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I'm so glad I googled my problem, it's nice to know I'm not alone. My husband (married 2.5 years) is addicted to playing Might and magic something or other. He's always played video games, but this one has taken over his life for almost a year now. We have a beautiful 19 month old that knows to look for his dad at the computer, it's sad. He's told me more than once he's going to quit playing because it's not fun anymore and yet I'm still seeing him sitting around playing the game 90% of the time he's at home (not including sleep). I've told him that other marriages end because of video game addiction and he practically laughed in my face. When the dr phoned and said the baby I'm pregnant with now had 3 white spots on the heart during the ultra sound he hardly gave me 1 minute of his time. I actually had to wait for him to finish typing to his gaming buddy before he gave me enough attention to tell him what was going on, right after he sat down and played his game again as if I told him I was going for a walk.
It breaks my heart when my son gets excited to see his dad come home and all B wants to do is rush to his video game and play. My baby sits and plays by himself while I do chores on the weekend because B won't stop his video game, even when I make snippy comments.
I feel bad, but I don't want to have this baby with a man I no longer feel connected to because of a video game addiction. Do I stay or go?
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*** if this gets posted after that foolish guest reply, I apologize for him on behalf of men ***

 

I have been obsessed with MMORPG (ie. WoW) for a while but not addicted, the difference is; I was able to stop on my own.

I believe my obsession with these games is the feeling that I am not doing anything worth while in the real world or worse the real world is difficult or painful at times, it is my escape from reality. I have noticed that some of the replies has to do with men in a new relation and/or very young children.

From a man's perspective, the responsibilites of a wife and a child(ren) is sometimes almost crippling, so in a sense making the game that much more inviting. I would like to attempt (possibly foolishly) to give some advice. Spend some time with him while he is playing (sit beside him) and when he is not playing let him talk about the game (we subconciously realize how silly it is to talk about a game so seriously) but what is not silly is the desperation we feel to find a purpose for ourselves in the real world. We sometimes do not bond with a child as fast as women do and only see the child has a responsibility but that does change and sometimes it's nice to be alone with the child, to have his/her full attention.

I may continue this post later, it helps me when I "vocalized" my prior issues with the game.

My prayers are with you, dare to believe that God is in control!

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Hi, I feel akward writing about my marriage but im on the edge. My husband and i have only been married only about 3 1/2 MONTHs, on our wedding night we came home and he went straight to the computer he plays AION and WOW... i was so damn hurt.. all he does is play games he wont even get up to eat unless i get him food. When we were datinfg he was wonderful sweat and charming. Now he just sits there and ignores me, but if i tell him how i feel he just yells at me and cusses me out. he can say some really nasty things and im shocked. At first I didnt mind him playing it was fine, but now its just damn redicoulus..... He doesnt kiss me, We dont have sex anymore. I just dont know what to do im only 19 and im considiring a damn divorce.. I love him but he just takes me for granted. He even lost his hours at work, constintly complaind about his job but doesnt go out to find a new one, i even tried going through some of my contacts to help him but he just rather play games. I want to have a bay but i dont think he is mature enough. Does that sound wrong. I dont know what to do anymore and im tired of crying to sleep. I have never felt so alone. i dont have any family i just have him. What should I do?
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You are not doing anything wrong.  You are young, 19 is pretty young to be married. If you want a family and you need to decide what is right for you.  Imagine yourself with a baby and a husband who is not there for you...definitely wont be there for the baby.  If you can contemplate a seperation.  Take some time away from the situation. IF that does not wake him up then nothing will.  It is hard not to take this personally, but it is not you.  Computer game addiction is real.  It is not something that you can make him stop or control. It would be up to him.  Do what you need to do for you.  You have your entire life ahead of you.  Many years you can still have to start a family.  Do what you can for you......as for him....he will either follow or not.  Hope this helped.  I have been there and am heading for divorce.  Don't wait till its too late for a family like i did.  


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This is really messed up, so many addictions in this life to contend with and now were at a point in time where gaming, or the internet and all the crud that comes with it is destroying peoples lives.
I hate my husbands gaming and much like every single post I've read its gone from bad to worse. I too do not want to end my marriage however, I know my value as a woman and a person should be valued more highly than a game(s) by my spouse. This sadly is not the case, its not really a matter of if I divorce him, its a matter of when. I have grown children and we have none between us with no worries about any coming along. He also does not sleep with me as I've read so many say. Sex is a memory, I vowed monogomy not celibacy, I have told  him this. We do NOTHING, go NOWHERE, and I'm so tired of feeling more like a nagging mommy than a wife. We have been married for a year and three months and not one thing has changed, well that's not true, its gotten unbearably worse. He lives on the couch, sits there and now the couch bought less than 4 months ago has a dip where he sits constantly, then falls over to go to sleep. I wonder how he would feel if everyone knew this is how life is? I doubt deeply he would care, just grab the keyboard & mouse and get wow'ed out. Or the controller and slip into the trance like state he stays in. I give up. Im sick of feeling unloved, unwanted, undesired. Im tired of working and carrying the bills when he blows off another job just to post up on the couch to play days on end.... I love him, but I hate our life.
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I can understand your frustrations but some things to keep in mind.  First, there are differences between addictions and extreme hobbies.  My husband is in the latter category.  He games for the few hours he has when he's working and on his days off.  But he knows that one day off is for errands and he doesn't skip work or a major event (like a meeting with our children's teachers) to play. 

