My husband hit me once and he has anger problems.

My hubby hit me last night for the first time. It wasnt with his hand, but what was in it. he hasnt said a word since, i cant look at him im so scared. What should I do? Should I file a police report? Will he know? I dont want to make him mad. I get sick to my stomach any time he comes near me. Please Help!

My husband and I have been married for almost 3 years now, and i can count 3 times he physically hurt me. The first time, he held me by my neck, lashed my back, bruised my arms, and flung me on the bed. I didn't return home for a month. The second time, he scratched me badly on the back of my thighs. I couldn't sit down properly for about 2 days. I didn't tel a soul. The third time was this past weekend. He started quarreling and shouting at me in the car and when i told him i wasn't staying in the car being talked to that way, he held on to my arm, kept on pulling and shaking me, and pinching me on my hands. When i wasn't giving up, he eventually shoved me out of the car, and i had to walk back home hiding my face. I left for a few hours, and having nowhere to run, i returned home. With my husband, the slightest smallest things trip him off into a blind rage, and he quarrels and shouts and says some very hurtful things. Several times, he even threatens divorce. Usually, he apologizes after the said event, and produces hot tears. I asked him last night if i will ever stop having to nurse bruises made by him, and he said i was talking like if he beats me up every week. What kind of response is that?! Once is too much! I spoke with a friend of his, and he promises he will talk to him. I am also praying that my husband will change... but what do i do in the meantime? I have been angry for the past 2 days...I have a severe tension headache. My mother-in-law keeps on asking me what is wrong, and i don't know what to say to her. I love him, i so much try to encourage peace in the home, speak to him respectfully, find constructive ways to deal with my anger or frustrations, don't nag, give him his space, do all the chores if not most of them, but the mister doesn't think he has a problem. He always tries to put the blame on me for his outbursts. It is never his problem alone. I have given up on trying to leave. I don't have the strength. My father used to hit my mother and i hated it. she stayed because of my sister and me. But what about me now? I have no children.. why am i still here? I feel so numb inside. I feel like if he tried to hurt me again, i wouldn't feel it. I would just take it in silence. I don't think i know how to feel embarrassment and shame again.

I understand. I got married young (21), my husband was 20 when we got married. Right before the wedding and for 5 months after my husband hit me. It started when he pushed me during a fight. He didnt care where we were or what was happening around us. It just got worse. He would punch me and slap me while I was driving all because I didn't like the pants he was wearing. He would grab my face and squeeze. Once when I tried to keep him from walking away during a fight he picked me up and dropped me on my neck/lower back. He punched me so hard I passed out. I couldnt leave him. I don't know exactly why. I guess it was a combination of things. Denial. Fear. Love. Low Self Esteem. Shame. The last time he did it I thought he wouldnt stop. I tried to walk away from him but he dug a key into my back and cut it up. I was so scared. I got back in the car out of fear. He was driving and beating me at the sametime. He went to pull behind an apartment building. I was so scared I jumped out and ran toward a store. My face was bleeding from being hit. My jaw was swollen. My back was bloody. I was crying so hard. He came to me. He looked at me for a minute and tried to hug me. I shrank away from him. I told him I was done. The marriage was over. I don't know if it was something about the way I said it or how I looked but it finally sunk in. I had said it before. I told him I wouldn't have anything to be scared of forever. He broke down. I thought it was fake...again. I left for awhile. Told him I did love him but I was going to come first. Since being with him I had turned away from my family and friends. In the time we were apart. I became my nieces favorite auntie again, got my best friend back and gave my parents the satisfaction of seeing me smile again. He stopped. I didnt believe him at first. I kept my walls up. Jumping whenever he sounded like he was getting upset. I told him I would have my friends, have my family and NEVER be treated like that again or I would be gone and never come back. I didn't care if it was 25 years down the road and we had five kids. I would walk away and never look back. He changed. Total 180. We still fought but it was ME who got angry and out of control (kicked a hole in the wall). He would cry and tell me over and over not to make the mistakes he made. I didnt listen. We fought for months. But never once did he call me names (he used to). He never hit me again. He never got so angry he couldnt control it. We fight like we love each. We can go back after a fight and say I'm sorry I love you lets watch a movie. I love being around him. He follows our vows to a T. I'm loved, I'm charished, I'm taken care of. I held all the time. We're together all the time and still have yet to get sick of eachother or fight like that again. Its been three years. And believe me, I'm not always easy to deal with. But everynight I walk into our tiny apartment with the mismatched furniture I'm glad I stayed. Dont get me wrong. I wish it never happened but we do have that happy marriage now. It shocked me. I didn't think it was possible for him to change. For anyone to. He's always been stubborn. You have to set a line.If he puts one toe over that line you walk out and dont look back. Tell him to please treat you better. You dont feel like he loves you and he has to do this for you. You love him and want to be with him but dont want to be hurt anymore. He does it again. Walk. Leave. Stay with family. My situation is different.

