My husband watched porn on the computer and then masturbates..when I first found out about this i confronted him (which was the hardest thing I have ever done) he admitted it and promised me he will never ever do it again and said he does not want to hurt me anymore by doing this. Before this happened our sex live was not so good he never wanted to do it with me ..he alsways said he was too tired..i always showed interest though..and whenever we did do it he could never get it up or half way into having sex it would go soft..i never understood why...anyways after that confrontation i had thought that he stopped...we only had sex like 3x sine then and it's been abt 2 months now..i went and checked on the computer and found he still does it ..what do i do..i;m scared and worried we have only been married for 2 yrs and I just had a baby he is 7mths now and i have no one to go to to talk to abt this ..I don't know why i'm not good enough for him ..i don't know what i;m doing wrong..what do I di...I don't think i can EVER have sex with him anymore and I want to leave him...He can have me whenever he wants but chooses not to...what do i do ?
Dear Sameeta: I totally feel for you and understand more than most about your situation. I would guess that your husband has Ererctile Dysfuntion! And has probably had it for a long time, the only way he can get ANY pleasure is by watching graphic images and masturbating, I would hazzard a guess that even that would not make him totally erect.
We - men and women - are sexual beings, but there is more pressure on the men to perform, so he is hard on himself and has a low self image. I am sure he loves you, but it is embarrassing for him to do this PLUS have you know about it. Sometimes porn can make things worse for couples, as he can only get "excited" with pornography. It's a catch 22 for him and you. The only way he can feel like a man isto masturbate! Talk to him again and let him know how you feel. This shouldn't be hard for you! He needs tp get help. So keep on talking ok! ANd I'm here too!
We - men and women - are sexual beings, but there is more pressure on the men to perform, so he is hard on himself and has a low self image. I am sure he loves you, but it is embarrassing for him to do this PLUS have you know about it. Sometimes porn can make things worse for couples, as he can only get "excited" with pornography. It's a catch 22 for him and you. The only way he can feel like a man isto masturbate! Talk to him again and let him know how you feel. This shouldn't be hard for you! He needs tp get help. So keep on talking ok! ANd I'm here too!
I thank you for your reply and advice.. When my husband and i were dating (4yrs before we got married) our sex life was great..he was ALWAYS turned on and whanting to have sex ..whenever we would get a chance we would do..and he never has a difficult time getting is up..I just don't understand why now all of a sudden ..he may have been doing it before but i only noticed it after the pregnancey....I think it has to do with the way i look now..i mean i'm not as slim as i used to be and my haor is falling out and i look so different now.,..i;m scared that he is no longer attracted to me...i don't think i can confront him....i can't go through this again... and if he has that problem that you say he does then what kind of doctor can he go to...thanks again for you input!
I also forgot to mention that just last week i found out on the computer that he registered at this web site called ..if you get a chance go on it to see what it is ..i think its an online site to meet modles and maybe even have internet sex...i'm not too sure what it is exactly....
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*** edited by moderator*** web addresses not allowed
Sorry Sameeta I would never go on those sites. BUT I know all about them - unfortunately - what it is, you pay and tell someone what to do and they do it on camera so they can masturbate to it! It should NEVER be about how you look. Even though your sex life was good before, doesn't mean that changes and stresses have not gotten hold of him and disabled him. Pornography is a VERY addicting thing, that can have devestating consequences. You are probably feel that you are afraid to talk to him for what he might say. Because if a person is TOTALLY mortifide with embarrassment he/she will fight back with everything they have. So that might happen with him towards you if he is embarrassed. But the way I see it is TOUGH!!!! He is making you question your apprearance your sexuality your womanhood, and if he can't stand up and take account of what he is doing to you then, that's not an even relationship. You - as his wife - have EVERY right to bring this secret out into the light. Because this will also affect you financially - because he is using your credit card to get this sex. I am on the fence about whether or not he is cheating on you or not! I think it is a betryal! And I think you do to! So he has to be accountable for it! And you have every right to tell him how destroyed you are about this. NOW the only time I will tell you not to confront him is just incase he has a tendancy to be violent. You know him and either way you have EVERY right to bring this out into the light OK? And DON'T look at the sites it will just hurt you more, and they ARE DISGUSTING!!!!!
