it is so nice to see that i'm not the only one feeling this way... my husband and i are 27 we've been married for two years. And I want to start trying. I never thought it would be an issue for us, because before we got married, I told him exactly when I wanted to have kids. He agreed, he said he wanted them too. Now he is saying he may never be ready. At almost caused us to separate a few months ago. I love him, and don't want to hate and resent him. But I see it happening slowly everyday. I feel betrayed and tricked. Like he just said whatever I wanted to here to get me to marry him. 11 of my friends are pregnant now, with several who just had there second child. It is always money that he uses as an excuse, now it is buying a house, and yet when his friends call he is ready to go to the bar and blow 100 bucks on seeing the same people we always hang out with. It has gotten to the point where I hate going out. I always end up getting drunk and angry, and start crying and yelling at him about it. It has completely taken the joy out of our relationship. Why do they do this? I thought he would be the last guy in the world to behave like this. He has totally broken my heart.
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Angelica wrote:
i am scared so much like any men whose wife is pregrant.The first post may be is not a supporting one but i know women has an instinct to have child under any circumstances crashing all kinds of sensible thoughts SUPPORTED with harmless looking emotional feelings....what men are afraid is not the babies as many women think....what we fear is ; when things got harder with the pop up of baby after 9 months;we dont wanna hear from you ladies saying that ' ohhh it is so hard work oh my god...' and expect loads of silly responsıbılıtıes from your husband whom has honestly rejected as a consequence of his LOGİCAL MENTALİTY:)
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What you are experiencing is a Man's logic vs. A woman's kneejerk emotional response.
Your men are just trying to be responsible, to bring a child into a world where it doesn't have to suffer, or be without. Saving money, having a good job with health insurance, a safe reliable car, a decent school system.......
Thank God for all these smart men, or we would just have a bunch more single moms on a government income draining the tax dollars off those families who listened to the man and have a successful life, instead of reacting in an irrational and emotional way like a woman and now sit at home and use other families tax dollars for welfare and food stamps until they can find another man to get pregnant again and try to leech child support off of....
Children are not pets, you are not running to the corner store to get a kitten......You only have one chance per child to get it right, and more than just your selfish needs are at stake.
Thanks.
what you said would be sensible if we all were uneducated hill-billies who just wanted to get pregnant because we could, but this post is hurtful and cruel to say to women who desperately want a child and who are attempting to deal with the wait by reaching out to others who may be able to help them deal with the hurt.
A lot of men are simply scared or don't want the burden, and although there are some who care about long-term finances, lots of them are simply procrastinating because they don't really want to grow up all the way just yet.
If you want to post just to make others feel bad, you should go drown yourself you thoughtless, heartless animal. this is a place for support, not a place where sadists are invited to make other people suffer.
i am scared so much like any men whose wife is pregrant.The first post may be is not a supporting one but i know women has an instinct to have child under any circumstances crashing all kinds of sensible thoughts SUPPORTED with harmless looking emotional feelings....what men are afraid is not the babies as many women think....what we fear is ; when things got harder with the pop up of baby after 9 months;we dont wanna hear from you ladies saying that ' ohhh it is so hard work oh my god...' and expect loads of silly responsıbılıtıes from your husband whom has honestly rejected as a consequence of his LOGİCAL MENTALİTY:)
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This is crazy seeing how many people feel the same way i do! Lets see me and my hubby are 24 me 25 next month. We have been together for almost 5 years married almost one. Before we got married he said whenever you want kids we will have them as long as we have jobs/savings/and a house and married.. Well we have all of that. And now he will not talk about it..he actually gets kind of mad when i bring it up! His family keeps asking me.. like its me that wont have a kid? I found out bad news my dad has stage 4 lung cancer a few months ago hes 75 my mom is in her 60's so i know they wont be apart of there lives for a long time but it would be nice for them to see their grandchildren. my dad has maybe 5 years tops to live but day by day he gets worse from chemo.. he cant even walk from the bathroom to the living room hes lost sooo much weight and he was skinny b4 cancer.. and what makes it horrible is my hubby says its okay you will have my family.. I grew up without grandparents.. i didnt know what it was like so its harder for me then it is for him.. Ive started hating him and getting mad all the time.. I dont take bc he barely uses condoms still havent been preggers. All of my fam and his have kids.. my truck is paid for his almost is we have no debt have enough room and make enough money but he still wont.. he went and bought me a kitten first still didnt stop so he bought a puppy.. still feel the same.. I dont know what to do or say or how to tell him without starting another fight... Is it bad to leave your husband just because of this? How i feel now is like id rather be single and not have kids then to stay with him and wait. Everyone I tell says maybe he will change his mind.. but i havent seen it yet. I dont know what to do I really dont I love my husband with all my heart but I love my parents.. and i want a baby so bad!! To me I feel like my husband doesnt care how I feel?
