Bipolar boyfriend breaking up with me every 3/4months- at my

I have been thru this for years before I finally wised up, our last break was 4-5 months and then he expected me to pick up the pieces, this time it's been 6 months and I'm done! He is on NO meds, he self medicates with booze, grass ans pils, chases other women and steals / borrows w/o paying back from everyone, this time when he goes down the tubes I won't be there! He is totally unpredictable and mood swings like a pendulum....my life is pleasant now without him!!

I can relate in every way to this forum. Every couple of weeks (if I'm lucky, months) my boyfriend tells me I'm not a part of the solution, he needs to be alone, he can't be with me, I need to go. He finds all these small reasons that make me a bad girlfriend - most of which make no sense. He asks me to list what I've done for him, pushes me away as much as he can. The worst part is he is so smart it all seems coherent to the point that I end up crying alone wondering how I could not realize that I am such an awful person. These "attempted break ups" hurt me so much, every single time. He says he loves me, but I wonder if in those moments he realizes what he is doing? The weekend before he is telling me he loves me more than anything, we are joking about future houses and then this happens. He "just wants to be alone", he "can't give anymore". What is the best way to act around him in those cases? I generally just try and give him space but I wish I could find the right words to support him, show him that I am not a part of the problem and that my love for him can be a part of the solution... Thank you for all the messages posted here, I feel less alone.

I've been with my boyfriend now 7 months. He is extremely handsome like a model it was hard to not be taken away by him. I heard rumours about him being "stalkerish" and i thought how could anyone ever mind someone so beautiful stalking them? I wanted to test the waters anyway and see for myself what these girls were talking about. I fell in love within the first week he was so charming and caring, thoughtful, attentive, generous, passionate. It was like i was living in a movie. When we would go out ppl would stare at us and i often wondered why. did they know something about him that i didn;t? About a month later when we were over by his house; he had an outburst and lashed out on his parents venting about his life and cursing them. Complaining the whole time and using vulgar words i thought then that that was it! i couldnt be with a person who disrespected their parents like that. But of course he apologized to me and i thought id forgive him. That all turned around when the depression dawned apon me and i was the one being victimised i literally ran away from him escaping. i still went back and its been up and down ever since. Forever complaining then if i left him by not speaking to him for a while he would say he loves me and if i leave him he would kill himself. he admitted he was bipolar and was not on any medication as he thought he didnt need it. I love him so much but he is "dangerous" he is very verbally abusive and out of control and he has started being physical with me. I feel sorry for him and some what responsible. i just cant leave him. i often wonder if he really loves me? thats what i hold onto. that it is true love and i forgive him for his outbursts. I wish someone would tell me if he loves me or not. cause if he doesn't i should leave.

Thank you so much for this post. So much of what you say resonates. It is, I suppose, too consistent to ignore. So many stories on this board are the same. Ups and downs and loving people trying to show up for their partners who are not consistently able to show up for us. I am grateful for the courageous women who have put up with it for years and give the sage advice to get out now. I am glad that you are going to school. My ex just broke up with me for the 3rd time a few days ago. The pain is unbearable, but better now than 10 years from now. Just seeing that your post is a year old. How are you now?

Thank you so much for this post. So much of what you say resonates. It is, I suppose, too consistent to ignore. So many stories on this board are the same. Ups and downs and loving people trying to show up for their partners who are not consistently able to show up for us. I am grateful for the courageous women who have put up with it for years and give the sage advice to get out now. I am glad that you are going to school. My ex just broke up with me for the 3rd time a few days ago. The pain is unbearable, but better now than 10 years from now. Just seeing that your post is a year old. How are you now?

