I am 28 years old, i have been married for 4 years now. I am in a foreign country and I wanted to make my career and become financially more stable before having a child. I had a hard time deciding what to do with my pregnancy and finally i went for the termination when i was 12 weeks pregnant just 3 days ago. I am very upset with myself and i feel sorry about everything. I feel like becoming pregnant again as soon as possible. I can't move on with my life. The reasons for which I had a termination don't look valid to me anymore. I feel that there is nothing left for me to enjoy. I lost my baby. I shouldn't have done this. Please god forgive me. I will never do this again. I don't know why i did this. i am a pro choice but i feel that i have killed someone. I think I can't cope up. My husband is indifferent and doesn't understand how i feel. I am alone in this country with no one to support me. I don't have any close friends here as we moved to different city just 6 months ago. This is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I feel isolated and depressed. I have lost everything I had.
I am 27, I also have 2 healthy kids. My son is only 6 months old and I had an abortion less than a week ago. I feel like a killer. I had seen the ultrasound, was 12 weeks along and am convinced it was a baby girl. My heart and body ache, I cry at the drop of a dime. I feel like my body, too wants to be pregnant. But another pregnancy is not going to bring back the baby I just aborted. I look at my 2 children and see how different they are, how each one is their own special, unique person and it makes me so incredibly sad to know that another baby would not and could not replace the one I 'lost' as it would still be a different child, not the one I killed. I don't know how to get through this pain. I really just need someone to say that we can go back and save my baby. I feel like that is the only thing that could possibly take away this pain. I feel for every person who has posted.
im 19 and tomorrow will be 3months since my abortion as well as the day i should have been 7 months pregnant. i wanted to keep the baby at first and my boyfriend wanted me to get an abortion. i wasn't ready for a baby but i thought i had to deal with the consequences of my actions, i had spent too much of my life taking the easy way out. he finally agreed with me and we spent the next month or so figuring out what we were going to do with our lives. i was over 3 months along when i finally told my mother. she made me realize that a child isn't a punishment for my actions, but i was far to young to take care of a child to the best of my abilities. we discused adoption but i knew that i couldn't give up my child once i saw it. my mom said it was my decision and she;d support me no matter what. i finally decided i wasn't ready to be a mom and my 17 yr. old bf wasn't either. i went home to him and told him of my decision and he was pissed. we had been fighting alot b/c i was so moody, i had quit my jjob because of it and now had no income to support a child so he eventually agreed with me. a few days later we broke up and i was now homeless and 4 months pregnant. i stayed with a friend until my appt. then i stayed with my grandma till the day of the operation. i was very nervous but calm at the same time, it was a very odd feeling. i was only heavily sedated and i woke up mid-abortion to see a huge rod being shoved into me and excruciating pain. i was alright for most of the day until i went to sleep then i cried for nearly an hour. the next day i went back to my grandmas and i started talking to my ex again. we eventually got back together and he was somewhat supportive but i still got extremely upset. we lasted a whole 3 weeks and now it has been almost 2 months. since we broke up i have progressively gotten worse i went from crying every few days but thinking about my baby, which i believe wih all my heart was a girl, evry day to crying everynight and thinking about her every moment. i have been completely consumed by the thought of killing her. i feel like such a horrible person. i should be locked up for murder in my eyes. i occasionally have suicidal thoughts . i know that i probably won;t have children again because i cant hold a child without thinking of the one i killed. it is the only thing i regret in life i just want to hold her hear her cry, see her little fingers and toes. i long for the feeling of her inside me again. i often find myself rubbing my stomach or looking at baby clothes. there have been 2 days in particular where i have hit rock bottom. i have been experiencing heavy bleeding which has been on going for almost a month now and last week i found a peice of what i believe to be a part of my baby girl in my tampon. and just today i was called a baby killer. until now i have recieved nothing but positive support, but i have just lost it i am shaking and sobbing and i don't know what to do any more. im trying to find othercoping mechanisims than i already use. just something to calmmyself. the worst part is i have moved down to texas some 1400 miles away from home and im staying with grandparents who don't even know i was pregnant and im afraid to open up to them in fear of them treating me differently. i have no one to open up to and i feel trapped in my own head. it is calming to know i am not the only one with these feelings. there was one girl on herre that i feel like im living her life. i guess the only positive thing to come out of this is it has brought me closer to my ex and now i think i am ready to get back with him and to feel loved again. i can;t have closure with my baby girl until i feel safe in his arms again. i apolagize for my book that i just wrote and i appreciate the time you took to read my ranting. thank you and best of luck!
