Got home.Place a mes. Imessed it up ore...then couldnt face talking to anyone. After seeing account was cleared out.i decided to try and get in touch with CaB, but no answer.so took my body to bed.....it took an age to try and relax to get a sleep...got about 15mins and the phone started to rin gover and over..I kept ignoring it thinking it would be my mum -not that wanto ignore anyone just dont know. Eventually i answer. Its my girls and hes had the day ff and has taken them to their grandads. I spoke to the girls-I didnt realise I was doing it( kept asking questions whether he had done anything about his housing ) He says NO, because I have to sign his 6 page document.The document that should be 16 pages. I got angry with him...I said NO -I sign the 16 oage document...and you cant make me sign and hold me ransom after everything you have donw. he says...well if you dont sign it , then you have to go...So then I staet aeooooNO, I want sign anything and I will get an indterdict report placed. But now I feel bad..and as hes got the kids all noight , I want to go and get wrecked. but so exhausted!!! You know
He never providid for the children , I have all my family memebers as witnesses to that fact, hes never taken responsibilty for the hard stuuf, yet nevr ever listened to my complaints without abuse and violent behaviour being sprung back on mwe...Remind me of this of these very factds before I waist anymmore energy getting upset withihim...The fact this document doesnt really exist probably makes me signing it Nil and void....but i Need to know this for sure before Isign anything. I cant believe hes doing this...Hiss dad lives on his own 20 minutes away...why cant he just move in their till he sorts himself out...His dads house needs looking at anyway,,,and his dads an 81 yr old man..I cant believe this....
Now, I feel guilty , as I am now guilty of hurting the children. Argh!!! Why cant he just gop.....it doesnt take much for a reasonable mand to see that this is their child home and why shoul they be moved...but he isnt thinking like that is he? Obviously, due to what his mum did to him, he thinks it ok for the mother to leave the children with the father. iI am aso sososososos angry about that ....and my childrne have said they want to be with mummy and cant wait for her to be playful happy self again :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( Sorry, Babmi- I know youve tried to help me , but I also dont see the point going to see nayone about how I feel when Its all becaues of him again..Am I being an eveil b***h here. I cant take this I realy cant and it hurts so badSo bad I cry all l the time and I cant get a grip..Its ridiculous...it reminds me of the way he is though...hes never actually given a sod /monkeys about how Ive felt....when I look back Yeah, Ive always been anxious....yeah, comeon..i needed to know where I was going to live with my family I didnt need my arm twisted several times while he played at being mr nce guy yet went off and got drunk That was for the first 7 months of my pregnancy. We got accco tvia his family,and he saoid he would go back to bein the man I first knew. i couldnt sleep for months after moving in with him and out it down to having had Alex...Now I know he just NEVER did love me enough...pls remind me of this too...then it cant hur soo much But why could I not see this???????Why was I so flipping stupid???????Why????
He never providid for the children , I have all my family memebers as witnesses to that fact, hes never taken responsibilty for the hard stuuf, yet nevr ever listened to my complaints without abuse and violent behaviour being sprung back on mwe...Remind me of this of these very factds before I waist anymmore energy getting upset withihim...The fact this document doesnt really exist probably makes me signing it Nil and void....but i Need to know this for sure before Isign anything. I cant believe hes doing this...Hiss dad lives on his own 20 minutes away...why cant he just move in their till he sorts himself out...His dads house needs looking at anyway,,,and his dads an 81 yr old man..I cant believe this....
Now, I feel guilty , as I am now guilty of hurting the children. Argh!!! Why cant he just gop.....it doesnt take much for a reasonable mand to see that this is their child home and why shoul they be moved...but he isnt thinking like that is he? Obviously, due to what his mum did to him, he thinks it ok for the mother to leave the children with the father. iI am aso sososososos angry about that ....and my childrne have said they want to be with mummy and cant wait for her to be playful happy self again :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( Sorry, Babmi- I know youve tried to help me , but I also dont see the point going to see nayone about how I feel when Its all becaues of him again..Am I being an eveil b***h here. I cant take this I realy cant and it hurts so badSo bad I cry all l the time and I cant get a grip..Its ridiculous...it reminds me of the way he is though...hes never actually given a sod /monkeys about how Ive felt....when I look back Yeah, Ive always been anxious....yeah, comeon..i needed to know where I was going to live with my family I didnt need my arm twisted several times while he played at being mr nce guy yet went off and got drunk That was for the first 7 months of my pregnancy. We got accco tvia his family,and he saoid he would go back to bein the man I first knew. i couldnt sleep for months after moving in with him and out it down to having had Alex...Now I know he just NEVER did love me enough...pls remind me of this too...then it cant hur soo much But why could I not see this???????Why was I so flipping stupid???????Why????
