Hey Cathy,
Just to add on to anything hynomorph has already said (I haven't had time to read it all yet to be honest) When going from big to smaller it's not too dis similar to if you have a smaller vagina and need to work at accommodating a larger penis. The vagina (inside) is a muscle and should be worked as any other, so if you were having trouble fitting a larger penis you would gradually stretch up to it, with reducing you have to learn to shrink it back down a bit. You can never do enough pelvic floor exercises in my opinion. These are the muscles you use to stop wee coming out they are the ones after having a baby you are taught to work out to avoid peeing yourself when you laugh or sneeze as you get older. They are so simple to do, and although it's written in the 'how to' books you can do them even queing for your shopping without anyone noticing Ive always thought you must have an odd expression on your face lol. When you next go for a pee stop it mid flow, you may not be able to stop it fully but this is just so you know the muscles you need to tense. You can then do this whenever you want, ten in a row thirty whatever, squeeze them and hold for a few seconds or as long as you want to. Gradually your vagina will tighten and not only that you can do this when having intercourse, and the guys usually seem to enjoy it.
This does not help for length too much and if your seeking ,hmm how do I put this elegantly...If you enjoy the feeling when the guys penis is pushing into your cervix there are other methods, but it all depends how sensitive your guy is. You can get condoms with an added inch or two at the end, but they are about as thick as a rubber glove...for washing dishes not a thin medical glove so it's really for your pleasure not his and is not something most guys will be happy to do too often. Another thing, and this can be good for the vaginal exercises too is investing in either a pair or love balls, or a vibrating egg, The love balls you can use when doing your excersizes and possibly for the next thing I'm going to suggest although I never tried it personally, however the vibrating egg I have. When your ready for intercourse, slip it inside, it does have a wire hanging out to control the vibrations, I used to keep it turned off for the most part and occasionally turn it on, which my (then) partner used to say vibrated down the entire length of the vagina so he was a happy bunny lol. It may make up for some of he length your used to, but if your not too deep the guy cant get his full length inside, so it may not be too helpful and more of a extra bit of fun as apposed to a permanent solution. I also would advise you be careful what position you use this in, as the egg is pretty hard and it only takes one hard thrust to hurt so you need to work out between you how hard, what angle etc. It may be something a simple as the excersizes and the deeper penetrating positions (doggy legs/ behind your head) will be enough to keep you both happy.
In time your vagina should fit well with any partner you have, there are obviously exceptions to this at either end of the scale, I guess in those cases the couples just put more into the foreplay and just keep trying new inventive things to spice it up, or improve on the actual intercourse part.
I hope this helps
Thank you for the information. I will try to cover this aspect in more depth. Let me say this right how though, everything I have read suggests, no scratch that, everything I read says the vagina is well capable of handling a large variety of sizes go up and back down. At least one article said it enlarges and actually shrinks when needed. From that, I am inclined to say this is not going to be anywhere near the problem you feared.
But I will address this better in the near future. I admit I am a bit slow, and as I have said, I talk too much. This has its good points as well as bad. But I will cover this better. Thank you for helping me focus on an important subject.
Have you considered giving advice to those who are needing to adjust to a larger penis? That is an important issue that doesn't get covered much that I have seen. It is a turn for the guy for him to think she has to adjust to his manliness, bully for him, but what about the women who going through it? Just a thought.
Due to men's penis problem, as mentioned just a little bit ago, it is difficult for men to realize that not all women even want a monster penis. They have been taught that size is the most important factor for all women. When told otherwise they often feel patronized and just won't believe it. Just another thought.
Here it s topic I should have included from the beginning. It a brief piece about female anatomy that is important to female sexual enjoyment. I am just going paste here something I wrote elsewhere about this topic. If it is not very clear, please let me know and I can clarify. Thanks!
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I want to share with you some information I posted else where. It applies in many situations and is just good to know. It will introduce you to things about you body that you may not have learned yet. Many women of all ages have not been told anything about it. It will also show why foreplay and building intensity is so important for women. The degree of your arousal directly effects your sexual organs ability to feel pleasure in a way that men do not experience. There is also a really good short educational film mentioned, done by an artist. I would recommend it to everyone. Men need to understand this as well so they can use the knowledge to better please you. A little understanding really can go a long way if you practice it. The text is inserted next:
While we are talking about orgasms, learning a little about your body can go a long way towards helping you achieve one. As I have written elsewhere, the clitoris is like a iceberg, the majority of it is below the surface and it gets much bigger as your arousal increases. This is because the clitoris is made of erectile tissue that engorges with blood as your arousal progresses, similar to what the penis does but below the skin instead of above it. The clitoris has sections that reach down deep into your tissues that are often called "legs" because of their shape. These can be massaged through the walls of the vagina or anus but that might be difficult to do under normal instances. When fully engorged, however, the inner clitoral tissues have enlarged so that it is much easier to stimulate them internally. (We can discuss the where and how later.)