First of all, I'm so sorry this is happening. You must feel very lonely and undesired and you don't deserve to feel that way. The stress of having a new child must be enough by itself.
It sounds like your husband may have a pornography addiction. Unfortunately, it's a growing problem in the U.S. Many men addicted to pornography find themselves viewing it almost every day if not every day and masturbating to it. This addiction often escalates to the point that they cannot engage in sexual intercourse with an actual woman, even if he loves her, because it's not enough for him. After a while, he can only get fully aroused and/or hit orgasm with masturbation.
He obviously feels guilty about this. You confronted him and he admitted it. The way you made it sound, it sounds like he's very remorseful about this. I think if he feels remorse, he likely wishes differently for himself and for you and would like to change. Confront him again that you know he's continuing to look at pornography. Do so compassionately. I think he'll respond better to compassion and may not get defensive. Be very open with him. If he promises that he'll stop and won't do it again, and if you don't believe him, let him know. Tell him that you think he may need some extra help. Present him with any data that you have gathered to assist men in pornography addictions and/or habits. Tell him that you love him and are here for him. If you show that you have hope that the situation will improve, he may see hope as well. Be sure to use "I" statements, such as "I feel..." and "I think..." instead of "you" statements. This will help him to not feel attacked.
I want to press upon you that this isn't your fault. Again, this is a growing problem in the U.S. and likely around the world. Like I said, pornography-addicted men can still love the women in their lives. It doesn't mean that you're undesirable, un-sexy, un-lovable, un-anything. In speaking with men who have had pornography addictions, many will tell you that their addictions were separate to any sexual partner they had and it didn't mean they didn't desire them. It sounds like he does desire you, but that his pornography addiction or habit has led him to be unable to perform. He likely wants to perform for you. Keep all that in mind. Find some organizations with information and help to give him. There is hope for the future, for the both of you. Best of luck. :-)
It sounds like your husband may have a pornography addiction. Unfortunately, it's a growing problem in the U.S. Many men addicted to pornography find themselves viewing it almost every day if not every day and masturbating to it. This addiction often escalates to the point that they cannot engage in sexual intercourse with an actual woman, even if he loves her, because it's not enough for him. After a while, he can only get fully aroused and/or hit orgasm with masturbation.
He obviously feels guilty about this. You confronted him and he admitted it. The way you made it sound, it sounds like he's very remorseful about this. I think if he feels remorse, he likely wishes differently for himself and for you and would like to change. Confront him again that you know he's continuing to look at pornography. Do so compassionately. I think he'll respond better to compassion and may not get defensive. Be very open with him. If he promises that he'll stop and won't do it again, and if you don't believe him, let him know. Tell him that you think he may need some extra help. Present him with any data that you have gathered to assist men in pornography addictions and/or habits. Tell him that you love him and are here for him. If you show that you have hope that the situation will improve, he may see hope as well. Be sure to use "I" statements, such as "I feel..." and "I think..." instead of "you" statements. This will help him to not feel attacked.
I want to press upon you that this isn't your fault. Again, this is a growing problem in the U.S. and likely around the world. Like I said, pornography-addicted men can still love the women in their lives. It doesn't mean that you're undesirable, un-sexy, un-lovable, un-anything. In speaking with men who have had pornography addictions, many will tell you that their addictions were separate to any sexual partner they had and it didn't mean they didn't desire them. It sounds like he does desire you, but that his pornography addiction or habit has led him to be unable to perform. He likely wants to perform for you. Keep all that in mind. Find some organizations with information and help to give him. There is hope for the future, for the both of you. Best of luck. :-)
My husband had a porn addiction too. Bought the dvds, brought them home and watched them. Got on porn sites and ended up spending money on them.
I would watch the porn with him ( never liked it)but he wouldnt get hard for me after watching it and it just hurt me so much. I told him how i felt and he stopped for a bit but got back into it.
