My husband hit me once and he has anger problems.

My husband and I have been together for 13 years, we have 2 daughters who are 6 and 4. In 2007 we divorced because he cheated with my cousin. I gave him a second chance,we re married, I recently found out that he went out he talked to this women and told her he was divorced and he was talking to her behind my back for 4 days. When I found out I was enreaged with anger I hit him more then once. He also hit me punched me choked me and put a knife to my throat. I still hit him but at this time deffending my self. He told me he was un happy and that we both need to work things out and that is why he was talking to this women. I do not agree with that he is just a cheater. If youare un happy then you need to talk to them not make the situation worse. We decided we would divorce before we can not even remain friends. He now is telling me that he wants to stay together...WHAT???? I feel so confused. In our relationship we have no trust because of his cheating and I can not let things go from the past, he did not make it any easier since his past keeps repeating.He also calls me names,curses at me, I can not go out with even my sister to have a girls night, with out him flipping out...I have to describe everything into detail. if I do not it is because he says I' cheating and the arguing starts all over....what to do. I do not want my daughters growing up thinking that it is ok for a man to do these things to her. Am I so abused inside and out that I can not go on by myself. My daughter walked in when he had a knife to my throat. i have bruises everywhere and a black eye. I had to go to work like this. When it is going good it is great but when it is bad it is awfull. Would counceling even work or is it a waist of time? This is not the first time he has hit me. Four months ago he put me in a choke hold..he called the cops because he scared himself

Hi,
my husband also beats me for no big reason..yesterday, he tried to beat our 18 month old too, I came in between..so he hit me instead, he hit my butt, and slapped me, threw his sleeper at me..I'm qualified, married for 8 yrs, I earn as much he does, the mortgagae of the house is taken through my company..two kids 7 yrs and 18 months..don't jknow wht to do..I seriously think he needs anger management..but don't think anything would change.his parents are the same..never in my life i ever thought that I would be treated so very abusively and humiliated by a MAN..I hate him from the bottom of my heart..ours was aarranged marriage..but on seeinng him for the first time, I felt I should not marry him but circumstances lead to our marriage..he's pig, should hanged publicly for behaving so very disrespectfully...

Everyone,

I am so sad to see all of these posts, but am ashamed to admit I am putting up with the same thing. I have been married for a little over a year. My husband cheated on me 2 months before our wedding, and 6 months before his anger issues started to surface. Anything that was wrong in the world became my fault. It escalated a few times into violence-- shoving, pushing, kicking me out of the bed, kicking me out of the house. His anger will stop for a little while, but it always comes back which is why i tried to leave him 6 months ago.

2 weeks ago we were in london and he beat me- hit me in the face 3 times and attacked me with a pillow. he then threw me out of the hotel room in my underwear. i feel like some of you in that I have silly hopes that he will change. I have a masters degree, am a former model, and never thought in a million years i would let myself be in an abusive relationship.

what are we all going to do? wait until they kill us??

i've had it--- i'm going to see a divorce attorney and i want to be separated. I would rather be alone!!!! I am praying for my situation and for all the ladies here:)

Sad to see so many girls going to waste on f**k wits these days.. find a real man.
Any girls looking for a Good one come see Mr! No violence here. No 29+

i have been with my husband for 4 years & today has been the worst day. He kneed me in the face, punched me in my ribs, & punched me in my back. Im still shocked & wondering why havent i sent him to jail. He is laying right next to me sleeping so peacfully while i lay awake in pain. Im starting to wonder if he has mental issues because they run in his family. Even if he does that isnt an excuse because he knows right front wrong... He just lacks respect!! Before he went to sleep i told him i was in alot of pain & he told me "it sounds like a personal problem" how could he?!? This cant be love:( my family already suspects that he beats me & i brush them off.. Of course this isnt his first time hitting me & it wont be his last IF I STAY. I need serious help & i may be pregnant:(

