Bipolar boyfriend breaking up with me every 3/4months- at my

I know it has been a while since you posted this, but wondered how things are now and if you guys were still together. I am going through a very traumatic breakup with my boyfriend now. We have broken up before but this time was different. Feel sick! Thank you for any help you can offer!

How do I find out about this man?!

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you sound more full of yourself then bipolar. I guess you have to tell yourself all those thing to make you feel more superior to others. Oh well what ever gets you through. P.S. I would take someone gifted to be with someone like you.

Sam,



May I ask who you are directing your comment to? I've been trying to follow this post...but it seems there have been several postings regarding witch doctors and the such - and they do not seem related at all...

sorry for your painful experience - yes, it is DEVASTATING...just remember that HER behavior is not a reflection of your kindness -

I think am in a BP relationship with my boyfriend. I didn't realise it until reading up on it and joining this group. I have been with him for 2 1/2 years on and off. Starting in April 2010, we became very much in love straight away. I had know him for 35 years but we only got together in 2010. By June he went off, exactly the same pattern as you describe. It started mid June, got worse July/August and he was ok again in September. I had no idea hat was going on at all. he has a child that he has not seen since a baby despite years of trying to. His ex made it impossible. because his sons birthday is August I assumed this is what got him down - I know it triggers something. The child is 15 now. Anyway, September through to Feb was fine, not great and he was up and down but it was ok. February 2011 I felt him going off again and at the end of May he left my house saying he would call me the next day. he didnt and I didn't see him again. He left the odd message on Facebook, random messages, like nothing had happened. I never asked or brought his behaviour up. Last August I saw him in in car, he turned back to find me but I had gone. he text me, I replied, we did that for weeks and we finally made a date to meet up October last year. We met, he threw his arms around me and told me "you know I love you don't you" well no I didn't actually, not with his behaviour. I spent the weekend at his place we had a lovely weekend, we talked about our 'relationship' and agreed we should commit to each other. he couldn't explain why he did what he did. he said he just didn't know? So, since last October we have been fine, lots of loving, caring, the odd strange days here and there but he promised me he wasn't going anywhere again. he promised more than once. Mid July I felt him going again, short one word answers on texts, days where he didd't answer his phone. We were going away for a week 3rd August, taking my 2 kids. We went but I knew he wasn't right. When we were on holiday, he told me that he had had a bad week the week before, I told him I knew that because of his lack of contact. By the second day of our holiday he was ready to pack his bag and go home, he was picking on the kids and almost looking for a way out. We never argued at all, we were fine and he was telling me how much he loved me and we were planning future holidays etc. We ended up coming home a day early, he blamed my kids (normal 13 & 15 years olds who is usually very fond of and treats well). when we got home, he picked up his bags, told me he couldn't be in my house with my kids a minute longer. He was really quite rotten to my kids, and they were clearly shocked and quite scared of him. His anger was frightening. I have not heard from him since then. 7 weeks now. He has ignored every call, text, e mail even the front door. I sent him a text to tell him my mum passed away last week, he knew she was very ill and he finally responded telling me how sorry he was etc and that he was 'not in a good place at all right now'. that text could have been written by someone else, it was different, sort of formal? that is the only text I have had in 7 weeks. Last week, I was on Facebook and I put as my status "time for bed" within seconds he sent me a message on there "Likewise, just off myself!" that was it - I just replied "nite xx" that is it???? I was just reading on here where someone said it can be a seasonal thing, I am beginning to think so as this happens mainly during the summer. I really don't know what to do now. I think I will hear from him but I keep thinking is this it now, the end? I really do think he is Bi-polar, even he mentioned it once or twice. Any help, advice or just talk would help me right now, from anyone who is going through this.

Thank you all for the posts, I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and I finally have had enough! In three years time we broke up at least 10 times, the last was a long time, I cannot be there to pick up the pieces after he messes up when he comes back broke and thrown out of every placed he's lived while he was gone bc no one can put up with him for very long, he has cheated on me every time we broke! He is diagnosed as manic bi polar with long depressive phases where he wants to hit someone or is suicidal. He is much younger than me, and now I realize he just wanted a mommy and someone strong to lean on temporarily, it hurts, but I am better off without him! I am tired of trying to keep him off drugs and away from alcohol during his phases, he refuses to take any meds. I will pray for him, but let him abuse someone else for a change and stay gone!

I feel like you just wrote a story about my life!

