Bipolar boyfriend breaking up with me every 3/4months- at my

I would really like to talk to you...Im going through the same..

I’ve been with my bipolar boyfriend for going 5 years he just decided to end it a couple of weeks ago, this has been going off and on for a couple of months since he started talking to a girl he used to want to date in high school where we met. I’m not usually a jealous type but he started being secretive and lying to me about where he’s been and what he was doing, that caused a rift in our relationship, I confronted him on one of his lies and he ended it, now we are young parents, we have a 3 year old son together, and live with his parents. His dad who also has bipolar talked to him and he stoped hanging out and talking to said girl and we worked on our relationship again. It lasted for a couple of months till he said he was making all the changes and I was doing nothing to change. Now mind you he drinks, smokes pot, and is unmediated. We have tried multiple times to get him to go when he’s on his better stages but he won’t put in the effort. I work at a hospital which is long hours I get home make dinner for us and play with our son, when he gets home he usually goes upstairs smokes and either listens to music or plays video games till I call him down for dinner but even then he’ll come down and eat it but then go upstairs. Now that he’s called it off again he’s looking for his own place, I’ll be staying with his parents only because our son had a learning disability and is making good progress in his program we don’t want him regressing with me taking him some where else, they also agree with me that he is being a total a-hole. He’s also now in contact with said girl again and is trying to inciate a relationship with her. His mom said he’ll be back in a couple of weeks or until the girl finally goes through all his money. I’m trying to get over him but it’s not as easy to do only because when he is on his high good moods he makes it so easy to love him and he loves with everything he has until he gets down into his depression state then everything I do is wrong. I don’t want to keep waiting for him but I just can’t seem to move on.

I am going through the same thing for 7 years now He says he wants to be alone he doesnt know himself its the worst rollercoaster ride of my life this on off moodswings he has. It has basically destroyed me. He is like this again as of this week and I have now decided I cannot do this anymore. I love him dearly but I cannot be like a switch for when he needs it. I am devastated. 7 years of my life GONE. And all the good men I turned down for him. Not once did he appreciate me really. Its just him him and my needs doesnt count at all

Thank you for that. I needed to hear that I have a boyfriend who is so up and down he wants me one day and in just a few hours he thinks of something that happened a day before and starts nitpicking me. Then dumps me and say I am not ready for no relationship. Maybe hours later will send me a message saying that he loves me. This is all in one day that my head would be spinning. I asked him to get on some meds and see a therapist, but he says that he don't want to not be medicated because we are not ourselves on meds. He said he feel like a zombie. I mentioned to him that he becomes another person when is suppose to be his normal. I told him that I want off this rollercoaster ride. It is not healthy for me nor him. It began to make me believe that I was Bi-polar. I know that I am not but after being with him I will need a therapist. When he is in a great mood he is good but when he is not its all bad he shuts down and don't want to be bother by anyone. He will have all calls going straight to voicemail. When the Holidays would come is where he really shuts down even when I invite him to come spend time with my family he mentions the reason why he don't is because he never had that growing up so it's very uncomfortable for him. I think he is suffering from social anxiety too on top of depression. It has really weighed on me. I know he keeps coming back and for me I need to be strong and not allow him back.All I can do is pray for him at this point. I wish he was better and I feel sad because you feel as if you are abandoning them especially after he has confided and is family is not around. I kind of see why he pushes them all away.

As I have read in earlier posts, and experienced first-hand, there IS no solution. You have to deal with it, just like they do. The confusing part is not really knowing if they have fallen out of love with you, or if it's an episode. It can really wear you down, but then I think of the horrible turns their moods can take and I try to be forgiving. I try not to close the door, but I have to stay semi-detached. It is hardest when intimacy is supposed to be involved. Again, it is draining - for both of you. Someone also wrote earlier that you have to figure out whether the good outweighs the bad. Difficult.

Thank you SO much for this post. What your wrote is what I lived for two years (minus having a child with him) and every phase you described once the final break up comes, is exactly what I have been battling. I’m now 16 weeks post-break-up with zero warning and zero explanation, zero acknowledgment, nothing. He just quit responding to me one day. But two years of a reached 3,4,5 month cycle with a bazillion excuses, completely ignoring me multiple times, like I am just done.
I find comfort in knowing I’m not the only one— and so I thank you, truly from the bottom of my heart for you posting and explaining your relationship. I’m sorry for your pain and happy to hear you are healing.

Okay! I'm here!

