Hi torn,
I agree with these two previous posts. This should be your decision. He should be involved but my opinion is that yours needs to be final.
Maybe N.B. can tell you a little bit more about how she went through all this.
N.B. if you can share anything with us that can help torn please do that.
Thank you.
All the best to you torn.
I agree with these two previous posts. This should be your decision. He should be involved but my opinion is that yours needs to be final.
Maybe N.B. can tell you a little bit more about how she went through all this.
N.B. if you can share anything with us that can help torn please do that.
Thank you.
All the best to you torn.
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Hey Torn, if youer' still around, can you please tell us how you're doing? I'd like to hear how you're doing if you can tell us. Thanks!
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Hi Torn
I have only jsut seen your post so i'm not sure how things are since you first posted. I wished i had checked my notifications sooner so i could have helped you before now, although i'm not sure i can help you as such, more just to share my thoughts and feelilngs with you. I'm so sorry you are in this situation, i'm sure by now you have read all my posts on here and know exactly what i have been through.
Your decision can only be your own. I am still not sure if i made the right decision that day i went into the hospital but the only thing i can keep telling myself is that it is done now and there is nothing i can do change it. It lives with me every day and i'm not sure if that will ever change but there has not been a day gone by where i haven't thought about it in some way or another. For me, my decision has only changed the way i look at things now, mainly the way i look at my husband, in a whole other light. I'm not saying that things are bad between us, if anything he treats me better than i have ever known but it doesn't mean anything because i know the reasons why he treats me this way, like he is almost thankful that i got him out of a 'mess'. To some extent i feel that maybe i wasn't quite ready to handle the responsibility of a child, especially as i would have been doing it on my own (i am only 27) so i am using this second chance to really build on my life now and get as much experience from life as i possibly can before planning on starting a family (either on my own or with my hisband) in my mid to late 30s. I have told my husband this so he knows i wish to start a family at some point so if he hasn't changed his mind by then i will have to find the strength to find someone who does want to share this special part of life. If he doesn't change his mind about a family, it will be a sad and very difficult time but i will be prepared, in the meantime all i can do is hope that he does!
You don't say how old you are? The only advice i can give is that if you are already in your 30s that maybe you are already strong enough to deal with bringing a child up on your own, i think if i had been older and wiser my decision may have been different. I often think that by the time we are in our 30s it really is crunch time when deciding to start a family.
I'm not sure if i've really helped much here, like i said the decision really is yours. I wish you all the best, take care.
I have only jsut seen your post so i'm not sure how things are since you first posted. I wished i had checked my notifications sooner so i could have helped you before now, although i'm not sure i can help you as such, more just to share my thoughts and feelilngs with you. I'm so sorry you are in this situation, i'm sure by now you have read all my posts on here and know exactly what i have been through.
Your decision can only be your own. I am still not sure if i made the right decision that day i went into the hospital but the only thing i can keep telling myself is that it is done now and there is nothing i can do change it. It lives with me every day and i'm not sure if that will ever change but there has not been a day gone by where i haven't thought about it in some way or another. For me, my decision has only changed the way i look at things now, mainly the way i look at my husband, in a whole other light. I'm not saying that things are bad between us, if anything he treats me better than i have ever known but it doesn't mean anything because i know the reasons why he treats me this way, like he is almost thankful that i got him out of a 'mess'. To some extent i feel that maybe i wasn't quite ready to handle the responsibility of a child, especially as i would have been doing it on my own (i am only 27) so i am using this second chance to really build on my life now and get as much experience from life as i possibly can before planning on starting a family (either on my own or with my hisband) in my mid to late 30s. I have told my husband this so he knows i wish to start a family at some point so if he hasn't changed his mind by then i will have to find the strength to find someone who does want to share this special part of life. If he doesn't change his mind about a family, it will be a sad and very difficult time but i will be prepared, in the meantime all i can do is hope that he does!
You don't say how old you are? The only advice i can give is that if you are already in your 30s that maybe you are already strong enough to deal with bringing a child up on your own, i think if i had been older and wiser my decision may have been different. I often think that by the time we are in our 30s it really is crunch time when deciding to start a family.
I'm not sure if i've really helped much here, like i said the decision really is yours. I wish you all the best, take care.
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Hi N.B.
I know that it has been a while since torn has posted but I really hope that she will look at your post. This is really inspiring post. We have talked about your situation and I know a little how you feel.
Once again I hope that your husband will settle him mind it to having a child with you. It is good that he is treating you well. Maybe this is just a small step to something bigger (I hope it could be a family).
All the best to you.
I know that it has been a while since torn has posted but I really hope that she will look at your post. This is really inspiring post. We have talked about your situation and I know a little how you feel.