You could have been describing my relationship with my man as it is exactly the same and he also has a child he hasn't seen since birth although she is only 7. We have been together for exactly a year this week and he has already left me five times - each time the same pattern. He is overly loving and telling me how we must get married and I am his soulmate. Then he becomes distant - this can even be the day after he has said this. Then he cries and says he doesnt love me any more, packs his bags and leaves. A week later he is back saying he cannot live without me and I am his soulmate. But the same happens again and again. He left me again yesterday. I have been reading through this page and analysing his behaviour which seems to be triggered by a stressful situation in his life - this week's episode I believe has been triggered by the fact that I am going away on holiday next week with my girlfriends. Someone on here has written that Bi Polar is similar to Hypomania so I have researched this and it would seem like the symptoms of Hypomania match him exactly, This can be caused by losing a loved one early in life - his mother died when he was 7. He has many characteristics of this illness, including manic behaviour followed by deep depression, extreme loving followed by completely cold and numb feelings towards situations and people and buying extremely expensive items that he then loses interest in and discards. He is highly intelligent and seems unable to tolerate fools and is very possesive of me and always needs to feel safe. I am a very outgoing "life and soul of the party" type person and sadly I believe I bring out the worst in him as I feel this makes him insecure. Each time he leaves me he goes back to his ex partner who is 15 yrs older than him and "safe" (his words not mine). Within a week he is climbing the walls and cannot live without me. I was previously married for 20 years and have subsequent relationships since then but he is "the one". I am utterly distraught without him but I have come to realise that I have no future with him as I feel unable to trust him with my future. I do not know what to do!!

After reading everyone's posts here, I must say it's giving me lots of mixed feelings. On one hand, it feels good to know I am not alone, on the other hand, it is also becoming a reality check for me. Here is my story: I met my boyfriend 8 months ago and after dating for 2 months, we got together. The dating process was sweet and stress-free and it only became natural that we should be an item. The next 3 weeks was great and we did many things together, until he started becoming distant, to the point of forgetting our appointments. I confronted him but he refused to speak and just said it's not working out. The next 3 days he avoided me. It was then I decided to speak to a psychotherapist as I was very confused and hurt, and she spoke a truth I have been trying to ignore - 'Has it ever occured to you he might have bipolar type 1?'. I am a medical practitioner myself and have suspected that he might be. The next day, he finally agreed to meet me, and after an hour of talk (me mostly) he agreed to give it another try. For the next two months, it was mainly smooth sailing,except he's got terrible mood swings, until the next fight. It was over a very trivial miscommunication that he totally excommunicated me and told me it's over and he stopped loving me, and he was disgusted by me. My world collapsed that night. A day later, he sent me a long message apologising for his erratic behavior and that he overacted and he shouldn't have stopped loving me for a night. He begged me to forgive him. Since then, we've been on two lovely holidays together and had many special moments. I gave the world to him, did everything for him, and loved him like I've never did. Last night, he told me he stopped loving me, and that he's stopped loving me for a month. I was devasted but I was numb at the same time. I told him if that's what he really wants then we should end things immediately. I asked him if he wanted to break up, but he shook his head. I tried to remove the ring from his finger but he wouldn't let me. He then hugged me and we had sex. This morning, we were like strangers and didn't speak a word to each other. In my job, I have helped many with mood conditions, but now that it is happening to myself, I am at a loss.

Hi, I've been having the exact same problem. I cannot express to you how strange it is for me to read all of these posts and relate to them down to the very last word. 

I have been with my Bi-polar boyfriend for 1 year and 6 months (officially) and we've been best friends for roughly three years. He was diagnosed with cyclothymia a "milder" form of bipolar (however i think it has progressed to full bipolar) when he was 17, he is now 19. We have broken up 3 or 4 times and it has also been over a course of a few months, where he really loves me and cant live without me, to being extremely distant and cheating on me. I had forgiven him the first time but he then began to flirt with ex's and it really left me heartbroken, but i somehow persevered. We have been absolutely amazing the past few months and its this week he began to play up again. He became distant, said he was busy with work etc. He has also become an extremely heavy drinker and actually an alcoholic, where he has been drinking every night with his "new friends" from work, he also has a drug problem and is very easily peer pressured by his 30 year old weed smoking friends that work in a music shop. He takes medication (so i believe) however not properly or on time, he does not have any therapy because he believes it is a waste of time plus the combination of excessive alcohol basically is cancelling out the medication so he believes he is just messing up the whole time when he isn't actually letting the medication work properly. Also only a small number of people no that he is bipolar, his parents do not even know, so he has no support system except me and it has become extremely hard like i am his carer and his mother! I have tried my very best to help him through, and he knows it. He just doesn't want to hurt me anymore even though he loves me very much, but i know he will come crawling back. So i'm in a very hard predicament as he is my first boyfriend and i don't know anything other than him.

I know that we probably won't be together forever but as he has been my best friend for many years its impossible to just let him go on a crazy downward spiral, this includes; failing his exams in college (he is studying film),  deciding he might move in with a mate that is a drug addict and alcoholic, not being able to control his outbursts of spending money etc.