Hello all. Selfishly, I'm glad to see this isn't just me going through hell with a bipolar 2 partner. I started seeing her about 8 months ago (despite her being just pregnant with an ex!) and we talked every day, without fail. She was honest about her bipolar and i thought I could handle it. About a month ago, out of the blue, she emailed me to tell me it was all over, how scared she was about being a single mum and how she didn't deserve me. By this point we had both fallen head over heels in love. Eventually I dragged out of her that she was having an episode as she calls them, so I insisted on taking her out to dinner and to talk. It started off terribly but we stuck at it and by the end of the night she was laughing and feeling much better. Later she told me that no-one had ever done that, and it seemed to really help. Fastforward to last week when we went away for a few days, her telling me how much she loves me, wants me to be at the birth (yes, I'd be happy to help raise her child as my own, because I love her), how she would want her child to be like a sibling to my little girl - real 'future together' stuff. Later that night her male friend (not happy she has a boyfriend) texts her to say he loves her. Great! The following day, and she has TEXT me saying that we're over and she can;t be with me. Reasons? That she knows I'll give her everything, but that she doesn't deserve me, that suddenly she feels that she loves this mate of hers too. He gets a face to face evening to talk things through, and I get a few texts and emails.

I don't know where I'm going with this really, but it's good to type. I've NEVER felt like this about a woman before. I'm the type of guy that dominates the relationship (probably wrongly) and would normally just walk away with a 'your loss' attitude. But this is so different. I get tingles down my spine just sitting near her. I don't know whether this is it, or the immenent birth (4 weeks) of her baby is sending her hormones into a rage, or she's having an 'episode'. I know deep down that I should just walk away, but insanely I don't want to.

Hello, Male here, 46 years old....  2 out of 4 psychiatrists thought I had bi-polar hence me not knowing for certain either way. I know I have ocd though as I have had this for 20 years! I have been on various medications over the years but I have improved to the point where I am happier without them.

I believe a lot of the relationship "issues" discussed on here are present in many relationships whether a bi-polar sufferer is involved or not, uncertainty, questioning arguing etc. What I have learned from my own feelings and the reading of others with this condition is that people with bi-polar are very uncertain of their feelings, as they vary so much depending on the sufferers mood. I have told people that I adored them and that I loved them many times when I should not have, I am not sure that I have ever been in love. Over time I have learnt to hold back on expressing brief feelings.

I have never been violent or cruel in the use of vulgar words, and for those that describe this in their relationships I do not think bi-polar is an excuse. Highs and lows, YES, but anything else is the person, not the illness. Maybe exaggerated from the condition but still the person not the illness.

Our confidence and belief is infectious and our insecurity and non commitment is ugly. 

We question everything, our feelings and words are not to be trusted as we are not certain of them ourselves.  I do not believe men or women with this disorder should be avoided although I am fairly sure that to be with a bi-polar person you would need to be stable, strong, confident and forgiving for the relationship to last, for both parties sake! We need support and we need to be adored, which personally I think is a good basis for any relationship. 

I got involved with many women because I saw things I liked in them, the problem was eventually I also saw things I didn't like. For bi-polar sufferers it is a constant battle in weighing up these good/bad feelings. A long battle.

Dene. 

I do not believe a bi-polar persons words of 'I love you' should be taken seriously

Hello, Male here, 46 years old.  2 out of 4 psychiatrists thought I had bi-polar hence me not knowing for certain either way. I know I have ocd though as I have had this for 20 years! I have been on various medications over the years but I have improved to the point where I am happier without them.

I believe a lot of the relationship "issues" discussed on here are present in many relationships whether a bi-polar sufferer is involved or not, uncertainty, questioning arguing etc. What I have learned from my own feelings and the reading of others with this condition is that people with bi-polar are very uncertain of their feelings, as they vary so much depending on the sufferers mood. I have told people that I adored them and that I loved them many times when I should not have, I am not sure that I have ever been in love. Over time I have learnt to hold back on expressing brief feelings.

I have never been violent or cruel in the use of vulgar words, and for those that describe this in their relationships I do not think bi-polar is an excuse. Highs and lows, yes, but anything else in my opinion is the person, not the illness. Maybe exaggerated from the condition but still the person not the illness.

My confidence and belief is infectious and my insecurity and non commitment is horrid.

I question everything, my feelings and words are not to be trusted as I am not certain of them myself.  I do not believe men or women with this disorder should be avoided although I believe that to be with a bi-polar person it would help if you were stable, strong, confident and forgiving for the relationship to last, for both parties sake! I need support and I need to be adored, which personally I think is a good basis for any relationship.

