Abortion regret 'lasts for years'

I too also had an abortion in 03, My relashonship with my ex wasn't going well and I decided to have an abortion. Not a day goes by when I don't wish I could take it back. I have a 3month old baby that I love more then anything. I think about that life I killed and think if I hadn't aborted my baby he/she. Would've been 12yrs old!!... I hate myself for doing it.

I had an abortion 22 years ago. I regret it so much. I even think how lucky I am that God allowed me to have 3 beautiful children later. But I was young and scared. I wish someone had stopped me. My heart aches. I cry and cry. I FEEL HORRIBLE.

Rachel,
I found this forum looking for some kind of answer or solution to this empty despair and regret I have felt for the last 16 months, since I let my son go. Of all the comments on this feed, yours has stricken me most, reminded me most of myself. I am 21, my boyfriend just turned 20. Neither of us were in any position to start a family, but I didn't care. I wanted to be a mom more than anything. He wasn't ready, he didn't want the baby. More insistently, though she didn't know until I told her recently, his mother Hates me, and I didn't want her to be involved, which she would have had I kept the baby. My own mother was in recovery. So I did what I felt was the responsible thing, and what would make those around me happy, at the greatest sacrifice I have ever and probably will ever make. Regret, which I have made it a point to live without, pervades my brain nearly every day. Social media makes it worse, an ex lover and old high school friends are having children, 2 of them born within weeks of my due date. I tear up when I see their pictures, knowing I should be posting similar photos and updates. Even spending time with my boyfriend is difficult at times, as I imagine the little boy, 9 months, who should be sitting between us. I haven't figured out what to do when this happens, I usually end up slipping into a deeply depressed state until drugs and alcohol manage to distract me. Then I can be normal for another week or two until something else makes me clutch at air where my baby's hand should be. So please, when you feel like this, Call me. I know it's a terrible idea to post my number on a public forum so I will delete it soon, but if you read this, and feel like we feel, call somebody. Don't go through this alone.

I recently (last week) terminated my pregnancy at 12weeks and 5days. I feel like I've made the biggest mistake of my life. The process was horrible and having done it years ago I thought I'd know how I'd feel. But I was young, dumb, living off mum all them years ago. This time was totally the opposite. I now have a 1year old loving child, who every time I look at now I see another, another one of my babies :( I stopped that little heart beating, I hurt my baby for doing nothing wrong, I can't get it out of my head! I can only say NEVER make your decision on what other people may think or say about you! Make the decision for yourself and your baby.

I'm 15 and I had and abortion a few months ago knowing that I wouldn't be able to support it or knowing that I wouldn't be able to finish school and wouldn't be able to get a job so I got my aunty to take me to get the abortion because I didn't want my parents knowing I was scared they would hate me it's been a few months now I told my parents I got it done and why I done it they said that they would of helped me care for it and look after it now I regret it I killed my baby before it even got a chance to live it hadnt done anything to hurt me and I killed it it was harmless I wish I still had my baby

my abortion was 20yrs ago, i have never been the same since. something died inside me.

Hi syou have to do what you feel is right no one can make the choice for u
I recently had an abortion as i went for op didnt no i was pregnant n found out wk after my op i infact was and then the ultrasound showerd blood instead of amunotic fluid i aborted. BiGGEST MISTAKE i hav ever made
I hav 2 kids they made me a better person and were best things but with this baby because there was risks i took easy way out i regret it you hav to listen to ur heart will you cope after its a massive decision

I am Soo sorry & I would love if your pain was gone. I also had a medical abortion 3 weeks ago. I had a one night stand and got pregnant and did not have the courage to tell my husband. I thought I was doing the lesser of two evils and the baby's father was immediately trying to get me to have an abortion. I was never happy with the decision and I was waiting for soemthing to happen to make me have a way out of the situation. I made the wrong decision. PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT GET AN ABORTION! You will feel horrible. You will wake up in the middle of the night with this all consuming guilt. The feelings will come to you in the day, out of the blue! If I could go back three weeks, I would in a heartbeat and make a different decision. This is the cross that I will have to bear for making such a bad decision and ending my pregnancy.

