Do you ever get over sexual abuse?

For the first time in 30 years I am beginning to accept what happened to me. I am a little bit drunk and accidentally hit the red button instead of the green button. Sorry. I just had to explain

It is 2014. Why haven't we invented an amnesia pill. It would be nice to never have these depressing memories ever again. I would gladly learn to read and write all over again to have those memories erased. Although you may get passed being molested as a child and lead a happy life you will never forget it and it will always bother you.

Hi Chris,

I've been trying to get over this after 38 years. I was triggered recently by a tv show. I have started looking for the guy that did to over 100 children in my hometown. I found him living in California. I've contacted the local police, the police in his town, and the State police. Today I'm going to talk to district attorney. I'm hoping since he left the state during the investigation that the statute of limitations was stopped and we can do something. My major problem, I never addressed the issue. I'm now trying to do this for myself. I never realized how much it did effect my life. I was 10 years when it started. I hope you get the hope you deserve.

Hi,

I read your post, and my heart goes out to you. Unfortunately, this is such a hard subject for anyone to discuss. I, like you, usually have a few drinks, and look to find answers. It started happening to me when I was 10 yrs old by a neighbor, it went on for 5 years. I cannot form lasting relationships and have been depressed my whole life. I tried to deny that it affected me, but it did. I also don't sleep very well. As a matter of fact, last night was first time I slept in 8 days. I too got into some trouble, but it was later in my life. After college I started using drugs to numb myself, but I didn't know why needed to be numb. I know now. I realize this has affected every aspect of my life. I am on disability, because I haven't been able to hold down a job in over 10 years, I always go for the stupid, mindless jobs, so that I can just get by. Never aspiring to get anything else.

Your kids are worth it! No longer let the abuser have the power over your life, he can no longer harm you. Even though therapy is hard work it beats living your life in bondage. Your husband should not have to hurt you to love you, find a new way and enjoy loving him so he can like and love you back. Blessings, if God can move mountains he can set you free here on earth. He is not to blame, he gives us all free will, he knows your pain and wants to take it away. You can turn this around to become a powerful force for children starting with yours. Wish you the best.

14/15 you were a child, innocent and learning, someone took advantage of your innocence- it is not your fault! It is the abuser who did the harm, he took your power and that's is what it's about, it's time to get it back! Seek help, he took your innocence don't allow him to take your life-fight for you, your worth it!

The treat is a way of keeping you in fear, don't fear reporting. My grandfather did the same thing until I spoke up! Although people didn't react as I would have expected, he backed up and the abuse stopped for me and others. You see usually the abuser has other victims Also living in fear to talk. As long as it works for the abuser they will continue to do it. Be smart, if you can get proof even better. just make sure you do it right go straight to the police.

When do you think its a good time to stop pretending? Is pretending better then facing the issue. Its pretty obvious he hates himself because he knows what he has done to you and maybe others. Abuse is a cycle that repeats itself that's why its important to get help. Where does one lay the boundaries? Hate to say it but spouses know most of the time, they just ignore the signs that way they can pretend its not happening or that it didn't happen to them? Have you ever asked your mother if it happened to her? The healing might start their.

No, its been over 30 years, it re surfaces, often, my father came into my room one night, I woke up but pretended to sleep as I was scared, Id felt uneasy for months around him, like I knew it was going to happen, I was about 14 very innocent and he was always shouting at me for things so I was scared of him, he put the sheet over my head, started fondling my breasts and put his fingers inside me, I was frozen, couldnt do anything, I pretended to wake up and made a noise, he bolted, he must have ran to his room next door and my mom heard me crying plus I guess he had an erection as I heard her asking him what he had done.

She called the police, I didnt press charges, I stayed with a family friend for a few months, my parents went on vacation as he had a nervous breakdown.

It all came to a head in my early twenties, Id never had a boyfriend, hated being touched, still do, anyway I had a breakdown and went to see a therapist with my mom who told the therapist it was my fault as I walked round the house with short nighties on, he put her right, I went there for about a year, met my now hubby who knows all this, he was very patient still with him but now Im having a hard time again, Im very unhappy, I dont want to have sex ever but do it twice a week to shut hubby up.

 

All this has made me a very do anything how high submissive type person, I wish my father was dead, I despise my mother for staying with him, every year she asks where his birthday card or Father's Day card is, well this year I sent her(I live overseas now)an email saying I had more important things to worry about and Im very depressed, she never sent me a birthday card this year, first time ever, Im very hurt and angry, very angry and I have no one to talk to.

I think the abuse has made me a weak person, I am trying so hard to find out what I really want, I am not happy but not in a financial position to change it, I do plan on having some major life changes in the future and will update back here.