I know many men who spend the same amount of time with other hobbies.  Like golfing, fishing, hunting, fixing cars, etc.  The problem is the preception that because he is physically present, he should be attentive and pay attention to you and when he doesn't you feel emotionally disconnected. I  have found ways to be emotionally connected even while he plays.  I initiate kisses and hugs on his way back to the computer from his bathroom breaks, when I bring him snacks, etc. I listen when he tells me that he leveled up or got an accomplishment. I talk to him when he's not "busy" in a battle ground or a dungeon.  There are downtimes even though there isn't any pause button in WOW.  Sympathize when there's a glitch or another player who's a jerk.  Also remember that those "bosses" are sometimes the end result for hours of playing.  My husband likes that in the game he can go do A, B, C and mark it off his to do list, when at work, due to the nature of his job, that isn't ever possible.  

My husband spends a lot less on his hobby than the men who golf, fish, hunt, etc.  I always know where he is! I also have many friends who spend their hours scrapbooking, stamping, shopping, etc, personally I spend just as much time reading, writting, and keeping up with my friends and family on Facebook. So how can I complain?  In fact, my husband bought two copies of the last Harry Potter novel the day it came out, and made lunch for all of us and ordered dinner because he knew I would read it straight through and lose all track of time.  (the second copy was for him to read, at a much slower rate than me!)  

My husband works 12 hour days, four days a week, as an Assistant manager for Walmart.  By the time he gets home, he's frazzled by demands and people needing to talk to him, and contradictory job tasks. There are days he honestly does not want another human around him for an hour or two.  He deserves time on his own to let go of the stress and WOW fills that role.  He can go on there and fight battles, kill wild beasts and finish quests and it gives him the escape he needs. He has also done some networking through WOW, by playing with other managers.  

My son also plays.  He's 16 and attends a public school online.  He knows that his work and chores have to be done before he can play.  WOW is an amazing game that allowed my athletic husband and my not so athletic son (he takes after me, unfortunately) to bond.  They play together and talk about the game as equals.  My son has helped my husband through parts of the game, just as many times as my husband has helped my son.  

You might want to try playing and make it something you can do together.  There are controls on the game that allow you to set time limits and other controls that make it not so encompassing.  I am not one to play games unless you count things like Tetris and Bejeweled.  But even I got into WOW, and learned how to play it with their help.  I don't play anymore because my computer is having trouble running the program, but ts not just for guys.   

Now, I know a lot of you have small children, my youngest is now 12, and that does make a difference.  But my husband has always gamed in some form.  When my son was a baby, he would sit him on his lap and play console games, like Nintendo, or Playstation.  So it wasn't anything new that cropped up in our relationship.  He was always like that and I knew that from the beginning.  I doubt many of these guys just started gaming.   

I am not saying any of you are wrong.  But there are things to consider, and an otherwise good man is something that should not easily be thrown away.  I would not divorce a man who otherwise was doing a great job as a husband without true signs of addiction present.   They are the same signs for any addiction such as alcoholism or drugs, and sometimes if they are a true gaming addict, they do need professional help.    

 

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I am married, with kids, and an okay husband. He is also seriously addicted to the games... Red Faction, War Craft, and so forth. I have put my "foot down" many times, we have had so many fights, and not much has changed. I love him very much and I have to fight my-self with what to do. I do not want to leave him but I need him to change. As we speak he is on the game and I am spilling my guts to the net. Its better than fighting with him. I am not sure what else to do? For everyone in the same boat as me, the main thing is TRY not to fight around the kids. The game is NOT worth Tainting your kids! Then the game wins and YOU....