My girlfriend can be very abusive verbally at times, and she has hit me numerous times.. usually when i do something stupid, like kiss her in front of someone that i shouldn't.. she says that she hits me only b/c i don't listen. I've hit her maybe once, not hit, but pinched to be exact, and not too hard either, and only b/c she hit me first, and i know if i tried, i could hurt her a hundred times more than she could hurt me, and since she's small framed, she rarely hurts me, except for when she once stabbed me with her pencil. Anyways, I think abuse is so common in relationships that to find a relationship where no verbal or physical abuse exists would be deviating from the norm. We are a product of our upbringing, and I know that growing up, my girlfriend witnessed her dad beat on her mom, and then subsequently her mom beat on her kids. You model yourselves after your parents and if it is shown that beating your wife is okay growing up, then you're more likely to do it, and females aren't immune to this either, but since females by nature are less aggressive, and rarely do they see their moms being the abuser, it doesn't match to a male abuser.

I've talked to my girlfriend many times about her temper problem, and I know she feels bad about doing it, and I also know that it'll happen again, but i'm fortunate enough to have certain insights into my girlfriend's past, and though i don't let it be an excuse for her behavior, I also don't let it ruin things between us. It's almost a point of pride for me at this point, if you can believe it. I've heard and witnessed so many stories of husbands beating their wives that for me to be on the receiving end (though i know it's not the same b/c i'm not really being physically hurt, though her verbal abuse can get to me at times) in my own way, i hope to do my part in evening out the field.

Though i have learned one thing from my mom's life. It is very hard to please your wife completely, in all facets. My dad isn't an abuser, like his brothers, but rather the most kind man you can think of. And yet my mom wishes he'd be more like his brothers, and my uncle's wives wish their husbands were more like my dad. My dad doesn't have much ambition in him, and therefore he is satisfied to lead a humble life, lacking any material luxury or responsibility, where as his brothers are ardent wife beaters but they all bring the fat bacon back home at night and live in 2 million dollar homes.. it amazes me to see my mom complain that my dad doesn' take his responsibilities as a husband seriously b/c he isn't always there mentally for his kids.. he does the bare mininum when it comes to fulfilling his duties in "this" world, and he's more concerned with afterlife... my uncles are far more into making money and being successful and also beating their wives..

In the end, my mom wishes my dad was more like my uncles, and my uncle's wives wish their husbands were more like my dad.. and as sad as it is, I know this is having a profound influence in the kind of person that i'm shaping up to be, and the kind of husband/father i will one day become. I'm constantly aiming to be the opposite of both my dad and my uncles, and it has left me pretty confused..

I know how you feel. In my case i was the one who screwed up and got beat for what i did wrong. We have been together 7yrs, married 4 yrs and have two kids together well one is his( that where i made my mistake). I would tell the whole story but it would be too long heh. im 22 and we been together since i was 13.

He has anger issues, trust issues, and quick to threatn to hit me if it get an attitude.

I guess where im going at is be careful cause once he has hit you he will more likely do it again and again, and even harder each time.