on 30.12.08 i had an abortion at 10 weeks. i knew that it wouldnt be right for me as i was only 17 at the time and studying at college with lots of plans and a hectic lifestyle. it wasnt planned, and was an accident even though we used protection and i was on the pill, as i was determined not to get myself into that situation in the first place. i was the worst thing ive ever done, even though i know im better off in life at the moment than what i would of been. me and my boyfriend of two years broke up due to the fact he wanted to keep the baby. he didnt have much else in life, no job, no college, nothing. so obviously this ment alot to him and he added sooo much pressure to me making it really hard. we didnt speak for about 10 weeks even though we were living together at the time, which was so hard as i needed someone really badly, i was so scared and upset. but now, not only do i have to deal with the guilt and emotional pain of my actions myself, i have my ex constantly sending me abusive messages and abusing me in person when he see's me in the street about how im a baby murderer and killed his baby and how noone will forgive me. i find it hard enough to deal with it myself let alone the greeaaat added guilt he is giving me. i cant deal with it would all just go away.
It has been 8 years and two kids later and I miss my baby with all my heart
im 16 and i had an abortion 3 weeks ago.
I never planned on raising the child myself, I thought adoption would be ideal for everyone.
baby lives, I can continue with my education etc.
But when my boyfriend got mad (which was alot) he would threaten to
fight for custody of the child once it was born.
This forced me emotionaly into abortion, along with other factors like
what other people would think of me as im very involved in the community.
As i was laying in the waiting room, it was too late to turn back as i had
already inserted the pill 6 hours earlier as instructed, i layed there holding my
stomach whispering im so sorry baby what did i do to you.
the nurses and doctors had warned me that this is not what i wanted and not to do it.
but i felt so pressured and alone, afterwards i realized that i would give up my life, what others thought of me
and drag my boyfriend through a hundred court battles to bring back my child. but i cant.
and not a day goes by that i dont cry or feel the guilt. I would be 12 weeks today and not a day goes by that i wont
wish to be able to bring my child back. not a day
I never planned on raising the child myself, I thought adoption would be ideal for everyone.
baby lives, I can continue with my education etc.
But when my boyfriend got mad (which was alot) he would threaten to
fight for custody of the child once it was born.
This forced me emotionaly into abortion, along with other factors like
what other people would think of me as im very involved in the community.
As i was laying in the waiting room, it was too late to turn back as i had
already inserted the pill 6 hours earlier as instructed, i layed there holding my
stomach whispering im so sorry baby what did i do to you.
the nurses and doctors had warned me that this is not what i wanted and not to do it.
but i felt so pressured and alone, afterwards i realized that i would give up my life, what others thought of me
and drag my boyfriend through a hundred court battles to bring back my child. but i cant.
and not a day goes by that i dont cry or feel the guilt. I would be 12 weeks today and not a day goes by that i wont
wish to be able to bring my child back. not a day
i had my abortion 7 days ago, i was completely firm in my decision to abort. i truly truly thought it needed to happen, all i wanted was to go to school, get a car, have my life. i wanted to be a confident mother, i wanted to be happy about my pregnancy when that day came. so i aborted at 8 weeks. i considered myself pro-choice, i could never understand why people wouldn't choose abortion if it wasn the right time. the procedure was painful, but not terrible, mostly i was frightened for my health. immediately after i started crying, it was just scary to lay onthe table while i could feel my uterus something i never even comprehended that existed in my body.
