Hello,
I was abused when I was younger about the ages of 7 - 12.
It was multiple people and different times, first my grandpa, the a family friend, then a friends grandpa and then my brothers friend. I am now 25 and to this day I have never told anyone because I feel really ashamed and embarrassed. I do find it hard now to even talk with men, I don't know of it is something u can recover from.
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It's really not something that you ever forget or leave behind you. It is always there with you no matter where you go.
I was going on 17 when it happened. I was having a really hard time. Had lost my best friend of 6 years and my mum was having a major sugery. One of the nurses was suprised that she was still alive the next day, so she really wasn't well. My mum was my life. Shes amazing and I love her so much. I was probably at one of my lowest points. My closet friend was the one that sexually abused me. Not my bestfriend but was still extremly close. He forced me to give him a bj. The worst part was that you can't breath, doesn't matter how much you fight or pull away you can't. I trusted him, he was like my brother. I hadn't done anything sexual before, Everything with him was my first time. I was/ am so scared to do anything else like that. There is this constant fear that follows you. One of the hardest things I had to do was go back to school the next day. To see him there. We had the same group of friends and he would joke about it. Never actually told them what he had done to me. Just that I would know how big his package was or some sly comment about bj's then look at me.
He mad me feel like c**p, worthless. Like he took everything pure from me. That I was dirty and broken. It took me a year before I told my mum about it. I wanted to tell her so badly, but couldn't stand the thought of doing that to her when she was so sick.
I have forgiven him. People make mistakes. I have god on my life and he has helped me though so much. I had tried to kill myself in the past but not when this happened. God saved me. I don't want anything to harm my 'friend' I still love him and want the best for him. It is hard to forgive but it can be done. Unfortunately although I forgive him and he as appologised for what he has done it will always be in my memory and still affects me.
I read in previouse posts that some of the women have trouble doing anything sexual with their significant others due to what has happened to them without it being rough or feeling as though they are forced to do it. I also experience this. For thoes that havnt it's feels as if it's the only way. It's a submissive role that over takes you it feels like this is what it's ment to be like. As its all iv ever experienced. For me I don't find it always injoyable or a turn on. Sometimes it feels like you are reliving the event all over again.
Everyone is diffrent and copes in diffrent ways. It is possible to live your life after but you are never the same person after. Things are never the same again.
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I was abused by my mothers dad. He did everything to me from as far back as I can remember till I was 17 when I told my family no one belived me and still don't to this day its been 3 yrs since I had contact with my family I will never trust any one again I am truly messed up all because of someone that couldn't keep his hands to his self and my family have made me feel like I'm the one that's done wrong not him they are all as bad as he was for making me feel this way. I never called the police because my auntie talked me out of it even tho she said she doesn't believe me. I will never get over what he did to me but I won't let it rule my life forever
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My brothers and I were sexually abused by our father for 12 years and I can honestly say you can make it! You are the one who controls you now, that person can no longer control your life and lives of your family! I have a beautiful 6 yr old daughter and only want her to live a safe happy life and refuse to let her down by letting what has happened to me ruin me. I work harder, lover harder and fight harder. I will not be conquered by the tragedy that I went through. It made me a stringer smarter woman and I am proud that I made it through something most people never could. I am not weak and pathetic and will always fight for whats right. Dont give up, I am one of four children who is doing great things, never been in jail and am a darn good parent.I am proud :)
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Im a 32 year old male who was sexually active/abused as young as 6 years old. I'm going to struggle big time with this reply but lord if it helps anyone get back on track its worth it.
The main females abusing me were relatives (we've all heard the nasty incest jokes all through our lives yet few are aware of the internal struggle to force a smile to my face) and they were of a range of 4-6 years older than me. I looked up to them because age mattered a LOT when I was younger. Thankfully adulthood comes swift enough and we get to make our way on our own.
At the time I didnt realize it was abuse. Even that young I had already been told that guys are tough so we just deal with things. To add fuel to that upside down view of it all.. I eventually started to enjoy it and actively participate. I was being conditioned through repetition though I didnt realize it back then.
Through my teens I was highly active sexually and it wasnt for love. In fact I have no idea what the heck I was doing other than seeing if other people responded to sex the same way I did. I was looking for validation to my experiences I believe. I never found it.
