My husband hit me once and he has anger problems.

Kelly,



Wow I feel like you have just read my mind and written it all on paper for me. My husband is exactly the same. One minute he idolises me, the next he's hitting me and throwing things at me. Yesterday he threw a mug of coffee in my face and then threw the mug and cut open my leg. Its the second time he's hurt me and I thought I made it clear by moving from New Zealand back to the UK to get away from him that that behavior is unacceptable. I feel like I'm crazy holding onto hope that things are going to work out. There are two breeds of men, those who hit and those who don't. I think I'm going to put aside the love i feel for him and go in search of a decent man. Don't we all deserve that?!

My husband has been hitting me for the past 10 years, probably about 15-20 times. He has manipulated me into thinking that I was the problem. He keeps text messaging me in paranoia. I finally came clean with my family about the physical abuse. I protected him from everyone and everything and now I am done. I always use to blame myself and I was so angry all the time about anything and everything. But now, I know why. Ever since I left, I haven't been angry and my soul is getting by.

I think that you should leave your husband. Once an abuser, it's hard to manage unless you are in therapy.

I will be praying for you because I'm in the same situation. My husband it was all about image, image, IMAGE and I'm done.

I was a child that grew up in a home with a very abusive father and a mother who was a victim of physical abuse. He rarely laid his hands on us but we watched as he beat our mother and it still haunts me. I have nightmares of my father chasing my mother. I watched my father knock my younger brother to the ground as he stood in front of my mother trying to protect her from getting hit. He was around 5. After 34 years of marriage my mother finally divorced my father but not until it got so bad that he tried to kill her in a drunken rage. Ladies, from a child that grew up seeing this, it will harm your children emotionally and socially for the rest of their lives. If I could say one thing to my mom then it would be please, for our sakes, get out now and think of us, you can do it.

What about if you have children, do you think that changes the equation. My husband is a really nice person, he is an extremely good father, and very responsible. He goes out of his way to help me and others, and doesn't shy away from helping with chores, or taking care of the children. He is very generous and makes sure that my needs ae met.
We have been married for 10 years, and he hits me on and off. It has ranged from grabbing by the neck and being push against a wall, to a punch in the back, a shove or a light slap. I think he thinks that because there are never any physical marks that it in't so bad. I think deep down he knows its wrong, but he rarely apologies and i don't think that he has admitted to himself what he is doing.
I can take the physical side of domestic violence, but the mental toture it creates is sometimes unbearable. I feel cheated out of the marriage that i deserve, and like someone else mentioned, even at the best of times its incredibly hard to get rid of those images and memories from my mind. So my question is do you stay in a marriage which is 80% good, or do you destroy your children happy home and leave. I have 3 children, aged 7 to 6 months.

I've been with my husband for 12 years, and for the first time, he physically attacked me. I called the police, and he said "I just grabbed her ear and pushed her on the ground." As if that was okay.

The officer said "sir, that is battery, do you understand that?" And they hauled him away to jail. Good. I was afraid of him. Because it is battery, and he admitted it, the case is basically out of my hands: if I got sentimental and dropped the charges, it doesn't matter: the state will prosecute him without me, for battery.

I got a restraining order today. I wish there were an easy way out, but there isn't. It will only get worse, according to EVERY battered woman I have communicated with.

My husband is depressed and has serious anger management issues, but those are his problems. I cannot save him. I can ask the court to require him to attend anger management counseling, but I doubt if he will respond to something he is forced to attend.

I swing between being devastated, crying and feeling sorry for him to being furious when I remember the fear and shock I felt when he held me on the floor and wouldn't let my up as he twisted my hair.

This is normal. But after 2 years of no communication, or, if there was communication, sarcastic, belittling or verbally abusive communication, I'm ready to let them charge him, and he can spend the rest of his life with a record.

I may be a b***h at times, but no one has the right to hit me because they are annoyed by something I've said. No one.

I am 4 months pregnant, and i was laid off from my job on Friday because they were making job cuts. Last night, my husband slapped me across the face so hard. I spent 2 hours huddled in the bath-tub. I don't know what to do. We have a child on the way and we have only be married for 9 months. I thought everything was going well and I'm blaming myself for the lay off from my job and the stress that this is causing. I feel very hopeless right now. If i tell my father I fear that he will kill him...i'm just so lost.

Hi, I got married only 5 months ago and after a happy 5 years with my partner with little signs of abnormal anger. Since being married he is verballys abusive going mad at the least little thing. He then hit me on honeymoon and prior to christmas so bad i could not walk. I then got the courage to pack my bags but was stopped by his family and him convincing me he would change. I have given it 4 weeks and still every we cant even have a conversation without him snapping he is a mummys boy whos his mum does everything for him. I asked him to go anger management at Christmas he said he would but he still has not booked it. I love him and every day i stay there i get weaker so i finally snapped and had the courage to walk. I will not go back unless i see an improvement 100% if he loved you he would not to this. He is now very sorry and willing to take any necessary steps to make it work, dying in silence due to the shame only makes it worse out him and make him feel ashamed. If the guy you married is still in there he will change for you and take the necessary steps if not you are better off alone.

