I LOVE this one!!
You have outdone yourself "from a river running backwards", "In the voices out here telling me to HOLD ON" then the rest well "I'm dreaming"
Yeah, at least you did this on your terms and not having to do it because he is locked up, definitely good timing, but you knew something was telling you it was time!
I really am looking forward to getting down in FL, will need to start to look for a place to rent next month and be out of Atlanta by the end of December (lease is up). We are going to be near my wife's family, so with me traveling all the time it will not be so rough on her and our grandson we are raising, they will have family around to help and visit.
I have not spent a lot of time in Ft. Lauderdale, (I grew up near Panama City) but am looking forward to just be near the ocean again. What did you do there? How long were you there?
MN Man, hang in there. It gets harder before it gets better, best advice I can tell you is plan for it as best you can. Get plenty of fruit, vitamins, juice, over counter pain meds, cough syrup, and kratom if you can. (I know I sound like a pusher, but kratom will stop the WD's in their tracks, you will still be sick, you still have to let your body and mind heal, there is that price to pay, but it really helps with the cravings and WD pain and can make a difference)
Music, books, movies, anything to keep your mind occupied.
Good luck, we are out here if you need us!
That is nice!!! Also I know how hard it can be to raise a grandchild. I have watched my parents take care of my sis' son. The help should be good. I lived in Florida for bout 5 years maybe more on and off. Then I worked in bars. I'm lucky cause down st. from beach now. I'm way North/East. If I could find more energy maybe I would go to beach today. Today was first day back to work I couldn't go. That is all I could think he isn't a friend, but I know how easy it is to get caught up. He jus trying like everyone to maintain now I can't imagine how bad his wds are in such a bad place. I would have been with him if I was still messing around. Right before I quit I went crazy left here and was leaving where I didn't know well I went to Boston not far from me I went to check in to a hotel they wanted over 200 and I knew down road I could find a place for 45. I was annoyed confused, fed up, sick, and this guy started trying to talk to me. I ignored him and got to my car he followed me as I kept saying I have to go. When he told me "I will treat you no different than my own daughter" I stopped trying to leave.He came in hotel told them I work for the same company and I got the room for pretty cheap. He lived in ct. with his wife and I know people that saw us together over the next few days they had wrong idea. He was a very religious man, but was just as lost as me. We spent our evenings when he got off talking of our deepest secrets. Weekend came we both checked out Monday came and he called I was sick, but made the hour drive to first see him(I knew he had vikes he would give me) and to go somewhere calli, florida, vegas no that didnt work. I took my dog we sat in the parking lot he was so happy I was sick and said he prayed for me everyday. I left him that night not knowing where either would be the next day. He moved for work prob, my dog and I hit the road still not knowing where to go. I went not even 20 miles up the road to a 45 a night motel. Well for three weeks my dog and I stayed had I left my tire would have blown up on highway(I didnt realize till day I was leaving). Three weeks I fought and fought yet used again and then was ready to come home. I don't know if that was a good idea or bad. It tru my using into overdrive I wanted to take to much and never wake up. I hit new lows and that is what lead my here to this bored. It is still a fight one I'm not sure I'll win.......most days I know I have it today I want to feel "normal" just today........
But I have to say, it is still better than being numb and not really caring.
What kind of dog do you have? I am down to one chihuahua and one cat now Mickey and Gabby
I have an Australian Cattle Dog Shady she is everything to me. I have had her for twelve and a half years. Lately I have had a pug Romeo with me. My family adopted him in 02 he has sort have become mine. I LOVE animals. That is my biggest passion. At age six I said I want chicken the food not the animal when my mother said "Umm hunny it's the same thing....." I said "I'll have fries". Since that day I refused any and all meat. When they asked why six year old me said "I feel like I'm eating my friends." I don't preach bout it or care if other people eat it in fact I'll cook it, but Shady has to taste it as I can't. Today sucked I just felt like it was an all day battle time to order some more Kratom!!! Is it strange being back in Fl? Seems like you feel home. I went to Panama City one time and it was not for spring break. It was very country nearest gas station from my friends was 20 miles down a dirt road. I like the lights in Ft. Lauderdale. