I'm pregnant and married but my husband doesn't want it, what should i do?;

hi im feeling very very sad at this moment in my life i have 2 children aged 15 and 11 with a different partner and i am now 13 wks pregnant with a new partner but he has no interes at all and really doesnt want this baby i love him so much and i know he loves me but i dont no what to do i sometimes feel like leaving him but the thought of not being with him makes me sad i dont even no if i have wrote this in the right place and if i havent im sorry

Hi there,

 

I have just read all the posts on this forum. I have been married for about 18 months, and with him for nearly 7 years. He has 2 children from a previous relationship, and as my fiance he said we'd have a child together, but since we have been married he has said he doesn't want children. I do want a child - just one!

That in itself has been really hard - I am at that age where the majority of my friends have children/are expecting/actively trying. I now find myself in the situation of being pregnant and really concerned about telling my husband. Previous comments have been that we have his girls........................... don't think he fully understands maternal instinct, and that I will never be a mother to his kids.

I don't think he'll be nasty to me, just very frustrated and possibly furious. There is no way I could consider an abortion, and  know I need to tell hmi sooner rather than later, but I just don't know how! Have considered saying I've got good news, my boobs will be getting bigger and I'll be the designated driver for the next few months........ Argh! I don't know what to do! Apart from telling him as I won't be able to hide it forever!

It has been pretty inspirational reading all of your posts, and It is reassuring that we are not alone! Who'd have thought being an adult was soooooooooo hard!!!

Thank you for letting me share - you are the first that I have shared my news with!

Wow! I am so shocked that so many women are in the same position as me. My husband and I have 2 beautiful kids and are now pregnant with another unexpectedly. When I told him the news, I had to write a letter as I was soo emotionally distraught. I didn't want more kids either and thought I would abort. I have IC and had my 2nd child very prematurely. She survived and is doing well. My husband and I did not want to experience that pain ever again. I've used BC since then and thought that he would be getting a vasectomy but he didn't. He said, "I don't want anything to happen to my thing". I said, "what!?" as he is highly educated. Later I found that I could get a cerclage placed so that the baby could have a chance to be full-term. He was totally disinterested and against that idea. He is adamant that I get an abortion as planned. He said that another baby "would ruin his life." I am so confused by this statement. He is 10years older than me so I guess he wants to start retirement plans and a new baby would inhibit progress. I don't know but I told him that since there is an option out there that I could recieve that would almost guarantee me that my baby would be born healthy, I want to take it. I admit that if there was not an option, I would not continue the pregnancy. The risks of continuing the pregnancy would outweigh the benefits. My husband has given me the cold shoulder since I made that decision. He told me that he would not support me and my decision so I am on my own with this one and I think I am so okay with it. I make more money and have more earning potential than he does so I could take care of all three if I just had to. However, I would seek child support from him. I am sad and angry that he has taken this position. I told him that since our marriage will suffer either way, I'm going to have my baby!!! As far as I'm concerned, long-term, I will suffer less emotional injury loosing him than if I kill my baby to save his life.

Hi everybody out there reading this post! I'm 34 weeks pregnant and was very torn in the beginning of the pregnancy to continue the pregnancy. My husband also gave me the cold shoulders insisted in how this baby will absolutely destroy our finances etc. Etc.etc.....bla,bla,bla.....I followed my instincts and instead of thinking about his feelings I though of how my life would be after an abortion just to please him. I decided it was time to think about myself and my baby and to stick to my guns even if this meant to raise my baby alone. I have had high blood pressure issues in my pregnancy but thanks to good Doctors and lots of support I'm almost done. My husband has had to come around whether he likes it or not and has had to accept my decision. Currently he has helped me around the house and has been very supportive. My advice is to do what YOU!!!! Want. What YOU!!! Think is right and everything else will follow and take it's course. You will hate the person that you are with after having an abortion to please him than find out that you are an emotional wreck and he still the same person without any consideration to you...After giving birth I will post how my husband has been after seeing his daughter for the first time. Hopefully I will see more positive changes. Take care everybody out there and be strong.....Ady

I wasn't logged in when I wrote this post but my username is Adyvander. You can see my first post 4 months ago in this same topic.

You should not be making your decision based on anyone else's needs or beliefs.