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ok, people, an update:
Sooo. Those of you who remember my last post will recall that i was late and confused. WELL. Not confused anymore! I did my tests and they all came back negative, but i just felt so different and i was sure there was something, so i went to the doctor for a blood test and it came back positive! I'm pregnant! i waited so long to tell you all because i know that for some of you this will be a huge kick in the guts and i didn't want to hurt any of you. I know how many of you feel, and the last thing i want is to make you sad or angry, but i thought you might want to know how everything has been since the news.
I went for my test two days after my home tests (they were inconclusive, all of them) and the next morning i called my doctor as soon as the surgery opened (i couldn't wait) and he told me i was pregnant. i just sat there in shock for a good 10 minutes. i couldn't believe that i was going to have a baby, it just seemed so improbable even though i had been preparing myself for whatever answer i received, be it good or bad. Eventually I stumbled back into the bedroom where my partner was still (pretending to be) asleep and told him "I'm pregnant". He looked up at me so fast i thought his neck should have broken and he looked at me with these wide eyes and goes "really?" i just nodded, i was still in shock, and he got this look on his face like he was going to cry. he looked like he had aged 40 years in about 2 seconds and he just put his head back down and didn't say anything.
of course, by this point, i was freaking out a bit, because I'd only been off the pill for 6 weeks and because of my weight and my cycles and the fact that we'd barely had sex and every time we had he'd been withdrawing, i honestly didn't think it was going to happen so SOON. it was just so freaking UNLIKELY. i got back into bed and snuggled up to him and asked him if he was ok and after a while he said "i cant believe you got pregnant so quickly". and he stayed in bed for another 2 hours and then hardly spoke to me all day. i felt so bad, like i had forced him into having kids with me when he didn't want to, i felt like the lowest form of life. i hated myself for what i'd done to him, but i wasn't going to take it back, no way.
two days later i was still feeling like dirt, but everything was kind of starting to sink in a bit more so i asked him again how he felt - he just smiled at me and said "a lot better, i thought you could see that" and suddenly everything was good. he said that he was just so shocked when i told him i was pregnant, because we both thought it would take a lot longer that 6 weeks before we got there. he said he had thought about it more and was ok with it all now, even a little bit excited. i was gob-smacked, of course, given the way he felt before about kids, but it was good to hear he wasn't scared anymore.
a week later and i got really sick. like, REALLY sick. i had Hyperemesis (super-powered morning sickness) and ended up at the hospital suffering severe dehydration, and i lost nearly 6kg in less that 3 weeks because i couldn't eat. i couldn't get out of bed, i was throwing up everything i managed to get down, it was a nightmare. My partner looked after me the whole time, and told everyone i had gastro so they would leave me be. It was an awful time. i finally started getting better after my trip to the hospital, and after drinking what felt like my body weight in Hydralite, i was finally able to get out of bed. i wont lie, i had the thought a few times when i was so sick that it wasn't worth it to have a baby if i had to feel so bad, but those thoughts went away almost as soon as i got them. after what i went through to get this far, i wasn't giving up no way, no how.
i've been underwhelmed about the responses I've received from many of the people who've found out. lots of them haven't said anything, even though we KNOW they know. other people i thought would be happy are not and some have stopped talking to us.
im glad im on my way, but its not like i thought it would be. to be truthful, i don't like it at all. i feel like i have a rockmelon in my tummy and gastro at the same time. i know when i have the baby, it will be different, but this pregnancy gig sucks so far. its a kick when you realise that even though you thought you'd had it all thought out, there are a lot of things you don't expect. like feeling so ill. or people not being especially supportive. or feeling like you never want to eat again, but your body wants more food every 2 hours. believe me, its not as fun as i thought it would be. things feel surreal a lot of the time, and when you have things to do, you feel like you're going to be sick, or you fall asleep accidentally. or you wake up every hour and a half all night long and when you finally get there the alarm goes off, and you just want to cry and scream expletives at the cat for breathing so loudly.
