I am so thankful to have found this site. I am also dealing with this. My husband has stopped for a week (mainly because he cant get it, but I am hoping financially he stops), He has told me numerous times he wants a divorce and rather be by himself then surrounded my me and the kids (we have 2 amazing boys 5 and 3). Somedays he is good and will apologize and thank me for being with him still and other days I cry myself to sleep from all the nonsense fighting. I know its his withdrawal speaking but how much can a person actually take.
If I may ask...why does your husband need to stop smoking if it makes him miserable? I am also wanting to quit after 40 years, but it truly is medicine for a lot of people. Its becoming more legal now, so that takes away some of the stigma. The Bible in Romans chapter 14 talks about this. "Happy is the man that does not condemn himself in that thing which he alloweth"; but have it yourself before God. ( to not causeyour brother to stumble)
there are no withdraw systems of marijuana a zero death per year , he is just agitated that he can't get the RELAXING HIGH he used to ...... it is idoits like yourself that give marijuana a bad name .... withdraw is your body needing something , punching a wall is anger - not withdraw , maybe he should drink 12 beers a night , while you enjoy that cigarette that kills 400k people a year ,
WELL SAID...I am an addict husband trying desperately to kick my weed addiction after nearly 30yrs of smoking. I gave it up for 2 yrs around 5 yrs ago with the help of will power and endep. Last year I took it up full on again after losing my job. Seeing the pain I was again putting my wife and kids through has on the one hand made me more depressed which would I guess make me want to smoke more weed to cope but on the other hand its re-ignited the last bit of empathy I have to get my backside into gear and get weed out of my life again. I can say that I have never hit my wife but the verbal abuse and foul moods are just as bad. Today I'm going back to my doc to ask for endep again to help me through the cold turkey and while I believe drugs such as endep are good I do understand that different treatments are needed for different ppl. I wish I had an easy one size fits all solution for the wife's of husbands like me but I don't and for that I am sorry. All I can suggest is that maybe its not your husbands you are seeing but the drug and its persona and if you still hold hope that the man you fell in love with is still in there somewhere then fight for him please. In time he will thank you for it and repay it with a lifetime of love and affection. If not then the harshest thing I can think of is to remove yourself from his life until he's ready to come to you without the drug and back to the man you once knew. Please note that this is just my idea's and none of what I said is based on any real knowledge of what the correct thing to do is.
"Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." 1 Peter 5:8.
Stop molding the word to suite your habits.
Dang girl - condoms only cost $5!!!
Let's think about this from another angle, shall we? You have a bunch of men who, because of their drug of choice, have not formed any other effective coping mechanisms for dealing with life's stressors. Marriage and the set of responsibilities family life entails are enormous stressors. It's not the drug's fault, and it most certainly is not an issue that should be dealt with via even stronger drugs (that's insane)-- it's the set of BEHAVIORS that need to be addressed. There are a few ways to go about this: -Cognitive Behavioural Therapy: Teaching the patient how to recognize patterns of thought behins the negative behaviours and replacing those with positive behaviours. -SUPPORT FROM LOVED ONES: Don't get me wrong; I understand that this time is stressful for the wives in this thread, but you need to be supportive. Engage your husband in an enjoyable activity, when you can. Let your husband talk out his thought process with you without getting up in arms about the affair. As for the sex issue which has been brought up, I hardly think that this approach is 'ignorant' or 'insulting'. Think about it rationally for a moment: Sex is a massive stress reliever for both you and your partner, generally. It releases endorphins and reinforces feelings of intimacy between you. I'm not saying that you need to wander around the house in neglige for 12 hours a day, but a little more attention to your sex life during this period may do you both a world of good. Now, the harsh part: A lot of you seem to be displacing your anger at the situation on your partner. Of course, I'm not privy to your marital lives, but consider this: Any time you've given your husband a hard time, he's probably responded by smoking. Now that he's not (or unable to), he reacts violently against the stimuli you're providing. You react in kind. Does this sound like it's going to help your situation? Since we seem to be turning to scripture, might I offer the following nugget: "Judge not lest ye be judged." Think very carefully about your own behavior in this matter: if you think you can nag your husband into sobriety, let me tell you, you will lose-- every time. Something to think about. Some further advice for you to pass on to your husbands: -Exercise: THC, one of the main active components of marijuana, is stored in fat cells. Burning fat releases this stored THC, lessening withdrawal