the first few days after i felt great, i was ready for life again, i felt like i had new lease on life, and thought i would appreciate life more because when iw as pregnant it was lke watching my life pass before eyes. now 6 days later and i am an emotional wreck. i feel so so so guilty, i feel like i did something wrong to the timeline of my life, i feel like i destroyed something, i feel empty, i feel i messed with fate. i never thought it would affect me this way.. i found myself pleading with god (im not even religious) to please turn back time, and to wake me up from this nightmare so i would make the decision to keep my baby. i cry every moment, i quit my job working in a nbn nrsy today. i feel immense sorrow, pain, regret, i want so badly to have my baby back. before the abortion i didnt even think of it as baby, i thought of it as an egg that accidentally got fertilized, it would have gone down with my period anyway is what i thought. this time it just accidentally got fertilized and i needed to flush it out. now all i can think about is wanting to be pregnant again, i want a baby so bad now, more than anything. i dont know anything anymore.
the first few days after i felt great, i was ready for life again, i felt like i had new lease on life, and thought i would appreciate life more because when iw as pregnant it was lke watching my life pass before eyes. now 6 days later and i am an emotional wreck. i feel so so so guilty, i feel like i did something wrong to the timeline of my life, i feel like i destroyed something, i feel empty, i feel i messed with fate. i never thought it would affect me this way.. i found myself pleading with god (im not even religious) to please turn back time, and to wake me up from this nightmare so i would make the decision to keep my baby. i cry every moment, i quit my job working in a nbn nrsy today. i feel immense sorrow, pain, regret, i want so badly to have my baby back. before the abortion i didnt even think of it as baby, i thought of it as an egg that accidentally got fertilized, it would have gone down with my period anyway is what i thought. this time it just accidentally got fertilized and i needed to flush it out. now all i can think about is wanting to be pregnant again, i want a baby so bad now, more than anything. i dont know anything anymore.
i regret it everyday. I was 6 weeks and i was adopted and i told myself rom day one when i started having sex that im never having an abortion cuase my mom could have had one but she decided to give me up instead. but im noit as strong as her i cant carry a baby for 9 months then give it up plus my bioyfriend and i werent stable enought at the time.
Now were engaged and gettting married shortly and im 6 weeks pregnant again and couldnt be happier! we decided to keep this baby seeing as its meant for us to have it at this time! :-)
Now were engaged and gettting married shortly and im 6 weeks pregnant again and couldnt be happier! we decided to keep this baby seeing as its meant for us to have it at this time! :-)
I regret it everyday. I was 6 weeks. I was adopted and I told myself from day one when I started having sex that im never having an abortion cause my mom could have had one but she decided to give me up instead. but im not as strong as her i cant carry a baby for 9 months then give it up plus my boyfriend and i werent stable enought at the time. After I did it I went into a depression and 3 months after one of my friends passed away so it made me worse.
I hated myself so much for getting rid of a baby that we made! I hated him I hated myself for allowing myself to get talked into doing it by him! For 4 months i didnt allow him to touch me or be near me. I went through psychiatrice and psychologys and medications but nothing gets rid of that void of losing a child.
Now were engaged and gettting married shortly and im 6 weeks pregnant again and couldnt be happier! we decided to keep this baby seeing as its meant for us to have it at this time! :-)
I hated myself so much for getting rid of a baby that we made! I hated him I hated myself for allowing myself to get talked into doing it by him! For 4 months i didnt allow him to touch me or be near me. I went through psychiatrice and psychologys and medications but nothing gets rid of that void of losing a child.
Now were engaged and gettting married shortly and im 6 weeks pregnant again and couldnt be happier! we decided to keep this baby seeing as its meant for us to have it at this time! :-)
I would just like to say to the person that originally posted, you already have two children! i understand that an abortion is an emoitional thing to go through but good god be thankful that you have two beautiful kids to be with, other than some of us here who dont have any kids and are kicking ourselves every waking moment for possibly making the wrong decision. Thats whats wrong with people these days they always want more than what they have, and some people are just never happy.