my husband hits me he has major anger issues he used 2 hit me badly it got out of control he punched me in my face while i was on the ground a couple of times i got up and kneed him in the balls i didn't no what 2 do at the time we were together 4 our first yr of marriage but i was with him for 4 yrs b4 that and nothing he never did anything well he kept hitting me and finally i left because i found out i was pregnant on my 7th month hes in the service so were in two separate parts of the u.s he hates being alone and i told him i wasn't coming back til he got help and i saw or heard an improvement at first it was f**k you but then after 2 weeks of being alone he finally made an apt for a physiologist who been really helpful my hubby used 2 b beaten every day as a kid by his parents and the service added stress 2 that witch causes his anger also he was watching porn and lying bout it they helped him with that 2 i was so depressed thinking maybe im ugly or not sexy enough in bed that i gained weight now i feel better and thinking's are great but one thing i will say is its not u its him and he don't like himself hes also depreesed and has low self esteem witch means hes unhappy bout something and he needs to talk 2 u so u can get him help i no its probally hard 4 u 2 talk 2 him without wanting 2 say something mean or wanting 2 punch him but if u want things 2 work set him up that apt and tell him its go or goodbye if he dont leave let him no its real he will do it if he truley loves u i also think that u need conceling i did and still go it makes everything come together and if u want marriage conceling do that 2 u dont have 2 right away after we do our seperate conxeling im going to do marriage conceling soon i really want to make sure my son never sees his father like that or feels the way my husband did or treat women badly i need him 2 be a great kid with a happy home thats whats most inportant 2 me hope this helps others but u need 2 do whats best 4 u and if he really loves u he will get help and do what he needs 2 so u and ur family can be okay and live better even if u dont have kids one day the might b in the picture 4 u and ur gonna want to get him and urself help

mine is the same except the first time he ever hit me was while i was 9 months pregnant with our son. he says he didnt mean to but how do you accidentaly hit some one hard enough to throw them on the ground? we now have a son together and i feel trapt. i love him or should i say the old him. the truth is that if your scared you need to leave. no matter the situation. he wont change. it only gets worse. with me it started with him yellin at the dog and then htting the poor little guy and then it was directed at me for no other reason than i asked his friend to move to a folding chair so i cud sit on the couch (i went into labor 3 day later) so it wasnt a selfish request i was tired of sitin on the floor in MY house while his friends got the sofa. the next thing i know were yellin in the bed room and im being thrown to the ground (while his friends watched) if i had the means to take care of my son i wud leave but the truth is that i am stuck. so please if u have the means to leave do before children are involved. it only gets worse and i cant say that enough. IT WILL NOT GET BETTER!

My husband hits me too.
the first time he started hit me was when I was pregnant and yes I admit that I was having those crazy mood things.. but then is hitting justified at any point of time?
The second time he hit me was when we were at his parent's place and I did not fill up some legal paperwork.
At that time he started yelling at me.. and then the next moment i remember is geting a tight resounding slap from him.
I want to get out of this relationship.. but Im scared if I will be able to stay without him..
Also after pregnancy all my world is upside down..
Help I dont know if I will ever be able to be in a relationship again.
He never cares about me.. It has always been money that was more important to him.
My life is such a mess.
Im stuck with a job I dont want to do.
Im stuck with a husband who yells at and hits me..

help help help pls

My husband and I were together for five years before we got engaged, and we were engaged for 8 months before we got married. Before we were married, he would frequently get too drunk an make terrible life-sabotaging decisions, and occasionally throw and/or break things (maybe once a year during the five years, followed by remorseful sobbing and promising to improve every aspect of our relationship ever) -- but he never laid a finger on me and "was sincerely working on his anger issues" with a psychologist, etc.  When he proposed, nothing like that had happened in 9 months.

Hi ,

 

something like similar happened to me last month , me and m husband went into a fight and he started using abusive words and said bad things to me dat how unlucky am i for him and his life .its not like that , once he started saing this  i got hper and i replied yes i am look i dnt have anything so why r u with me , he got irrate and hits me thrice , slapped me .....that was the first time when he slapped me so hard dat to continously .

i was so depressed and then he came after few minutes started feeling sorry ......and fell down on my feets .

 

i asked his does his father do the samething to his mother ...he was quiet and felt sorry .....

but , it took me a week time to get over it but now whenever i remember those moments i shattered and feel like how unlucky m i .

i shared all this incident with my sister , and never told anybody else.

 

he loves me alot but whenevr we had fight he use abusive words for me & my family.

i want to forget that fight but i wont be able to cope up with m feelings.

afterwards we r doing fine .....small fights r still dr , he is like an angry man , but m always do good for him , i am back to my normal life .

but whever i see my friends it always leave a point in my mind that does they also had such fights in their life .

please tell me what should i do ....is it alarming ? is he facing some problem ?