Eventually in my teens I became the abuser and im so highly ashamed to admit it but this has to be said somewhere so others can learn from it. Somehow in my mind back then I believed that since they didnt put me in my place, I mean there was no physical coercion it was all verbal (ie emotional and mental abuse), it was okay and they were actively participating. Looking back on it all now I know I was armed with a vocabulary and an air of forbidden knowledge thats simply irresistible to people who're testing their limits. In short I used all the same tactics, to get where I thought I wanted to be, that had been used on me.
For a long time I believed that since the 3 kids I abused were within a year of my age it was consensual. That cannot be further from the truth. They were victims of my experience and I apologize but cannot bring myself to find them to apologize in person. I dont believe in bringing up the past to haunt people with it who've already found their own path. That is how I apologize to them - by remaining out of their lives.
I went for years without really dwelling on this. In fact I self medicated myself through alcoholism to forget (I believe subconsciously I was figuring out that I was a bad person). As I grew older, and learned more about right and wrong, I started to see id done a lot of wrong. It didnt even occur to me I was perpetuating a cycle of abuse.
What woke me up was one night I was drowning myself in alcohol, and found pictures on the web, and BAM everything came back to me. For a while I didnt know what to do however I kept looking at pictures to see if I was the only crazy person to ever have enjoyed it as a child. I was doing the same thing id done as a young abusive teenager, which was, I was attempting to find validation to my experiences. I felt certain if I told anyone id been abused (and how I came to even realize it) they'd simply look at me like im crazy. Whatever the response I was convinced it wouldnt be positive and possibly even cause me harm. Harm meaning family abandonment, one of those kids I wrote about above finding me and enacting revenge for being a pervert/changing their outlook on life, arrest, self-hate, anxiety, or plain old fear all over again etc etc the possibilities were limitless.
Breath.
So the long story part is over. I cant think of anything else to add other than ive never abused anyone sexually once I became an adult.
Here has been my fix. A few years ago I went to see a psychiatrist and told her about being abused. I named names, I think I was being vindictive, and the sad thing was... as I did this, I realized that she was abused and had simply passed it on to me. I even think I know who abused her, though she's never told or admitted it to me. I havent spoken to her in.. maybe 20 years now. Its not her fault for abusing me, I would tell her that if she sought redemption but, I dont honestly care to bring the trauma back into her life. Oddly enough the psychiatrist told me its no longer part of their methods to delve deep into our pasts. She told me it just brings up old issues that cause all new problems all over again. Finally some sort of validation even if I really wanted to express this whole story to her just to get it off my chest. The first few times ive told my story.. it was hard. So hard. It gets MUCH easier though, and in truth, my honesty and forthright willingness to talk about the subject with people who have no one else to talk to has helped many many people around me in my personal life. Sadly I was surprised to find out how many people id known through most my life had this same experience.
I've identified that its not a true personality trait to be an abuser. Instead im fully convinced its something we learn (and unlearn) through repetition and conditioning. Break that cycle I was talking about earlier. Thats the trick.
So how to do that? Well.. I read someones comment earlier that unless they had rough sex they simply couldnt get in to it. Basically repeating the trauma and even reinforcing it. I dont claim to be a professional, and im not, however I think that we can break the cycle through finding NEW ways to condition ourselves... only this time, we're awake and have morals. Your age has no bearing on how mature you can be in your thoughts and experiences. We all know this to be true. So we get to choose how to condition ourselves once this realization arrives. Dont give over your own personal power of being the creator of your own future. Its YOUR life, you get to make the rules as long as you're not hurting others. Be clever, find a new way, be yourself not something someone else wants you to be.
We cannot change the past, but if we have the courage to face it, we can use our experiences to pick the right future for ourselves from HERE on out. Not only that but we have insight others do not. This is my plea, use your insight for whats right instead of, what we so often see in this world, personal gain.
I will close with a story thats defined my philosophy on life. My best friend and I were traveling to town in his pickup one afternoon for some fastfood. We were joking and talking about this and that as friends do when a car cuts us off forcing my friend to slam on the breaks. The funny thing (infuriating at the time!) was that the guy also flips us off and speeds off into the distance while we're recovering. I turned to my best friend and said "lets go get that !@#% and kick his !@$!!" to which my best friend responded "but then id become what I hate".