Michelle, I understand it has been year since your post. How are you doing? I have been living with a depressed man for 2.5 years. He has broken up with me out of the blue twice. He is also a violent binge drinker. I would come home from work during his day off for him to be a mean stummbling mess often hurting me physically when trying to exit the situation and stay the night at my parents. He totally blacks out. I understood his illness so i would return the next day and never rub it in. Everything would be perfect until the following week when he would repeat his drinking episode. This went on during the entirety of our relationship. He often gets in moods where he says he doesnt know what love is, or he thinks he doesnt love me and eventually breaks up with me. His father has massive bipolar depression. My guy isnt totally honest with his therapist. He wont stop drinking so it doesnt help his mental state. He just broke up with me and asked me move out of our home and 7 days later delivered flowers himself to my work. I met up with him at our once shared home and he said there is a hole in his heart with my name on it. None of that mattered. He is still so confused. I went there tonight and he had a shrine of all of our decorations light really pretty but treated me like c**p. I told him i would let him be like he wanted but will always love him. My heart is breaking. He said "oh youre giving up" when all i do is show him love support and show him dedication. It makes no sense. This blog is so helpful. It makes me realize it isny me and that i did nothing wrong. So thank you! Best of luck to you all. I need lots of prayers. It feels like my whole world crumbled.

I’m going through this right now, it’s been two weeks. Should I just leave it and give him space?

I’m going through the same thing. I have been with my boyfriend nearly 9 years. He is in NC & I am in Connecticut. We’ve known each other since teenage years.
Our fairytale relationship started off intensely & we were so in love. I started seeing red flags with in the first six months. I noticed sudden changes in his behavior. He would start an argument out of the blue. When I confronted him I was met with my first silent treatment. Not knowing what was going on, I was not going to tolerate the behavior. I stayed quiet. Three weeks later he sent me a text asking me if I missed him & I responded yes.
Things were really going great and I was so happy with him. I started noticing changes in his behavior and a dominant side was appearing. In other words, it was to be his way or the highway. That was the beginning of the rollercoaster ride I’ve been on for almost nine years. Any time I had a disagreement with him there was never a conversation. It was over !
I would give it a day or two to calm down and then attempt a rational conversation stating that ending our relationship over something so trivial was just ridiculous and I loved him to much to end things over a disagreement. Again, I was met with no response to my calls or texts and he immediately went back to the silent treatment. Bewildered and confused I would make every attempt to get through to him. I even apologized profusely for whatever I did to upset him. As embarrassing as it is to say this , I even begged him to forgive me, as if I’d done something so terrible, but the reality is that I merely disagreed with him. I was crushed. I didn’t want to lose him because I had just gotten out of a mentally abusive relationship and to me he was my rescuer.
The ignoring this time around was for at least a month and then we would patch things up and things were wonderful once again.
Unfortunately, this pattern has continued and is still continuing. These episodes became more and more frequent, approximately every three to four months, leaving me devastated and unraveled once again. The silent treatments lasted months at at time. I didn’t understand what was happening to me or why. I t left me feeling like there was something wrong with me. I lost all my confidence and self respect. I went from being on a pedestal to a puppet on a string. I was going through emotional turmoil,yet petrified to leave him fearing I would was undesirable and worthless to anyone. I sought counseling and tried to get myself to a healthier place.
Of course my boyfriend came back to me again and things went right back to “ normal “ . Again, I felt a sense of relief the ignoring phase was over & was determined to be the best girlfriend I could be by trying not do disagree with him about anything . I lost myself in his world and he was completely in control of me.
I degraded myself by allowing this to happen again and I knew He looked down on me like a pathetic shell of a person. It was the most self destructive thing I’ve ever done. Fast forward to last summer.....we broke up yet again after just spending five weeks together at his apartment. His son has lived with him for several years and has real issues and is on a list where it’s difficult , nearly impossible, to get his own place. He is 35 years old and has continuously tried to sabotage his dad and my relationship. He’s sneaky and conniving. The whole situation is dysfunctional. After I returned home from my visit I addressed my concerns about his son and the things he was doing. Instead Of him confronting the situation, he ended our relationship. This was the worst of the breakups. We were on the phone having a conversation and when I brought up the reason I was stressing and uncomfortable with what was going on every time I visited, he just snapped at me and told me it was over. I cried to him asking him why it always comes to this every time I try to talk to him about the truth of what’s happening and what I needed from him to make thing better. I said please don’t do this again, I love you. He shouted at the top of his lungs “ I know you love me. He said he wanted a divorce and we weren’t married. He hung up on me.i tried to call him back and he berated me . I was walking into a restaurant to attend a reunion party and I was beside myself. Everyone noticed. I couldn’t even stay. I was truly on the verge of a breakdown.