 

So in answer to the original question, no, you never get over it, its always there

When I started going to therapy for Depression, I was asked if I had been sexually abused, I said no, then they went on to another question. When a therapist won't help you work through it, then what? I was at school, just after it ended, I was making a wedding cake for one of the girls in class that was getting married. The Janitor, who always came through the kitchen, because the dumpsters were out back, he asked me about my T-Shirt. It said if it feels good do it! with a Bear scratching his back on a tree. did I think that was true, I answered yes. He said let's go out back. I thought he wanted to smoke a joint, it was 1974, everyone smoked pot. We stepped into the boiler room, and I hear the sound of his zipper going down. I was trapped, no way to get out. After that one time I thought it would never happen again. When school started back up, he asked me if I wanted to do it , on the first day. I have scattered memories of my Sr. year. The thing that I remember most was always looking over my shoulder to make sure he wasn't around. and when he walked by he had this smile , like he knew I was intimidated by him. It was something I couldn't talk about without starting to cry. So in 2005, I sat down at the computer, and wrote about what had happened. I was going to post it to my webpage, all the people I talked to were out of state.. I hit the wrong button, and erased it. So I started again, putting things into a better time line, and remembering things I hadn't the first time. I sent it to a friend to read, and he said he was glad that I shared what had happened with him. Then I posted it on my webpage. Writing about it helped, as I sat and typed through every tear. But sharing it with someone else was more important to me, that some one else knew, and I had got it out in the open. My Senior year is still a blur to me, but I figured out how to help myself , when all these Dr.'s, just let it slide by. You never get over that it happened. But you can come to the realization that it was not your fault. I realize much worse things have happened to other people, but this is how I finally got past the point of punishing myself, for something that wasn't my fault.

im a 20year old male now and was sexually abused by my cousin wen i was five then from other fam members an thort it was all rite intill i learnt it wasnt and boy contact isnt aloud and now i hold alot of shame and guilt for how i turned out because i started feeling affection for family members an its embarrasing and wish i could turn back time so i could just be normal i blame them for how i turned out and now i feel disgusting the mental scar its put on me has stopped me from getting a partner i feel unworthy for love and forever daydream of ever meeting some one

I don't think anyone ever gets over it. I'm 25 this year, and it's been 4 years since my grandfather molested me. When it happened in a public place (my mom was just seated at the back), i couldn't process what it was happening to me. He was touching my thighs and bringing my hand to his crotch, and everytime he did tt, he'd squeeze my hand. And I'd squeeze back. For the life of me, I dont know what I was thinking. It's not that I enjoyed it. I just couldn't process it.

I told my sis when I got home, and then she told my mom. And from then on, my family has been a wreck. My parents( and family members, relatives - his daughters, my aunts) brought me over to his house a month later to vent my anger on him. to get it out of my system. That was the only time I felt them giving me support. After that day, everything was swept under the rug. My aunts hated the sight of me, my mom cried all the time. I just grew angrier everyday. I grew increasingly sexually active and craved to be touched but flinched whenever my dad touched him. I'm not wanted at family gatherings anymore and even if I go (with much encouragement from my parents), I still feel them shunning me.

He passed away last year and I was forced to attend his funeral as a sign of respect that my aunts and mom demanded of me. I think it was disgusting of them. I hate how they all took out their anger on me instead of him.

This whole 4 years have been full of ups and downs. I think it's alr an achievement I've stopped waking up thinking about it as my first thought. And I was doing just fine prior to writing this. It all just got triggered when a friend asked me why I chose to hang out with a certain guy way back when I was dealing with this. Reading about how people much older than me still suffer from the emotional trauma makes me feel so hopeless that this will ever go away.

 

The first part of this is that I said yes to having been abused. They asked if I had therapy for it, I sad no I did not.

I know what you mean. I was 19 but am now 53 and still cannot get over it. I gave birth to two beautiful girls who are grown now but never let them out of my sight I have had panic attacks since age 25 and wonder if this has something to do with it. I told my mama since it was her daddy but she did not believe me. That is ok as I love my mama and just try to put it out of my mind. He is dead now so he has to answer to God. That is all I have to say as I will just keep it in the back of mind as I have a family to raise and I adore my mama. I see why people do not tell and keep it hidden. Thank you....

Your story really hit me. I am 47 years old and experienced sexual abuse myself. Please don't give up on having a real social life. When I went to college I forced my self to get up and do things that I enjoyed. The result was that I met some really great friends. Although I never told them about my childhood, it was good to hang out with friends and slowly gain trust in humanity. Today I am happily married to a wonderful man and we have our own family. I still have some sleepless nights, but I also have a husband who I trust and can talk to about my childhood. So please don't give up! Your experiences were horrible, but this will also make you a better father to your kids because you will know the signs and be able to better protect others.