There is no guarantee that you won't regret your decision whichever way you choose. Plenty of people regret having children. They just aren't as likely to admit to that kind of regret in a public forum. Ultimately, you have to follow your own heart. The people on this board are not going to have to live with your decision. You are. If you know you want a baby, you're husband will either have to man up or bail out. If you don't really want a baby, but you don't like the fact that your husband has been pushing for an abortion from the get-go rather than offering you his unconditional love and support, then follow up the abortion with some marriage counseling.

Thank you so much for your post. I am currently going through the same things that you went through. I am torn with what to due as at one time I really wanted kids, but now as I thought I never could I got use to the fact of never having kids. I am now pregnant and not sure if I want my life to change. I love what my husband and I have, but am scare if I terminate that I will regret him and myself for good.

i m in the same situation as urs but ur writings give me a lot of courage to carry on with my pregnancy

Hi, NB!

I ran into your message by accident today and was just wondering how your life has progressed a year later. I would really like to hear that things are better, and that you don't regret your decision. I'm facing the same turmoil at this point.

 

 

Hi NB - I read through this blog and saw that you ultimately ended up terminating your pregnancy. I'm in a similar situation - just found out that I'm 5 weeks pregnant. I'm 32 and my husband is 47 - we've been together for 8 years and neither of us have ever wanted kids, and it's always been understood that kids were kind-of a deal breaker. Now that I'm pregnant, I'm completely confused! I'm just curious if you're still happy with your decision to terminate... I see that this post was four years ago.

Sorry I'm totally against abortion unless its due to medical cirrcumstances!!!! Why did you fall pregnant in the first place!! They are millions of women out there who are unable to have children and you that are blessed with the opputunity just throw these precious babies away!!!!! It is murder and a sin!!!!!! God is watching you and you will be dealt with!!!!!!!

Hi, I am in the same exact situation with the exception that its my bf he also said that if I have a termination he will be there to hold my hand but if I choose to go ahead I will be on my own. I love him a lot but I decided to keep the baby as I believe that if he truly loved me he would respect my desire to have a baby and he would not leave me for having our baby... Its very difficult and I am struggling but I think I am doing the right thing

I'm in the same situation 5 weeks pregnant, 10 years with my husband...he doesnt want a baby because he already raised a child alone in his past and it took the life out of him.  He said he will stay with me either way but it will wipe us out as we struggle greatly financially and were just at the cusp of getting ahead... Please tell me what you chose to do and how you feel about it now? My appointment is on Thursday. I'm torn and scared.

 

Hi, I had an abortion 5 days ago in what I thought was the right decision to save my marriage. My husband and I have been together for about 12 years and stopped using condoms last July. He wasn't really ready to have a baby but said he would be ok with it when it happened. So May 24th I was so sick all day and took a test that night which was positive. My husband was at work and all I could do was cry I was terrified and happy at the same time. I've wanted a baby for years and it was finally happening. The next day I told my husband and I couldn't stop crying he said it would all be ok and that he was happy about it. We took another test together that night he was so excited to get one of the digital readout test and he even wanted to hold it in the container I went in to see the results. About 45 seconds later it appeared and said pregnant and he was smiling from ear to ear. We were ok for about a week and then his whole attitude changed he wasn't talking to me and felt very distant. He said it wasn't the right time we couldn't afford it. We have too much debt and so on. He basically gave me an ultimatum either the baby or him. I didn't know what to do all I knew is how much I love him and kept thinking he's right we aren't going to be able to provide like we would want too so the baby would have the best life possible. So I decided to have the abortion thinking we would be ok and be able to try again later. So I went for the abortion this past Tuesday and things between us have just gotten worse. He's still not talking to me and I hate myself for killing my baby at 7 weeks. I have no support from him as he didn't even ask me the day I had the procedure if I was ok or how I felt, nothing. I really regret doing it and I don't know how to get past it Or if I ever will. Everywhere I look its baby this and baby that, everyone I know is just finding out they are pregnant or have just had a baby. I REALLY want a baby I just wish I hadn't done what I did. I keep hoping that maybe the abortion didn't work but I know that's very unlikely. I know it may not be the right thing but I'm going to try and get pregnant as soon as possible if I can get my husband to talk to me or touch me in the next few weeks were its easy to become pregnant and if it happens and he leaves I know I'll have that babies unconditional love forever and this time around my family's support. Nobody knows wheat I've done because the original plan was to wait till my first doctor appt and make sure everything is ok before telling our parents and family. I want to tell my mom so bad but I don't want her to know what I've done. Any thoughts or help to just make me not hate my life and self for the biggest mistake I've made would be nice, but please don't judge me I'm already doing that enough myself.