Do you ever get over sexual abuse?

I am a 33 yr old male and I was sexually abused when I was 7-9 yrs old by a male babysitter. I am still screwed up. Thankfully, I moved. I can still taste everything like it just happened. I am afraid to get close to people. I have never had a girlfriend. I used to visit prostitutes. I only feel comfortable around prostitutes. I have a hard time having a close friendship with someone because I am afraid that I am going to get hurt. I am not a normal 33 yr old male. I have only told a few people. Counseling never helped me. Since i don't like getting close to people i have never had a lot of friends. All of my family and the few friends that I have always wondered what was wrong with me. Everyone thinks that i am weird. Since I was socially awkard when I was growing up I was laughed at by family and close friends. I am still not over it.

hi,

i hate mostly, cause i was being crazy emotionaly, but did not know why. 6 years ago i found out why. but still do not know how many people abused me. the most clearer is un uncle, that is not realy my uncle. i was 6 and i was with ma realy uncle at the sea. he was tih his gf and when they wanted to be alone they left me with his gf mom and dad. well this dad abused me lots of times. the most clearer memory is on a boat, he put his penis out and started doing it and wanted me to lick and touch. some horrible pictres i just cant seem to remember. its to horrible for my heart. than another sexual abuser suppose to be my mom. clearer image is when licking her breasts and touching her vagina with fingers and probably licking too. i have a very clear memory of doing all of this to my friend at that age. and she said no. it was more than just playing doctors. now i am 27, mariied. we are trying to get pregnant for 2 years and no luck. since being with him, the flash backs calmed down. i feel safe with him. this week i had uv hsg that cleaned my uterus, but we did it 4 days after and my part was great, after he finished i have fallen into a realy hard flash back i only had once. i was in school and my gym teacher was abuseing me. i rememberd his name.he put his hand on my head and push it up so i could not look or resist but i knew what he was doing. its so hard. i do not know anymore, am i dreaming or did this realy happen. i am so confused i am awake at the moment. cant sleep.

I'm 16. I was sexually abused by my grandfather. I don't remember everything. He would do horrible things. Never hit me but i always did what i was told and i feel really stupid that i never tried to make him stop. It's been 5 years since he has done it and he has just died. I remember being at his house and during naptime he would do these things. Sometimes it was normal penis in vagina type things. Others it was penis in my butt or him putting his finger inside me. He told me he did all of this because he loved me and he wanted to be my first for everything. One time he tried to kiss me tongue and all but i clenched my teeth so he couldn't. He would make me hold my body in wierd positions so that he could take pictures of me naked. I feel like i'm never going to get over this. I feel like i'm never going to be able to have a normal relationship with a man. I used to cut myself to make everything go away. I eventually stopped. I just don't know what to do anymore. I told my parents what happend when i was 12 and we went through an entire law thing against him. He got away with everything. The rest of my family hated me though. Now that my grandfather died, my parents made me go to his funeral, we've been going over to his house with the rest of my family. The one's that hated me. I don't think my parents believe me anymore. I'm too afraid to ever talk about it. I just want everything to go away. I hate being in that house where he sexually abused me. The bathroom he took pictures of me in. Everything looks exactly the same except he's not their. I don't know why but i expect him to walk up behind me some days. I've always had dreams of him doing things to me with my parents right there and they just looked away and pretended nothing was wrong. That's how i feel it is now. Nothing is wrong to them but to me everything is wrong.

His death will only make you stop worring about seeing him. You won't feel any satisfaction. Atleast i didn't. I wasn't sad or happy when my grandfather died. He molested me from i don't know how young to when i was 11. I was just angry at everyone else for loving him.

I was sexually abused when I was a junior in high school, by my friend and cousin. He texted me one night telling me he loved me like really loved me. I told him it wasnt that weird and we were good friends. He wanted to get into my pants and continually got jealous of my bf at the time. No matter how many times I turned him down he kept bring up our recently deceased grandfather and how he misses him and how he wishes he could join him. He was suicidal and I didnt know what to do so i gave in. He said hed kill himself if I didnt. I hate myself for it. And ive never told anyone cause as much as i hate him for it i dont wanna ruin his life, even tho he ruined mine.