Well i sotra got an idea and made some sexy/nude pics of me and some toy fun and got his attintion.
Before we got married we where the same as you guys, sex wild kids lol. Marriage killed it a bit and after having two kids back to back its does take a toll on the body and marriage. Its just a puzzle/challange to get that romance back in the bed.
Try some romantic ideas. a sensual massage, a nice dinner together with no baby around, sexy clothes and nighties( you know thongs and gowns, lol). Yes he loves you but you do need to change it up from time to time to get that intrest back in the bed. Go onto a sex toy site and look at the things you can buy, cuffs, blindfolds, special lube or oral treats( incase you give bj's). When things in the bedroom go down its just time to add a little spice to it.
How i see it if you do the same sex position every night all the time it gets pretty dull. so changing it up a bit will add a little excitment. We've tried alot of things and had a lot of fun doing it.
I would watch the porn with him ( never liked it)but he wouldnt get hard for me after watching it and it just hurt me so much. I told him how i felt and he stopped for a bit but got back into it.
Well i sotra got an idea and made some sexy/nude pics of me and some toy fun and got his attintion.
Before we got married we where the same as you guys, sex wild kids lol. Marriage killed it a bit and after having two kids back to back its does take a toll on the body and marriage. Its just a puzzle/challange to get that romance back in the bed.
Try some romantic ideas. a sensual massage, a nice dinner together with no baby around, sexy clothes and nighties( you know thongs and gowns, lol). Yes he loves you but you do need to change it up from time to time to get that intrest back in the bed. Go onto a sex toy site and look at the things you can buy, cuffs, blindfolds, special lube or oral treats( incase you give bj's). When things in the bedroom go down its just time to add a little spice to it.
How i see it if you do the same sex position every night all the time it gets pretty dull. so changing it up a bit will add a little excitment. We've tried alot of things and had a lot of fun doing it.
I think that you've got a lot of good advice in this post for someone looking to spice it up. Do you have any pointers? I think that some of your ideas are very good but do you have more? Adding spice is good advice but what exactly would you recommend? Thanks!
This is familychick, got lazy and didnt wanna sign in, lol
Well just starting out with some sexy panties and nighties would be a big surprise for him i bet. Its not all about pleasing him but making your self feel sexy and good with the clothes you wear.
I know how you feel about after having 2 kids. I look like a train wreck my self but can get my mans attintion with some sexy panties, nice bra, low cut sh*t, pants to show that butt off and some make up and hair. Just cause you have a little one dont mean you cant look good too.
Try a nice fun night with some food fun in bed/ massage. They have some nice novilties on a well known sex site i use flavored body paint, chocolate, mints that give a pow for oral lol. I cant say or it will get deleted. Handcuffs and blind folds work wonders on a guy , lol.
You can buy things like flavored lube (for oral), buying a sex book or romance idea book( omg i loved reading them) and reading about sex positions or ways to stimulate your man. To be able to get anywhere really you have to really understand your body and his so reading will help alot. Dont be embarrased about getting them, its just one step closer to understaing things your not clear on or are a lil stumped on.
After having a kid you have less time alone together. A day out for dinner and a movie. Just because yall are married &have a kid dont mean the dates stop. I cant tell you how much relief we got from a day out and spending a stress free day together. Dont sweat the small things.
One thing i do not at all agree or even sugest doing is bringing in another man/woman/couple in to the sex life. If he thinks about it or crosses the mind. just leave it.. that can cause more trouble than needed and alot of stress.
Ive tried alot of things, done alot of things with him to spic eup our marriage and a few i regret doing. but i learned from it all
Over all just see what he likes and its all a big learning experiance for you both to figure out what you would like/enjoy doing. Always be open to ideas and if your not comfortable with it then say so and find somethign else you might like to do.
Well just starting out with some sexy panties and nighties would be a big surprise for him i bet. Its not all about pleasing him but making your self feel sexy and good with the clothes you wear.
I know how you feel about after having 2 kids. I look like a train wreck my self but can get my mans attintion with some sexy panties, nice bra, low cut sh*t, pants to show that butt off and some make up and hair. Just cause you have a little one dont mean you cant look good too.