I didn’t know what to do. We had a vacation planned for the end of the month. I stayed silent hoping things would calm down and we would still be going away together.
Three days later, he blocked me off his fb page. I was devastated. What ensued was horrifying.
All the years together,no matter if we were broken up, he’d never disrespected me or put anything on fb about me or our relationship.
This time, he got on fb and wrote horrible things about me and portrayed me as a crazy jealous, lunatic that was controlling him from six hundred miles away. He started flirting all over fb to girls I knew. He was posting all kinds of crazy things. He was drinking heavily and unraveling. I stayed quiet the entire time & posted nothing on my fb page . The person that told me he loved me and wanted to take care of me was the very person who was torturing me both publicly and privately.
This lead me further into a downward spiral. I couldn’t eat or sleep. I drove everyone who would listen crazy. I felt like I was going crazy. I Lost thirty pounds in those four months.
Last November, we got back together again. Yes, after all he did to destroy me I took him back.
That lasted a few months and yet over words , our relationship ended once again.
Yes , he came back into my life a few months later & he told me he loved me and he didn’t want to lose me. I told him I don’t believe him and that I knew he would only do the same thing to me.
He promised he would never do this to me again. That was June 1, 2019.
He has gone above and beyond to make me happy. He’s treated me like a queen and showered me with love and adoration. I was so happy because our rollercoaster relationship was finally on a new track. He promised me he would not drink vodka anymore as it lead him into a dark and destructive place ( my words) I have been praying things would stay like this. We even went apartment searching together because he told his son he wanted a place just for him and I & he wasn’t renewing his lease and told his son he had to get his own place.
I’ve waited for years for him to do this. I have been feeling so elated since we got back together.
On May 22, he drove from North Carolina to see me & attend a retirement luncheon with me. We had such a wonderful time. The next day we drove to a beautiful resort on the ocean and had a fabulous brunch and enjoyed cocktails facing the ocean .
After that, we went to the Casino & had a wonderful time.
I drove back to North Carolina with him and stayed for almost three weeks . Things were so wonderful & we had an amazing time. I’ve been home almost two weeks now . Last Saturday morning we talked on the phone like we always do. We hung up saying I love you to each other. Later that day we got into words over something so trivial and he started saying things that were insulting . Talking about being on the phone 24/7 and how I’m a terrible listener & all kinds of other things. It was like out of nowhere that the ugly side of him was emerging. I said why are you doing this ? Things have been so good between us. I told him I was so disappointed in him after pulling me back into this relationship and promising me he would never do this again. I knew he would have never talked to me like this again if he wasn’t drinking Vodka.
I thought for sure by morning he’d be apologizing profusely. Not only did he not apologize, I haven’t heard from him at all. I texted him a very long message on Tuesday . He didn’t reply.
Hours later I texted again asking why he was ignoring my text. He replied he wasn’t ignoring it but wanted to be alone saying he had a lot on his mind. Then he wrote BTW I never touched the Vodka. Nite.
I messaged him back and then tried to call to talk to him about this before it went any further. He didn’t answer and has not reached out to me at all.
I thought maybe i would hear from him the next morning but i didn’t.
I texted him and asked him if he was going to call me or are we going down this road again. He texted back good morning already at work I’ll call you later , have a great day.
I knew he was blowing me off so i sent him a very long message letting him know i deserve and apology and it’s not ok that he’s doing this once again, after just begging me to forgive him. and promising he wouldn’t ever do this again. He never called.
Here we go again. He just begged me to take him back and now he’s doing this. I’m not sure if he has bipolar disorder or something else but i know this is not normal. He lives in another state so it’s not like I can drive to his house.. He just told me to leave my clothes and shoes at his house because I’d be back there soon .He just bought me two bottles of my favorite perfume so I’d have them at his place .
I’m in shock and disbelief. My family and friends are asking me why when this is what he’s been doing for years. I guess i believed he truly meant it this time . I feel it’s over again & I’m expecting the worst.
I’m expecting him to get back on fb and it’s going to be a repeat of last summer. I feel like I’m in a nightmare.
This is horrible!
Can anyone give me any insight ?