I don't think that it's very productive to criticize someone like this. I don't think that you understand the type of pain that this mother is going through and all the angst. It may be your ideal, but she had a hard time with it clearly. Please try to be careful not to judge someone for something so quickly and show some compassion. What do you think of that?
I am 27 and i have two beautiful girls to my ex, he was as abusive as hell.
when i was 23 i met a man who i loved so much, we got pregnant and he was going to move to where i was living, and i got cold feet, and did something stupid, i broke it off with him, had a termination and went back to my kids father, it hurt the guy i was seeing bigtime, as he wanted to have the baby and begged me not to do it.
4 years later we were still friends, but he was in a bad relationship with the girl he was seeing and he had a kid to her, they split up... she wont let him see his kid at all. I felt guilty for years, my girls dad didnt know i had had the abortion and i wanted it back every minute, i punished myself and i wanted to die so bad.
I left my girls father and got my own place, the guy i had the abortion to would call me, i still loved him so much, he came and stayed a few times, nothing happened sexually.
I then decided to start seeing a guy whom i worked with we were together 7 months, but i didnt love him, and i found myself pregnant to him, at first i was going to keep it, i had a job, nice house, car, money support etc etc.... but i just hated him, he was a ex heroin junkie( i was always worried he would start again oneday) he worked 3 days a week andi paid for everything, he didnt have his licence or a car and didnt have anything, i supported him and my 2 girls. I went for the scan at 8 weeks and couldnt look at the screen i couldnt look at its heartbeat. i felt disgusted that i had a part of him inside me, he repulsed me. I hated the way he treated my girls, he would tell them he was their father now and treat them like his own,he would turn my eldest against me. I got guts and kicked him out, i went and had a abortion, my friends family and everyone supported the decision and although i promised myself i wouldnt do it again i did and i felt relief, the day after the abortion i went on a trip across australia, with the guy i was inlove with so many years ago the one i had the previous abortion to... we went as friends we had so much fun and i realised what unconditional love is, i learnt to love myself again, appreciate what i had. I surrended my heart to him for the first time in my life, I allowed myself to be loved and asked for forgiveness from the creator for what i had done, twice. on the way back home after 4 years of loving this person and wishing i hadnt done what i did, i got a second chance and he asked me to marry him, I of course said yes. my whole family, friends and support network are so happy for me. at last.
but it doesnt take away a empty feeling i have inside, i sometimes need to drink alcohol and get drunk to take the hurt away.
I knew i couldnt bring a child into this world and being repulsed by its father, looking at it and being reminded of the father, and having to support 4 people on my own.
We have decided to have 2 more children in the future, to complete the family. and i look forward to getting married next year.
i dont have to support this guy and he loves kids more than anything... ( i also had an abortion at 17 but it was due to a empty sac , there was no baby) but it didnt make it any better that pain lasted until i looked into the eyes of my first born.
To all those girls who are having trouble with the decision, or what they have lost.
everything happens for a reason, you know inside you are all good people, you are doing or have done what you think is right now or at the time.
who ever you believe in be it GOD, the creator who ever you turn to they know whats best for you and you are never alone, I have always said sorry and asked for forgiveness of my little angel babies, I have always ask that they are looked after and believed that they are being taken care of better than i could at the time. i still talk to them and i tell them my fears and dreams.
things get better and for those of you that are made to feel guilty about the decision, its your life and you should try and look into you heart and start loving yourself and release the any negative judgment you hold upon yourselves. people put fear and guilt in us at a early age and we are programmed to feel that even when we know what we are doing is right for our lives. When you close your eyes at night and have bad visions or thoughts about what you have done you can tell them to stop, i used to imagine i was holding my child and imagined they were happy and safe and i could go visit whenever i wanted. this helped alot.
it may seem painful at first, but its like they say when someone close dies, you can still feel their presence and still close your eyes and be with them, just because their physical body isnt here.
I worked as a nurse in a nursing home, and i know what thats like.