i just wanted to tell you all that it snuck up on me, getting pregnant, and when it did i realised i wasn't ready, even though i thought i was, in a big way. i thought i was ready for this, but i wasn't. the reality of being here, doing this, is much bigger than i expected, and things are not the way i planned for them to be. im not unhappy, but i want the physical discomfort to go far away and leave me be. emotionally, im happy. my partner is happy, and we talk about the baby often. we've been discussing names and decorations for the baby's room, a little bit at a time. he's still reserved about it all, but he's getting there. i guess i want to say that even though you want it so badly, its a huge shock to the system to get what you want. be prepared for that, for the full slap in the face when you finally FEEL it. it might not feel like this for you guys who already have kids, but for me, for this first pregnancy, its like i've been shot. everything is different. not a bit different, but a lot different. everything i thought about myself, my life, my future is changed and it feels all weird. not wrong, just really really strange.
if you guys dont want to hear any more about me, let me know. i dont want to upset anyone, i just want to let you know what its like on the other side. i wont post anymore if you dont want me to. but remember, i think often about all of you out there who want a littlie so badly, and i wish you every good thing in the world.
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Angelica,
I'm really happy that you are finally pregnant!! I also really feel for you in regard to it not being what you thought it would be. I've had 2 children already and I know that pregnancy is not always easy. I, too, had very bad morning sickness with one of my pregnancies and it can be awful.
I'm sorry that there are people in your life that have not reacted to your news in positive ways but I'm glad your partner is supporting you through all of this.
It will get better! Best of luck to you.
My partner and I are having "the talk" tonight about when we will start trying. I'm hoping for good news!
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I'm so glad I'm not alone in this and relived its all guys not just younger ones (my bf) is younger than me only By a year .but he says getting married isent an option right now and kids are going to wait I try to explain how I feel the emptyness and depression when that dosent work I try the medical approach saying well by our 30s most of my good eggs will be gone and we might n ot be able to get pregnate it upsets him enoght to tell me to stop talking so I do as he ask it's hard seeing all my friends with kids and married it feels like everyone is moving on and I'm staying the same I hate that feeling I have baby sat my 2 year old niece since she was 3 months it helps me with sitting in with play dates with my mommy friends but it still empty people are like don't pressure him but if I don't not thing will get done around the house plus my parents were old parents and I don't want that for my child I know I'm jumping around its just so frustrating I think sometimes if I just do something stupid like get him drunk or trick him into getting me pregnate we will all be happy but I don't want him to resent me So I smile and pretend everything is all right he knows I want kids he has caught me a few times crying in the bathroom and he feels real bad I just don't understand why we have to do things on his schedule he wants to get his bachelors 3 years from now and then get married but I want to now ugh so frustrated
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So, my partner and I finally sat down to talk about when we would start trying to have a baby. I was kind of excited, he'd said a few things recently that led me to believe we were actually going to start trying. Boy, was I way off!!
We've been together almost 4 and 1/2 years. He's been helping me raise my 2 children and he absolutely loves them. Over the time we've been together every time I bring up having a baby he's said he's not ready yet. So I let it go for another 6 months or so. Then we sit down the other night to talk about it and I get "I'm not ready and don't know if I ever will be. I'm not sure I even want kids anymore"
What the hell? How do you go from not wanting kids right now to maybe not wanting them ever?
To say I was crushed is an understatement!!
So, I got drunk. Not the best way to handle the situation, sure. But it made it so I didn't cry myself to sleep that night!
We've been together almost 4 and 1/2 years. He's been helping me raise my 2 children and he absolutely loves them. Over the time we've been together every time I bring up having a baby he's said he's not ready yet. So I let it go for another 6 months or so. Then we sit down the other night to talk about it and I get "I'm not ready and don't know if I ever will be. I'm not sure I even want kids anymore"
What the hell? How do you go from not wanting kids right now to maybe not wanting them ever?
To say I was crushed is an understatement!!
So, I got drunk. Not the best way to handle the situation, sure. But it made it so I didn't cry myself to sleep that night!