Once again I hope that your husband will settle him mind it to having a child with you. It is good that he is treating you well. Maybe this is just a small step to something bigger (I hope it could be a family).
All the best to you.
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Hi dark_red
Thanks for your kind post. I hope Torn manages to check the posts on here before making her decision, it upset me to read that someone else is in the same predicament i was in not so long ago, i really wouldn't wish that kind of heartache on anyone and hope that she is able to make the right decision for her. It really is heat breaking to have to make such a choice. I can only let her know that i am thinking about her and know what she is going through right now.
Hope you are doing well.
Thanks for your kind post. I hope Torn manages to check the posts on here before making her decision, it upset me to read that someone else is in the same predicament i was in not so long ago, i really wouldn't wish that kind of heartache on anyone and hope that she is able to make the right decision for her. It really is heat breaking to have to make such a choice. I can only let her know that i am thinking about her and know what she is going through right now.
Hope you are doing well.
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Well sometimes it is just enough to talk to someone. I hope that you were feeling at least a little better after we were talking here on the thread.
I really hope that torn will read this and give us an update on her condition.
Thank you for asking I am doing fine. :-)
I really hope that torn will read this and give us an update on her condition.
Thank you for asking I am doing fine. :-)
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OK. I know the last bit of this post was last week, but I somehow came across this thread. I am definitely not in this situation at all. I was actually googling how Effexor can affect a man's sperm count. My husband and I are TRYING to get pregnant, but have not been successful. We have only been trying for three months, but it did not take this long before. He started taking Effexor for anxiety about a year ago, and I am worried that the medicine is affecting his sperm count/motility.
Typically, when I am searching, I come across fertility sites with chat rooms and threads of women who desperately want a baby...women who have been trying for months, or EVEN YEARS, to get pregnant with no luck. They want nothing more than to be a mother and feel that unconditional love for and from a child of their own. They have (first hand) seen how happy those around them are when they conceive and eventually give birth to that precious little child who is growing inside them. They cry every day because the want (need) a baby sooooo bad. My husband and I have a daughter, she is almost 4. She was not planned, and pretty much an accident. We were not even married yet. I had just graduated college with a BS, major in elementary education, and I still had not yet found a teaching job; I was only substitute teaching for minimal pay. I was 24 and he 29. Neither of us had medical insurance, and we were struggling to pay bills and feed ourselves. Regardless, abortion was not an option. We loved each other and even though we had not said our marriage vows, we were in it for better, or for worse. We were in this together. Of course everything imaginable raced through my mind, but I knew, being a strong woman like I am, I could do this, with or without a husband. I was raised by a single mother, who had me when she was 25; my father was NEVER in my life. I turned out to be an amazing woman, if I may say. We never had much, my mom was on foodstamps, and spent most of my childhood fighting for social security because of an illness she has. She is my hero...my only hero. Today, I think about all the struggles she went through....I mean geez, my husband and I still struggle sometimes, but we struggle together, and neither of us can imagine not having our beautiful amazing brilliant little girl in our lives. She is what pulls us through the struggle. Nobody is every quite ready to have a baby, but you get ready.
I have friends who have aborted, but they were young and definitely NOT married. I just find it so strange, yet intriguing, that a married couple (whether or not they had planned it) would not want to keep a baby. There is no greater joy in the world then giving life to a human being. The emotions I felt when my daughter was born exceed any emotion, including love for my husband, then I have ever felt in my entire life....so much, that I want it again. I want that joy, my husband wants that joy, and even my 4 year old daughter wants that joy now. She keeps telling me "Mommy, you have to wish harder for the baby to be in your belly!"
I just hope that when a decision is made to abort you all will take into consideration how many couples out there would "kill" to be pregnant...as well as how many want to adopt because they cannot conceive. If you do not want the joy of having a baby, atleast consider giving that joy to someone who does.
With that being said, I am not judging, AT ALL. I am sill "pro choice", however, after I had my daughter, my views on the matter changed quite a bit. I look in her eyes, hold her tiny little hand, feel her soft little lips on my cheek, and all I can think about is how I could never imagine my life without her. Whether from GOD or not, she is a blessing to me and everyone else who surrounds her.
Good luck to you all and no matter what, you will be making the right decision, for you.