symptoms. Moreover, it increases energy, promotes relaxation and clarity of mind, and more importantly, gives him something to do to take his mind off smoking. It also increases self-confidence; self-confident folk usually don't verbally abuse their partners, and are more likely to seek out steady employment (if that's an issue, as it appears in at least one case here) -Proper nutrition: Helps immensely with the above, as well as providing vitamens and nutrients to level out mood swings. -Hobbies: As I've already suggested, your partner is going to need to do something to fill the 'void' that smoking did. Does he like golf? Model cars? Whittling? Camping/survivalism? Video games? Anything that he finds enjoyable that isn't smoking is fair game here. Which brings me to next point. -Socialization with non-users: If your partner has a group of people who don't smoke that he enjoys spending time with, encourage that as much as possible. Everyone needs a space away from familial responsibility where, for a time at least, he doesn't have to be 'dad' or 'husband' but just 'him', just like you need a break from 'wife' and 'mother' once and a while (girl's night out, anyone?). Now, there needs to be balance here, but this is a normal and necessary outlet. This will likely make him more amiable and loving when he is home--as it's likely these divorce-related outbursts common in this thread are a function of your partner's feeling trapped. Related to this... -Support from people who have been in his shoes (in-person, online or a mixture of both): Just as you reached out to find people who understand what you're going through, he may need this as well. There's a few options. Some people find Marijuana Anonymous' twelve-step/group format works well. Use google to see if there are any meetings in your area. Another option includes online communities. I'm sure there are numerous other resources like this, and I encourage the folks here to look at them as well to get a glimpse of the other side. In closing, I empathize with the people in this thread, I really do. Marijuana dependence is an insidious beast, but it's less because of the drug itself than the behavior patterns and coping mechanisms reinforced over long term use. Luckily, it's also one of the easier chemical demons to tackle--annecdotal evidence suggests that most the acute symptoms of withdrawl dissipate after one to six months of quitting. That being said, it requires a change in LIFESTYLE more than anything else, and we all know how tough that can be in itself. You, as married women, have a role to play in the cure--for better or worse, and this obviously it's worse right now. But if you and your partner work together in this, it can be made better. ##A short addendum for anyone curious about where I'm coming from: I am a former marijuana abuser currently in my second attempt at halting a decade long habit. I have a wonderful partner of four years and an 8 year old stepdaughter who means the world to me. I want to be a better man for them, and it's been hard--still is hard, frankly--but the support I've been given at home and from others, and the love I see in the eyes of my girls makes me believe that I'm doing the right thing. It takes a lot, but it certainly is doable and it is more than worth the temporary anguish. Anyway, take care of yourselves and your loved ones.
***this post is edited by moderator *** *** web addresses not allowed*** Please read our Terms of Use
All the problems might just fall outta life on their own accord......ever wanted someone to change so bad and it seems like they do the opposite? Ever wanted to change something in yourself and same thing? its human nature, the very fact that you put your attention towards not wanting something creates a resistant attachment to it.....letting the other person be allows them to gravitate wherever they need to go on their own accord, without attachment/pressure. In my experience, people that smoke weed to function are highly awake spiritual people that experientially realize that life's "challenges" are presented by the realm of hell this world has its basis in ie the competitive system that has people competing to see who can sell out first. Some people are so dead on the inside and so enamored with a false self that they get along fine without spiritual medicine (Indifferent people). Imagine walking around in a concentration camp during ww2, depending on whether you are a nazi or a jew will paint out two very different experiences. Some people are gifted at not BS themselves, and they walk around with the resulting intelligence....soon to find out....it is extremely painful being an intelligent person in this world....so smoke weed......ever heard this? Here it goes...smoking weed is a normal reaction to an abnormal situation...the world is obviously screwed up and wants you to go along with it to experience normalcy, some people realize that fitting in is what keeps the madness going, then they realize that in order for me to keep my spirit and not run people over.....here comes the challenges......get it? This world is made to turn out insensitive egotistical automatons, not lovers. You love him for a reason, otherwise go out and get one of those normal people and see if they have what you truly want....if not keep winning the bread, buy him weed and then...enjoy the silence.
Colin, you have got to be joking. Your advice is not only ridiculous, it's insulting.