Ticking time bombs

All of those situations sound familiar to me. My husband and I are married and have been for 3.5 years. I have been in those same situations to where my husband would hit me and try to choke me. I use to call the police on him so much that he got numb to it. Finally, I had him locked up and that kinda scared him straight. Although, he stopped hitting me it is the verbal abuse that gets worse and worse. Expecially since I was laid off of my job he has been picking fights with me so much that I can't do or say anything to please him. A few years back he was diagnosed as being bipolar and I figued ok I will just be there for him and continue to love him........Trust me it gets worse and finally I left him and I'm filing for a divorce. I love myself to much to be miserable for the rest of my life. I don't think that anyone should have to go through that torture love yourself enough to leave him alone and be happy. Trust me after I left him I miss him but not enough to continue to imbarrased and abused! Leave him ladies life is to short and you never know one day he may love you to death and I hope and pray that doesn't ever happen. :-P

sweetheart (Guest) Iam sorry to say that your husband lied , am Middle Eastern woman how got married Middle Eastern man that never hit me > in middle east culture it is a shame of man who hits woman because he hit a person who has less phisicl strength while if he is truelly man , he would of hit a man like him > it may depenes on the area that he came from but almost of middle eastern people think in the way i said , he may lied and made it as excuse of being a Middle Eastern. but believe me if u'd called cops once he hit you, he'd propably never done that again . because some men need be strick with in order to get their respect .( iam sorry about my grammer mistakes but my english is not my mother language).

I'm so sorry to hear that your husband hit you but no matter what happens, whether you screwed up or not, you do not deserve to get beaten. And that's true that if a guy hits you once, he will be more likely to hit you again. Have you ever thought about going to someone about this?

hi,

I've met my husband 4 years ago.We start to date two weeks after we met and on the 4th week of our dating he propose and we got engaged which everyone was supprised.
I did't had any boyfriends before only few one night stand and when i met him i don't know why i accpet his proposal (don't fee love at all him)
After one year we got married but after that i fund out lots of secrets about him which he has been liaing me +he has bad temper and when he drinks he drinks until hi fals a sleep and when he get up he continioue until he finish all the alcohol.
This happens when we visit family or friends he doesnt have time to think that he has been there for a long time drinking and im alwasy embaresed hi will sit there until he drink all they alcohol. :$
His familyare like that stupid unplesent people until to gosipe and im very sad that i made a big mistake as i dont come from a family like his and two months ago he has hit me. :'(
Before he hasnt hit me but only screem like nuts until the police comes to stop him. :'(
Since he hit me last month he try to take a knife and said that hi will kill me. :'(
I told him i will leave him but he cryies and i stay because of the embaresment but also no one doesnt know what kind od live i live.
Every time i speak with my family i try to look happy so the dont notice that im unhappy.I give up my job and my family and friends to move to his country and he hasnt done nothing ofr me at all. :'(
Since i merried him i dont work as it so hard in his country to get a job until you lear the laungrage and no one helps me with that.I have no money i alwasy ask him to give me only for monthley pads but he bye food and las month we nearly lots the flat as he put a si n big debs becasue he hasnt bee n working ofr a year.I never will do that im very responsible but since i got here im with out any luck to get a job.I 've been with him for 4 yeras i havent try to have children with him as i dotn want them to suffer like me and im tinking of liveing him this time for good.I planin to borow money from my sister and go and visit my parents and tell them what i've been living anf i want ot leave him as i want my live back.Since i merried him i havent been able even to help my parents a bit as they have lost they jobs and life has become very hard for me.
My husband drinks and smokes and every day hi has money for ciggarest and every other day for bear but he never give me money to say go and buy your self the cheepest par of shoes i had to borow money from my sister to buy my self par of shoes from £5 becasue i had wet feet every day.
:'(
please wha tto do :'(

Hi there guest,

When he cries and you tell him that you're going to leave him, that's him being manipulative. You have to be stone cold mean to leave someone who is abusive--but it is for you, not for him. One day, if you don't leave him, he may stab you. And that is not something I want to hear happened to you, okay? Can you tell me how you're doing? I want to have an update if you can okay?