 

 

I have been married 7 months, and been with the same person for 4.5 years. When we first started dating, it was ok. We both had issues and whatnot, we weren't on the same page as far as committement went. After a while, i found he was talking to another woman behind my back. We fought over it and almost broke up over it. When he got drunk he would freak out. He put his fist through a window one time and had to go get stictches at the hospital, and had to go through physio. He didn't give up drinking. Every fight I'd take his keys away because he drives like an id**t when he's mad but that only made it worse. He'd push me, one time even punched my in my ribs. Hed' get up in my face and put his mouth on my face while screaming at me. We broke up after 2.5 years. Partly because I couldn't take the drinking and fighting anymore, and partly because I found out the truth about the other girl... For 3 months he cried and pined over me. He gave up drinking completely and that was over a year and a half ago. I didn't want to go back fearing it'd be the same, but after 3 months of him being consistent I did. We quickly got engaed and married a year later. Now being married 7 months, we've had our arguements of course. But yesterday he snapped again. And he does't even drink anymore. He pushed me, was all like "you wanna fight?!?!". I took his phone because I felt like there was something obviously he felt guilty over ot act like that, but he grabbed me by my throat, he threw me on the bed, and ripped the phone out of my hands. He hit me in my leg and said he hated me, he never loved me, it's ove,r he wants a divorce........ but..... when I moved into the spare bedroom that night he came in and said he missed me. This morning he's all loving me and stuff. I'm so confused. I never thought that'd happen again to us, and it's clear to me it won't ever stop. I don't know what to do... I don't believe in divorc e and I never wanted divorce to be an opton for me.

When my husband and I were dating, I used to beat im pretty bad. This was possible because though he is not a puny man, he was young and believed that he would never hit a woman. Ever. I mean, I broke his nose, bloodied him up and I had some major anger and control issues. One day, he decided that he wasn't going to put up with it any more because, in all honesty, I didn't need a trigger, I would just go off on this poor guy. He hit me once and I realised that I don't want anyone to have to feel that pain. It goes right down to the bottom of your heart. Now, many years later, it has escalted, little by little to where he beats me severely, even kicks me in the head with steel-toe boots (last night was a first for the head-kicking bit but not for the steel toes). I have never been to the hospital for it but am sure that some of the damages warrented medical treatment. We are married now and have been through many years together...well, a few actually, not even a decade. I don't want to hear the c**p about just walking away. Though I used to hurt him, I know now and have known for years that I love him and he is my other half. I don't need him. If I didn't have him, I don't think I would find a better partner, I would probably just raise my kids on my own and stay single. I want to know where a couple can get counseling in this sort of situation. I have been all over the internet and never heard of a case like ours. I mentioned him having hit me once, to a counselor at our local Indian clinic behavior health center (I am Native American NDN) and they told me flat out that they would not see us for couple counseling because they do not counsel in abuse situations. No help for the abuser or something? I don't get it because an abuser is a mentally ill person. That is what behavior health's job is to work with the mentally ill. Before any drastic life changing decisions are made, we certainly need counseling. I just want to be careful where I look. I don't want some hotshot social worker to question if I am a good mother or a fit mother because  stay with him. I don't want to talk to either our pastor or a couselor wh attends our same church because if they have no ideas or don't know what to do, we would be in the same situation we are now but having people very close to us looking at us both very differently. Sometimes people can be cruel without wanting to because they can't understand how such an intelligent person could stay in such a stupid situation. This forum seems fairly annonymous, so I guess it seems like a good place to ask about where to find the counseling we need. Please offer constructive suggestions.

I've heard a lot of middle eastern men have bad tempers & hit their wives. Women are thought of as less than men.  I wouldn't even consider marrying a man from the middle east.  Culturally they are light tears away from the US.  Having a man hit me would be a deal breaker & I would leave immediately & not look back. No woman should be hit  If your husband doesn't show you respect & hits you in front of your kids what kind of message are you sending t them?  

OMGoodness!!!! When I first started reading this I thought I was reading a journal entry from very early in my marriage...but now I am almost married 7 years and am still miserable as ever...I have had the exact same issues as you..and was in severe in depression for the last two years as (I didn't have family support) either...I just recently came to *ahmmm* 'the light' and things just seem much more clear...please follow your gut feelings and get out of that remationshio..fast!!

In this kinda situation you got to have a lot and lot of patience...Accept the fact that you can't change anyone but you can try to change yourself....Figure out does your husband really want to spend rest of his life with you ??? If yes,then try to read his past..(It must've been screwed badly ) Now consider that except for you,he has nobody else in his life to stand by his side,to boost his confidence,to care for and respect him...U r in closest relationship with him....He expects everything from you but you also expect some in return....RIGHT??? Take the charge....atleast for six months or say a month to begin with try to be his best buddy...take initiatives..like,arranging romantic dinners,watching cartoons or comedy shows etc.together,dancing,praying before going to sleep and a lot of fun activities....Praise him in front of your family and friends to get his confidence back,love his family (or atleast pretend..LOL !!!)...involve him in a lot of family functions....meet your common frnds vry often...while doing this be sure that you dn't smother him but maintain discipline at the same time...never talk abt his weaknesses...talk about his goodnesses....spend more intimate time with each other...You really got to give time to improve this after all you also love him.....and even after all your efforts he repeats the same f**k HIS BASE...Because he's a GONE CASE....God bless you...