you sound like such a wonderful and very very kind person-it comes across in the way you write
I've been married for 8 years but we've been together for 14. I am 8 years his junior but that is still no excuse. I saw all the RED flags while we dated and ignored them. He was getting out of 10 year marriage and I had just ended my 7 year marriage. The 1st sign was my birthday. He invited me to a birthday breakfast and then after we got there he tells me he has no money...numero uno..then a few months later I am meeting him at his apartment and their is an eviction notice. I was so embarrased and it wasn't even mine. His response was "I pay on the 5th and they always give me one?" WTF?? So me being the "Oh, I can change him" girl, sat him down and made a budget. I was blinded by the love I didn't get from my family or from my ex husband. "He" was sweet (would clean my apartment for me) because I was finishing my degree and working a full time job. Paying for everything wasn't a problem for me then because I was happy he wasn't a total jerk. He would make me breakfast after being in class all morning or draw me a bath with candles. But all those things only "filled" the void for so long. We eventually got married and had a child. I never wanted kids with him because I knew I would have to be the one that earned and if I was to be a mom, I wanted to be the one to stay home. Well none of that worked out. He lost his job the day I found out I was pregnant. He had been like this for 7 years...job one minute and then no job for several months. I was always supporting him. I went back to work 3 months after having our baby and now he was the stay at home parent. I resented him. I still do to a certain extent. He has never contributed to the mortgage or any of MY bills. He pays utilities and his car/insurance. Now he has really screwed up. He crashed his 1 year old vehicle and found out that he didn't purchase collision insurance. He was kicked off of OUR insurance due to his tickets and other accidents. He cannot even drive my car because of the risk. So he's paying $400 a month for insurance. So we had the $$ to pay for the damage to his vehicle, but once again he has found a way to make it worse. He never got a written estimate so the auto body has jacked up the price. They want payment in cash or credit card. Funny thing is he has NO credit! I can't take it anymore. I'm disappointed, disgusted, pissed off at his insulance for the situation. So now he threatened me. He said if I continued to give looks of disgust I will be sorry. I just want him out of the house and he can continue to screw up his own life, I'm DONE!
I don't even know where to start. I've been with my husband for almost 12 years now and everything started on our wedding night with him picking a fight with my brother as we began our honeymoon, and everything has gone downhill since then. He has thrown things at me, broken my belongings, thrown me down the stairs-multiple times, punched me in the jaw, picked me up and threw me on the ground, hit me across the face with my purse, made numerous threats to me, holds money over my head, broked down doors, called me unspeakable names, etc., and a number of these were done in front of our children. I have 3 daughters with him and I am a stay at home mom. I attempted nursing school for a year and was doing great until the end of the second semester and it all came down on me and I didn't pass. I feel stuck here with him like there is no way out. He is in charge of all finances so the only way for me to get money to leave is to ask him for it. I knew in the beginning that he had no right to treat me the way he does, but I guess I just hoped it would get better. I pray that one day I will find the strenght to do what I need to for me and my children. Any advice would be greatly appreciated
The last few times my husband and I have fought, I have searched the internet for help/blogs on this same issue. I don't know if it is just that I don't have the courage to leave him or I feel ashamed and embarrassed that I even married someone like him or that I just need that extra push of motivation to do what I know is right. We have been married for a year and a half and was married only a few months after we met. I went through a traumatic accident and he was there for me. I thought I knew him. After we got married, everything changed. He was very possessive and jealous and was convinced I was a w****. He spit in my face on several occastions. He has called me every nasty thing you could think of. He has a real problem with my past because I was engaged prior to him and I am older than he would like. So he created this idea in his head that I slept around the reason why my friends didn't talk to me anymore was because I was a w****. It was really because he was crazy and has a problem with every friend I do have. He is extremely judgemental. One day he brought up a topic about an ex-friend of mine that we talked about in exhaustion. I couldn't take it anymore and told him I didn't want to talk about it. He went nuts. He was spitting on me, throwing cups at me, threw my stuff around the room and screaming and cursing. I told him I was leaving and never