Typically, when I am searching, I come across fertility sites with chat rooms and threads of women who desperately want a baby...women who have been trying for months, or EVEN YEARS, to get pregnant with no luck. They want nothing more than to be a mother and feel that unconditional love for and from a child of their own. They have (first hand) seen how happy those around them are when they conceive and eventually give birth to that precious little child who is growing inside them. They cry every day because the want (need) a baby sooooo bad. My husband and I have a daughter, she is almost 4. She was not planned, and pretty much an accident. We were not even married yet. I had just graduated college with a BS, major in elementary education, and I still had not yet found a teaching job; I was only substitute teaching for minimal pay. I was 24 and he 29. Neither of us had medical insurance, and we were struggling to pay bills and feed ourselves. Regardless, abortion was not an option. We loved each other and even though we had not said our marriage vows, we were in it for better, or for worse. We were in this together. Of course everything imaginable raced through my mind, but I knew, being a strong woman like I am, I could do this, with or without a husband. I was raised by a single mother, who had me when she was 25; my father was NEVER in my life. I turned out to be an amazing woman, if I may say. We never had much, my mom was on foodstamps, and spent most of my childhood fighting for social security because of an illness she has. She is my hero...my only hero. Today, I think about all the struggles she went through....I mean geez, my husband and I still struggle sometimes, but we struggle together, and neither of us can imagine not having our beautiful amazing brilliant little girl in our lives. She is what pulls us through the struggle. Nobody is every quite ready to have a baby, but you get ready.
I have friends who have aborted, but they were young and definitely NOT married. I just find it so strange, yet intriguing, that a married couple (whether or not they had planned it) would not want to keep a baby. There is no greater joy in the world then giving life to a human being. The emotions I felt when my daughter was born exceed any emotion, including love for my husband, then I have ever felt in my entire life....so much, that I want it again. I want that joy, my husband wants that joy, and even my 4 year old daughter wants that joy now. She keeps telling me "Mommy, you have to wish harder for the baby to be in your belly!"
I just hope that when a decision is made to abort you all will take into consideration how many couples out there would "kill" to be pregnant...as well as how many want to adopt because they cannot conceive. If you do not want the joy of having a baby, atleast consider giving that joy to someone who does.
With that being said, I am not judging, AT ALL. I am sill "pro choice", however, after I had my daughter, my views on the matter changed quite a bit. I look in her eyes, hold her tiny little hand, feel her soft little lips on my cheek, and all I can think about is how I could never imagine my life without her. Whether from GOD or not, she is a blessing to me and everyone else who surrounds her.
Good luck to you all and no matter what, you will be making the right decision, for you.
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Babyblues you definitely bring up a lot of good points. The only thing I wanted to point out is well, it's called prochoice for a reason--it's because ou believe people get the right to CHOOSE what they want to do. That's the most important thing. Thanks for sharing your story.
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Healthfitnessguy...I totally agree with you. It is Prochoice for a reason and has a definite meaning involved. Every woman has a right to make her own choice, no matter the reasons they are making that choice. I definitely would NOT want it any other way. It took a long time for women to be able to make that choice, and our society should not take steps backwards.
I am just at a place now, with trying to get pregnant, that everywhere I look there are woman who long to have a baby and cannot. As hard as adoption may be for women giving their babies up, it, atleast, is an alternative to abortion....an alternative that would bring life to this world, and fulfill some woman's hopes and dreams of one day being a mother. That is really the main point I was trying to make, even though I rambled for four paragraphs :-)
I am just at a place now, with trying to get pregnant, that everywhere I look there are woman who long to have a baby and cannot. As hard as adoption may be for women giving their babies up, it, atleast, is an alternative to abortion....an alternative that would bring life to this world, and fulfill some woman's hopes and dreams of one day being a mother. That is really the main point I was trying to make, even though I rambled for four paragraphs :-)
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Oh, don't worry about it. i thought that your post was very thoughtful and touched me which is why I posted in the first place. There are so many kids who need a home already that people aren't taking in or can't take in. It really breaks my heart!
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Wow, I can't believe there are so many of us in a "committed" relationship going through this. My husband and I planned to start trying for a baby january of this year (2009). I went off the pill and he immediately said he wasnt ready. So even though I didn't go back on the pill, we used alternate forms of conception. We found out in May that we'd be moving in August. I've been wanting a baby for a couple of years now, so when we moved I said that it was time and I wasn't going to use contraception before. ( I mean I put it off for him for 8 months already right?) He still said he wasn't ready and asked could we put it off another 6 months or so. Well I got frustrated seeing that he's just going to keep putting this off right? So since August we haven't used any contraception and a couple of weeks ago I found out that we were finally pregnant. I was so excited! I knew that he said he wanted to put it off a little longer, but what difference is it really going to make now or 6 months from now?? Well now he says that I should have listenend to him and now I've given him a prison sentence with this kid. He says that all the fun in our lives will stop where I think it's all just going to begin! I'm 27 he's 30 and we both have very stable decent paying jobs. Granted I just started mine and they probably won't be too excited that I got pregnant in the first month of working but oh well! That's life! I'm ready for this but i'm not ready for this with his attitude. I don't want a miserable pregnancy and i don't want my child to have a miserable father. Which is why i'm thinking of terminating this to give hima little more time. Maybe if i do that he can get behind it and I can have the dream pregnanacy and child that I wanted. I just should have listened to him when he said he wasn't ready yet and not thought "oh he's just scared" and it'll be OK. Yikes!!! I don't want to do this alone!!!