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Thank you ladies! I always thought I'm crazy, I also want to have a baby, I'm 25 and hubby is 29 - he always says we should babies next year, last year he said next year, this year he says next year.
I had a miscarriage at 3months in Nov 2011 and since from then iv always wanted to have a baby, he doesn't understand the pain I feel. I'm glad I'm not alone in this
I had a miscarriage at 3months in Nov 2011 and since from then iv always wanted to have a baby, he doesn't understand the pain I feel. I'm glad I'm not alone in this
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hi
i really want to say to all you ladies DO NOT WAIT. either tell your partner/hubbies that now is the time or explain it is time to end it.
I met my partner when i was 30 he was a fair bit younger. Inititally i wanted to wait it out but as i turned 33 i knew for sure i wanted to experience a pregnancy and have a child. He did not. The first pregnancy ended up ectopic. huge shock! then the 2nd time i ended up going behind his back again and got pregnant at the age of 36. We fell out for 3 months of the pregnancy. Things are great now and babies dad is a brilliant active dad. I could not ask for more. However i do hold alot of resentment and huge anger towards him on a daily basis as we could of had a kid sooner, but in reality he told me he didnt want any, i could have said. OK well im out of here. There are plently of eligible males out there!
Do not forget. babies are simply not on a mans wish list, im talking on their behalf and more than likely should not but i suspect they are mostly scared about it all. If you love one another then surely the natural progression of that is to have a child together.
make sure your relationship is strong as bringing up a child is extremely hard work.
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Okay, I am 21 I have been married for three years and I am in the military. Right now, I am on shore so theres no real chance of being deployed and I want a baby so badly. My husband says he wants to wait until he has the things he wants done, of course this is to rebuild a car and have a job he enjoys. Well, he recently changed his mind about the car to wanting a new car, we could easily afford this, so he got the car he wanted. This week he also got the job he wanted where he knows he can work his way up. I tried bringing up the whole baby situation in casual conversation and he just gets very vague and uninterested. I asked him why that happens and he just said "Sorry its my fault" I just explained to him that its something I really want and that I hope he will give that to me someday all he said was "I will" Well how vague can you get?? I have always been involved with children, whether it be with family or working in day cares or volunteering at my church in the nursery. To me, life has always been about family and children. In fact, on my first date with my husband I told him "I dont care if I am a single old woman with a thousand cats, I will adopt babies." So it isnt like I all of a sudden just began wanting children. I feel like I have a solid career, we have everything we need but he still wants to keep this one desire from me. I do everything in my power to give him absolutely everything he wants and I dont get that back. I just dont understand anymore. If I wait much longer, I am going to be deployable and will have to wait another 3 years. I have 2 1/2 years until I am deployable, if it doesnt happen before then, its going to be at least 5 1/2 years from now. How do I make him understand how much this means to me??
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I know exactly how u feel I also am 27 almost 28 an my partner is about to turn 30 and we have had the baby talk that many times most of which have ended in tears (me) all my friends have children my best friend just had twins so it has been really hard for me also he keeps saying we will have a baby before ur 30 I'm thinking it's never gunna happen he wants to get engaged first that still hasn't happened I'm so over it and confused
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Hey Zoe84! I feel like you just read my mind...I am 27, almost 28 and my hubby is 29. We have been married 2 years and I have had the baby itch since day one of our marriage. I totally feel your pain. Every month that goes by, it is getting harder for me to deal with. First he said, lets wait until you get settled into your new job, and I did. Then he said lets wait until after you pass your certification at work, and I did. THEN it was you should really take the test for the higher level certification at work, so I took it and passed! NOW he is saying, lets wait until we move and get settled into our new place and you land a new job...(we are moving with his company in October.) Well....I am SO SICK of waiting and all of the excuses on why we need to hold off. It is really starting to break me down, not to mention it is causing stress on our relationship. I keep praying for patience and tell myself to enjoy our care-free, no kids lifestyle. I am to the point now that a baby is all I think about and I am willing to sacrifice my freedom...I JUST WANT A BABY!!! I do not understand how we can be so intimate and like-minded on almost every other decision and view but when it comes to children, he is so insensitive. We got pregnant in May without trying but I lost it 6 days after my postive home pregnancy test. He was so relieved...and I was devistated. All of it is so heartbreaking. Lets hope and wish and pray that our men start cooperating with us!!! Good luck to you girl!!!
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