I wish all of you girls a safe and happy life and i promise that oneday you will find the happiness and peace you are each looking for
love and light
NAMASTE
when i was 23 i met a man who i loved so much, we got pregnant and he was going to move to where i was living, and i got cold feet, and did something stupid, i broke it off with him, had a termination and went back to my kids father, it hurt the guy i was seeing bigtime, as he wanted to have the baby and begged me not to do it.
4 years later we were still friends, but he was in a bad relationship with the girl he was seeing and he had a kid to her, they split up... she wont let him see his kid at all. I felt guilty for years, my girls dad didnt know i had had the abortion and i wanted it back every minute, i punished myself and i wanted to die so bad.
I left my girls father and got my own place, the guy i had the abortion to would call me, i still loved him so much, he came and stayed a few times, nothing happened sexually.
I then decided to start seeing a guy whom i worked with we were together 7 months, but i didnt love him, and i found myself pregnant to him, at first i was going to keep it, i had a job, nice house, car, money support etc etc.... but i just hated him, he was a ex heroin junkie( i was always worried he would start again oneday) he worked 3 days a week andi paid for everything, he didnt have his licence or a car and didnt have anything, i supported him and my 2 girls. I went for the scan at 8 weeks and couldnt look at the screen i couldnt look at its heartbeat. i felt disgusted that i had a part of him inside me, he repulsed me. I hated the way he treated my girls, he would tell them he was their father now and treat them like his own,he would turn my eldest against me. I got guts and kicked him out, i went and had a abortion, my friends family and everyone supported the decision and although i promised myself i wouldnt do it again i did and i felt relief, the day after the abortion i went on a trip across australia, with the guy i was inlove with so many years ago the one i had the previous abortion to... we went as friends we had so much fun and i realised what unconditional love is, i learnt to love myself again, appreciate what i had. I surrended my heart to him for the first time in my life, I allowed myself to be loved and asked for forgiveness from the creator for what i had done, twice. on the way back home after 4 years of loving this person and wishing i hadnt done what i did, i got a second chance and he asked me to marry him, I of course said yes. my whole family, friends and support network are so happy for me. at last.
but it doesnt take away a empty feeling i have inside, i sometimes need to drink alcohol and get drunk to take the hurt away.
I knew i couldnt bring a child into this world and being repulsed by its father, looking at it and being reminded of the father, and having to support 4 people on my own.
We have decided to have 2 more children in the future, to complete the family. and i look forward to getting married next year.
i dont have to support this guy and he loves kids more than anything... ( i also had an abortion at 17 but it was due to a empty sac , there was no baby) but it didnt make it any better that pain lasted until i looked into the eyes of my first born.
To all those girls who are having trouble with the decision, or what they have lost.
everything happens for a reason, you know inside you are all good people, you are doing or have done what you think is right now or at the time.
who ever you believe in be it GOD, the creator who ever you turn to they know whats best for you and you are never alone, I have always said sorry and asked for forgiveness of my little angel babies, I have always ask that they are looked after and believed that they are being taken care of better than i could at the time. i still talk to them and i tell them my fears and dreams.
things get better and for those of you that are made to feel guilty about the decision, its your life and you should try and look into you heart and start loving yourself and release the any negative judgment you hold upon yourselves. people put fear and guilt in us at a early age and we are programmed to feel that even when we know what we are doing is right for our lives. When you close your eyes at night and have bad visions or thoughts about what you have done you can tell them to stop, i used to imagine i was holding my child and imagined they were happy and safe and i could go visit whenever i wanted. this helped alot.
it may seem painful at first, but its like they say when someone close dies, you can still feel their presence and still close your eyes and be with them, just because their physical body isnt here.
I worked as a nurse in a nursing home, and i know what thats like.
I wish all of you girls a safe and happy life and i promise that oneday you will find the happiness and peace you are each looking for
love and light
NAMASTE
I am really sad to hear that things went that way for you but I think what you posted is very important to remember--you will get over it and it doesn't feel like it at first but you will. Thanks for posting your experience.