This is why it is so important to take the necessary time for foreplay and to become fully aroused. Although only 35% percent of women routinely have orgasms from penile penetration, most of them want to be able to do that. Your best bet for this is when you are aroused enough that his penis is better able to massage the clitoris from the inside. (The g spot for example, but there are others.) Don't get your hopes up too far, though. It may be your best shot but the reality remains that the majority of women need more than that to reach orgasm.
A really good short, non-pornographic, video about the structure of your clitoris is called "The Internal Clitoris" and it can be found on YouTube. I don't know the rules on using links, but you can find this by searching for "youtube the internal clitoris". Most likely it will be the first link. It is just over 3 minutes long and it really is worth your time. Further research on this can open a path to greater sexual enjoyment. You might consider searching for terms like: clitoris, clitoral legs, urethral sponge, female prostrate, and g spot just to start.
Thank You, I will remember your advice :)
well I don't think most women go out looking for a guy with a large organ, they just fall for a guy and he may turn out to have a larger penis. I've been a part of a small crowd since high school. We all know a lot about each other's likes, dislikes, and past. I had heard about Dave from other people but never thought too much about it, I just felt he was cute and a very nice person.
Thank you for commenting. I think most guys realize there is more to it than penis size. At the same time, it is a hidden fear due to insecurities. The good news is women like you do an excellent job of reassuring them and telling them why they have been chosen, helping them to see what is really important.
adjusting to a larger penis involves taking it easy in the beginning and using lubricant. We used K-Y. Depending on the penis size and the girl, it may take a little while before normal thrusting.
-Sorry for being so graphic.
there is a lot to a relationship than size.
Don't worry, I really don't think you were being graphic at all. And I appreciate you response. (Especially by the time a got to the end of what I am posting here, where my brain apparently started working again.) I really haven't seen much over the years about adjusting upwards. Maybe it is just that it is rare to go up 2 or more inches at once.
Then again, if my brain was working, I would have realized it must be similar to when just starting out sexually. Taking it easy, using lube, etc. Just what you are mentioning here. From that view it makes sense there wouldn't be much written about it.
I apologize for being so slow today, it really is something I should have realized. Perhaps it is just a matter of reassuring a person who is asking about this. I have been asked this question before and I don't think I did a very good job answering. Since I am unable to understand the anxieties a woman faces, I think I failed to see how going upward in size would be similar to the anxieties a woman faces when she started engaging in sex. It should have been obvious.
Do you think I have it straight now, Cathy?
although he's not huge, (like some guys in movies are), he's quite larger than my previous boyfrinds were and it took some getting used to.
meant to say there's a lot MORE to a relationship than the size of anything-!
Just to let you all know, I will be working on the final part I was going to do. Violet Chery has already mentioned part of what I was going to say (she is really good at this, you should check out her other posts) but I have a few things I would like to expand upon. I will try to get it done quickly.
Again, let me apologize for my delays. As I said before, I am getting the hang of balancing this with my other tasks and I am getting it together. Doesn't help this case I am afraid, but I hope you will accept my apologies.
I have mentioned a number of things previously. This is the post where I wanted to discuss some options when the sensation of size is something you really need. Normally the suggestions given are about using a variety of sexual techniques to please each other without all the focus being on penile penetration. But that is not to say there are no options you can try.
Everything I have read says in almost all cases the size of the penis or looseness of the vagina are not limiting factors on enjoying a healthy and satisfying sex life. Typically it is pointed out that there are many very satisfying techniques beyond simple penetration and that, as mentioned earlier, as many as 70% of women do not regularly experience climax from penetration alone. Sexual satisfaction for most women is not going to be based solely around the penis despite our cultural assumptions. This is one reason I was pushing cunnilingus earlier and I stand by its effectiveness when performed according to your needs. The trick here is helping your partner understand what those needs are and how s/he can help you meet them. We already discussed this so I won't get into it further here, but please feel free to ask any questions you may have on the subject and I will do my best to answer them.
Sometimes, however, what you really need is that extra sensation, and since you love your man, shopping for another is just out of the question. What can you do then? Well, the list of things I am aware of isn't that long but there are some things you can do.
Let me first point out something I would definitely recommend against. There are products sometimes sold that promise to shrink tissues. There are a few ways this can be accomplished but none of them are recommended by any reputable expert I have ever heard about. They usually result in less water in the area which also means less lubrication. While this will increase friction, it is at the cost of a higher probability of pain and increased chance of infections of all types. I strongly urge you not to use something like this unless your trusted doctor advises you to try it, and even in the unlikely case your doctor would suggest it, I would urge you to get a second opinion before starting.
As Violet Cherry explained very well, kegel exercises - named after Dr. Arnold Kegel - are the most commonly recommended exercises to strengthen the vaginal wall and provide a tighter sensation for both partners. It has been reported to increase the quantity and quality of orgasms in many people. These do not require any tools and can be done at any time. You can do these while walking, shopping, reading the newspaper, you name it. (Although it is possible you may have an interesting look on your face if you haven't practiced it a bit!)