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Yikes! It's crazy to think there are so many of us in the same boat. I am 27 and my husband is 30. We always said we'd have kids some day. Well I finally graduated school at 25 and we decided I'd work for a couple of years before trying to have a child. Well ever since graduation I've been wanting to have a baby. So we made a plan for me to go off birth control jan 2009 which I did. He immediately started saying he wasnt' ready and could we put it off a little more. So we used alternate forms of contraception for a while. then in April of this year we found out we'd be moving in august. So once we got moved, I said I really wanted to start trying and quit putting it off. Well he kept saying he wasn't ready, but I already gave him 8 months right?? So I found out I'm pregnant a couple of weeks ago. I was so excited! I thought once it actually happened he'd be excited too, but he's not. He said he just wanted more time. But to me if I gave him 3 more or 6 more months was it really going to make a difference in the long run? And we were already 10 months after we originally said we were going to start trying. Well I want a baby but I don't want one like this. He says things like I gave him a prison sentence with a baby, etc. I feel so bad like maybe I should have listened to him and given him a little more time. I wish I could take it back, but I'm not sure if I could handle an abortion. I find myself wishing for a miscarriage so he can have his "few more months". The thing is the only thing he's worried about is losing his "freedom." we both have steady jobs and while my job probably isn't going to be happy that I got pregnant in the first month i started working there, they can't exactly fire me right? So money isn't really an issue. I just feel like if this pregnancy doesn't end, he's going to resent me forever where if it does, I might resent him forever! Yikes! what do I do??
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One more thing, I agree and think that all you women are very very brave and I take lots of comfort in reading all your posts. NB I wish only the best for you and will keep you in my prayers!
Love to all of you!
Love to all of you!
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Hi yikes2121,
I'm not really sure what does he want. You did your side of the deal, you even gave him extra time, which is more then enough if you ask me. I really don't think it would be fair to you if you have an abortion now (and as I can see you don't want to) and to get pregnant for few months again. I'm not sure that things will change for three more months. He has to embrace the fact that he will become the father and that that is not a prison but a blessing.
Try to talk to him more about this and tell him the benefits of having a baby. You both agreed that you want to have children.
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I'm not really sure what does he want. You did your side of the deal, you even gave him extra time, which is more then enough if you ask me. I really don't think it would be fair to you if you have an abortion now (and as I can see you don't want to) and to get pregnant for few months again. I'm not sure that things will change for three more months. He has to embrace the fact that he will become the father and that that is not a prison but a blessing.
Try to talk to him more about this and tell him the benefits of having a baby. You both agreed that you want to have children.
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hi Yikes2121! I am so sorry you are going through this turmoil with your husband right now. I agree with dark_red, it is a blessing, not a prison sentence, even though that is what your hubby is thinking right now. My question is...will he ever be ready? Is anyone ever really ready to have a baby? No, they're not, but they get ready when the time comes. You already waited for him even though you both had agreed to getting pregnant the beginning of 2009. And you are right, what difference is 6 months? Hopefully, he has not forgotten he already has 9 months to get ready?
Please don't abort this baby. You will resent your husband, because I can see just from your post how happy you are with being pregnant. You are ready to be a mom....and he will get ready to be a dad. If you do this, I am afraid you will resent him for a very long time, and much more turmoil will be brought into your marriage.
And I'll tell you right now...the fun does not end when you have a baby...it is the beginning of a bright new future...a future that when it is present you can't even imagine not having that precious little blessing to share life with. Parenting is a wonderful journey, and I believe your husband will realize it soon enough.
Good luck! Please keep us posted :-)
Please don't abort this baby. You will resent your husband, because I can see just from your post how happy you are with being pregnant. You are ready to be a mom....and he will get ready to be a dad. If you do this, I am afraid you will resent him for a very long time, and much more turmoil will be brought into your marriage.
And I'll tell you right now...the fun does not end when you have a baby...it is the beginning of a bright new future...a future that when it is present you can't even imagine not having that precious little blessing to share life with. Parenting is a wonderful journey, and I believe your husband will realize it soon enough.
Good luck! Please keep us posted :-)
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