Feelings After Abortion

Personally my boyfriend and I are still together, though I just hate him so much! I don't know why but I just do! I constantly lash out at him, I talk to him when I feel like it and I sometimes feel like I don't love him which is absurd because we've been together for almost 3years. I tried to talk to him about the abortion but he just refuses and I'm fed up! I don't know if love can help us through such a time, help me mostly.

I cried a month after the abortion for like 5min and yet I know that was not enough. I'm in so much pain, that it sometimes feels like depression, it hurts soo much that being alive feels as though I don't deserve life, I don't know anyone personally who has been through what I have been through and I doubt they would ever be able to relate to me or understand what I'm going through, no one talks about such things, no one should.....

I had an abortion just under 4 months ago now, and although I felt relief at first, I have recently started to regret my decision and I feel like I should be replacing the baby I aborted for another. I have felt feelings of anger, sadness, confusion and have started to feel withdrawn from my previous self. I broke up with my boyfriend halfway between finding out I was pregnant to aborting it, and soon after started a relationship with someone new. Since then I have cut myself with glass, and started to feel more depressed the more I think about it. Not suicidal, but just lonely and angry at myself. I know I made the right decision but I do want to be a mother one day and I am now worried I will regret this decision for the rest of my life. I know, absolutely 100% I made the right choice but that doesn't stop me feeling the way I do? I am so confused. I have even started to stop taking the pill in the hope I will fall pregnant again with my current boyfriend's child.

I want to talk to someone but I don't know where to start. I feel too scared and ashamed to see a doctor, and I don't want to talk to a councellor because I am not one to talk openly about my feelings. I just want advice and guidance on what to do because I know how I feel isn't right but I don't see any othe way of controlling my feelings. My desire to become a mum is just too strong but I am scared it will ruin my life and split me and my boyfriend up.

Please help x

I just had an abortion 5 days ago and I'm feeling nothing but grief.. I can't focus on anything, I'm falling behind on my studies, and I'm just so depressed.. I've been reminding mysef of why I chose abortion, but nothing is helping... I don't know how to start to let go..

First I want to say, I know exactly what you are all going through. This is my story. I had my son when I was 19, his father was a jerk, never helped take care of my son, never had a job and was abusive. I left him when I was 23. I met my boyfriend around the same time. We started dating shortly there after. He was awesome and loving and caring. On August 1, 2006 I missed my period, I knew I had to be pregnant. I took a test and I was. I was so scared. My boyfriend and I had discussed having children before we started dating and he made it perfectly clear that he wanted none, I was pretty sure at that time I didn't want anymore either after going through what I did with my son's father.

After discussing it for a while we decided on abortion. Our reasonings were sound, he lived 5 hours from me, we had only been together for a year and weren't sure if we were even going to stay together. However, abortion went against everything I have ever believed in, mainly because my sister had one at 16 and she had many complications from it. My boyfriend wasn't insistant on me having the abortion and never told me I had to, but I could tell he was relieved when we agreed on abortion. I was in love with him and I had thought if I had kept the baby I would have lost him.

My procedure was August 15, 2006. My sister (who other than my boyfriend was the only one I told that I was pregnant) came with me. My boyfriend called me as I was on the way to the office, he told me he loved me and to call him whenever I was ready. I was scared, terrified, angry and confused. Right up until I was on the table, I wanted to scream, to cry to my sister that I didn't want to do it, but I didn't. My sister was in the room with me, crying next to me and telling me she loved me and everything was going to be okay.

When I was finally in the recovery room, I was in tears. I told my sister and the nurse that they were tears of relief, however that was not true. They were tears of regret. I had actually done it. It was over.

For days, I wasn't myself. I found out later that my sister had told my mother, so that I would have someone to talk to. I went through a wave of emotions, from sad to relieved to angry to depressed, so many emotions they were overwhelming. I didn't talk about it and I definitely couldn't talk to my boyfriend about it because he was uncomfortable talking about it. Eventually to me it became like a dirty secret. Almost a year later, my boyfriend moved to NH to live with me. Things were okay, but I held onto a little bit of resentment towards him. I kept all the emotions from it hidden inside.