Honey! I am at a loss here. All I can say is I TRULY TRULY believe you need some help! And I can only take a horse to the water, I can't make it drink. Perhaps you just need this site, to get things "written" down per say. Just like a diary! And that is a great idea. But for you to call that number I gave you is the only thing I can think of. When you have a quiet moment to yourself I want you to read to yourself - outloud - what you have written here. And really listen to what you are writing. I hope you can see where I am coming from with all of this. All I can say is PLEASE phone that number and ask for advice from proffessionals who deal with people who are stressed out every day.
hey bambi, I rang the people you spoke to me about.tried to tell them about how i was feeling but couldnt be 100 percent honest. Okay, they than gave me a number for parentline, we discussed a few issues concerning me, and have said I should retun and speak to my sokicitor ( so that good- I want feel so guilty if I feel like I may be wasiting his time) then , and what I wll do tomorrow is ring Scottish Child law...and 1 parent family scotalnd. So that will help keeping the ball rolling. thank you..feeling abit more active now, and maybe can get through this. bles you bambi a very big thank you and if I could I post you the winning lottery ticket, thanks and take care, Dafty.
Im glad you called them, if its confidential it would be a good idea for you to be TOTALLY honest with them, think of it like this. Say you have a stomach pain, and you are vomitting too. You go to the doctor but just tell him that you have a stomach pain and nothing about the vomitting! Then you are not telling him what he probably really needs to know to help you totally. Right? So anyway, hopefully everything goes better for you, keep talking to people!
Hey bamabi....I guess, the only way i could explain it...its like this...I want be able to relax until this is resolved. One miute I am ok, ....For instance , felt strong and rang solicitor.so have an appointment with him on Friday, but then as soon as I take action-its an overwhelming ahhhh!! Scream -am i doing the right hting inside my head, the reason is I feel guilty ( which is mad-but its the way I am ) and I guess its obvious as apologise to people all the time for just breathing. Sorry really bad english but my ears feel like they are going to explode and just sweating!!!!!1 kids have their bedrooms redesignednow for when daddy moves, and they also have claimed things that daddy wants to take...Ie Fridge freezer..When I spoke to my dad, he said, "Katy I left your mum wiht a small telly a chair and atable....You dont really want to hurt your children or cause them anymore upset ..so he is in awee that this man cant even to the decent thing, but then again I think he sees that I use the childrne to get the material things...so He can take what he likes ...just not my rug or couch that my mum bought me..It does seem a little unreasonable..I mean he never has provided but thats just a by the by.
Also , I kep gettin strange paind in my head
Sorry nto seeing to well either...I dont know is that just anxiety...I mean last night my heart was beating really fast and trying to sit and calm me, but more or less impossible and started to see double. Im not even going to try that walking thing on my own as I am having an altogether better day as i am here alone with my girls.
The other thing, I am worried abot and I know this sounds mad :-S 8-| but its the truth...I was hospitalised due to paramedics thinking I had a cracked skul ( inever) but I did have 2 very panda eyes..I remebr screaming, but i cant rember how I got them, so i dont think I can use this as eveidence against him -cani? secondly, I blaimed those eyes on my cat...hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, seeking zen now.
however, I do haveit recorded that he has been violent with me, Ill start with the leats, he twisted my arms, hes put both his arms around my neck ( this was over a year ago ) and hes thrown me about..so surely that would be enough for an interdict report..I am sure I have this recorded just cant remeber who it was I told ( this is another problem ) so stressed my memory has gt mangled...but I slept last night and woke up thinking...when its over...Ill get back on track and start my career path...Hey Ill only be 333 ( well it feels like it) and I will be ok...Then i get excited about the change, thenguilty bcause I remeber the past...argh!!!Sorry.....Right stop being a winge...and I amgoing to clcean and thentake the kids out for a picnic. My head feels strange...could i be bleeding inside..Really od, but they are like head cramps!
