abortion, coping after an abortion,

hello,
im 19 years old and i had an abortion on friday the 6th of june! i know i made the right decition but i cant help but to regret it and wish i had done it at all! i want my baby back, but my partner is also very young and still has an education to get and a life to live and he needs the chance! i feel like i am going to break down and the smallest thing makes me want to shout and cry, i feel like that non of my family or friends really understand what i am going thru and all i want to do is cry and break down there are some days where i am ok and i feel fine but then there are others where i just want to sit in a room and cry my eyes out and be left alone i feel like i cant eat or sleep,and i feel like i have no one to turn to at all my boyfriend is being really good to be but i still feel like i cant talk to him about it all i want to do is greeve my baby and try to move on! please if any one has any advice please contact me

hi my names sandy and i had an abortion about 2 months ago. its was the worst decision i have ever made and if i could go back i would. my boyfriend was dealing with a fe issues and i am a university student who works part time. we thought the best thing we could do was have an abortion and then have a child when we were ready. i think about my baby everyday and i wish i had told my mum. i have nightmares about that horrible day. when i was in there i felt like saying no but the words didnt come out. i have no one to talk to about my situation whomever i do try and talk to about it they just simply brush me and tell me you have done it and move on. i so badly want to have a baby i know it wont replace my baby but i want to be given a chance to prove that im sorry. my baby would have been born a day after my 21st birthday and i just don't want to celebrate it. i still have my pregnancy test and the letter i wrote to my baby. i recommend to anyone to really think about what there doing because i didn't and know i suffer each day. thank you

This message goes out to whom ever is considering abortion and is confused and not sure what to do. I had an abortion on 8/30/08. It is the WORST experience of my life yet!!!! I wish I would have been a stronger person and would have left that clinic better yet never even stepped foot in that place. I want my baby back inside of me growing! I miss my baby! I decided to end the life of my baby that never even had a chance. I made the decision to stop his/her little heart from beating. I am a selfish person and at this point I can not forgive myself. I have been severly depressed and plan to seek counseling. I was 14weeks long and had originally planned to have my baby. I was going to the doctors, taking vitamins and eating right. I had 6 ultrasound pictures and seen my baby fully formed moving around and kicking. I was going to be a mom for the 3rd time and single. The father of the baby was playing "mind games" with me and wasn't making this an easy smooth pregnancy for me. He manipulated me into really thinking I wouldn't have a life with 3 kids and two different baby daddy's. He was wrong!!!! Never let anyone influence you into making a life changing experience when you have no idea of how you will feel when it's too late!! I am only 27 years old. I was married for 6 years and conceived 2 beautiful children out of my marriage. My daughter is 11 and my son is 7. I had to lie to my children and tell them the "baby" went to heaven. To see the tears that fell from my daughter's face and know that I caused that pain was heart wrenching. I will regret this for the rest of my life. I would have been delivering a baby in late February early March. What was I thinking? I ask myself that every moment of the day. Please don't decide on impulse and DO NOT allow a man to manipulate you into feeling like you are not capable of being successfulin the future because of a LIFE you have created. Please don't stop that heart from beating...if you are on this site it is for a reason...God has a plan and it is not at an abortion clinic.

Dear cmate my thoughts and prayers are with you. I also made the same mistake you did and truly regret it. I know how you feel. Don't feel bad about yourself as we all make mistakes. Unfortunately there are mistakes that can't be taken back to change the outcome. I felt my word coming apart. The worse pain in my life. I cried, went to a crisis pregnancy clinic and got lots of suppot. Not sure if you believe in God but he has been my strenght. I have no children and truly felt so alone. Now Im pregnant again and for the first time in my life feel so alive. I miss the one I let go but I have to be strong and happy for the one that is coming. I am so afraid that abortion had damage my body and loose my baby. This child is my life! What I'm trying to tell you is that I know our baby won't be repladec but you have to live for the two that you have now as they need you very very much. Enjoy life with them, try to feel good so that your daughter is not affected much. Tell her that your baby is in a better place. And just learned from this. It will make you so much stronger and will make you grow. Go get the counseling ypu need and help other women in the same situation. That will help you a lot. I'm with you. And I undestand you.