I started going through spells of depression and anxiety. My boyfriend and I were fighting a lot. I started wanting to have another baby, mostly to replace the one that I lost so long ago. Eventually, my boyfriend and I started drifting apart and I moved out. One day he called me and I finally let all my emotions out on him. I told him I blamed him for the abortion, that if he had been a little more supportive then maybe I wouldn't feel like I did. I told him I was tired of keeping it all inside. That I wanted to get married some day and that I wanted to have another baby and I wasn't getting anywhere in that relationship. What happened next shocked the living day lights out of me. He broke down and cried. He told me he was sorry. He should have been there for me, both emotionally and physically. That he was sorry I had the abortion and that he too regretted it. I was shocked, speechless. We decided to work on our relationship, and eventually I moved back in with him. We are now closer then ever. Planning on getting married and are trying to concieve a child right now. We are having problems with fertility and as I am almost 30 now I don't want to wait too much longer.

I still struggle with the regret every day. There days when I just want to cry but I try to think of everything I have in my life now: I have a loving boyfriend, an amazing 10 yr old son and a wonderful family for support. I want everyone who is struggling to know there is hope. I chose not to go to counciling because I have a great support system, however if you do not, seek help, someone to talk to, message me, I know where you are with your emotions and even if I can't help you sometimes the biggest help is to have an ear to listen and a virtual shoulder to lean on.

Another little thing that has helped me:

   I like to think that I now have an angel in heaven watching over me. Keeping me safe until we meet in heaven. <3

So i am 18 years old. I got pregnant by my boyfriend of one and a half years. We have been on and off, a real rocky relationship. He is verbally abusive. My parents support me in my apartment and want me to have nothing to do with him. So i told him before i got pregnant that if i ever did get pregnant before i was ready i would abort. he was okay with it before it happened. i am in my first year of college, and i have big dreams of being an art therapist one day. i have had the ultra sound and the abortion is in three days. i am already feeling some scared emotions, i dont know how i will feel after, i want to do this for the sake of my future, but now my boyfriend is being really mean to me by calling me a baby killer and just left me for no reason. i am now alone. i wont tell my friends or family because they will think very poorly of me. i really just dont know what to do. i am so scared that i will go through with this abortion and then regret it horribly for the rest of my life. then again, i dont want to be pregnant. i dont want to have a baby yet. im just too damn young and im not even grown completely yet, so how am i supposed to help a baby grow? with my extremely unstable situation, my roomate is a super penis and threatens to move out ina  few weeks, and there is jsut so much stress already. i just need advice, please. i feel so alone, so depressed, and i have absolutely no one to talk to. i have three days to make the decision. and i just dont know anymore.

Hi, I totally understand the feelings you are having. I was 18 when I got pregnant with my son. First, I want to tell you the feelings you are having are absolutely normal. Being scared, confused and not knowing if it is the right decision for you. You do have a solid reason for wanting to have an abortion. Being young and not sure of how you will accomplish your goals with a baby is definitely a reason to do it. If you don't mind me asking, what can't you talk to your family and friends about? Being pregnant or having an abortion? I know it was the hardest thing to tell my mom when I was pregnant at your age, I didn't even have the guts to tell her when I got pregnant again and had the abortion. I know that you are young and scared and unsure of how you can take care of a baby at your age. Believe me I get it. It's not easy to raise a baby when you are young, would your family support you and help you if you chose to keep the baby?