I'm 45, and the guilt, depression, grief never goes away after an abortion at least not for me. I just read through everyone's posts here in a desperate attempt to try and understand why so many years later I'm riddled with guilt, grieving and sad feelings over a decision I thought was a good choice at the time so many years ago when I was 19. Not only once, but twice in my lifetime and with a man I love and eventually married! I'm a very holistic person.. Taking birth control medication was more of a risk to me and my body than wanted. A choice I do not regret.. Rather I regret the choices made thereafter. After my first abortion, I felt such grief and guilt I said never again! Then a year or so later I got pregnant, we had a beautiful baby girl. Then again I got pregnant almost right after.. At the time feelings of finances and my well doing as a Mom, and my question of how much my partner loved me after time of no marriage. One baby was hard enough, I somehow used all this kind of reasoning to have yet another abortion! This time the same feelings only ten fold, now how dumb of me I should've known this is how I would have felt. I still went through with it. More guilt more pain, more grief, each time I talked to my boyfriend, each time supporting me in my decisions. I wished I had chosen to talk to someone else besides my partner both times but out of shame and guilt I chose not to talk to anyone but him. I'm not into giving advice but if I did it would be to talk to more than your partner. Possibly someone who has had an abortion so you can better understand the feelings you'll have after one. There's way more to it then your body your choice which is what I was raised to believe. Suprisingly I became pregnant again.. This time keeping my baby again. The long term story is my partner and I stayed together and raised two beautiful girls in the process, but I always think how it should be four beautiful children, and was either abortion a boy? Now, my first born just had her own baby, a boy.. Is this why my guilt and grief is so heavy today? Watching my own child as a mother... Do my children ever think about how they could've been one of those two abortions? And now that they may have their own children do they feel differently about abortion, me and my choices. My decision at the time didn't take into account how siblings of the aborted would feel down the road. I wonder, as good as my girls are about not making someone feel bad for a choice.. Do they secretly hate the fact or feel a missing sibling? How does my husband who I've been with all these years really feel about my abortions, does he feel like me? Feeling like I was too selfish in my decision making and grieving heavily. Everyday I think about my two children who I miss and love but chose not to have with me today. The grief is almost more than I can bare.

Rachel, our circumstances are almost identical and your story made me cry...wondering how you are now...its been several years for me and I am only now coming to terms with the emotional and spiritual pain that decision created. I knew, with every fibre of my being, that it was not the right choice for me but I did it because I felt there was no way out...I can't forgive myself. I am all about pro-choice but I wish there was more about the toll that abortion can take and the real physical and mental results it can have....away from religious beliefs and agenda.

Your post resonates with me to my core...I have a very similar story....I am very much pro-choice but how I wish there had been / are today, real truth, real 'talk' about the physical, mental and spiritual pain and depression that can result - away from a religious agenda. No one told me I could bury the sadness so deep, rationalize the decision so methodically, for so long, only to wake up and realize it was the root of so many wrong turns since. This needs to be a real discussion in clinics and hospitals prior to procedures being considered or carried out.

I am so glad I found this. Your situation is similar to mine. Although no one I knew wanted me to have an abortion, I was young and convinced life would go on as normal. The father was against abortion and was really excited to have the baby. But I did it anyway and I also lied and told him it was a miscarriage. He was devastated and that hurt me because I loved him. I still do. I fell into a deep depression and eight years later I am still coping with depression. Every day is a struggle not to break down. How could I lie about someone's life? What right did I have to take away his child? What kind of mother kills her own baby? Some days its unbearable.

To those considering abortion... Don't! I had one back on May 6, 2009. It is now 2016. I regret my decision every day. Since my decision, I have been blessed with two children, but constantly feel a piece of me missing. My fears, insecurities, and uncertainties in my partner and job prospect to provide at the time drove my decision. I was in college, had no clue I was pregnant until I was 5 weeks along. It caused a heated argument with my partner and myself. Our fears led us to that room. I saw my baby's heart beat, he never did. I contemplated adoption, I thought about having the baby. But I had no job and no way to provide. I was so close to graduation and had been denied so many jobs. My partner couldn't keep a job. And I had been drinking heavily in the first five weeks as I could not fathom the possibility of being pregnant as we had used the condom and had no clue there was an issue. I was so distraught. I walked my graduation two days after the abortion. I laid in bed for weeks depressed. My partner, my best friend, and I were the only ones who knew. I kept that secret until 2013. I still beat myself up emotionally over my choice. I've read board after board. Talked to a counselor. Gone to therapy. Gone to church. I've tried everything to deal with my guilt and been told to forgive myself. But at moments like this, when alone, I cry. It hurts and I feel like a murderer. I pray constantly for forgiveness and seem to find none in my heart. This went against my morals and my dream to be a mom. I was scared. I know some people do this for a very founded reason... But if you are just scared and unsure.... Please know the guilt stays. This study is so true. Don't make my mistake. 7 years later, I think of how my baby would be turning 7 in two months. Life goes on after wards, but please if you have an option think about it twice. I regret mine.

Contact me please

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Wish I could talk to you
Abbra

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