I'm in a similar situation. i'm married to a latino, and he's not really machismo for a latino man but he cant manage his anger. we've been married for 3 and a half years and i'm 4 months pregnant. he's never hit me, but he's one of those guys that knows just what to say to hurt me. curses aside, as men seem to love them when fighting... he takes anything he doesn't like and turns it against me to try to make me feel guilty. sarcasm and pretending to victimize himself to try to make me feel like c**p about myself. yesterday we had a fight, i threw a cell at the floor so he started throwing the router, disk drives, and almost destroyed the lap top if i didn't stop him. he has never hit me, but i wouldn't move out of his way so he grabbed my arms so hard for like 5 minutes because i wouldn't move. my arms hurt now, though they don't look bruised. i would leave him if he ever hit me, and he knows it... he was trying to act menacing and i told him ''you know i would leave if you ever hit me and i know you wouldn't hit me'' and he said something along the lines of ''don't be so sure of that'' that struck deep. that he would even hurt me as he did hurts so much. i grew up with an abusive father and i wouldn't stay if my husband dared raise a hand to me, but even what he did yesterday... and the way he always talks to me... i wonder if i put up with more than i should. i'm not perfect, i don't clean as much as i should, and i don't cook as much as i should, but i know i don't deserve to be talked to like that, and i know i dont deserve to be hurt. i worry. i want my baby to have it's daddy. my husband is a great man when he's not angry. and he's not often like that either. i don't know what to think. i don't know what to do. i wish someone in his family would intervene but he'd only get more mad, and i haven't told them. i want him to go to therapy with me. i want someone to tell him he's wrong, and not justified, someone he will listen to.

First of all, I want you to know that someone who cares has read each of your situations. I cannot give you the answers, but I can go to the One who is above it all - and I will. I will pray for you tonight.
I know from experience how easy it is to hate ourselves, to blame ourselves, when we are constantly accused of things that are out of our control. I am here to say that, what ever you are going through, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You are beautiful, you are wonderful...you are a woman. You have no reason to be ashamed.
My own husband is wonderful. I never have to worry about him abusing me in any way, and we always talk about our disagreements - not fight. I happen to be single.
I just want to encourage you that being single does not have to be a bad predicament. It can be a choice. When you find the courage to leave your situation, go find a healthy support group and find contentment in your own lives. You do not need to begin an immediate pursuit of another man. Get help from family or a woman's shelter until you can get back on your own feet financially, and then try to nurture other parts of your lives. I suggest praying to God to comfort you.
I believe that anyone who has ever been victim to physical abuse should leave immediately - just as a separation. Your mate needs to be held accountable for his actions, and by your immediate response, he will begin to recognize the seriousness of his mistake. Then, before you agree to go back to him, expect him to attend at least three meetings with a therapist. You should not trust his word if he says he has seen the therapist. Make him take you to the fourth counseling session so that you can see if he has really been going. If your husband is willing to comply, give him another chance. If he is unwilling, it seems logical that he does not really, truly love you. You need to leave.
When and if you do leave, PLEASE - try singleness! For your children's sake, don't confuse them with another man - as much as you trust him, he may end up as bad or worse than the first one. Not that all men are bad, but I just think people need to give singleness a chance. It has been an awesome choice for me. Isaiah 54:5 says, "My maker is my husband." It is really nice to be able to depend on God, who never fails, instead of on an unpredictable man.
Love you all! freebee

Is there anything we can do?My husband and I have been together for 4 years.I left him many times but ended up homeless with my children each time.I read about all these shelters for battered women but i believe they are BS.I left my husband and went to one in California once.It was worse than being with my husband.Uncaring bitter workers who treat you like welfare trash.Lived in a house with 3 bedrooms and 20 people.Some of the women there were crazy like my husband.Abusive to their children and other women in the house.I left and joined the army but had to leave my son with my husband while i went to my duty station at ft.Stewart.We got back together because he had no where to live.While at ft.Stewart my neighbors on post instigated trouble.The police would come and arrest me because it's their policy in domestic violence situations because I was the soldier.I left in handcuffs once with cupcake smashed across my face.It wasn't fair.I want to leave for good this time.I want to call a shelter but I'm afraid to.Bad memories from the last one.It was a horrible place.They keep you locked in and you can only leave for doctors appointments.I want help.Does anybody have experience with the shelters in the Atlanta area?Also tonight for the second time my husband let our neighbor put his hands on me.I don't want to be hurt anymore.I need help.