At first it was nothing but saying i love you and stuff and then one night he spent the night at my dad's house and got on top of me..(hes a big guy and im tiny and weak) I didnt cry for help but i did keep saying no. he wouldnt stop and started to manipulate me so i juss let it happen and balled my eyes out. He felt bad afterword and promised it would never happen again. We were fine for a few weeeks and I had to stay over at his house. I told him to go sleep in the other room but he insisted and kept at it...I blacked out and dont remember anymore from that night.

But now whenever i try to have sex with my current boyfriend i get really emotional and make him stop. Im 19 years old and sex isnt enjoyable to me at all. I feel like im broken and im so angry at my self for giving in and as much as i want someone to talk to about this i cant because i feel like im in juss as much fault as he is..and i dont want to start family drama or have him kill himself. Even tho whenever i think about what happened thats all i want to do.

I am now 13 and my big brother assaulted me since I was around 4 it stopped when I was around 10! I have never got over it, it has really changed my life! I wish it never happened. It has affected me by not trusting people not even my best friend. I never let out till I was around 12! I told my mom, she took me to a healer and many other things except the police. I never can sleep because I think he might be watching me or my neighbors are.I'm failing my classes from lack of rest. I remember every night him telling me that it was a game and it wasn't bad and that mommy is fine with it .I'm very much screwed up and scared. Just always be there for her and never let her think of it to much! I know I wish someone did that for me.

Thats so funny how you just explained me perfectly. If you ever by chance find anyway for help for this kind of situation let me know. Email me ***this post is edited by moderator *** *** private e-mails not allowed **

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i was abused by my big brother from age 6-8. almost every single night for 2 years ! I never told a living soul about it for 10 years. i rolled it up, stuffed it into a bottle, corked it, and threw it in the ocean.. i knew one day it would be discovered again.. that it would wash up on some distant shore and i would be forced to open the bottle. but for 10 years i didnt tell any1.. i had to physicaly FORCE myself to pretend nothing ever happened. to act completely normal around him so my mother wouldnt be hurt.
Its been 10 years and it has finaly come out. my mother started asking me questions after he had just come for a visit . said i was acting funny. She forced me to tell her and i wish to god i could take it back. i want soo badly to bottle it back up and burry it deep on the ocean floor, but i cant. its been spread way to far for me to gather it all back up again. i no i can depend on all of you to feel the same way, like a piece of u.. of ur soul has been removed. and we just dont feel whole. This hole hurts me so bad. No one can understand the severity of it but the person who had to experience it. i found that out the hard way by talking to some1 who i no who also had it happen to them, they think it was bad. but it only happened to them ONCE .. i was .. hurt for 2 years by someone i should have been able to lay my life in at any given minute.
things trigger the memories ..EVERY SINGLE DAY ! im so sick of crying my eyes out because theres no other way to express my feelings that dont include hurting myself ( which i also enjoy very much ) i have cut my legs to shreds for years, i am on some extreme migraine medications for my head getting ready to explode. i hate haveing to wake up every morning thinking "great i get 2 b alive one more day" if there was a way to donate my life, i would take it ! i am so sick of having his scent trigered or hearing a word that he may have used and now once again i am reliving all those horrable hours of torture . i just want to die so badly. I just cant take it anymore.. i thought i could, but i cant, life with this is just to much. i wont even go NEAR a male. i go near 2 males.. my blood brother and my daddy. i wont even go near a male in walmart without knowing i have a knife in my back pocket and i will use it should i have to. i have already warned my mother shortly after she found out that if i ever.. ever.. saw that man step one foot in my house again, i am going to stab him right then.. right there. i would rather rot in prision than have to be near him one more second ..

i know we all ask "y did this happen to me?" i know i have.. but i also know i would not ever wish this on a single little girl in the entire world. i would rather take every bit of anger and hate in me .. build it all up and help others .. thus the reason i am going to medical school to become an ob-gyn to help those women.. when they come to me.. and they tell me.i will personaly make sure that man is punished. but i can never get that far if i dont live that far.. i dont even want to see myself living past tomorow............... i need help

:cry: hi i was abused by my father at 13 -18 when i decided to get married i never told eny 1 untill 1 night i went to my siters house for a drink an it all came out i told her about it i dont no why but i did eny way aftr i told her thats all i have been thinking about its been playing on my mind since i been married for 27 years have 5 kids 4 boys 1 girl my life has changed so much all i do is take it out on my husband an its not fair i have a great marrige ive been to councilers on medication i still havent really got over it all i do now is tell every 1 wat has happed but i really need to tell my mam as i really think she nos about it an itsplaying on my mind every day i carnt even sleep on a night i told my kids about it i really dont no wat else to do i really do try am a happy go lucky kind of person get on with every 1 but deep down in side am hurtting i want to put a stop to it all now as my dad is dead an hes still hurtting me as it wont go away even when hes dead i have my family now to thing about i have put them threw enoght now with my moanning at them all the time for wat my father put me threw :cry:

Hey there,

This is actually a very good question because I don't think people really understand the long term effects of rape or sexual abuse (and abuse in general) and immediate prevention that is needed for abused victims.