I got involved with many women because I saw things I liked in them, the problem was eventually I also saw things I didn't like. For me it is a constant battle in weighing up these good/bad feelings. A long battle that will finally be won by not seeking perfection

Hello to all of you who have posted your experiences with bi-polar mates on this website.  I would like to share some of the major down sides to being with a bi-polar mate who is in denial of his condition and who refuses to seek treatment for it.  It can be pure hell dealing with them because according to their way of thinking, they are never wrong.  You are always the blame for everything that goes wrong in their life.  Folks that is not an easy place to be.  However, the reason why I'm sharing this post with you today is because of extreme circumstances that have happened recently.  In order for you to fully understand what you are partaking in when you decide to become deeply involved with someone who is bi-polar; let me sum it up for you.

I met my bi-polar exboyfriend 10 years ago.  During those 10 years we broke up 5-6 times with him being the catalyst of course.  No, I was not a perfect angel but I did not deserve the treatment I received from him.  During our first year of us being together as a couple he cheated on me and told me that he didn't love me anymore.  Then one week later he came back to me stating that he didn't love the girl and that he wanted to be with me and he is so "sorry".  I of course took him back knowing that he had a bi-polar condition (his sister hinted it to me a few times).  He has not been properly diagnosed as a bi-polar individual but believe me when I say; me and his immediate family know that he is definitely just that.  Getting back to the present; after dealing with him on and off for 10 years I finally cut him off for good for 2 1/2 years now.  I thought I was over him and what he had done to me. He used to mentally abuse me by telling me I was a cheater and a "w****" and that I was a very mean-spirited individual.  I've never once cheated on him and was always honest with him.  He also told me that I was a liar and a phony individual (does all of this sound familiar folks?). 

Nowadays, I have been dating this great gentleman for 1 1/2 years and he has been treating me great!  He's definitely not bi-polar and he has his head on straight mentally.  However, guess who's being the jerk in this relationship?  You guessed right folks... it's me.  Because I endured all of my ex's mental abuse for all of those years I eventually became....JUST LIKE HIM!!!  They are not lying when they tell you to be careful of the company you associate yourself with because 9 times out of 10 you pick up on their ways....good or bad.  Unfortunately, I picked up on his bad habits.  Instead of me being the victim of verbal and physical abuse my wonderful boyfriend is now the victim.  I did not want to inflict my pain on him but unfortunately, I did and I feel a tremendous amount of pain, regret, and sorrow for treating him this way.  In the near future, I will seek professional help so that I can be the good woman that I know I am and be a great wife to my boyfriend one day. 

No one ever tells you that when you decide to stay with someone who is bi-polar for a long time, you run the chance of becoming just like them in the future!  Folks, please be careful about who you spend your time and your life with for your own sakes.  If not, your mental health will be in jeopardy and you will be a lost, hurt individual.  I hope I have reached someone out there who thinks it's okay to stay with someone who is in denial of their mental condition. I wish you all well.

I am bipolar and was diagnosed just 3 years ago. I knew something was wrong with me all my life but never knew what since I gre up in terrible abuse by my father. I had a boyfriend of 2 years since I was diagnosed but I couldn't get a grip on the manic/depressive swings and he was so good to me but I could see it taking an emotional toll on him. He thought I was cheating or something when I'd go into depression mood. I could be having a happy day and within an instant I'd have to go to my room and lay in bed and stay there for weeks during which time any activity seemed like the hardest thing on the planet. Then the manic mood would hit and I'd feel as if I was going out of my skin. My look would change constantly from goth to normal to whatever. I tried breaking up once and explained why but he thought he could help me. I knew he couldn't and would only drag him down. So finally I just told him I never wanted to see him again. I know he was hurt so badly but I did it for him. This happend 3 months ago. Recently I wrote him an e-mail and told him why I ended it and told him I hoped he'd meet someone very special and amazing that would fill him with love and not drag him down like I would have.  