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hello im 20 and been married for about 6 months and im already fed up with my husband playing video games all the time. When we were dating i knew he was into the games but i never realized how addicted he was to them. The first 3 months married and living together wasn’t really bad he would play but when i asked him to turn it off he would do it without saying anything. but little by little it started changing when i asked him to turn it off he began to make excuses to why he should play another hr and not he latterly wants to back up and leave when i ask him to turn the video game off. just last night it was 3am and i wanted him to come to bed i got up and asked him to please turn it off after that the game he was currently playing, i went bk to bed and realized he ignored me and kept playing finally i got up again and asked him again this time in not a nice way. He then got up turned the game off and came to the room and started to pack up and from that on it just turned into a big huge fight. I don’t understand why he acts this why but I’m really afraid that VIDEO GAMES will end my marriage.

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I am heading for divorce as well. I just have to save enough money to leave. My husband won't even notice I'm gone because he's too busy playing games on the computer and PS3. When I'm at work my seven year old daughter calls constantly crying saying that she is upstairs by herself while my husband is downstairs playing his games. The only time we argue is because of his gaming. I've tried hiding the PS3 away and unplugging the computer. He will stop at nothing until he finds them and plays his games again. He would spend every last penny on his games while we went without food. Our credit cards are ran up because of a super size television he bought for gaming. I threatened to leave a million times and even did so a couple times. He promises he will change and the next night he is back to gaming again. He rarely helps with housework and we never spend time together. He had neglected by daughters homework when I am at work to the point that the teacher had to call me. Sex is a thing of the past and something that happens once every couple months in between his games. We have been sleeping in separate beds for over 6 years. His "best friend Lucas" is a virtual person he met online. He talks about him like he's known him for years but he's probably a weirdo or something. The worse thing is his anger at me and my daughter if we dare to interrupt his gaming of threaten to take his games away. I believe he can become physically abusive because of his need for gaming. He will use every excuse imaginable to get downstairs to his games even say he's doing laundry. The last nine years of my life has been yelling at him through the floor to come upstairs and talk to me or help with our daughter. I am too tired to go on. I can't deal with this anymore. Tonight was the last straw when he got physical because I was mad and said i was going to get rid of the games.  My daughter witnessed the whole thing and was upset because she thought her dad was hurting her mommy. I promised her tonight that it will all change and that sometimes mommies and daddies cannot live together. I have an appointment to file divorce papers tomorrow. I hate you computer/gaming addiction - you've taken my happy family from me!!! 
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I'm 25 with a 14 month old baby... and i'm considering getting a divorce as well just because of his addiction to computer games.  i mean i do all the housework and take care of the baby... my life is harder because i need to cook for him and do his laundry and stuff... my life would be yes, financially harder, but i dont need to deal with his immaturity. 
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First, let me just say that all of the women on this forum are very special and beautiful. And despite the frustrating situation, many of you display a remarkable sense of humor. Especially when you quote your husbands "just let me kill one more boss, etc lines : ) These are priceless. Humor is by far the most attractive quality and your comments have put a smile on my face.

Let me explain myself. I am a 28 y/o man. The reason I began reading this post is because my live in girlfriend of three years says that I smoke too much pot and I wanted to request some advice. I could have gone to a male forum, but they would have given me terrible advice, absolutely terrible advice. They probably would have told me to pickup a controller and begin playing WoW.

Now, I want to understand this frustration from a female perspective. When I started typing into google, I began seeing all of these relationship problem articles related to video games and I was literally amazed that grown men actually spend this much time on a game. Im not judging, I was simply unaware. I play video games for maybe 1-2 hours  a month if I'm lucky, and I consider myself well adjusted. I just have too many other things to do to immerse myself in a make believe world. Not judging, just saying. Personally, I prefer to go to the gym, I end up looking better and increase myself esteem.

Back to the point, I'm really at a loss as to why your husbands would rather play games than make love with you, especially since many of you seem like beautiful women with a lot of positive energy and strong sexual desire. Any chance you can do some WoW role playing to spice up the bedroom, or has sexual talent degraded?

I've seen the loss of sexual attraction from the opposite side. Over the past couple of years birth control pills have steadily destroyed my gfs sexual desire and it sometimes makes me feel worthless or not as attractive. We still occassionally have sex and lately, even though less frequent, its been really good, like really good. Like both of us cumming multiple times all over the bed, sweaty body all night good. So yeah, even though it doesn't happen often, it feels really good. But I feel less attractive because she wants it less and less and I internalize this as something wrong with me, even though I know this isn't the case. And I don't really know what to do. I love her immensely, but I also love having sex and am really good at it. I believe in monogamy, but sometimes I want the thrill and excitment of an affair...is this wrong?