Also , I kep gettin strange paind in my head
Sorry nto seeing to well either...I dont know is that just anxiety...I mean last night my heart was beating really fast and trying to sit and calm me, but more or less impossible and started to see double. Im not even going to try that walking thing on my own as I am having an altogether better day as i am here alone with my girls.
The other thing, I am worried abot and I know this sounds mad :-S 8-| but its the truth...I was hospitalised due to paramedics thinking I had a cracked skul ( inever) but I did have 2 very panda eyes..I remebr screaming, but i cant rember how I got them, so i dont think I can use this as eveidence against him -cani? secondly, I blaimed those eyes on my cat...hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, seeking zen now.
however, I do haveit recorded that he has been violent with me, Ill start with the leats, he twisted my arms, hes put both his arms around my neck ( this was over a year ago ) and hes thrown me about..so surely that would be enough for an interdict report..I am sure I have this recorded just cant remeber who it was I told ( this is another problem ) so stressed my memory has gt mangled...but I slept last night and woke up thinking...when its over...Ill get back on track and start my career path...Hey Ill only be 333 ( well it feels like it) and I will be ok...Then i get excited about the change, thenguilty bcause I remeber the past...argh!!!Sorry.....Right stop being a winge...and I amgoing to clcean and thentake the kids out for a picnic. My head feels strange...could i be bleeding inside..Really od, but they are like head cramps!
Your head is not bleeding inside Katy! You are in a hightened state of Anxiety and Panic. As soon as you decide something, you panic! This isn't about him anymore Katy, it is about YOU! And you alone! Do NOT worry about the solicitor till you are well! And I mean well in your mind. What people really have to realize is that Mental Illness is just that and ILLNESS! It isn't lack of confidence, it isn't being weak, it's an illness that needs treating. If you let this go one any further Katy without proffessional treatment, you can actually give yourself a heart attack. Along with smoking, bad diet etc, STRESS is a huge factor in heart attacks and other serious ailments. Phone that number again, and tell them EVERYTHING! They will notice the signs that you need help, and get you it. Stop worrying about what he is taking and what he isn't, these are just things! They mean nothing!! Yours and your childrens health IS the most important thing here. There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for help Katy. What would happen if you fell down on the street, and broke a leg? Would you just lay there and think "Stupid me, i will just sit here till I can get up"? Or would you shout out for someone to help you and phone for an ambulance? This is EXACTLY the same thing Katy.
When my mom was dying, I would have the worst panic attacks EVER. Being British I thought "Pull yourself together you sill cow!" A friend told me to go to a counsellor at the local Cancer Centre - my 1st thought was "that's for weak people!" But after I thought I was having a heart attack, I called and I went and talked to one of the most wonderful people I've ever met. We had several sessions. And I was able to talk to her better than I could talk to anyone else. You know why Katy? Because she was a stranger! She understood EVERYTHING I was saying, because that was her job. My friends tried to help, but they didn't know what to say to me. And I didn't know what to say to myself! I have always been the one handing out advice - or as my friends call me "Anne Landers" - so why would I - of all people - be taking advice. I remember the 1st session I just sat there and cried for over 1/2 an hour. And shejust kept passing me the Kleenex. She just let me get it all out! And THAT my lovely is what you need. Not me, not your mom or dad or sister. YOU NEED to let it ALL out with a stranger! A stranger who understands EXACTLY how you feel. Because believe me Katy you ARE NOT ALONE with how you feel.
So forget the lawyer for now, and talk to someone, phone that number and ask for local counsellors in your area and GO and let it ALL out! OK? Much love Dawn
When my mom was dying, I would have the worst panic attacks EVER. Being British I thought "Pull yourself together you sill cow!" A friend told me to go to a counsellor at the local Cancer Centre - my 1st thought was "that's for weak people!" But after I thought I was having a heart attack, I called and I went and talked to one of the most wonderful people I've ever met. We had several sessions. And I was able to talk to her better than I could talk to anyone else. You know why Katy? Because she was a stranger! She understood EVERYTHING I was saying, because that was her job. My friends tried to help, but they didn't know what to say to me. And I didn't know what to say to myself! I have always been the one handing out advice - or as my friends call me "Anne Landers" - so why would I - of all people - be taking advice. I remember the 1st session I just sat there and cried for over 1/2 an hour. And shejust kept passing me the Kleenex. She just let me get it all out! And THAT my lovely is what you need. Not me, not your mom or dad or sister. YOU NEED to let it ALL out with a stranger! A stranger who understands EXACTLY how you feel. Because believe me Katy you ARE NOT ALONE with how you feel.