Simple answer, just forget about him and get on with your life because he's not worth the effort!
Don't keep making excuses for him because he will never change.

I'm crying reading this. I feel your pain , sweet girl. I hope things change for you now that he's been diagnosed and is on medication. Maybe he will balance out soon and begin to feel better again. At least he's sought help. I know your pain and have lived it over and over. Sending you hugs and prayers.

I am wondering if the guy I'm with has bipolar disorder. We have been together , long distance , for almost 9 years. I started noticing a pattern the first few years but talked myself out of believing the possibility it could be true.

For as long as I can remember, every time we've had a disagreement, he gives me the silent treatment for months at a time, In the beginning I though It was my fault and I would call him , only to get ignored .Then I would text him and take all the blame, I even resorted to begging his forgiveness.
Losing my dignity and self respect to gain his forgiveness .

I have never done this and I was so distraught over our breakup that I got ill. I got high blood pressure and severe anxiety. I started seeing a therapist. I felt I couldn't and didn't want to live without him. This has gone on our entire relationship and has made me physically ill, yet , I still love him and forgive him every time.


Last summer, he ended our relationship again over saying something he didn't like , I was tired of walking on egg shells and decided I needed to be allowed to voice my opinions and feelings without having to worry if he was going to break up with me again, which he did, This time, unlike the prior 7 breakups, he went on his social media saying horrible thing about me,


I was humiliated and hurt beyond belief. He was flirting all over fb and putting up rants on his fb page to destroy me,
He even made friends with his ex wife who he claimed he was so unhappy with for the 29 years and was sorry he married, but put up a love song on fb for her. It devastated me. He was on a drunken binge. He was out of control and doing & saying crazy things. Mutual friends were messaging me asking me if there was something wrong with him.


This affected me so bad that I lost 30lbs during those four months. It was the longest we were ever apart. we got back together last November , only to break up in February , We just got back together in May and he has treated me better than ever and has told me he's so sorry for everything he's put me through. He promised he would never do it again.


I kept asking him if he was certain this wasn't going to happen again because I couldn't survive another one of these breakups, and he said it wasn't going to happen because he loved me and wanted us to be together, Things have been wonderful since then . He did something to upset me only once since we got back together. I was so hurt and ready to end it.


The next day I got a text from him begging my forgiveness and promising to never cross the line again. He said he was so disappointed in himself for hurting me and said it had bothered him the whole day. This was the first apology I've received from him in 8 1/2 years. I was so happy that for the first time , he was showing me that he really cared about me.

He even promised to not drink when I wasn't with him and limit what he did drink when I was.
I believe his alcohol and mood swings are somehow connected. I forgave him and thinsg were as wonderful as ever, until the Saturday before last. We had our usual morning chat. I was going for a drive in the country and he was going to relax from his long work week.


During the afternoon I texted him to see how his day was going He was taking his time answering my texts, ( we re in two different states) When we spoke on the phone later that evening all seemed fine. As soon as I brought up the texts he ignored , he became nasty and rude. He was insulting me and raising his voice. I didn't respond well . I reacted instead and I told him how disappointed I was that he was doing this, He began to mock me and I felt belittled. In the heat of the moment I lashed back using some vulgar language, which I truly regret now , but it was a trigger based on past treatment. ( not making an excuse for that behavior & I'm upset with myself.)


I felt he was going down that road again and I couldn't do anything to stop it from happening. It hurt me to the core, I mean , he just begged me to take him back promising not to ever do this to me again. Well its ten days today since I've heard from him. I waited the first two days before texting him explaining how he made me feel and why I reacted the way I did. He didn't respond. I texted him 4 hours later and asked if he was ignoring my text.


He responded by saying he's not ignoring it but wants to be alone and has a lot on his mind. I tried to call but he didn't pick up the phone. His whole behavior had changed overnight from being so in love and so sorry , to ignoring me and not accepting my call. I waited two days before texting again and asked him if he was going to call or if we were going down this road again.


He texted back good morning , I'm already at work Ill call you later.. He never called. The next day I asked him what his intentions were. He sent me a long text about how hard his work week was, told me he wasn't in a good mood and that he call tomorrow. I asked why tomorrow ? He didn't respond back. The next day was Saturday. Exactly one week from the day we first argued. He never called and still hasn't . Today makes ten days. He's clearly doing what he's done all these years. This is a pattern. I think he's truly got some kind of bipolar or borderline personality disorder but I'm not a professional. I just know that something isn't right and I have done research on line of those patterns and behaviors. That's the only reason I mentioned it.


I was just with him for three weeks prior to this and we has a wonderful time together. I love him so much but based on his normal patterns, when he ignores me , it means its over. He is 60 years old. I went from feeling elated to heartbroken in an instant. I will not reach out again and the waiting game begins once again . I feel like a puppet on a string. Its awful. I saw someone write about seasonal depression. I have never heard of that but he did the same thing to me last year during the same months. Friends and family tell me to just move on & that there's something wrong with him. People feel sorry for me because I keep taking him back. I've lost so many friends because of this. I'm seeing its the same months every year. Can anyone give any advice.

That's exactly where I'm at now. I love my guy so much but this has been going on for years and I though it was juvenile head games. I really think its much, much more. Its a pattern that's not changing, only getting worse .His drinking has become excessive too . It was never like this.. Frightening !

I so agree. My guy started saying things like that last fall , out of the blue. I was in disbelief when he said it. I felt like I was in a nightmare while I was awake. Its draining me.

I am new to this blog and just reading all the comments. I even found something I wrote last week but couldn't find it until I just put up a long post on here & realized it was in this forum. I'm so sorry for all of us who are going through this. My heart cant take much more but knowing I'm not alone, somehow gives me comfort . Please feel free to chat on here if you want to. I will do my best to be there to listen.