The second thing I would like to tell you is to LOSE the boyfriend, please for your sake. If he is verbally abusive he isn't good enough for you and will be the ONLY thing to keep you from achieving your dreams. If he left you for the decision you have made about your body and health then it is his loss not yours hunny. He is trying to guilt you into keeping the baby, and in my experience with abusive men, it will only get worse if you stay with him and keep the baby. Although every child deserves a mom and dad, HE is not someone who is deserving of having that special title. My advice on if you decide to keep it is to keep him away, he will only get more abusive and more controlling of you because of the child. I wish I could give you my e-mail address through here so you could e-mail me, as I would love to talk to you about some of your feelings, however this site will just edit it out for privacy concerns. Reply here, the site notifies me and I will try to respond as soon as I can. Take care of yourself until you make a decision though. Vitamins, water, milk healthy stuff, it'll make the pregnancy easier should you decide to keep the baby. And so you know, you are not alone, I'm here, and I am a firm believer that a baby doesn't stop you from achieving ur dreams, they only change to include giving your baby the best life possible. I have a ten year old amazing son, Had him when I was 19 and I still graduated from College, and now a days there are a lot more things out there to help young moms then ten years ago. XXXX

I was seventeen. Became pregnant. Every friend I thought I had left me. They called me a w****. Except one. Dennis. He took me to Milwaukee, but I was to far pregnant. So he helped me earn the money for an abortion in New York. And he drove me there. And he stayed by me. I had a saline abortion. I did'nt know what this meant. I do of course know now. What I did was horifficaly murder a baby. Still forty years after I have to ask forgiveness for what I did.

Baby-girl,,,I know exacty how you feel. I do.

I would be extremely grateful if someone could help me with the way I am feeling. im 17 and I had a medical termination about a month ago now and at first I was happy and relieved that I could get on with my life and not make the same mistake again, but about a week after me and my boyfriend had an argument and he stormed out of the house and stayed out all night without telling me where he was or anything, this tore my heart out but normally I would of just went out on the drink and not of been that bothered. We made up the next day but it was eating away at me the fact that he would do something like that to me, then a few days later we were bickering and he came out with things like "you always have to kiss and cuddle me or be next to me and everywhere I go you have to come with me and it does my head in" I got really upset and so sad and then he apologized and said he didn't mean it but ino he did, I couldn't help it though I needed him to be with me after what happened. I'm not writing a sob story here but he is literally the only person I have in my life, my dad beat me from a young age, then I got trapped in an abusive relationship with a complete phsycopath that lasted around three years and ended up with me being intensive care with a broken neck and ribs, and then my mam left my dad and moved away and doesnt bother with me anymore so I was left with no one  then my boyfriend came along and took me away from everythin, none of this actually bothered me that much until these past few weeks, I feel like I have no one who cares about me and the slightest thing will set me off and I start shaking and can't stop crying and actually feel like killing myself . I think/hope it has something to do with the abortion and my hormones, I dont care I just want to be back to normal :( can anyone help me or give me some guidence, please!

I found out I was pregnant in the middle of January. My boyfriend was sleeping over and I just randomly took a pregnancy test because my period was late. I was pregnant and we both immediately decided to get an abortion. I am 21 and he's 19. The whole time I was scared that I would see him differently. That maybe after the procedure I would reak off all contact with him. I was scared. Luckily for me, he never left my side and just yesterday I had my abortion. My biggest fear was having the iv put in my arm to knock me out( since I have an EXTREME fear of needles) but once that happened the next thing I know is I woke up. I woke up in a different room and I took a deep breath and I felt so relived. I felt like it was all a bad dream that I had woke up from. And I honestly feel ( and he does too) that we were are closer together because of this tough decision we had to make. We both agree that maybe we'll have a kid in the future but definitely not now. I still love him and he loves me. I have not felt any guilt nor do I think I will. I wasn't ready for a kid.

I definitely believe it's something you can work through together. Good luck<3

Hi,

I have just read your post and its brought me to tears. Your situation was almost exacty the same as mine. I had an abortion last year on November 23rd. I was 8 weeks and the only difference is that I as given the pills. It was horrific. Souds strange to say but you're lucky you went to sleep. You would not have wanted to see what I did. Luckily my boyfriend came with me but like yours, didn't and still doesnt know exactly how to react or what to say, he just knows I need to cry sometimes and he holds me as you say your's does.