So forget the lawyer for now, and talk to someone, phone that number and ask for local counsellors in your area and GO and let it ALL out! OK? Much love Dawn
dawn i appreciate evrything you have said..and I am very sorry to hear of your mum passing you like that....I know how very hard that can be. i watched my mums dad die for about a year with cancer..it was a slow painful death...and it was horrid!..I cantotally understand how that must have felt too..well maybe not, ive not lost a parent ,It is a big fear of mne . I must admit.
So do not mean to upset you by any meand, I just know that difficult.
Ive been sweating and shaking all day long. theres not been a word from him No communication, and the thing that bites me, is how can he hurt meAS WELL as my children?
I know longer care, I will replace do whaever I haev to to make them feel secure..but the damage is allready there..and I worry, as god knows what he will do ..I mean..Oh this is hard for me to explain, but my father did so many things...not by abusing my sister and I, but by abusing subsequential partners. ( I guess that why Ive held back).
Bambi, I rnag my solicitor today..and I cant quite understand...but he said on the phone"I thought you didnt want to sign those papers" ( I hadnt realised Id made myself so clear) so I am not going to sign away any aprental right I may or may not have. I lso tried those other places, but couldnt get through..so then took it in my stride to ring my CPn ( who has some things recorded ) She was great...but the real torture,,IS here..AND I CANT get out of it without great difficulty.
I am trying to keep things NORMAL. Work..kids baths, school duty etc) but finding it extremley difficult. I hate this, It feels like I am not only dying but I am killing my childrens spirit and feel at threat. But hes notthreatened me of late..I just fel this way. Sorry, I reallly do aprreciate you talking to me, and really thank you as I am more than aware as you sai ( about your mum) that their are alot worse things that can happen I couldnt deal with loosing my poor mum at the moment Its one of my biggest fears.. Sorry If Ive said somethi things indisatse , its not meant that way and I also do not mean to be such a self centred cow-but I am..sorry -but thank you very nuch for your kind words. I am off to bed. Hope you keep yourself well and dont hat e me for what I have said. Taje care , Bambi, your seeeing me thorugh my worst nightmare, and I really apreciate your worda.
So do not mean to upset you by any meand, I just know that difficult.
Ive been sweating and shaking all day long. theres not been a word from him No communication, and the thing that bites me, is how can he hurt meAS WELL as my children?
I know longer care, I will replace do whaever I haev to to make them feel secure..but the damage is allready there..and I worry, as god knows what he will do ..I mean..Oh this is hard for me to explain, but my father did so many things...not by abusing my sister and I, but by abusing subsequential partners. ( I guess that why Ive held back).
Bambi, I rnag my solicitor today..and I cant quite understand...but he said on the phone"I thought you didnt want to sign those papers" ( I hadnt realised Id made myself so clear) so I am not going to sign away any aprental right I may or may not have. I lso tried those other places, but couldnt get through..so then took it in my stride to ring my CPn ( who has some things recorded ) She was great...but the real torture,,IS here..AND I CANT get out of it without great difficulty.
I am trying to keep things NORMAL. Work..kids baths, school duty etc) but finding it extremley difficult. I hate this, It feels like I am not only dying but I am killing my childrens spirit and feel at threat. But hes notthreatened me of late..I just fel this way. Sorry, I reallly do aprreciate you talking to me, and really thank you as I am more than aware as you sai ( about your mum) that their are alot worse things that can happen I couldnt deal with loosing my poor mum at the moment Its one of my biggest fears.. Sorry If Ive said somethi things indisatse , its not meant that way and I also do not mean to be such a self centred cow-but I am..sorry -but thank you very nuch for your kind words. I am off to bed. Hope you keep yourself well and dont hat e me for what I have said. Taje care , Bambi, your seeeing me thorugh my worst nightmare, and I really apreciate your worda.
Sorry, to you bambi (Dawn)...i cant imagine what youve been through/are stillgoing through...I dont ever want to go through what you have been ...but regretably know its more than ineviitable.
Sorry I ramble like a pure id**t( I know) and thisis not me, but I cant relax...been in my bed for nearly anhour and cant stop shaking. I cant even exact , finger point how i feell.