My boyfriend just left me for the 2nd time in over a year. He took all of his things while I was gone to visit my parents on Mother's day! Of course I was devastated! I could not sleep that night and cried on and off all night! He did not return my phone call nor my texts. I didn't understand of course. The week before he was telling me that he was so happy to be with someone who is so supportive. I should have saw it coming the previous few days leading up to it. But he cycles pretty rapidly so I thought it would pass. I guess it didn't. My heart was broken in two. I wanted to hate him so bad but I couldn't, Ok, so he left before. That didn't help knowing that either! Uggh!! I did email him a couple of days later and to my surprise he responded by saying that he was a coward but not a cheater. That he thought it was best for me and he hated that I was taking all that c**p from him every day. He said to move on with my life and I did not have honor our agreement any more. Meaning I could date other people now. He said a lot of nice things to me and so on and so forth... You get the gist of the story. I was still hurt but I had closure. I text him The next day to see if he could help me do a job on Saturday and he agreed. So he met me Saturday morning and we worked together until early afternoon. I thought that he was just going home afterwards but asked to take me to lunch. So I agreed. We then went to my apartment and hung out. He did end up staying all night. The next day he made me breakfast and left that afternoon. He came back that evening to help me get a bed and put it together. He left and that was the last time I saw him... I text him a couple of time this week and he agreed to have dinner with me Friday. I tried to find out if he could meet me at 7 but no response, so Friday I tried to get in touch with him and finally he text me when he got out of work saying that he could not meet me that evening because he was going to Atlanta the next day! It didn't make sense to me. I am assuming he is seeing someone else. Just a feeling. I don't know for sure because I haven't pursued trying to find out. I don't know where he even lives now! I have worked all week and that has helped, but now the long weekend has come. Now what!! I feel horrible! Not sure what to expect now. I mean I feel sure that he will come back. I tried to go out on a date, but I couldn't stop thinking of him no matter how hard I tried! How can love be so unconditional! I don't usually give my heart out like this, but I did. I don't know why to him! I don't know that he ever really loved me. Maybe on and off. I have researched the disorder almost obsessively this past year. I think that he is probably classic symptom bipolar except for drug and alcohol abuse, He definitely hypersexual with mood swings. You know that I was able to deal with all mood swings and the weird things he would say I even found it somewhat comical sometimes. I am pretty tough so I never took anything he said personally. I had done enough research to know how the story goes. The only thing that I could not deal with very well is the breaking up and leaving. It really hurts! I am not sure how long I should wait to contact him or should I wait for him to contact me. I am also doing a lot of work on my self about how to do relationships, like about how not to contact your ex for a month and make them want you. Will it work with the bipolar though? I am not sure. You know that he always told me that I was the most beautiful woman that he had ever been with, tall blonde great shape! He would be jealous over other guys talking to and looking at me. Just doesn't make sense in the normal world, but for the bipolar it makes sense! I hate it so bad! I feel horrible!! I miss him so much and it hurts that he doesn't miss me! I need to do something!! Get up and take a shower and go out!! Knowing all about bipolar disorder is not helping me feel better! What is going on in his head? I don't know.,, So, sad!! I am strong, just a having a weak moment. Advise?

I am the same way I struggle with bipolar but at the same time with my own disorder and issues I am dealing wirh it doesn't help when I ate stressed asking for his help. He doesn't show when I need him too. His passive aggressively behavior makes me even more crazy. He makes promises and doesn't keep them, shows up in an untimely manor. Giving me a hard timI. No matter how hartry too not lash out it happens. we talk about moving in together or getting a place together one day. I starteTiVo open a savings account to do so. I worpart I time some times not even folding clothes in a retail store. We go out and have fun but I feel is overwhelming burden on because I can barel save a diwe i keep telling him we nsecond start saving If we want to start getting out. I be exhsusted, send doing my best to get a second job to work away my college deBt. I am very meticulous abo my finances now than I was two years ago. Still living at my parents I am so ready to move on from them, I understand its his money but when it comes to our future he talks the talk. I take the lead he resists. i am totally lost. i love him very much. When i confront him he Blames me because of it. he sick of me lashing out i dont want to hurt him. Say untrue things to him but some times i dont know what to do. he does it back. Its impossible to resolve anything. its been three months now. The drama needs to stop and reality needs to start to sink in. 

His insecurity and fears have been affecting both of us. His lack of communication has put me in a bind causing me to fear that he is with some one else. I'd prefer to work through our differences. No matter what likecwe both promised. I want us to be happy again after two years od being together. There is so much more in what is in my lif. He has been there but lately its been on and off. i hope we both find healthy solution to our differences. i consider him as my best friend. 