I am completely ProChoice too, I always have been, but you're totally right that the woman needs to understand that an abortion isnt just a 'solution', its a life changing experiance that, even though I don't regret, hurts me everyday.



x

How to feel relief after abortion. I'm
Pregnant now and I'm think I'm going for one. I feel so horrible and lost. I don know what to do.

Reading this thread has really helped me. Thank you all for sharing.

I had a medical abortion two weeks ago. There was a 1.5 week gap between when I found out I was pregnant and when I had the abortion, and the wait was emotionally excruciating. I cried every single day and night and was so upset/depressed, I called out of work multiple times (I never specified why, but they were, thankfully, very understanding).

I've been pro-choice from the day I found out abortion was an option. Even though I never wanted or planned to have an abortion, I felt like I could "handle" it because, of course, I'd be terminating an unwanted pregnancy. It seemed like it would be very clean and clear.

I'm 27 and engaged. My fiance and I are not ready, financially or psychologically, to be parents. We're close, but we're just not there yet. We both knew that abortion was the right choice for us, but it wasn't easy. I was terrified that afterwards, I'd regret it.

The day after I took the first pill, I woke up feeling nothing but relief. It was actually exhilarating.

Right now, I'm wracked with anxiety. I have a generalized anxiety disorder that flares from time to time, so it's not so surprising. I know I made the right decision to terminate, but my feelings are more complicated than that. I do feel some guilt, too, but the major feeling is anxiety. I feel like I'm a failure of a person because I wasn't ready to have a child yet. Like, what kind of adult am I?

I would NEVER judge anyone else, no matter what their age, for not being ready to have kids, or not wanting to have kids. But my self-worth has cratered.

I'm trying to keep busy, but whenever there's a quiet moment, my mind wanders off to these feelings of self-disgust and self-pity.

I'm going to see a psychiatrist next week. I hope that will help.

I was never pro-abortion until I got pregnant. Until you are put in the position to make a logical choice for yourself and the child's life you never know what you will choose. I was on a "sexual fast" to cleanse my life and my relationships. I hadn't had sex for eight months and when an old boyfriend came into town I got pregnant. The old boyfriend lives 2,000 miles away. We enjoy each others company but I wouldn't say we are a peaceful match. I am 33 years old and got pregnant 8 days before my next period- you never know. I was not in the financial position to raise a child with ease and also without crushing my own life and dreams. It sounds selfish but it is true. When I have kids I want to welcome them into my life not feel resentment. I would like to be able to be a parent not stress and worry about bills and providing. Initially I though only of myself and that I didn't want to go through the pregnancy and being a single mom (not a fun life). The  father would have been there financially and physically part time but he lives in another state and like I said we are not a match made in heaven- not fair to the child to have to deal with either. Once logic set in I realized it wasn't about me. It is about the life I would be creating for the child. I already felt resentment for the father and pressure from all sides. Actually I felt pretty miserable and isolated. After the concept of pink and blue ribbons go away you realize that your life as you know it is gone. Its going to be doctor bills, braces, school expenses, no sleep and other parts of reality that most people don't share. This was not an enjoyable few weeks and definitely not the way I pictured it all happening. So after many weeks of going back and forth I decided to have an abortion. I was only 6 weeks so I had the manual suction (?) with IV sedation. I recommend the IV. I don't remember that much and once it was over I felt fine. It is not as bad as what people say. I wish I could tell you I felt an overwhelming emptiness and sadness but I didn't. I cried uncontrollably when I woke up and then I felt a HUGE sense of relief. I felt so much better inside and out. I woke up the next morning and my first thought was "wow its good to be alive". I knew that that little infinite being and soul was not meant to come into the world through me right now. I said a few prayers and lit a candle. I asked God to send that beautiful being back to me when the time is right. This was not my first choice but I believe it was the best choice for all parties involved. I wish all of you the best in making your decision. Be conscious with your choice and think about what you would like to create in your life. What will your life truly look like- not the fantasy version. Best of luck and God bless you all.