I'm sixteen years old, i've never thought of having a baby and getting pregnant at my age. but i did. i kinda of knew i was pregnant but i didnt want to know the truth. so when i finally took a pregnancy test i cried. my boyfriend which i have been with 2 and half years said he was there for me but he isnt ready. im not well wasnt. but i would of had the baby, but i had to think of his feelings just as much as mine. so i thought well yeah i could live my life a bit more. i mean i cant stand abortions. so im a hypocrite to be pretty honest. but my boyfriend didnt think he was ready. hes 18 though. so i went through with the abortion then found out i was 4 months and 2 days when it happened. i would now be over 7 months! and i cant stop thinking about it. i cant stop crying. its killing me. i don't speak about it to my boyfriend it just doesn't come up and its making me worse. i feel depressed. i should of stood up and said i cant do it. but i couldn't physically bring myself to do it. its so much harder now because his brothers girlfriend is pregnant to. but she finds out the babys sex tomorrow and today my boyfriend was getting giddy about picking a baby car seat for his brothers baby present and all i wanted to do was to cry but i couldnt because his parents was there and they dont know nothing. i cant stand how hes so excited for a baby thats not his when he should be excited for his own but he didnt want anything to do with it :-( i mean yeah be excited to be an uncle i get that but its killing me to see it :-( i dont know what to do :-( i want my baby back or at least another one now because its driving me insane and im getting worse and depressed badly.
we made a promise that after our holiday next september/october. we would try because it would have been waiting 2 years. so at least im thinking of him again. and we would try and have a baby so i would after i was 18 or so then. and hes taken it back tonight after i said he doesnt think of how i feel when he gets so excited and that it should be our baby hes feeling like that over. he says he wants to wait 5/6 years and thats being selfish hes just thinking of himself. i at least thought of him with the 2 year or so thing and when he didnt want the baby because he wasnt ready. but no thats not good enough. i have no feelings and hes blind to the fact hes making things worse for me. i said i couldnt wait that long but he said he was sorry but thats how it is.
i dont know what to do because i seriously love him more than anything in the entire world and it will be 3 years in april when im 17 that we have been together. but i cant honestly wait that long after everything im going through after everything ive given up thinking of him and thinking of him again about leaving it 2 years or so. but thats not good enough.
so i dont know what to do what so ever :-(
we made a promise that after our holiday next september/october. we would try because it would have been waiting 2 years. so at least im thinking of him again. and we would try and have a baby so i would after i was 18 or so then. and hes taken it back tonight after i said he doesnt think of how i feel when he gets so excited and that it should be our baby hes feeling like that over. he says he wants to wait 5/6 years and thats being selfish hes just thinking of himself. i at least thought of him with the 2 year or so thing and when he didnt want the baby because he wasnt ready. but no thats not good enough. i have no feelings and hes blind to the fact hes making things worse for me. i said i couldnt wait that long but he said he was sorry but thats how it is.
i dont know what to do because i seriously love him more than anything in the entire world and it will be 3 years in april when im 17 that we have been together. but i cant honestly wait that long after everything im going through after everything ive given up thinking of him and thinking of him again about leaving it 2 years or so. but thats not good enough.
so i dont know what to do what so ever :-(
i just went through the same thing a month and a half ago. i am 18 and got pregnant by my ex. we broke up before i found out i was prego and i didn't tell him. i knew it was what he would of wanted and i couldn't hear him say that he didn't want our child. i saw him this past weekend and it all came out. it was a very emotional thing to say and he was upset that he wasn't there for me and he said that it was best for us and that he would of wanted our child but that we couldn't handle it. we are both in college with no jobs and our parents supporting us. i know it was best for us but now everytime i see a baby i want to cry. i can't go into baby stores. i cry myself to sleep every night. he is now being very supportive and helpful and has been there for me. maybe it will bring us closer and get us back together but no matter what i still want my baby back. it is hard but i know when we are ready we will have our child and it will be one of the greatest things to happen to us.