I really feel for those that have any form of bipolar and i know that if someone doesn't have it they will never understand. I just wish something could be done to help keep them balanced for the long term. I also feel so much better from reading this forum and learning that i am not alone.

Should i carry on without him, wait for him to come back then try and persuade him to get some more support, or just leave him to crash into a mental breakdown? It's just so hard.

Wishing the best to everyone in the same situation.

I just wanted to respond to this thread and let everyone know how much their stories have been a spring of solace for me. I have felt very alone in my situation with nowhere to turn, and it is comforting knowing there are others out there who suffer over the same feelings. I was with a wonderful man for two years - he started out as a prince charming. I don't like to use the word perfect - but he was pretty darn close. He would send me flowers and cards to my work place every week. Take me on weekend getaways every month. Very considerate and kind. After 8 months together, we moved in together. And I unfortunately lost my job shortly there after. It seems that when I became jobless - his opinion of me completely changed. He would be supportive of my job search one day. And then the next day berate me. I ended up taking a horrible job so that I would stop feeling like a loser. But even when I started working again and contributing to our lifestyle - he continued to be critical. And I was always there to say "I'm sorry." "I'll try harder." "I didn't know that I was hurting you." I think that is what was so hard - I was always supposed to guess beforehand that actions that I thought were normal - were actually hurtful to him. He would tell me something was okay - like taking a few weeks to find a good job - and then change his mind quickly there after. His response was always "You should have known!" He eventually kicked me out of his house and then begged for me back two days later, but I decided it was best that we lived a part for awhile. And that did seem to help. But once I moved out he no longer was able to criticize my job or income, (Even though I loaned him money every month) and instead was critical of how many friends I had. He broke up with me again - this time for no reason. And again, he wanted me back the next day. It's strange because the last few months have been pretty good - I got a great new job, been making new friends, and I've been feeling very confident and strong. I had also been pouring a lot of energy into the relationship by finding new activities, doing new things, being more open, being extremely generous....But he called me one day after work saying he never wanted to see me again. That I supposedly had lied about a job interview from a year and a half ago. The unfortunate thing was that I was staying with him for a week while I was moving into a new apartment - and I wonder if that put him over the edge. Into one of his lows. I had to get a hotel room for four days - during Valentine's day. And he set up a blog in the meantime basically writing letters to me saying that I needed to be respectful of him, that he can't wait to find love again, and that I made him depressed. He also sent me songs he wrote about me, entitling them "Goodbye Maureen Part 1, 2,3, ..etc, etc." The day I was going to go over to his place to move out my things, he was changing the locks and told me I was disrespectful of him for not telling me what time I was going to come over. (I told him I was going to be there while he was at work to not create confrontation.) But then he started going between crying and shaking and laughing in the matter of minutes and asked me to help him change the locks because he was shaking too badly. The last thing he said to me was "I miss you so much, I don't know what I'm doing," as I was walking out the door. It's only been a week since I last heard from him, but it has felt like 20 years. That last sentence he said to me is so confusing and hurtful. And yet I feel like I carry everything alone, I still question my actions - did I do something wrong? I didn't mean to spill my guts here, it's just nice to get it out.

I really need help.  I have been reading all these posts and I think I have the same issue.  My bf of a year is sweet, caring and tells me a million times a day how much he loves me.  To be honest it was so overwhelming in the beginning, but I grew to really care about him.  He has been divorced and told me he ruined the marriage.  He has this "anxiety" problem and gets very short tempered when things bother him.  Apparently he was on a ton of meds and had terrible side effects (blindness, losing days at a time) and he isn't sure exactly what the kicker was but she left.

Enter me two years later, he is starting to feel better about himself, on no medication now, and persued me hard.  We had a lot of fun, did things, he was constantly telling me nice things.  He then opened a business which has been an extreme financial and emotional burden, throwing him heavy into debt.  Things are starting to pick up.  He has wanted to quit the business so many times I can't count.  I support him 100 percent and tell him it will be ok, I have never put this much effort into a relationship b/c he has been so nice.  He talked of the future, hinting at marriage and kids, where we would move....He moved in 5 months ago and has now left again for the second time.

This time a dumb fight triggered it, and he left later telling me that he was done, this was "too much" for him right now.  I went to see him face to face and could not believe the things he was saying, like a light switch.  He wasn't at home in my house, a week earlier he was rushing home to see me....he wasn't sure if he could move on from his past, contradicting the millions of things he said to me about "our future".  I couldn't believe the things coming out of his mouth.  He was cold, distant and strange.  I thought this was about the business stress but the more I read, I fear not.