More about me, I have a full time career, no kids, but when I get home, I want to be able to talk to my partner and not feel so alienated, but birth control pills are attacking my relationship because they make my gf unpredictable and inaccessible. And so the other day, while laying next to her in bed, out of the blue, she tells me that I smoke too much pot. I know that she is having her period but I'm still not sure where that came from. First of all, I am a responsible person/lover. I love to clean our apartment, I love to clean up after our animals, wash all the dishes, take out the trash, etc on a daily basis. I make it a point of principle of being the cleanest, most attractive and most grounded person in my relationship. Oh yeah, also, our cat is more affectionate towards me and my gf gets really jealous and this also contributes to the no sex for me predicament. Now then, in the midst of my responsibilites, I do smoke a decent amount of pot, not a forrest gump amount, but my fair share. Especially on the weekends when I'm not working and only doing chores and before and after running errands. And she smokes as well, except not on the same level. Where am I going with all this? I'm not sure, but I definitely understand your frustration, in terms of not understanding wtf is going on in your relationship that should be more stable than it is. Not so?

So to provide a solution to your problems, I would request that you give me some feedback as to what I'm doing wrong. In either event, here's my take on the situation:

How to get your man to step up? Ok, spending 20+ hours a week on a habit is difficult to break without breaking his psyche. You need to make his mind constantly think of you and to do this you need to make him jealous. Its the only thing he will understand. You don't need to end the relationship, you need to make him jealous. He is comfortable with the status quo and is not going to leave you or be vindictive. The only way to break him is to show him that you can do better. The good news, men are ego centric so all you need to do is find a man more attractive than him, and spend time with that man, sexually or with perceived sexual intent. It will make you feel more attractive and make you feel better than him. If you decide to have a passionate affair, it will make his behavior so much easier to tolerate, you're well sexed and not stressed out. You deserve to be praised as a beautiful and sexual woman. And you know what? the remarkable thing about having someone able to rock your world a phone call away, is that it really makes his behavior trivial. You being sexually satisfied will make his video gaming appear comically and boyish at best, or he is now jealous that you have something going for you at worst. Either way, he understands and you win. I wish each of you the best in your marriages and this is really something none of you deserve.

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LoL @ grape slushies are amazing.

First off what is this sh*t... a online dating site?! You probably should of added your cell # along with that rest of c**p you just wrote!

I completely understand that majority of you women are frustrated with your husbands bad habits... but the last thing you wanna do is have a affair, if that's the case you should be filing for divorce asap!

@ grape slushies... my girlfriends been on birth control for the last 4-5 years and never once have we ran into a issue with her not feeling like im "sexually desirable" because of birth control?! that's a joke right?? For being 28 you kind of sound like a little biatch, and maybe that's why she wont sleep with you! Nut Up or Shut Up chump

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This doesn't sound like it came from a wife having these issues, it sounds like a husband pretending to be a wife defending gaming addiction. You try to give advice but how can you give advice when you have not experienced this issue in your own life. With many of us here, while we sit here reading each others stories we are literally feeling their pain as we share these same feelings, (we HAVE walked in the same shoes.) With your comments it is clear you have not experienced video game addition with your spouse. We are here to get advice because we love our husbands and are looking for answers to make it work. You HAVE no right to judge someone else when you do not know how many things they tried with no prevail, they are looking for other ideas other then the alternative (divorce.) Stop trying to be the f***ed up female version of Dr.Phill and take your LONG post of wife bashing somewhere else where someone MIGHT want to read it all the way through. I mean REALLY you never said one thing about your husband involving video game addiction, your just trying to make us wives believe we are the problem and that's not the case. Unfortunately the reality is it is a addiction and just like any other addiction problem involving one you love, you seek advice and help from others or even the simple fact of knowing your not alone. Your whole post was useless because you had to critisize others you DON'T know and CAN'T relate to. With that being said CONGRATULATIONS! You have won the award for "Most Phony Wife" of the year.
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to sad to see that your husband is addicted to computer games. most of the time he spend the whole day or night in front of computer. we talked about it and even argued for several times but it didnt work. today, this is the only day off at work i have and he just slept at 6:20 in the morning played games, the time i just woke up. and now im alone, doing household chores while he is sleeping.
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Gaby,



I am so sorry sweetheart, I know exactly what you are going through. I was wondering if you made a decision about your marriage based off of the replies to your posts? I googled, "My husband is addicted to video games" to see what would come up. I found your original post, and started reading all of the comments from other women. We are all against divorce, but feel so neglected and clueless. I think I am going to show my husband this website, and tell him I agree with all of the posts. I have talked to him so many times. He doesn't yell at me, he just says he wishes that I could understand his "interest". I just wish he could understand my heart. I just want to spend time with him, and explore new fun things and live life together. We are in our first year of marriage, and like other posts have mentioned, I am afraid to bring a child into the world before he cans this addiction. I can't handle the thought of having a baby with a video game addicted father. Any thoughts on this will be greatly appreciated. Thanks Everyone! Merry Christmas!!!



-R
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