I Cant Orgasm During Sex Only Masturbation

I'm 19 and was with my boyfriend for 2 years. i never had an orgasm from sex but almost always did from oral..
whenever i masturbated it was by rubbing the clit.. im afraid of never having an orgasm from sex!is there someway to raise the chance of experiencing one?
its sooo frustrating!

I am comforted to know that there are women who have the same problem as me. I'm 19 years old and I started masturbating with the shower head at a young age. Now I can orgasm with the shower hea or a vibrator, but I've never orgasmed during sex. I've ben with my partner sexually for a year and a half and still nothing. I told him that I don't masturbate because I don't want him to think that he's doing anything wrong since I can orgasm myself. Someone please answer this question! We need help! I can't orgasm during sex and it's ruining my relationship!

Hey,
I am also 22 and currently having the same problem. However it is getting better. I have cut down on my vibrator use which creates more tension and makes the orgasm happen more easily. I also have been trying to relax, which has helped alot. Also try to increase your focus and foreplay. When you are with your partner, have them stimulate you mentally or physically with light touch and little or no genital contact. Remember alot of the orgasm process is actually in your head. The more you are into it the easier it will be. If there are certain times of the month where you feel more sexual desire, than others try to orgasm with your partner then. Finally, take baby steps if you are used to a vibrator, have your partner use it on you (while he is inside you if it is a male), then when you are consistantly successful with that, then move to fingers. I can say from experience that frustration only makes it worse. (The best for me is when he has his fingers/vibrator on me and is moving in and out of me from behind, It is alot of stimulation both from him and the fingers/toy that has been the most successful. He is soo patient that we are finally getting through it) : )

i have the same problem!!!! im 25 and can only get off with a vibrator. i have only gotten myself off with my hand 3 times. with my last boyfirend we resorted to using the vibrator during sex. its good and we were both comfortable with it but it is so frustrating not to be able to reach orgasm from just sex. im a very sexual person and feel very comfortable and relaxed with my partners so i dont know what the problem is. i thought maybe if i didnt masturbate for a while i would be able to get off but no still not happening. i just recomend to use the vibrator with your partner. its just not the same though...

I masturbate about 3 times a day using my bath water. I used to use my vibrator but now I realize the pressure of bath water is the best way to go...
It is GREAT!
The only problem...
Now I can't get myself off with my finger--therefore--I cant get off during sex.
I can get off in 2 min with bathwater--but NEVER with my finger. I will try for 20 minutes--I just can't go fast enough-or my finger gets sore, or it starts to hurt.
During sex I will try to get off with my finger and it takes so much rubbing that my arm gets tired and I lose track of the rythym of everything else.
I believe I have desensitized myself.

im 17 and the same thing happens to me, i can orgasm wen i masturbate but not wen im having sex wit my bf, the last time we wer together we had sex 15 times and i only got close once,,, but i still cant cum really, like even if i orgasm, like i dnt squirt or anything.. wth is wrong lol. i love sex and love everything to do with it, so i really want to figure this out!!!!

There are two ladies who run this program concerning the issue you guys have all been talking about.
For the most part, nobody has strained too far from the truth concerning why we (yes myself included) cannot orgasm during sex.
I'll list the basics for you but be aware they won't solve your problems immediately or at all if you can't get past the facts.

Most of the posts I read involve ladies being able to orgasm. If you think you can't orgasm, then you need to start from beginning in identifying some of the potential causes, etc.

But most of the ladies here know what an orgasm feels like. It's frustrating because you can't feel that same orgasm when you are with someone you like.

It has been stated multiple times. It's in our heads. We are our own worst enemies (not counting the media that portrays sex as this easy, worth-dying-for thing that all women should have).

Remember the world you live in. We have been raised to think that sex is dirty and that women in particular who enjoy sex are slutty, promiscuous, lacking in morals, etc.
On the other hand movies show us what we should be doing in spite all of the above.

These conflicting messages do not help clear the air about how we should really feel about ourselves.

So the first thing anyone here needs to realize and reaffirm with themselves is that orgasms are okay.

I speak from experience when I say that I was enjoying sex in the beginning of my first sexual relationship. I was not orgasming but I was getting closer. I was doing okay until my boyfriend walked in on me in the shower right as I was climaxing one day. I know what a real orgasm looks like. I know I was squirming, my face was contorted, and that I probably looked nothing like the sexy pornstar anyone imagined having an orgasm. The look on my boyfriend's face was permanently burned into my skull that day. The surprise, disgust, followed up with a "leave some hot water for me" comment made feel more disgusted with myself than I could ever express in words. Ever since, sex was miserable to the point where I would cry the minute I actually felt aroused and desired more than kisses.

The point of this is that our minds have such an enormous effect on how we feel physically that suggestions of serious relaxation are better than any kamasutra book, role-playing games, porno, or even surgery.

With that said, as soon as anyone here can allow themselves to enjoy themselves in the presence of another individual, you are free to start experimenting with what does and doesn't work.
People are creatures of habit. If your shower is your best friend (yep) a penis that goes nowhere near your clit cannot compete. Thus, using toys or fingers is a good way of retraining yourself to be sensitive to different kinds of stimulation in different environments.