Time has shown my friend to be very wise indeed. I believe thats why he passed from this life so young - he had little left to learn.
Good luck all and dont lose hope! There is ALWAYS a better way. Its up to you what your future will hold and we'd be worse off without you.
Bless you all
The main females abusing me were relatives (we've all heard the nasty incest jokes all through our lives yet few are aware of the internal struggle to force a smile to my face) and they were of a range of 4-6 years older than me. I looked up to them because age mattered a LOT when I was younger. Thankfully adulthood comes swift enough and we get to make our way on our own.
At the time I didnt realize it was abuse. Even that young I had already been told that guys are tough so we just deal with things. To add fuel to that upside down view of it all.. I eventually started to enjoy it and actively participate. I was being conditioned through repetition though I didnt realize it back then.
Through my teens I was highly active sexually and it wasnt for love. In fact I have no idea what the heck I was doing other than seeing if other people responded to sex the same way I did. I was looking for validation to my experiences I believe. I never found it.
Eventually in my teens I became the abuser and im so highly ashamed to admit it but this has to be said somewhere so others can learn from it. Somehow in my mind back then I believed that since they didnt put me in my place, I mean there was no physical coercion it was all verbal (ie emotional and mental abuse), it was okay and they were actively participating. Looking back on it all now I know I was armed with a vocabulary and an air of forbidden knowledge thats simply irresistible to people who're testing their limits. In short I used all the same tactics, to get where I thought I wanted to be, that had been used on me.
For a long time I believed that since the 3 kids I abused were within a year of my age it was consensual. That cannot be further from the truth. They were victims of my experience and I apologize but cannot bring myself to find them to apologize in person. I dont believe in bringing up the past to haunt people with it who've already found their own path. That is how I apologize to them - by remaining out of their lives.
I went for years without really dwelling on this. In fact I self medicated myself through alcoholism to forget (I believe subconsciously I was figuring out that I was a bad person). As I grew older, and learned more about right and wrong, I started to see id done a lot of wrong. It didnt even occur to me I was perpetuating a cycle of abuse.
What woke me up was one night I was drowning myself in alcohol, and found pictures on the web, and BAM everything came back to me. For a while I didnt know what to do however I kept looking at pictures to see if I was the only crazy person to ever have enjoyed it as a child. I was doing the same thing id done as a young abusive teenager, which was, I was attempting to find validation to my experiences. I felt certain if I told anyone id been abused (and how I came to even realize it) they'd simply look at me like im crazy. Whatever the response I was convinced it wouldnt be positive and possibly even cause me harm. Harm meaning family abandonment, one of those kids I wrote about above finding me and enacting revenge for being a pervert/changing their outlook on life, arrest, self-hate, anxiety, or plain old fear all over again etc etc the possibilities were limitless.
Breath.
So the long story part is over. I cant think of anything else to add other than ive never abused anyone sexually once I became an adult.
Here has been my fix. A few years ago I went to see a psychiatrist and told her about being abused. I named names, I think I was being vindictive, and the sad thing was... as I did this, I realized that she was abused and had simply passed it on to me. I even think I know who abused her, though she's never told or admitted it to me. I havent spoken to her in.. maybe 20 years now. Its not her fault for abusing me, I would tell her that if she sought redemption but, I dont honestly care to bring the trauma back into her life. Oddly enough the psychiatrist told me its no longer part of their methods to delve deep into our pasts. She told me it just brings up old issues that cause all new problems all over again. Finally some sort of validation even if I really wanted to express this whole story to her just to get it off my chest. The first few times ive told my story.. it was hard. So hard. It gets MUCH easier though, and in truth, my honesty and forthright willingness to talk about the subject with people who have no one else to talk to has helped many many people around me in my personal life. Sadly I was surprised to find out how many people id known through most my life had this same experience.
I've identified that its not a true personality trait to be an abuser. Instead im fully convinced its something we learn (and unlearn) through repetition and conditioning. Break that cycle I was talking about earlier. Thats the trick.
So how to do that? Well.. I read someones comment earlier that unless they had rough sex they simply couldnt get in to it. Basically repeating the trauma and even reinforcing it. I dont claim to be a professional, and im not, however I think that we can break the cycle through finding NEW ways to condition ourselves... only this time, we're awake and have morals. Your age has no bearing on how mature you can be in your thoughts and experiences. We all know this to be true. So we get to choose how to condition ourselves once this realization arrives. Dont give over your own personal power of being the creator of your own future. Its YOUR life, you get to make the rules as long as you're not hurting others. Be clever, find a new way, be yourself not something someone else wants you to be.