Anyway, I just wanted to say I am truly sorry for your loss, my heart goes to you. I know this sounds really daft..but you cant ever understand that kind of loss until it happens..sorry I dont mean to be insensitive.Even talking to you may be. It took my a year for me toget over my grandads death. I couldnt socialise...it was ll ther..I was clsoe to him though..Its a ver long time ago though...but he lived with us when I was growing up until I was 5...So I only understan a little.
Anyway...dont know what I amgoing to do.....I know youve told me to do this and do that for myself but if I do , there is no ne right here right now to look after my children...not in the way I do..My eldest daughter totaly panicd the last time I eneded up in a hospital..and I reallly do not want to put her through it again. though still shaking had tea,,tried listening to music on Ipod.tried breathing but all tingly and shaly...h ave you evre experienced anything like this? i guess you may-haven gone for help and admirably so. Some poeple ar e never honest enough and hide behind things , hoping things get better, but those issues rmain unresolved..I reckon a lot of my problems is to do with that..I absue myslef cause I think i well stuff it..I am goign to die a young and horrible death no matter what I do ( sill I know) but that is how I think when I hti the booze....Or no one really understand or cares.
its just this...freaking out allover the place, and well when I was poised and really could do sfa for myself a traffic warden parked. he was therer for ages..A s I had been...then I remeber thinking nd even swearing at him"No wonder your in the job your in...are you blind you effing......@@@@@" Anyway, didnt help matters..So he drove off...then I think look girl breath and make it to the lampost...so i did..then managed and I dont know how to get to the crossroads...Wait on the green man ( the thing is had I kept going I would have been just fine) but I had stopped. My legs were giving me...dont move youlll fall..so couldnt and had to wit for the next green man..then used my hands against the wall to get to the next stage anfd got stuck..so stuck you wouldnt believe. No one ever and they never ever do stop to help No thtese days. ( sorry god I didnt mean to go back to me ) dh@@ done it again..Ill stop its not fair on you..Ill go to bed.
Sorry I ramble like a pure id**t( I know) and thisis not me, but I cant relax...been in my bed for nearly anhour and cant stop shaking. I cant even exact , finger point how i feell.
Anyway, I just wanted to say I am truly sorry for your loss, my heart goes to you. I know this sounds really daft..but you cant ever understand that kind of loss until it happens..sorry I dont mean to be insensitive.Even talking to you may be. It took my a year for me toget over my grandads death. I couldnt socialise...it was ll ther..I was clsoe to him though..Its a ver long time ago though...but he lived with us when I was growing up until I was 5...So I only understan a little.
Anyway...dont know what I amgoing to do.....I know youve told me to do this and do that for myself but if I do , there is no ne right here right now to look after my children...not in the way I do..My eldest daughter totaly panicd the last time I eneded up in a hospital..and I reallly do not want to put her through it again. though still shaking had tea,,tried listening to music on Ipod.tried breathing but all tingly and shaly...h ave you evre experienced anything like this? i guess you may-haven gone for help and admirably so. Some poeple ar e never honest enough and hide behind things , hoping things get better, but those issues rmain unresolved..I reckon a lot of my problems is to do with that..I absue myslef cause I think i well stuff it..I am goign to die a young and horrible death no matter what I do ( sill I know) but that is how I think when I hti the booze....Or no one really understand or cares.
its just this...freaking out allover the place, and well when I was poised and really could do sfa for myself a traffic warden parked. he was therer for ages..A s I had been...then I remeber thinking nd even swearing at him"No wonder your in the job your in...are you blind you effing......@@@@@" Anyway, didnt help matters..So he drove off...then I think look girl breath and make it to the lampost...so i did..then managed and I dont know how to get to the crossroads...Wait on the green man ( the thing is had I kept going I would have been just fine) but I had stopped. My legs were giving me...dont move youlll fall..so couldnt and had to wit for the next green man..then used my hands against the wall to get to the next stage anfd got stuck..so stuck you wouldnt believe. No one ever and they never ever do stop to help No thtese days. ( sorry god I didnt mean to go back to me ) dh@@ done it again..Ill stop its not fair on you..Ill go to bed.
Honey: This IS about you, I was just putting in my two cents as far as experience goes! You are NOT selfish, and you did not upset me! People only upset others if there is malice, there is none here!