I have been struggling with this decision since i found out that i was pregnant. Weighing the good and the bad.. and have decided not to go through with the pregnancy. I already have a daughter who is almost 4 and now am pregnant with another mans child. He wants the baby, and wants to be a father but lives 5 hours away and lives in a different country (he is in the US i am in Canada). I just don't think that this is the right time for me. He is totally against abortion, and would hate me forever if he ever found out. But i just don't see this relationship working in the long term, I love him but when i envision our lives 5 years down the road... i see me being a full time mom of 2 babies from different dads and he and i no longer being together. I feel selfish and horrible doing this to him.. but at the same time, i just can't do it... but I'm afraid of what's going to happen after i wake up from the abortion.. and I am no longer pregnant.. i don't want to wake up thinking that i made a horrible mistake... i don't want to wake up and hate myself for killing his child... i just don't want to cry anymore.. I have been crying for 9 weeks.. trying to figure out what to do.. i just want to know that i am making the right decision for me and my 3 year old daughter. Because i know that she and i have to come first in this decision... but he so wants to be a daddy.. i just don't think that he wants to be a husband...a family.. I have decided to tell him that i had a miscarriage and leave it at that.. and i see shortly after, the relationship ending because i don't think i will be able to look him in the eye. I just want it to be over..

Hi, i have been looking for a forum like this for ages. I was 16 when i had my abortion a year ago in 2 days. I was happy with my decision until around 3 months after and then it all hit home. I am confused and upset, i know i made the right decision as me and my bf simply couldnt afford to raise a child and we wernt ready, and its not as if we didnt take precautions as i was on the pill, so i deffinatley wasnt ready for it. I dont mean to scare you but i still feel the pain now, i just want my baby in my arms, want to hold them and it hurts me so bad to know i have ended a life. But on the other hand i know it wouldnt be the 'picture perfect' family scenario i have in my head, we are both still at college, live with our parents and have no proper income. I simply made the decision with my head...but now my heart is suffering. Hope it goes well for you i really do...i can relate to you so much x

Hi, 2 weeks ago I had a surgical abortion and now i feel so guilty. At first i felt relieved but now i feel the total opposite and the slightest thing can upset me. I decided to have the abortion because im 18years old, at uni and living at home, i knew i wasnt financially and emotionally ready for a child and it sounds selfish but i wanted to do well at uni and not be tied down. I am in a relationship and the father, my bf, was supportive but i was worried where we were both so young it wouldnt last and i would end up a single mum. my mum, she has been so brilliant and supportive.
She found it hard, because she personally doesnt believe in abortion but understood why i was doing it.
But now i feel so bad, its harder too because my boyfriends sister and i both found out the same time we were pregnant and we were both the same amount of weeks gone. She has decided to keep hers and even though i knew it would be hard when i made the decision i am now gonna have to see her baby be born and grow up knwing my baby would be the same age etc. I keep having bad dreams and feel really low.
:-(

I had an abortion not long after I turned 20. At first I was confused about what I wanted to do and my boyfriend said he'd support me whatever. I decided I wanted to keep the baby and then things changed. He told me he couldnt cope with having a baby.... I was 15 weeks when I had my abortion and was in a hospital with people who couldnt even speak my language. It is now just over a year on and I think about it every single day. Me and my byfriend are still together and we both know we made the wrong decision. We have been trying for another baby for 7 months with on pregnancy resulting in miscarriage. If I could give anyone advice it would be to seriously think about what you are doing because if oyu are not it could result in serious heartaches for the rest of your life. Take care all xxxx

i had an abortion about 4 months ago and i dont think that i will ever get over the way i feel about it now. When i told my boyfriend that i was pregnant he was happy and excited. but one day he came home and sat on the bed, then he looked at me and said. Can you get rid of it please! his words cut me to the bone. i can still hear the way he said it and the look in his eyes. I gave in to the pressure from him and my father and went a head and did it. I regret it so much. Life has become hard, walking down the street and seeing a newborn baby leaves a lump in my throat. I dont want to relive the past but sometimes it comes back to haunt you. I am learning to cope with it. But i know that in the future if i get pregnant again i will never get rid. No matter what anyone says.