For those who want some extra effort, there are devices that can be used to increase the exercise intensity. There are weights, barbells, resistance balls (ben wa balls are one example), springs, and even electro-stimulation devices to shock the internal muscles (Yikes!) Please remember these additional accoutrements are not really needed in the vast majority of cases. Your doctor can advise you on this if you think you might need increased resistance.
It is commonly understood that kegel exercises are for women. Actually they are just as good for men as well. They are used to increase the strength of erections and help treat premature ejaculation. Just as with women, many men have reported increased sensations including during orgasm. It is important to remember kegel exercises are not limited to sex related issues, they are used in the treatment of a number of medical issues.
You can find many sites discussing kegel exercises. I will mention only one here with a fairly short and direct set of instructions. Using the search terms (mayo clinic kegel exercises) should bring up two links: A "how-to guide for women" and an "understand the benefits" for men.
There are many sex positions you can use to increase sensations in different ways. Some focus on a bit of grinding for direct clitoral stimulation, others maximize penetration, or squeeze the legs together for a tighter feeling by mimicking a wider penis, and there are others too. Of course, many positions combine these into more advanced positions. I went looking for some examples and, frankly, there are too many with too many variations for me to provide a reasonable list. Since everybody is different, what works for one person may not work for another. Plus many positions require a degree of acrobatics or may be limited to certain body types or weights, etc.
Even with those I thought would be good for most people, I believe the links I might provide are likely to be stripped out, making it much more difficult to identify what I found and I did not want to plagiarize the material. In other places I have simply provided search terms to guide people to what I am looking at, but with this information spread out all over the internet, this is impractical. For these reasons, I regret that I can not provide even the moderately comprehensive list I had hoped and intended to provide. I apologize for not being very helpful on this point.
Instead I will provide only one of the most basic positions that might help. I urge you to do some research of your own on this topic. There are many sites providing information on sexual positions and highlighting their strengths and weaknesses. I am certain you will find some to help increase sexual sensation in various ways you find to be stimulating and enjoyable. I know I did!
From what I have been reading lately, perhaps the simplest method for increasing friction is keeping the woman's legs close together and even squeezing them or crossing her legs. For example, starting with the typical missionary position, move your legs from outside his legs to inside, where you might try some of these things: hooking your feet inside of his ankles, holding your legs close together, crossing your legs at the ankles, and possibly squeezing your thighs or lower abs for added friction. Please remember that what I mentioned here is a very simple example of only one method of enhancing sensation through positioning. With a little research you can find positions that enhance sensations in the way that works best for you.
One way to increase the sensation of size is for the man to have a harder, stronger erection. One method to accomplish this is kegel exercises for men, as mentioned under kegels above. A faster method without requiring much work is to use a c-ring, or penis ring. There are many varieties, shapes, and sizes. This is a ring that goes over the penis by itself, or over the penis and testicles combined, to restrict blood from flowing out of the penis. Used properly, this can result in a penis at its true maximum size - often slightly larger than in typical usage - that just won't quit. The erection remains until the restriction is released. So he won't go soft even after he reaches orgasm. These are often used when a man has difficulty maintaining an erection although many use it simply for its sexual benefits. The increased amount of blood in the penis is said to increase sensations for him and for her. Ask your guy about how sensitive it is for him when he has a raging hard on as opposed to a more typical one, he should know what I am talking about.
There are some safety concerns with the primary one being that you must make sure you don't leave it on too long. Any part of the body will begin to die if it is denied the normal flow of blood. By trapping blood in the penis, this normal flow may become blocked and given time this could lead to necrosis and gangrene necessitating its amputation to save his life. Yes, that is scary to say the least. That does not mean it is not worth trying, however. Like with most things, improper use can be very harmful. Be sure you read up on the subject and do some research before trying this out. Used properly and safely, there should be no problem in using this tool as it has been used for a very long time indeed and it remains a favorite to this day.
There are many sex toys like dildos, vibrators, etc. to increase stimulation during sex. He can hold and manipulate these for your pleasure, some attach to his finger, tongue, or penis. Others fit over your clitoris to provide stimulation during penetration. (I would like to point out that vibrations passed to his penis can reduce his sensations, sometimes drastically, if some care is not used in placement.)
Violet Cherry briefly touched on another option I would like to expand upon just a little. If you have an open minded man who is sure of himself and confident regarding his manliness, you can explore options that actually do increase his effective size. I don't mean surgery or anything like that. There are sleeves or extensions he can wear over his penis that lengthen and/or widen his penis to the size you specify. Another option is buy a dildo or vibrator of your preferred size with a harness for him to wear. These options will naturally reduce the degree of satisfaction for him or eliminate it entirely but that can be worked around by taking turns or simply making sure he gets well rewarded for his interest in going the extra mile - at a painful cost to his ego - for your sexual well being. I am sure a suitable reward will keep him happy to help you. The problem with these is finding a man with the maturity to handle it.
I will end this post here. Please let me know if you have any questions or if there is anything you would like to cover that I have not done yet. Thank you!
Hi Cathy!
I was hoping you might point out anything you would like me to cover yet? I really don't know if this has covered it well enough for you. Do you have any questions I might be able to help you with?