Try a nice fun night with some food fun in bed/ massage. They have some nice novilties on a well known sex site i use flavored body paint, chocolate, mints that give a pow for oral lol. I cant say or it will get deleted. Handcuffs and blind folds work wonders on a guy , lol.
You can buy things like flavored lube (for oral), buying a sex book or romance idea book( omg i loved reading them) and reading about sex positions or ways to stimulate your man. To be able to get anywhere really you have to really understand your body and his so reading will help alot. Dont be embarrased about getting them, its just one step closer to understaing things your not clear on or are a lil stumped on.
After having a kid you have less time alone together. A day out for dinner and a movie. Just because yall are married &have a kid dont mean the dates stop. I cant tell you how much relief we got from a day out and spending a stress free day together. Dont sweat the small things.
One thing i do not at all agree or even sugest doing is bringing in another man/woman/couple in to the sex life. If he thinks about it or crosses the mind. just leave it.. that can cause more trouble than needed and alot of stress.
Ive tried alot of things, done alot of things with him to spic eup our marriage and a few i regret doing. but i learned from it all
Over all just see what he likes and its all a big learning experiance for you both to figure out what you would like/enjoy doing. Always be open to ideas and if your not comfortable with it then say so and find somethign else you might like to do.
Dear Sameeta: I wanted to know how you are doing and if there has been any communication with your husband?
I know everyone has different ideas about what to do regarding your situation, and you might agree with them or not. Just know that as far as I'm concerned, you have to stay true to yourself. Because if you don't feel like what Familychick and Bluedog suggested is a good match for you, then don't do it. Because you can't sell beef if you're a vegetarian!!! ;-) XD
I do agree with both of them regarding there has to be some sort of an attempt! BUT that said, it shouldn't happen till you both have sorted out why he does what he does! And for you to totally be truthful regarding how much this has hurt you! I think IF you tried to 'spice things up" right now, you would feel pretty bad, because you would think that "this is the only way he will be sexual with me!" So communication 1st THEN and only IF you feel like it, then you can spice things up WITH communication with your husband.
I hope everything is going well.
I know everyone has different ideas about what to do regarding your situation, and you might agree with them or not. Just know that as far as I'm concerned, you have to stay true to yourself. Because if you don't feel like what Familychick and Bluedog suggested is a good match for you, then don't do it. Because you can't sell beef if you're a vegetarian!!! ;-) XD
I do agree with both of them regarding there has to be some sort of an attempt! BUT that said, it shouldn't happen till you both have sorted out why he does what he does! And for you to totally be truthful regarding how much this has hurt you! I think IF you tried to 'spice things up" right now, you would feel pretty bad, because you would think that "this is the only way he will be sexual with me!" So communication 1st THEN and only IF you feel like it, then you can spice things up WITH communication with your husband.
I hope everything is going well.
I think that it's been pretty helpful what you've posted here. I think that a lot of things that you're talking about are pretty helpful although I do think that someone can introduce a third if you are careful with suggesting it and what you do. We're hard-wired to be jealous but I do know couples who have been successful at introducing another person. But thanks for all your insight! I think it was really helpful.
My husband does the same, always did and will do. Hate it. Confronted many times, including today. Catched him in the toilet. By the way, we have 4 monthes child and i gained 30 kilos :D but i dont give a sh*t what he thinks about me and my look after pregnancy. Birth tooj 30!!!!! Hours and after that he is the one having fun. No way. I ordered a Dildo on ebay. Oh yes i will sho it to him. and tell how much better it is. Tried everything else, instulled programs, throwes away dvds, promised to throw away mobile... Still same. Whatever he says, dont trust he wont do it again, else you will feel stupid one day again. He says its natural and normal - do yoyr natural staff and let him know about it!!!!
He probably has a passion and obsession over the fact that some girls have bigger breasts than others and some girls growing their bust sizes at earlier ages than others. My ex and his mom made light of my having bigger breasts than her. His mom told me she was glad not to have big tits like I do and that she was glad that I have bigger tits than her and grew mine at an earlier age than her.