First of all i realize everything is easier said than done, but really who wants to be in an abusive relatioinship? Do you like getting the sh*t beat out of you??... Im going to guess you said No to both of those questions.. And If you have children or already have children do you want them to do the same things to their spouses or to you? b/c they will if they continue to see it they will mimick the behavior.
Be smart and don't let his cheap words steal your heart back.. remember where they got you before two black eyes and lying in a puddle of blood.... not being able to go out from embarrassment.... A real MAN DOES NOT HIT women.. he may say mean words, but never ever hits her..
I am dating a guy , a wonderful guy actually and he really pampers me and treats me like a queen... you deserve that and you know what if he hit me I would hire somone to beat the fool outta him and make him feel helpless, then I would NEver speak to him again... thats how you handle it...
STOP going back... yeah maybe the sex is passionate, but is it worth the pain from being hit?? HECK NO!
get away from him... make him get help...
and never go back... it only gets worse trust me I have a mother who was abused and she is still to this day getting beat.. dont let his words suck you back in ...........he knows you can get better thats why he beats you ... to break you down so you will never leave..

show him whos boss........and while your at it watch the movie "enough" with jennifer lopez... it might show you how bad it will get!

oif you dont get away he will eventually kill you its a known fact that 10 out of 15 women are abused and 8 of those end of being beaten to death... you are very likely to be ne of those 8 so ..........."be a man if he can't" and stand up and look him in the face and tell him your leaving get cops to escort you.. and laugh in his face!

What do you do? You know what to do, you just stated in your letter. You get out and get out know. If you feel the way you stated every day and night, then it's time to go. He will never change ( people never change). I don't know why women think this way.

My first marriage was like this with out the physical contact. I left and I had 3 young children. It feels great to stand on your own two feet. It's a struggle in the beginning, but you can do it, any one can do it. The you realize how much happier you are and life just keeps getting better.

Please for your sake let him go. Trust me there are better men out there. I found one 5 years later and he is worth everything to me.

my husband is the same way, he contstanly lies, and has this virtual girl friend nancy, he plays head games with me, he tell me he is going to work, then the morning comes oh i am staying home, he mother is running our marriage, she owns our home, we have, he directs deposit his portion of his paycheck to her for the rent, he will not get a part time job, to help out, he always puts his hands on my neck, and pretending to twist it, messes my hair up on purpose, its been worse since i got the gastric bypass,

he goes on the couch with a stupid cough, he pretends he is so sick, evreytime he has just a fu**en cold, all of sudden his bones ache
he was at the dr today no temp, he didnt even say his bones aches, he came home and did tileing, hmmmm bones ache???? wrong
he just makes up stories, and when i lie the earth caves in, i cant lie but he can, he doesnt brush his teeth, he says he doensnt have time, he wont go to the dentist unless his has a tooth ache,
he wont go to a marraige counsler cuz he is to proud, we have no kids, he is just darn right mean arrigant, a snake you name it,
i cant stand him any more, can anybody explain what kind of mental problem my husband has????

I know how it is. RIght now I am sitting here crying. He is so horribly mean. Always making snide remarks, calling me names. I am never good enough. He hit me before and now I have started hitting him out of fear. I don't know what to do or who to turn to...I failed out of school because of stress, and I just hate everything. I don't even want to be with my family because I am afraid of him turning mean in front of them. He says he loves me but it hurts so much. I have even considered giving up on everything...I don't know what to do :/

I have never posted anything on a site like this before, but I just don't know what to do any more. I don't want to tell my friends and family about what is going on. But it seems my husband can just get so mad sometimes and push me around. He doesn't hit me in the face or anything, but still hurts me by punching me in the arms or legs. It's like he can do whatever he wants and the minute I open my mouth he gets even more angry. I'm a little of a pushover by nature, but with him I want him to know that I want to be equal in the marriage. But the more I stand up for myself, the more I get pushed around. Why do men think they are superior to us women?? Why do we need to cater to their egos?? I do love him, and think we are meant for each other, I just don't understand why he can get soo mad at me sometimes. Call me bad names for no reason. Push me around when he doesn't like what I have to say. Aaahh! I can't take it right now. I wish I had someone to tell, but I don't want anyone to judge him or me or our marriage. Thanks for letting me vent on this post.