For those who already use toys during sex and want to move further away from that, it's important to take the line above to heart. Practice makes perfect. The habits you have with your current toys have to be relearned if you want to enjoy other things.

So try having your partner use the toy on you. Switch to your fingers. Switch to his fingers. Eventually switch to more serious foreplay that gets you going enough that your entire vaginal area (not just the clit) is sensitive enough to produce orgasm.

Those of you who can't orgasm with your fingers anymore, relax. You have desensitized yourself, but that's not permanent. Practice playing with yourself before bed. If you don't succeed try not running for the toy or shower. I know it sounds terribly teasing, but that's part of it. Sometimes (not always/not everyone) if you starve yourself of sex, your next encounter with yourself or someone else may be more sensitive. I would recommend playing with yourself before bed when you are already tired. This way if you don't succeed, you are tired enough to go to bed anyway. If you do succeed; well sweet dreams :-)

Lastly, it is suggested that both men and women practice working their pelvic muscle. It's supposed to be a muscle that runs from the front of your pelvis(behind the bone) around your vagina, and then loops around your anus.

It's the "I can stop and start peeing" muscle. Practice flexing this muscle to increase circulation and make it stronger like any other part of your body. This will help enhance sensations you experience.

There isn't a magical cure that I've heard of. There are no surgeries for this because it's primarily a mental block or habit we all face. The solution is as simple as it is vague.

All I can really suggest is to make sure you have a supportive partner who is patient, and enjoys foreplay as a means of helping you become comfortable with yourself and your partner. Without this, I have found that none of the above will work.

Here's one good fact to keep you going. Studies supposedly show that women's orgasms get better with age. So if your 16, 20(me), 25, 30, etc you have a lot to look forward to because it can only get better from puberty forward! Take that guys.

Same. 22. Had a steady boyfriend for 3 years. Never happened. Since then I've dated steadily guys and had one nighters. I can't make it happen. So frustrating.

New things I plan on trying:
Tensing muscles up down there instead of relaxing them
Thinking about what I think about when I'm alone and playing.

It's too easy when I'm alone. I can't believe it's impossible when I'm hooking up!

I have the same problem I stared using vibrators really young on my clit and now no matter what I can not have a vaginal climax. My boyfriend can make me finish from my clit but that's only after 30mins of constaint licking. I'm afride that I might have broken it LOL when I first stared playing with myself I could finish rly fast and now it takes forever. Any help would be wonderful

I'm so glad it's not just mee! I'm also 19, and have been masterbating for a LONG time and have had no trouble reaching climax on my own.
But I have never had an orgasm during sex It's really frustrating, and although i've come close and had moments where sex feels AMAZING i have never had that 'moment'. Every person i've been with (I don't sleep around) has said that I must have, but i've found myself faking it, or lying. Which makes me really sad :cry:

I am 17 and I have the same problem! I also have been masturbating way before i've ever has sexual intercourse. My boyfriend can give me an orgasm if he "masturbates me" but not through sex and it really sucks! I wish i could have an orgasm durring sex just like everybody else.

22. Same problem ever since I first starting having sex at 19. I was close once with a boyfriend, all he did was use his knee we both had our clothes on, but I stopped myself because I was too embarrassed to do it in front of him. I don't consider myself to be shy in bed at all but I wonder if this event had anything to do with it.

I feel like I am also desensitized.... I am going to try and not masturbate at all. I wish that I didn't need something so specific. The only way that works for me is the same way I did it when I first had an orgasm. Even a shower head doesn't seem like it would be enough pressure.

I'm 25 and have been in long term relationships since I was 16. I used to be able to orgasm through ordinary missionary style sex - the motions used to be jarring enough to stimulate my clit.. but for the past 3 or 4 years I just CANNOT do it without more direct clitoral stimulation, ie 'a helping hand'. I dont even use toys and masturbation is minimal - just with a hand..

My new boyfriend is a bassist, so I have NO trouble orgasming when his hands go wondering ;-) but we both want to finish missionary. I hear what people are saying about relaxing and not focusing on orgasming, but if i do that I kind of lose the sensation and just get tired. I think what's been said about teasing to the point might help but my dear boy gets well too excited and then frustrated. I've tried telling him that theres no race. That there is such a thing as more than once a night.. but he really beats himself up.. I guess it pile on the pressure. If I ever work it out I'll let you know how things changed!

I don't know if girls can have this along with guys, but I do not see why not.

What it sounds like to me is, "Retarded Ejaculation"

It may be a different version than they guy's for... obvious reasons, but, all the symptoms you listed, seem to match perfectly with that diagnosis.

On the other hand, I could be 100% wrong... so just look into "Retarded Ejaculation" and see what you can do ;-)

Hello all. I'm 21 and I just started to have sex with my bf. I havent been able to orgasim once. He's starting to get upset. So I did some research and found out about a sex doctor who has had clients with the same problems. She says " Try to tighten up the lower abdominal muscles normally used to stop the flow of pee. Tighten those muscles and relax your mind. For many women its psycological. If you put to much thought into it you wont orgasim. Focus on the pleasure and tighten your muscles."
Its not an exact quote but hey its worth a shot right? I'm gonna try it out this weekend. I hope this helps all of you as well.