I understand about the children, and I know in Britain, you can't leave your children if they are under 16. So what I will say is this, talk to your friends about helping you out WHEN you go to the hospital. Even if it is for a couple of days Katie it will get you on the right track. When you get through tothose people, ask about the care of your kids as well. Lets face facts, you are definitely not the only one suffering who also has children. So there has to be ways to deal with this.
As women we are always saying to ourselves, "well it could be worse...." that's true! But RIGHT NOW!! It doesn't feel like there is much worse right? So right now this IS the worst!! Understand? you don't feel anything because this is how your mind and body are trying to help you deal with everything. Your brain is so overloaded right now, that it can't deal with one more thing - as in pain! Some people in heightened states of stress can't even feel a burn or a broken bone!!!! The brain prioritizes itself, it will defend itself till the bitter end, and when it is about to break it will let itself break - such as in the rare cases of Split Personality. It's main goal is to keep everything going. So that's what's happening, you are PUMPED full of stress hormones, thus the shaking.
There was a hold up outside my house several weeks ago, I was on the phone to the police and ambulance meanwhile shouting down to the poor guy in the street. I was shaking from head to toe, not that I was nervous, I was PUMPED!!! It took me hours to calm down. That is Addrenaline. You hear about Adrenaline junkies - stupid buggers ;-) 8-| - same thing.
Booze is a depressent, the worst thing ever for someone in a bad situation. Even though at the time it takes your mind off of it, it will still be there in the morning. When he's away, you can't get the locks changed can you?! Do you have restraining orders there? But on the other hand, right now you just need to focus on feeling better, then you will be able to deal with him and his c**p. So try those people again, and ASK for help OK? Talk to you soon. Dawn
I understand about the children, and I know in Britain, you can't leave your children if they are under 16. So what I will say is this, talk to your friends about helping you out WHEN you go to the hospital. Even if it is for a couple of days Katie it will get you on the right track. When you get through tothose people, ask about the care of your kids as well. Lets face facts, you are definitely not the only one suffering who also has children. So there has to be ways to deal with this.
As women we are always saying to ourselves, "well it could be worse...." that's true! But RIGHT NOW!! It doesn't feel like there is much worse right? So right now this IS the worst!! Understand? you don't feel anything because this is how your mind and body are trying to help you deal with everything. Your brain is so overloaded right now, that it can't deal with one more thing - as in pain! Some people in heightened states of stress can't even feel a burn or a broken bone!!!! The brain prioritizes itself, it will defend itself till the bitter end, and when it is about to break it will let itself break - such as in the rare cases of Split Personality. It's main goal is to keep everything going. So that's what's happening, you are PUMPED full of stress hormones, thus the shaking.
There was a hold up outside my house several weeks ago, I was on the phone to the police and ambulance meanwhile shouting down to the poor guy in the street. I was shaking from head to toe, not that I was nervous, I was PUMPED!!! It took me hours to calm down. That is Addrenaline. You hear about Adrenaline junkies - stupid buggers ;-) 8-| - same thing.
Booze is a depressent, the worst thing ever for someone in a bad situation. Even though at the time it takes your mind off of it, it will still be there in the morning. When he's away, you can't get the locks changed can you?! Do you have restraining orders there? But on the other hand, right now you just need to focus on feeling better, then you will be able to deal with him and his c**p. So try those people again, and ASK for help OK? Talk to you soon. Dawn
I dotn know . Today i couldnt feel anything, then oddly like a bomb exploding tears just rolling down my face.
I just think its a bad reaction to a stressful situation.
Partner rang me at work-had somesort of baank charge. god know swhat he wants me to do about considering he cleared it out the other day.
I also couldnt understnad..it slike this we boy comes out in him and he needs looking after-argh then I feel sorry for him and then feel like I am a family wrecker.
I actually think I am ok,,,Ilook better than I have in a while, andI think I am ok...dont know though...dont know why i kep having these odd outburst and moments ofoh heck I am going to fallover.
What kind of neighbours have you got? o.O o.O o.O My neighbourd has bulilt a pigeon thing-turned his shed into a dometic pigeon home :-S 8-| His 2 yr old can even spell the word at the top of his voice, that one which rhymes with duck.
Anyway, Ive had a better day apart form the occasional burst out...but what Iam I to do if those bank charegs filter through-heck.. I beter go. take care Bambi.
I just think its a bad reaction to a stressful situation.
Partner rang me at work-had somesort of baank charge. god know swhat he wants me to do about considering he cleared it out the other day.
