Bored, Tired, Demotivated: How To Fix A Midlife Crisis

Lucile is 48 years old. She has been married to her husband since they were both 23, and have two teen sons who are both very close to graduating high school and moving onto college, as well as an adult daughter who has already flown the nest. Lucile never landed her dream job, but she does have a professional career in a field she loves, is always looking for avenues that allow her to self-educate further, and is involved in several charities she is passionate about. She and her husband are financially comfortable and live in a nice area. 

Sounds great, right? Yet, something's nagging at her. Badly.

"I do enjoy my job, but it no longer provides a real challenge. I love my kids, but now that they're past the stage where they consume all their parents' energy, and I'm due to be an empty nester in the near future, I'm feeling lost. I have plenty of things to occupy my time, but few truly deep friends. I'm bored, tired, and demotivated. That's not something someone in my position is expected to say, and I don't want to come across as a whinger, but it's true."

What Is A Midlife Crisis?

The "midlife crisis" has been a familiar concept in popular western culture since the 1980s, but more recently, some people have doubted whether it exists at all. One study found, for instance, that while 23 percent of those they investigated reported experiencing a midlife crisis, further investigations revealed that of those, only eight percent had crises that truly turned out to be related to the aging process. Not every feeling of dissatisfaction that happens to occur during middle age, generally considered to be the period of time between age 45 and 64, is caused by that phase of life, particularly. 

It's also possible to make a distinction between so-called "midlife stressors" and a true "midlife crisis". Midlife stressors are, here, life factors that cause those experiencing them to feel extremely stressed or burned out, which happen to occur in middle age, but could have happened at any age, really. 

Lucile's story will certainly be something many can relate to, and in her case, the term "midlife crisis" appears to apply perfectly. Her feelings are caused by the stage of life she is now in. During her youth, she aspired to achieve her hopes and dreams, and then flexibly changed gears when she had kids. This limited her career in ways she wasn't able to fully comprehend at the time, but now that her children are nearly ready to fly the nest, she's reflecting on the sacrifices she made and on whether they were worth it. Rather than looking forward, Lucile is now at a stage where she is old and experienced enough to spend time looking back, as well — and wondering what would have been different, had she made different choices. 

Lucile, quite simply, is at the point of asking herself: "Is this all?" And she doesn't want this to be all. 

Yup. A true midlife crisis. As one phase of life draws to a close, she's left existentially confused. 

Midlife Crisis: The Signs

When we think of midlife crises, we might think about people stupidly buying expensive new cars or engaging extramarital affairs. Some people do exactly those things, of course, but what are the deeper signs of a midlife crisis? If you are playing with these thoughts more often than you'd like, to the point they're really starting to mess with your life satisfaction and daily functioning, you might be dealing with one. 

• You are looking back at your life and feeling that you made detrimental choices you'll never be able to fix, now. 
• You are hit by the terrifying realization that your youth is now well and truly behind you, and as time goes on, your own mortality becomes ever more clear and relevant. 
• Existential questions — who am I really, is this all, what's the point, will it ever get any better, what happened to my dreams and hopes? — really bother you right now. 
• Nothing seems to excite you any more. 
• You are scared of the future. 
• The daily drag is really getting to you, reinforcing your sense of boredom, demotivation, and fatigue. 

Yep, That's Me — What Now?

While the midlife crisis was never a diagnostic category and it's looked at, increasingly, as a normal part of human life, one that marks a very real transition to a new stage, you can still get therapy if you feel the need to. Hey, it's better than putting that Mercedes on your credit card or playing with Tinder! 

Regardless of whether you think therapy is for you or not, and regardless of what you want to call this existential questioning of middle age, now's the time to reevaluate your life.

While Lucile doesn't have the answer yet, plenty of others have emerged from this stage of life to feel content once more. They got there by taking a long, hard, look at what they really want to live for, and taking steps to make it happen. Some of their answers include:

• Going to college to start a new career. 
• Cutting back on their working hours, sometimes because their partner is also returning to work after kids fly the nest. 
• Pursuing an all-consuming hobby. 
• Starting a business. 
• Finding joy in the presence of grandchildren. 
• Traveling. 
• Volunteering. 

READ Understanding Depression: When Feeling Sad Is A Sign Of Mental Illness

The good news is that midlife crises do subside with soul-searching and time, and you can come out the other side feeling content and even excited again. Now that you are older, you're likely able to engage in some of the things you really wanted to pursue when you were younger, but couldn't due to lack of time, financial concerns, and family responsibilities. The key to moving forward with satisfaction is figuring out the answers to all those existential questions, and then acting on them.