I do not know specifically which shelter to suggest, but the website at the end of my post lists all of the women's shelters in Georgia. There is one shelter that I strongly recommend you try out - the Christian Women's Center in Griffin. Griffin is only about 1/2 hour from Atlanta and it is a safe, clean community. The phone number is 770-227-3700. I encourage you to call them right away. The people there will treat you kindly and will offer you a safe home until you feel ready to find your own home. You will be okay, Dear. Don't give up. Keep trying, and keep praying.


Love and Prayers continuing

for those who are suffering. i feel your pain. my husband is simply crazy. we have 2 kids, a 3 year old boy and a 17 month old girl. he is verbally abusive and gets physical with me at times, such as pushing, grabbing my jaw with full force, yanking my hair, hitting me with objects, so on so on..
my problem with him is huge. he built our relationship based on a lie, he continued with his lies, he robbed me, yes he robbed me by using my credit card without my knowledge and maxing it up, put me under debt, he cheated on me over the internet and keeps lying to me about it when i have full proof, he looks at other girls while i walk next to him.. yesterday for example he pushed me and cursed me out in front of his friends, not the first time he does it. he is really careless when it comes to our home, he does favors for every body even strangers but when i ask him for anything like bringing home some grocery items he doesn't move.
i am so tired, i am getting sick, i cant feel my body, i can barely walk.. i feel pain all over my body. here i am cleaning cooking and raising and thats how i get treated... life is so unfair sometimes, but i know soon that i am grabbing the kids and leaving..

My husband got violent with me probably the 3rd year into our marriage. No hitting or anything like that to begin with, a little shoving and yelling was about it, but he slapped me for the first time when I was pregnant with my first. We have three kids now and we have been married for seven years. Overall, he is a fun person. He is a great father and very patient with the kids and we relate well with each other and have a lot in common. He came from a family where his mother dominates his father. It is very clear. His mom is always mad and up in arms about everything. She calls him stupid in front of guests, etc. His father is very laid back and non-offensive. She even admits how angry she always is. It's very frustrating because I know he is afraid of that becoming us someday and he lets himself become very angry if I order him around or nag him. I try not to do these things, but let's be quite honest, I am a human-being, I have mood-swings, and that's not going to change. We have been through counseling after a fight we had in 2007 where he just beat on me over and over again throwing water in my face, punching me over and over again (although he didn't do it in full force). This was in the car in front of the babies (good thing they were only both under 2 years). I had said some pretty mean things to him and I could let go of that one pretty quickly. But ever since then it's been easier and easier for him to get physical with me, whether it's grabbing my wrists, pushing me against the wall, cussing and yelling at the top of his lungs and full on acting crazy! He knows he is wrong. He tells me I don't deserve it. I have hit him before too, even though I have no strength comparable to his. Last October he hit me again and was choking me over a small little fight. He slapped me a few times while I was on the ground and then dragged me over to the couch and tried to put me on it, then gave up and left me laying on the ground and kicked me a few times and told me he would kill me if we didn't have kids sleeping down the hall. We get along very good when we abide by our counseling methods, but once something goes wrong or one of us has a bad day, all hell breaks loose again. Will this cycle ever end? I have good days where I don't think about the past and mostly days where I am confused and wonder why he would ever ever do this to me if he really does love me? It doesn't happen very often but I feel like that's because I am on my best behavior. I need to have self control but he doesn't? I can't keep forgiving if his behavior is never fixed. I think he'll change, but it happens again. I don't want to break up our happy family either but how much longer should I give this? I don't want the kids to ever remember this. Maybe there is someone on here who had these problems early in their marriage and it eventually got better with husband's maturity?

Me and my husband have been married for almost three years now. I really do love him. He started just verbally abusing, calling me names. I've seen before he can get really angry, throw things. His parents wall has a hole in it from him punching it over something small when he was a teenager. His Dad has hit his mom. And this morning was the First time, and he hit me. I just want to know should I get help now? Should I wait to see if its a one-time occurrence. He's never tried to hurt me before, and he was really upset over a small thing, I got in his way to tell him to just cool down for a minute. Should I get marriage counseling? Any opinion would be great.

hello
i am a gay man in a similar relationship. my fiance (we were planning to get married in a few months) has hit me in anger twice now. i find myself lost between knowing what is best for him and weather or not i am the right person to provide that for him while being able to provide the right things for myself. i do love him very much. like a mother loves their son. but i am not his mother. i do not need to take care of him. there are reasons i have not left sooner. he has supported me finacialy while i have remainded in his country for the sake of our relationship. i do not think it matters why we have stayed. it matters why we have not left. i sit here typing this now with fist marks on my chest and face. and ask myself why i have not left. if for any reason you dont think you can make it on your own you will be surprised who is there to help you. think smart. look after yourself. then you can look after those that you love
glen