wanted to see him again. He took my stuff and threw it across the room. He grabbed me in a chokehold and dragged me back in the room, threw me on the bed and slapped me in my face. He immediately apologized but I ran out of there so fast. I went and stayed with a friend and him and his family continued to contact me. He said he was going to get help and part of the reason is he has an addiction to painkillers and he blamed a lot of what happened on that. I decided to go back because I do love him and we did start a home for our family. He has two kids from another woman. For awhile it was ok and he has never spit on me. But the verbal abuse continued along with the drug abuse. So much that my nickname should be w**** or s***. After all of that, I stayed with him because I love him and I know that most of it is a result of drub abuse. Well we have our wedding reception coming up in a week and he has been abusing the painkillers a lot lately. Today we got into a big fight about money because frankly he spent the savings we were going to use on the caterer. I took out a $20K loan to pay for the rest (yes, the loan is in my name only and I am the only paying for it). He felt I should have saved more money which all of my money goes to bills and the kids. The loan paid for all of the extras plus a portion paid for our bill from a cruise and new rims for his car! He cursed me out so bad it scared me. He raised his hand at me as if he was going to hit me and said he should've just hit me. He told me to drive my car off a bridge. I don't know what to do. After the fight, i packed and left and am now in my office at work. He has since aplogized in his own way. Why do I not have the courage to just end this marriage?
his family is also very cunning and always try to put words against me to him,they all are behind money thats it.his mother and him try to extract money as much as possible and just want to get the control on their hands.I am just fed up with his affairs and all the nonsense what he does to me.
That's a helping message but shouldnt we pray to god almighty seem as Jesus is a prophet. Pray to god all the time he is the powerful all knowing.
I have been with my husband for nearly 10yrs and have 3 children with him. He has always been controlling with me and everybody else matter of fact. But when we argue or I ask him same questions as he does for me he gives very short answers or gets angry with me and sometimes threatens to leave. There are many ladies who want a good man like him. He got nothing to lose except for kids he over reacts when he angry. Sometimes with others he verbally abuses me all the time when he don't agree with something he make rules for me but not much for himself like i cant talk to others opposite sex like teacher or in shop very jealous but he works in nursery all ladies he talks to anyone without doing anythibg wrong but he drives me mad and when i mention it he say he dont do anything wrong but he control me a lot and I dong have any social relations he was my first man who h he has 2 ex partners with kids I am sensible stay home mum and i do my duties in house i keep myself to myself.
He hurt me in past once he kicked me so hard in my shin i couldnt walk and it was bruised. He punchede in my arm once it was bruised he used to spit at me if we were in argument now as we have children he doesnt dk anything like that but he verbally abuses me say things to upset me put me down tells children that im mental stupid id**t and i told him alot he cant say that about me he thinks he know it all seems as he is older than I. He critics the way I do things if I didn't do it well or exactly how he wants it like cleaning or he just looks for absolutely anything.
Other than that he is responsible with job bills he mostly cooks cos he knows better he claims shopping kids school and he stays with me most of time like friends but just anger problem n threats I don't know what to do any advice would be appreciated.
Quit wasting your life with a loser
I've been there it gets worse
I do too; however, it can happen as it happened to me. I was with my husband for four years prior to marrying him. Prior to getting married, our arguments were handled respectfully and talked through. Once we got married, it is as though a switch went off in him. He has broken a door down with a bat because I locked it to prevent him from continuing to verbally abuse me, he has spit in my face, choked me and dragged me across the floor telling me he was going to kill me. I had him arrested, but refused to press charges because he would have been charged with a felony offense which would ruin his life. We sought counseling and things have been better. But just yesterday I accidentally hurt him when I was playing around and he lost it and yelled that he wanted to punch me in the face. He said he would react the same way if our unborn child accidentally hurt him. All of this from a man who said one of his goals in life was to be a great husband and say on his deathbed that he-never cheated on his wife and never beat his wife. Sadly it is possible for there to be zero signs from a man that he will be an abusive husband. He has even agreed there were none.