOR SEX WELL WHEN CHILDREN POP OUT THE MAN MAY NOT WANT ANYMORE CHILDREN OR MAY JUST BE TOO TIRED.
TRY ASKING BUT LET THE MAN HAVE THE TIME THEY WANT TO THEMSELVES.
"Guest", you say that we need to find a way to keep our husbands attention, well just today he told me, "Baby if I had a body like yours, I'd use it to get whatever I wanted". My reply, "I have this body and it doesn't get me time with you or get you to play with it". He calls that a burn. I call it reality. I'm 32 but most people say I look like I'm 25 and I do turn heads, just, not my husbands. I found an email of when we were only three months married and even then I couldn't get him to take time away from the game to be with his new wife. I work, I'm fit and interesting to most other people, just not enough for him. I got married so that I could be with him and spend the rest of my life with him. As a wife, we don't understand why these men marry us or stay married if they'd rather be with something inanimate. I wish they'd marry each other and leave us out of the equation.
This reply goes to the guest who says that us wives are uninteresting and that's why our husbands chose to ignore us and pay more attention to anything attached to a cord. What you say is hurtful because you have no idea what our lives are like. You talk about the military and the people who serve like they are better than civilians. Well "Guest", you are wrong. Simple as that. My spouse is in the military and they do not work harder than civilians and in fact it is a joke with all military personnel AND their families that no where else could they get a job where they sit around, talk c**p all day, play on the internet, swap porn, have two hour lunches, leave early, get thirty days vacation and get paid for it. In fact, the last shop he was in, they would play Rock Band with the students.
Our reality sucks and that's all there is to it. Our two choices are to divorce or stay with the man we said we'd be with until death do us part. "Guest", I can only wish that your spouse does not curse you with someday finding you uninteresting because it certainly isn't your cruel mouth and black heart that he could be head over heels for. The people who come here do so for support and understanding so please go somewhere else because even though you're welcome here, your comments are not.
My mom died a few years ago and I don't have any family around here so I'm a little scared. I was really scared I was making the wrong decision until I read this forum. All of you ladies on here have helped me alot just by reading your posts, I know I'm not alone, there really is such a thing as computer addiction and it hasn't just destroyed my marriage but all of ours. I'm so sorry for everyone's pain on this page and I hope we can all find happiness some day. I'll always love him, but I'm ready to live life again. :'(
I have a double dose of problems with my fiancé, who is addicted to video games and alcohol.
I would not say that he is your typical “out of control” addict. He seems to compartmentalize his alcohol addiction to Friday nights and sometimes Saturday nights as well (this is an improvement to when he used to drink almost every night and play games until sunrise). His video game addiction seems to consume 80% of the time he spends in our home.
You would think that this behavior seems responsible, in contrast to the addicts out there that do not seem to limit their use. However, when he does drink and play his games (gears of war is the current favorite) every Friday night, he shuts himself away in our basement, drinks about 20—30 beers and leaves me longing for company. I have considered finding a volunteering opportunity for my Friday nights, so I don’t feel the loss of his company as deeply. I do wonder at times if I am just too needy or lacking in my own hobbies and interests.
Lately the situation seems more pressing because we’ve been engaged for 5 years and he has been talking about starting a family and trying to conceive. I’m terrified of getting pregnant and trapping myself in this relationship, which at times (25%) is very satisfying, but not enough to balance the 75% of times when I feel like I’m either being ignored or begging for interaction. I do not foresee us having to deal with this issue any time soon because we are not even having sex (less than once a month). It is sad but laughable that this man thinks we should have children when we never ever have sex, who does he think I am (the name Mary comes to mind). I guess the real problem is that I want to have children as well, but not with someone who leaves me alone so much… I am 30 and my clock is rapidly growing louder than any other sounds in my life.
I guess the worst of it is the combination of both addictions… they seem to fuel one another. Friday nights are the most dreaded night of the week for me because I know I will be glad that my work week is over, but sad that I have no one to share that with… at least not at home. He comes home every Friday, like clockwork, with a 30 pack of beers and heads straight downstairs to the basement to play his games and connect with his friends (other online players), and his excuse for this behavior is that he doesn’t have any friends who live around here (he moved about 30 miles to live with me). I don’t mind that he plays the games so much, but when he drinks 20—30 beers and stays up until sunrise and stumbles around the house or tries to talk to me when he is so intoxicated that he no longer makes any sense it hurts me. I’m constantly terrified that he’s going to die young as a result of the damage he has inflicted on his liver; did I mention that he is also overweight (this seems to be a popular condition for video game addicts). I don’t want to have children and raise them on my own, at least not if there are factors that can change to reduce the likelihood of that possibility.
Worst of all is knowing that he suffers from a disease (addiction) and that my ignoring him or punishing him with silence or ignoring him is not conducive to healing him… but sometimes I just get so sad and angry. I constantly feel like I ruin the entire weekend because I cannot get over being ignored on Friday nights, thus losing any time with him whatsoever, but it is hard to be at his beck and call… it just feels so unfair.
I love this man, but how long should I wait for him to notice that there is a problem? I’m crying all the time now and don’t want to continue like this.