I think the timing for help and a good support system is very very crucial to how long it takes a person to recover. If no one supports the survivor of rape or sexual abuse,they leave huge gateways of emotional/mental/physical pain and devastation to come threw -its like etching on stone that it was ok for this guy to do this to you,and that somehow you deserved this. The silence and people asking me to not speak about it or to get over it, is I think the worse thing that can happen besides the actual abuse it self.

Though my case wasn't as horrible as some i've heard and read, it was still hell for me and did long term damage to me. After now 11 from the 4 year I was assaulted and abused, I now have I met people ( two wonderful therapists ) who found out what happened to me and have guided and pushed me to reopen and face that chapter of my life, so I can finally close it.

They realized that everything I did to this point, was based on the terrible pain, neglect, and incredible fear, I experienced during this time of my life, threw: supposed friends and family, threw the social works, teachers, principles, the system and counselors who knew what was happening who refused to act or even let me speak about it-and the abusers themselves.

I was beaten and sexaully physically and emotional abused, by a guy I knew with the help of his gang for four years in my teens almost every day. He would beat me up, as he would tell my a great deal of horrible disgusting thing, until he got me to cry and then he would sexually abuse me, then sometimes try to sexually assault me with his friends helping him.

He stalked me non-stop to the point I didn't even want to leave my home -so he decided he brutally attacked my family members as a means to try to get me to comply with him, as he was completely obsessed and said to them that he owned me and he would never stop.

In result-because he was never arrested or even charged but instead protected by the law (even though he was already arrested many many times and in a institute for being violent to animals/people and unstable, they thought he was too young to go to prison so they tried to shut me up and say I was making this up) I had to literally pick up what I could grab and move when he wasn't present. So to this day I have the fear still in the back of my head that if I see this guy he's going to kidnap me rape me and kill me -its a fear that causes social anxiety and depression -that makes it hard to relate to people, that ruined my high school years, halted my education, that ruined my health and living for a long time... -however I am getting better now day by day thanks to my husband new friends and my therapist.

When you go threw something like that it's the same as being tortured like a prisoner of war, the way a abusive and sadistic person works is they:

A) Isolate you any way they can -i.e make every one of your friends/loved ones/ trusted people, hate/not trust/afraid to be near you.
B) Try to make you feel like their the only person who will tolerate you (because no one else can i.e you less than human).
C) Put the fear of death in you until you do what they want (if you do decide to placate them) and reward you for obeying.
D) Abuse you when:

1) You try to get them to stop hurting you, even if you say it as sweet as possible.
2) When they have low self esteem or a bad day and decided to vent it out on you.
3) To see you suffer, because they sincerely either hate you or want you to feel like them.

To put a time line on it is almost impossible because so many factors come into play after the abuse. Depending on the situation you can work on it and try to get threw it or sometimes people are so hurt internally they die trying, this is a issue that needs so much more understanding, exposure, and support its literally life altering.