I also couldnt understnad..it slike this we boy comes out in him and he needs looking after-argh then I feel sorry for him and then feel like I am a family wrecker.
I actually think I am ok,,,Ilook better than I have in a while, andI think I am ok...dont know though...dont know why i kep having these odd outburst and moments ofoh heck I am going to fallover.
What kind of neighbours have you got? o.O o.O o.O My neighbourd has bulilt a pigeon thing-turned his shed into a dometic pigeon home :-S 8-| His 2 yr old can even spell the word at the top of his voice, that one which rhymes with duck.
Anyway, Ive had a better day apart form the occasional burst out...but what Iam I to do if those bank charegs filter through-heck.. I beter go. take care Bambi.
So he rings..asking if I have anymoney...I end up bailing us out..as it would have been bank charges on top of bank charges o.O o.O o.O Feel stupid now, but found out other stuff from partner, and wondering if he has taken memore seriously than I have anticipated. ( which is a good thing, so confused). I had do this as it was our joint account..argh!!! What a mess!!! I totaly cannot get my head round things...just mangled!!!!Could hebe that manipulative that hes done this deliberately...if the cas Ill find out tomorrow? If not, then it will be ok..( Am i stupid?????Yes>>>)Actually I will neever jnow...I cant thin clearly...I guess I had to try...cause well it could be really dangeerous
hey bambi, the only way to describ e how I feel...its almost as though someone has told me they have so long left to live and we are all waiting on the iminent. I dont get that.
Just been to my dentist. It went well, so that was good news. But so tried and finding it hard to function anything like I used to.
As I spoke to my partner and it was amicable terms...I dont know If ican do tomorrow-but then hes got to know that he has really no grounds for what hes done/doing. But I still must have a lot of emotional baggage with him ( for some weird reasonAlso after 12 yrs of being with someone its very scary to wonder what on earthit will be like..Hmmmmmmmmmm..Just rambling..Going to try and get a kip. Its one of those days...but hey we all have them! Just rambing and wanted to say hi...The good news is Ive not been panicing as before. I still have samll episodes but I can quickly get myself together if I listen to hard music..that hels..so do not knw what its all about.
Anyway, Im goingnow I jsut want ed to waffle some. Though the way I fel isnt right. i thin I should be feeling angry, but cant. I think ishould be feeling stronger and ready to sort my life out..but it just seems such a maze!Well we all have problems and nones perfect.Thats true
Just been to my dentist. It went well, so that was good news. But so tried and finding it hard to function anything like I used to.
As I spoke to my partner and it was amicable terms...I dont know If ican do tomorrow-but then hes got to know that he has really no grounds for what hes done/doing. But I still must have a lot of emotional baggage with him ( for some weird reasonAlso after 12 yrs of being with someone its very scary to wonder what on earthit will be like..Hmmmmmmmmmm..Just rambling..Going to try and get a kip. Its one of those days...but hey we all have them! Just rambing and wanted to say hi...The good news is Ive not been panicing as before. I still have samll episodes but I can quickly get myself together if I listen to hard music..that hels..so do not knw what its all about.
Anyway, Im goingnow I jsut want ed to waffle some. Though the way I fel isnt right. i thin I should be feeling angry, but cant. I think ishould be feeling stronger and ready to sort my life out..but it just seems such a maze!Well we all have problems and nones perfect.Thats true
Actually well put Katy! Life is a maze, you can calm down and work out which way to go to get out of it. Or you make the wrong turn and end up stuck!!!! That is why we all feel overwhelmed! Get your own bank account Katy! No more joint accounts, even friends of mine who are married and have rocky relationships have their own accounts. Is there a commonlaw rule there? Such as what's yours is his and visa versa? If there isn't there is no problem you going to the bank and setting up your own account. I know there is something here about you can sign stating you will no longer be joint and his debts are his and yours etc. The way I see it Katy if it's amicable that is the best for EVERYONE! Just be aware of the "honeymoon syndrome" when a partner knows that he/she is so close to being kicked out, they turn nice. I am glad to hear you are feeling a bit better. One day at a time Katy! And always ask for help!
You are right//////BUT!!!!
This was maybe a bit daft %-) of me.
I pre warned him about my joiint to the solicitors.
he ais" I right Katy.....( and I shouldnt reveal this here) ......an do you have it recorded that ou slapped me?" .......