I am sixteen years old and six months ago I had an abortion. It's absolutely heart breaking to read all of these messages, as I am just as sad, and lost. What cuts most is the amount of women and girls out there who haven't had support from their partners or families. Through this overwhelming grief my comfort is that my boyfriend, though also just sixteen, coped with our predicament with incredible strength, courage and maturity. I don't know what I would have done without him. I feel so sad all of the time, I miss my baby so much but I know that I do not regret my decision. The one thing I regret was only telling my mother afterwards (and I wasn't even going to do that), as I had to make the two hour journey to the clinic alonw as my boyfriend is at a boarding school and unfortunately couldn't be there. I think it is that that made it the hardest day of my life - please tell at least somebody and get the support you deserve. For anybody reading this board who is planning to have an abortion, make sure it is your own choice. And if it is, don't let these messages frighten you. The day itself is a bit of a blur, but I remember it was quick and painless, and my clinic had incredible nurses and doctors to comfort you, and guide yout hrough. There is no pressure at all. Many people appear to come here to seek comfort, so naturally you don't see the women who made a full emotional recovery. There is hope, and happiness after your abortion. It may have not been the right time for your baby, but you have your whole life ahead of you. I hope nobody ever has to make such a hard and upsetting decision but I think about my abortione veryday, my thoughts are also with those going through it. Whether today, tomorrow or even years ago. There is nothing wrong with grieving, I am young so may not be able to speak for the older women who are undoubtedly more mature and wiser through more life experience, I just hope we can all lean on each other and be strong, and to not be ashamed. There is nothing wrong with what we have done.

Hi, i had an abortion just 2 weeks ago and the first few days after i was ok but i am now struggling to cope some days, it has changed my life forever and now i just need to find a way to grieve and cope in a way that helps me, i think the best advice i can offer is to find a way that helps you, everyone copes with this differently. i am going to plant a small garden in my backyard in memory of my baby that died. im finding that having a special place to go and sit , talk or sometimes just sit and cry is helping me a bit.

any girl or woman that considers abortion should know that it is a decision that changes your life forever , i was not at all prepared for the emotions that i am feeling now, although i do not regret my decision i do have days where i feel guilt shame and sometimes doubt myself. sometimes ill have a few days where im fine i think it will take a long time for me to feel happy again but i am going to try my best to keep living.

its ok to feel any number of emotions and its ok if they change on a daily basis, just work through it at your own pace in whatever way helps you get through.

i hope this might help some one out there a little bit.

hello i am 24 yrs old and had an abortion 5 days ago. it was my second abortion. i feel awful and the day after i did it i completely regretted my decision. The first time I had an abortion i made the decision very quickly upon finding out i was pregnant and i would only get really sad sometimes when i would drink. this time is so much different i feel horrible and all i can think about i my baby. i can hardly stand to see women with children in my work. all i can think about is that i want to get pregnant again and have a baby..i have no children. i had actually considered keeping this baby and went to the doctors for sonograms i even gave my mother a sonogram that said "hello grandma". i just feel awful and to anyone who is thinking about getting an abortion please dont do it..it is a terrible experience and you will never be able to bring your baby back but you will want to so badly. please please dont have an abortion if you are considering one at least put the child up for adoption. there is no feeling worse than knowing that u killed ur own child.

My best wishes to all of you, you've all been through difficult times like we are now.

We just finished an abortion today (started on Monday) and am finding it really hard to deal with. I would just like to mention that this abortion was not by choice, our baby would have died either way, only abortion was a way to avoid miscarriage. Had the abortion at 24 weeks, and we just can't deal with this. I wouldn't recommend an abortion to anyone, go for adoption if you have a choice, at least giving away your child has to be better than killing him. Seeing my cute baby lying there, dead, really wasn't a pretty sight.

i completely understand how your feeling...im 18 and have a baby boy [16months old].and got pregnant again while on the pill and using condoms.i had a surgical abortion about a week ago [i was 9weeks] and i feel HORRIBLE.i know it was for the best because i really dont think im emotionally or physically ready for another baby.but i didnt know what would happen or the procedures or how i would feel afterwards and i feel like that impacted me alot.i constantly think about how i heard the vacuum and how it felt inside of me...and when i look at my son i think like "damn what if..." i feel like crying all day but i cant i just hold it in and i think thats worse.my friend told me its normal to feel guilty or bad afterwards...but when is this horrible feeling gonna go away?

I am sorry to hear that you feel so guilty! I hope that you realize that you did what you thought was best and that what you did was absolutely the best thing you could do. Have oyu considered going to a therapist about how you're feeling? It might be a good idea.