Take care

ill be honest with you.. i saw this in my inbox a few days ago and just now built up the courage to actualy open it. it seems that i have already cryed so much i would think i would be all dryed up inside, but a river seems to have found its way to my eyes.
Its one thing for a person to say they understand if maybe your boy friend broke up with you or if your ankle hurts, but to say they understand getting abused like that is so horable wrong. its would be like comparing a broken ankle to a scratch. they cannot feel nor understand the pain.
i had absolutly no intension of this getting out and for probably the same reason everybody else doesnt tell. They are hurt, broken, damaged, and embarased. I know i was and how badly i still am.. after this came out for me, my mother clearly had no idea how to deal with it, i guess she was in a state of shock. so she went to my boss who had found out by my recent behavior. I guess she had also been abused as a child. after a long talk and many tears i went home only to cry more in the dark of our porch. i was so horably upset that i got so sick that i was pucking among other thing for 2 days straight. so bad i had to sleep in the bathroom. after i was better i called and told them i was gonna be able to come back now that i was better. ( my job means the world to me, it is my world ) I was at the time working 7 days a week ( by choice ) it was so wonderful. i was told by my boss that maybe i should have my hours cut down because i wasnt emotionaly mature enough to deal with this. i had to pretend i had food poisoning and from that day on , i slipped on my pretty mask and told everyone i was ok and getting better only to absolutly lose it when im alone. Its sad i had to seek online support because i cant trust anyone around me to be able to deal with this. I also have a psychologist and an awsome one. but i also dont think she knows what to do with me. this EvEnT had already shredded so much of me inside . i was cutting myself since the 5fth grade, has horrable scars, anti-depressants that only got stronger, sleeping pills, and at least 7 diffrent drugs for the chronic migrain condition that developed about a yr before it came out. i am a wreck and then after meeting my psych, soon found out that all the damage had possibly triggered an early onset bipolar disorder. im so horrable broken i will never be able to find all the pieces. i dont know what to do and clearly neither does anyone else.
Its a horrable thing to say, but im glad its not only me. It sure as hell feels like im alone, but its nice to no there are more of us out there.

I was sexually abused by a sibling over 30 years ago and it lasted for about 5 years. I agree that it's extremely difficult to get over the feelings of worthlessness. My husband gets frustrated with me because I have a very low self worth and can switch my emotions at a flick of a switch. Also, I have a natural instinct not to trust people. I see that it's taking it's toll on my husband and children and I need to work on accepting myself.

I've confronted my abuser. I told my whole family years ago and my siblings/mother were all amazed that they couldn't tell I was in pain. One of my protections is to not let anyone know what I am feeling or I won't express my opinion. My husband is constantly amazed at how he can't tell how I feel about certain people who are in our lives. Everyone close to me thinks I'm fine because I don't talk about it. I don't think about being threatened by my abuser daily but the emotional scares are there. I've been to therapy years ago which helped me confront my abuser.

I'm at a crossroads, since I haven't gotten over the emotional scars. I feel that everyone close to me figures since we've talked about it I should be over it. I have new friends but I don't want to talk to them about it. I'll get the same reactions of disbelief and sorry. I'm debating whether to go back to therapy...but I'm scared because I have a feeling that even though my husband loves me he is an emotional bully and I will not want to be married to him anymore. I don't know if I could do that to my children because they always talk about how they love their family and that our family is the 5 of us....

I was abused by my brother when I was around 8, he took any morals and respect I had for my self away, the first time I spoke about it was when I was 18 to my boyfriend at the time, he told his mum and she told my mum, I hated this, my mum lost her first son I didn't want her to feel bad or be upset, and I really didn't want to talk about it, it hurnts me every day, my brother and I bretend like nothing ever happened we never mention it but I would only see him once or twice a year. I hate the fact that when I was 12 and I had a boyfriend we had sex and I didn't think anything of it, I have slept with alot of guys I was suicidal and use to cut my self every day, it became an addcition then I started drugs and I moved out of home at 14, I think to my self if he never did that to me would I've been a different person, would I have respect for my self? I can't even talk to anyone about this, I don't want to be judged I don't want sympathy.
I don't really no what to do =[

So I guess that means no,

Hi, I'm 14 years old & my grandfather has abused me fore about the past 3 years...
It started a while after my dad passed away, and ever since I've gotten into to major trouble... Kicked out of school, probation, drug abuse, everything else along the line... I saw a physchologist today, and I told her what had been going on, and she is going to report it o DDS... But I honestly do not want that, my uncle told me he'd never talk to me again and that basically my whole family would hate me... How do I deal with this, I'm a strong person, but no where near this strong... I don't know why my grandfather did this, but I don't know why my family is gong to hate me either.... Someone please help!

I feel so bad for you. The psychologist should be able to guide you to the support you are going to need. I don't know why the family reacts that way but my wife went through that when she remembered her father had abused her. She still has cousins who will not speak to her.

Think about how this has affected your life so far and the trouble you say you have gotten into because of it. That should give you the strength to see it through. You need to settle this for yourself so you can move on and get to a better place.

I'm sure you will find others here who will help you too.
I'll see if I can get Bambi over here. She hate's me but she's good.