We cannot change the past, but if we have the courage to face it, we can use our experiences to pick the right future for ourselves from HERE on out. Not only that but we have insight others do not. This is my plea, use your insight for whats right instead of, what we so often see in this world, personal gain.
I will close with a story thats defined my philosophy on life. My best friend and I were traveling to town in his pickup one afternoon for some fastfood. We were joking and talking about this and that as friends do when a car cuts us off forcing my friend to slam on the breaks. The funny thing (infuriating at the time!) was that the guy also flips us off and speeds off into the distance while we're recovering. I turned to my best friend and said "lets go get that !@#% and kick his !@$!!" to which my best friend responded "but then id become what I hate".
Time has shown my friend to be very wise indeed. I believe thats why he passed from this life so young - he had little left to learn.
Good luck all and dont lose hope! There is ALWAYS a better way. Its up to you what your future will hold and we'd be worse off without you.
Bless you all
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There is a book that can help you achieve emotional and spiritually healing..it is called "Rid of My Disgrace." Children who were abused grow into adults with rage, guilt, and shame. The effects of the abuse must be dealt with so that healing can begin. I have spent my entire life with this rage and inability to form close relationships. Now I am working on the damage caused by the molestation and I am getting better. There is a HOPE. Don't give up. Life is worth living.
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this is sad! but your not alone, there are many people like you! do not let your past to ruin your future..pray ask God to help you.I know He can, He did it for me once..I also don't like counseling is impossible for me to share this with some one but with God is easy coz He knows it already. Don't ask God why He allowed this to happen, ask what He can do about it! and you will see
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The answer is no. I've been in the same situation, I was sexually abused by a family member when I was 6 years old. I am now 23 years old and I still am not able to forget about it. I still have nightmares and it replays in my head over and over again. The worst part is that I'm on my own because I told my family but they refused to believe that it happened and they still bring the guy around and bring up his name and it gives me the creeps. From my experience as much as you try to avoid it and try to make your life as normal as possible that event will always remain within you. I feel your pain and I'm very sorry something like this had to happen to you.. I still cry about it everyday and it is the pain that will sadly will never will be able to go away.
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Hi pinkprincess. Your post has peaked my interest to hear more. I would love to pick your brain if possible. Through some channels of searching I found an individual on facebook. I am hoping this was you???
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Having followed this topic for a few years and reading the individual stories I can't help wondering about the emotional/psychological effects on people and has this always been the case?
Through out the thousands of years the human animal has been on this earth, have we always been mentally destroyed by what we now call sexual abuse? It seems to me that what we call sexual abuse today was probably just part of normal human behaviour up until a few hundred years ago. Maybe it still is in some parts of the world today. I certainly wouldn't want to be a girl living in an Islamic country.
The cartoon depicting a caveman with a club, dragging a woman back to his cave is probably not far from how it actually worked at that time. We know that the knights of old simply took the woman they obtained as a wife by whatever means, to their bed and had sex with them however they pleased whether she was willing, scared sh*tless, or not. I'm sure some were lucky enough to be had by a caring man so it wasn't as bad but the outcome was never in question. She belonged to him and she was going to have to do it.
I dare say even as recently as a couple hundred years ago in this country it was normal in some parts to consider a girl who was "old enough to bleed" to be old enough to be traded in some way to someone who wanted her. By simple extraction, in some cases I'm sure the trading took place before the "old enough" part.
So my question would be, is this psychological destruction a recent phenomenon or did they all suffer it over thousands of years before our very recent enlightening?
Yesterday I heard a call on the scanner about a 9 yo boy who was trying to or touched a 6 yo girl inappropriately. When I was that age that certainly was not something that would have prompted a call to the police. Mom would have had a serious talk with him and then kept a close watch on both of them after that but not made him a criminal for exhibiting the curiosity of a child. In the process making the girl believe something horrible had been done to her while it probably didn't bother her at all until the mother displayed such horror.
I'm just looking for other's thoughts about how this has transpired over the years.
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