I have a boyfriend of two years who has always expressed love, admiration, gentleness and kindness towards me.  He and I had huge plans to marry and start a family.  We had our disagreements and he would chase me and call me three times a day to make up with me if he sensed I was angry, upset.

He moved to a different part of a country, I had plans to find work there and move there with him after we were married.

I flew there to see him.  I noticed something in him, he often became anxious quite easily and it raised his blood pressure significantly, giving him bad headaches.

There were periods in which he would smile kindly and hold me and treat me like a queen.  Then, there were periods in which he would seem to sit still, stare into space without an expression on his face, and become very cold, refused to tell me if something was bothering him.

The night before I was going to fly home, I called him up, sensing yet another change in him.

I asked him what was wrong, was he hiding something from me?

He said he didn't want to stress me out.  He said ' you want to know the truth? WE DON'T CLICK. WE ARE NOT COMPATIBLE.'That is the truth.'

When he said the words, my chest tightened and I felt like screaming but I could not.  I felt my whole world turn upside down.

'What do you mean??' I asked hysterically.'We have known eachother two years, how are we not clicking and incompatible NOW?'

He said, he had been feeling it for a long time but was hiding it and we had 'nothing in common, NOTHING'...he couldn't even talk to me.

At this point, I could not say a word.  My mind reeled. He snorted ' you seem surprised.  You MUST have noticed it...didn't you??' He said.

I asked him if he wanted to call it quits and make it a clean break.  He hesitated.  He asked, why did I want to do that?

Then he said fly back home, just relax and we would 'talk' as we are two adults and then we'd 'finalize it all'.

The next few hours, I could not sleep.  The next day, I could not bring myself to eat anything all day.  My whole body was cramped, I felt nausea.

I flew back home, feeling sick to my stomach, sad, weak, alone and lost.

I called him when I got home.  He broke up with me then. I asked him if we can work things out. He said he 'did not believe so, because it would just drag this on and on and on'.

 

The next morning, he texted me, asking how I am doing. I texted him back that I am doing fine. He texted 'cool'. The same night, he send me an email, outlining reasons why he was leaving me.  He said we are two different people from two different worlds and I deserve to be with somebody who will love me unconditionally.  He said, he will always remember me and will never regret getting to know me.

The next day, I lost control and almost went crazy.  My family was watching me lose it emotionally. I begged them to put an end to my misery. I love this man, and I was losing him, I cannot bear the pain.  Just as I was going through this, he texted me again, asking me to 'feel free to call him any time'.

He called me the next day, saying he wanted me to stop thinking of reasons why he broke up with me and it 'just didn't work out'. He said, he could not see a marriage with me working out in the future. We said our goodbyes.  Again, he said ' feel free to call me anytime.  If you don't want to call then that is your choice'/

Looking back now, I remember his moods would abruptly change from mr. sweet and considerate to irritable, annoyed, critical and cranky. His moods would change every now and then.  He often did not remember things he said to me, his memory of events were warped and he got confused when I would point out to him what actually happened because, in his mind, he remembered things differently ( that is, he actually believed events occurred differently in his warped memory. He would believe another person made a specific statement when he, himself, said the sentence to the other person).

He is a very sharp, calculating person.  I love him with all my heart and have been going through intense emotional pain since he left me, grief I did not even feel when a parent of mine passed away.

 

hi! the first thing i recommend you to do is to consult any doctor not to be healed but to get further infor... about this thing.then!!if there is an available help you can decide if you need to take the risk of getting him in the healing process.you also need to look at the bigger picture,like if you do he is healed successfully can he spend the rest of his life with you?because if not that can kill you.i'm not sure about your age but all i know is loving someone can be very traumatic especially for you.before you consult a doctor as i've said above you first need asurance that he is not lying to you.its too soon for this affair and it can be possible that he is playing mind games with you.(having another girl)okay!!if this can not be cured then you need to sit doen and look yourself in the mirror and ask questions before you make any further decision.Can i stand this on and off for the rest of my life?will i ever be happy?so good luck!!

Can we please talk.... I felt I wrote your post as myself with some confidence 2 years from now. I am getting very frustrated with the mundaneness and lack of a compelling desire to help the common good lately.