Do you ever get over sexual abuse?

I was sexually abused by my father from the age of 10 to around 17. I never told my mom and to this day she still has no idea. I'm almost 29. I told my boyfriend, no fiance about 8 years ago. He has refused to come to my families home for anything. My parents are still together and I'll never bring myself to tell my mom, I don't want to be the one to break her heart.

My answer to your question is NO - you don't get over it. He tried to commit suicide in September for reasons not related to this subject and survived, two more minutes and he would have been dead, out of my life forever. I prayed for the next two days that god take him and that I would care for my mom and everything would be okay, unfortunately that didn't happen. I wish for him to day, I hope he dies and I pray for his death. He is evil and I will never forget what he did to me. I pretend eveyrthing is okay for the benefit of my mom, but I dread going to my parents house and I'm dreading my wedding day, 2 months away now, I just wish that my dream would come true and he would be out of my life forever, sooner rather than later. I am a christian and I know what I think everyday all day is a sin, but it's not fair to me to have lived the life I did while under his roof but feel punished even now after I have left. I just want him to not exist anymore.

Its not you breaking her heart , it was your father that broke your heart and your moms , even if your mom does not know . And who knows how many other children he has abused , think of them . As my Dr says once a pedophile always a pedophile. You have to confront the situation. The person that abused me went to jail . Because Myself and other victims took a stand .

It depends on how u define recovery, because no matter how you cope with the situation during and after, it will change who you are. I was sexually abused by my grandfather. It started before i was six, and kept going until i was 12. When i told my parents everything changed, mum cried a lot and dad got really angry. they told me that they would do what i wanted. I was twelve and the people who were suppose to protect me where telling me to make a decision that they couldn't deal with. It broke my trust and reliance in them, and the basic forming of bonds and connections with people was destroyed. For years i've made it my skill to be invisible, to appear like everyone else, when really i feel like damaged goods. Things do get better, and considering, i am relatively happy with the way i have turned out. BUt to this day i haven't had a normal relationship with someone. I find i can't trust guys, and even though i don't trust them and the urges of my body repulse me, i want their approval. When i try to reach out, and it doesn't result in anything, its had to keep away the old feelings.

My daughter was abused by her father 4 years ago when she was 14. She had just met him for the first time about a month previous, because he had been an absentee father. She is still suffering, dying slowly from bulimia, and I suffer too because I feel it is my fault that this happened to her in the first place. I let him back into her life, I took him back as my boyfriend, and the first chance he got he molested her. She didn't tell me for almost 3 years, and the whole time I was dating him and being emotionally abused by him (he was an angry alcoholic) Her stepdad (my ex-husband) tried to tell me that something weird was going on, he had read a blog she wrote and guessed that she was being abused, but I didn't believe him. I thought he was trying to break us up, and my daughter couldn't bring herself to tell me what happened, so I believed his claims that he hadn't done anything and stayed with him, which surely must have been the hardest thing for her to go through.

She finally came forward last year, after I had thrown him out for being a drunk, and her reason for not speaking sooner was because she didn't want to make ME unhappy, and she was scared that no one would believe her. I wish she could have felt like she could speak. I feel so guilty that she had to face him every day because of me. I feel so disgusted with myself that I had been sharing my bed with a child molester, one who had put his hands on our own daughter.

She will never trust me the same way she used to, our relationship is forever tarnished by what he did, and how I blindly ignored it. We stood together and charged his ass, thinking at least justice would be served and we could start our lives over...but last friday, after 8 months of waiting and a guilty plea on the table, he got ZERO jail time. They sentenced him to a year of house arrest with a curfew of 7pm-6am so he could still go to work. Then they lowered the sentence to 10 months so he could attend work training in another city next year, and extended the curfew to 10pm so he could go to counseling and AA meetings. Isn't that nice? They may as well have given him a sucker and patted him on the head!! It was the biggest kick in the teeth I could have ever imagined, and made both my daughter and I feel victimized once again.

The worst part is, the house where he is "serving his sentence" backs onto a children's playground!! How screwed up is that?

Another blow was having his family abandon their own granddaughter. They all said she was wrong to have come forward, that his apology should have been enough, that she must have "asked for it", that she brought shame to their family, that they wanted nothing to do with her ever again. Then I had to sit in court and listen to letters from his family, singing his praises, and I wasn't allowed to utter a single word.

I will never get over this, and it didn't even happen to me. I cannot for one moment imagine how my daughter must feel, and I will never be able to make it up to her. I want to kill that bastard every day, and as someone who has never had a violent bone in her body, this is an incredibly distressing feeling. It makes me physically sick, I have regular episodes of gagging and choking that last anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours. I have not dated anyone, nor do I have any desire to. Sex is sick and disgusting to me now, and so are men. I've had counseling, but the way it works where I live it's very limited, you just feel like you're getting started and opening up, and then your sessions have run out.