I am embarressed to say this but I begged for him to come home, how could he be so caring one minute (I love you messages all day) and so off the next?  This has been 5 days now, last time it was 3.  I am so lost.  Do I pack all his stuff and just let it go or wait?  I can't believe this is what he really wants but I can't pretend he didn't say it.  He says he loves me so much and can't hurt me anymore.

Is this a bi-polar issue or stress from a failed marriage and stress?

Please help

 

I was recently "discarded" by my bipolar fiancé and I'm left to pick up the pieces (once again) and I'm quite distraught and looking for any insight you can provide.  We were together for 3.5 years and upon our initial dating he casually/jokingly mentioned he was bipolar; he seemed so charming, so stable, so magnetic and kind that I thought very little of his statement. I was "OK" with his being bipolar. I even questioned in my mind if he was TRULY bipolar or perhaps misdiagnosed.  At any rate after about a year the relationship became very tumultuous and rocky. He left his beautiful wife prior to meeting me and I could never wrap my head around why he left such a beautiful, classy, kind, intelligent woman. That should have been the first red flag. In addition, they have 3 children together and they are young, still in grade school. He left for some random girl he met in Miami and then lived with tremendous guilt for wrecking the marriage, and although I had nothing to do with their divorce, he hid me from his entire family for the first year.  I eventually met everyone (including the ex wife and children) and they all reluctantly welcomed me with open arms. After a few more years of dating they saw me as part of the family and his ex wife (whom he still has contact with every day and verbally abuses) was very happy I was around to help with the children when he had them. He is a great, loving, affectionate, doting, giving father. He's in love with his children and would die for them, cooks them breakfast, kisses them, takes them to movies, ball games, pays for private schooling, cries when they're not around, etc. Yet with everyone else he's emotionally unavailable.  He is also a functioning addict and drinks to self medicate I presume. He also abused cocaine and opiates and has been in rehab twice (which he left because he swore he was "nothing like those losers") and he's kicked his coke/pill addiction but he still drinks.  He is very, very intelligent. He owns and runs his own business to great success and is very sharp and insightful yet emotionally he's like a child. He started verbally and emotionally abusing me, withdrawing, doesn't want to be touched, no intimacy, and will NEVER discuss our issues. He ALWAYS says "I'm not in the mood. You're putting me on the spot."  He went from wanting sex all the time to basically never. He doesn't buy me birthday gifts then calls me a "princess" if it hurts my feelings, puts zero effort into accommodating me, never drives to see me, it's all about his schedule, his time frame, his needs, his kids, his wants, his addictions. I went through this roller coaster for several years where he'd stop all contact with me then come back crying, pleading, saying he's damaged, he doesn't deserve me, he loves me more than life itself and to please give him another chance. He twists and manipulates any and everything I say, takes zero accountability and emotionally neglects me. We'd break up with every time his promising he's changed and he can't lose me, etc. So I'd always go back.  Most recently we broke up in August because he went MIA and then he came back crying in October and bought me a 5 carat diamond ring in December and said he'd get his vasectomy reversed and he'll do anything to keep me and wants to marry me and have children with me. I accepted the engagement and I started moving my things into his home. Everything was wonderful, he left me notes every day, kissed me every morning and told me repeatedly how much he loved me. After a month he started withdrawing, no sex, sleeping with his back to me, neglecting me and being very emotionally abusive. I was furious and hurt beyond words. Within 2 months he said "I can't do this. I don't want anymore children. I'll always love you. You don't deserve this. I need to figure this out. I'm sorry I'm doing this to you but I can't be with you because I don't know how to communicate."  That was 3 weeks ago. I moved out when he was at work and have zero closure. He always told me he'll never find anyone sexier, smarter or better with his children. He goes from hot to cold. Although we were fighting a lot towards the end he pretty much ended it one day with no excuse or effort to get counseling together. If I ever left him he'd cry like a baby, phone me 20 times a day or plead with me. Now that he's left me he's being very cold and cruel and shows no desire to reconcile or even give me answers. He basically told me "Don't let it ruin your day." This entire scenario has been absolutely maddening and exhausting.  Is this normal for bipolar disorder and is it likely he'll ever come back? I appreciate any insight and thoughts.  Thank you kindly for your time. 

My boyfriend recently broke  up with me about talking about moving in together and having an amazing week together, and had me buy a plan ticket to come see him in 3 weeks... then 5 days later things were a little different and felt off and he said it just wasnt working out and that he didnt love me any more. I wrote him long emails and told him hes done this before and he told me to never leave him but he insisted this time it was for real. How can you tell when the last time is the last time? I changed my number today but I still hope he finds a way to contact me isnt that sad.  I just wish I knew if he meant everything he said or if it was just a mood swing that will pass soon.  Should I cancel my flight?