...Right this makes me feel bad...cause I have slapped him 2xs...Nothing though in comparison to what he has done to me...and I did it completely snookered and( okay no excuses for viloence........Then he said"I am NOT goin till you sign those forms"...I said...A) I do not need to sign those forms, and B) Why are you hanging around-if you are such a stable decent man and you know you are making me ill-why hang around ( and ...followed by me being a bit manipulative)....And I cant believe I managed the back bone...( erm hmm, illl not say why)...Okay"Your damaging the children by damaging me! "have you no self respect? Well obviously you haven on for me" This was all after being sectioned in my bedroom as his dad and him were watching the TV...I did get fightened...He kept trying to do his usual...and I felt tortured.....I just want him to go....A more decent more, reasonable, and responsible father ...would take the bull by the horns , and just leave...why make it harder for the children? My sister put me in a rage too. my sister has also witnessed some stuff..so shes not great In fact sometimes I think shes a complete .....okay anyway, him being a big fat ( lol) bully Hes not fat and Ive never managed to call him a bully before...Him being a bully intiated from and by him the day I met him...It always like I w...whats the word...?..Pandered to his every and very own needs? I dont know why I didnte see it? But its sios osso true? he hurt me when I was expecting never mind the rest...and I hat e okay I cant say what he had done...but it wasnt nice...but I was young and id fallen for Mr Evil...so pffffffffffffffffffffffffffff!!! Going for it...whether Ive slpapped him or not////Pff yeah a little slap///I am 8stHe is over 13.....Imay well have been an abusive cow.......................but he threw me on the floor after words all hands on deck..okay maybe I deserved it, but erm..Ok...thats what hes got against me....should I tell anyone? Oh and once ouve read thi feel free to report...I dont agree with violence either....Rather folks didnt know but hey I neede to tell people Why , sometimes I feel to blame! :$ :-(
This was maybe a bit daft %-) of me.
I pre warned him about my joiint to the solicitors.
he ais" I right Katy.....( and I shouldnt reveal this here) ......an do you have it recorded that ou slapped me?" .......
...Right this makes me feel bad...cause I have slapped him 2xs...Nothing though in comparison to what he has done to me...and I did it completely snookered and( okay no excuses for viloence........Then he said"I am NOT goin till you sign those forms"...I said...A) I do not need to sign those forms, and B) Why are you hanging around-if you are such a stable decent man and you know you are making me ill-why hang around ( and ...followed by me being a bit manipulative)....And I cant believe I managed the back bone...( erm hmm, illl not say why)...Okay"Your damaging the children by damaging me! "have you no self respect? Well obviously you haven on for me" This was all after being sectioned in my bedroom as his dad and him were watching the TV...I did get fightened...He kept trying to do his usual...and I felt tortured.....I just want him to go....A more decent more, reasonable, and responsible father ...would take the bull by the horns , and just leave...why make it harder for the children? My sister put me in a rage too. my sister has also witnessed some stuff..so shes not great In fact sometimes I think shes a complete .....okay anyway, him being a big fat ( lol) bully Hes not fat and Ive never managed to call him a bully before...Him being a bully intiated from and by him the day I met him...It always like I w...whats the word...?..Pandered to his every and very own needs? I dont know why I didnte see it? But its sios osso true? he hurt me when I was expecting never mind the rest...and I hat e okay I cant say what he had done...but it wasnt nice...but I was young and id fallen for Mr Evil...so pffffffffffffffffffffffffffff!!! Going for it...whether Ive slpapped him or not////Pff yeah a little slap///I am 8stHe is over 13.....Imay well have been an abusive cow.......................but he threw me on the floor after words all hands on deck..okay maybe I deserved it, but erm..Ok...thats what hes got against me....should I tell anyone? Oh and once ouve read thi feel free to report...I dont agree with violence either....Rather folks didnt know but hey I neede to tell people Why , sometimes I feel to blame! :$ :-(
I told my friend everything. She has said its not in my nature.....bu thel onger this is going on the more I wory I might take a panic and snap...I am scared of that I start imagng what I might /would like to do...and I get scared. If i dont contain myslef I will end up in jail..I feel angry today... He has nor RIGHT... He should be in jail ( NOT ME!!!!) Thsat how I feel today!
Its like caring for a sick person ( that you cant stand!)Wishing theyd hurry up and .....
Its like caring for a sick person ( that you cant stand!)Wishing theyd hurry up and .....