I hear a lot of people say you have to learn to forgive. HOW? That's one thing I have never figured out. How do you forgive? Why would you WANT to forgive someone who did something like this? I can't forgive myself, I don't deserve forgiveness, and neither does he.

i am 19 and was abused by a very close friend to my father n his son, i was about 8years old when this happened i neva told any1 untile i slipped up to an old best childhood friend that that the son learned me to kiss thats when she come forward about what he tryed to do to her, i still neva told any1 that the fatjer did this to me, then 2years ago my old friend had a break down n told her family everythink then they got in contact with my father n then it all cum out. my friend desided to take him to court at first i put it behinde me becouse ov the facted that i prefer to put it behind me, i then realised i was being selfish and that it could happen to another young child n then they would go through what i did, when i come forward a year after my old friend then backed out, by then i was not happy at all but was willing to still take em to court but they would not let me,he is still out there in Manchester as for his father when he ust to abuse me i preyed that god would take him to hell, 3years ago me and my family found owt that he had a really bad heart attik and now i think to my self even knowing i don't believe in god that he did kinda answer my pry, i don't no how i get through everyday but i guess i must b stronger then most, i get alot ov anger inside but i can fight it off but one day i no i will have a bad day but it wont be nothing to bad as what i coulde do to that son now!!!

I think that the fundamental question that's being asked is so hard to talk about. "Get over"? What sort of traumas in your life do you ever truly get over? Yes, I think that you can cope with things and be fully functioning but it is hard sometimes. I think that we all have our burdens to bear, and I think I'd be very quick to point out that it's normal to feel like you're not normal...but you are normal. I think a lot of people cope with it in their own way but yeah. You have hard days and easy days.

SO yes, I guess in a manner of speaking you do GET OVER it. But you don't forget it, I guess. But it's not something to be upset over. It just happens. AM I making any sense?

I believe that with time you can learn to accept it. You may not get over it but you can accept it and realize the situation. From when I was 4 to when I was 15 my uncle would sexually abuse me. I'm not over it yet but I know someday I'll learn to accept what happened knowing that it wasn't my fault. All I can say is try talking to someone about it. I never did until I found someone I was comfortable enough. This person may not be a paid professional but it can be someone you're comfortable with and can trust with this information. It's someone who will listen and help you in any way they can.

I would say that if it's happened for that long that it would take a while to get over it but yes, you are totally on the right path. I wish you a lot of luck and you're in my thoughts, okay?

My stepsister was sexualy abused by her older brother since she was 7. She is now 16 and the last time he touched her was a couple months ago. She tol me about it around a year-and-a-half ago and whenever she needs to talk about it I am there for her. She just told our parents about 2 weeks ago and she told my dad first. She cried for an hour and a half with me holding her while they talked. I can tell she feels better now but the other night she stayed up til 1 in the morning crying alone in her room. I do not know if you ever really get over something like that, but you can find relief. If you have the right friends you can make it through anything.

I am a 12 year old girl and I just told my parents for the first time that my grandpa (by marriage) has been sexually abusing me since I was 9. I think it might have been going on longer because some thing happened when I was 4 or 5 that I didn't fully understand at the time. I came to this site for advice and I'll tell you the truth, the results here scare me. I hope some other people that are being sexually abused have the sense to come to sites like these where REAL people share their stories. It is so incredibly hard to tell someone and one of the stories I read on here confirmed what made me wait this whole time. That they didn't believe her and thought she just wanted attention. It was so hard to tell them and it won't be easy. If you get the police involved then it will get really complicated. I don't think that people should come on here and just start saying how much you hate the person that did this to you and how you hope that they get raped. I don't know all that happened to me because I was asleep through half of it. It is terrible to wake up and not know if you're a virgin. I know that I probably would've felt something, but I don't know. Well I know you don't want to hear me go on and on, but I hope that maybe some people will come to this site and that this helps someone.

I was abused by a close family member for at least 16 years and am a very positve person but dont know what to think. All I can say is that I can rest assured that my little one will not go through this!

i was sexualy assaulted by my brother for 4 years and i still cant get over it it is hard to be sexual and happy

I'm very sorry to hear about that. Have you gone throught herapy or anything like that? Can you let me know?

It is hard to get over being abused. I was actually abused by my father from the age of 5 to 12. He still wants to have a relationship with me but I have struggled over the years. It's funny because as a child he use to tell me that one day I will grow up to hate him...I would say no daddy I love you I could never hate you.. then he would give me a kiss on the mouth.
Also he would blame my mother for not giving him sex & having to take it out on me. That has made me feel less than adequate in relationships to this day. To this date I have cut him out of my life. I have forgiven him but that doesn't mean I have to have him in my life. His brothers and sisters think that I am wrong for cutting him out of my life. I don't know if I will ever have a "normal" relationship with a man. I feel as if that is the right decision for me at this time.
Today I have 2 wonderful kids and I could not even think of hurting them. My father said that he was abused but would never give me the name of the person. How could he have even done this?? He kept saying he was a sick person and the devil was making him do this. He was a "pastor" and had a very small congregation.

i was abused by my stepfather 4 29 years he died over 1 year ago and no im not over it and dont think i ever will .i hate him so much .i cant sleep because of night mares and hurt all over if it wasnt 4 my son i wouldnt go on .i just want someone 2 take all the pain away . :-(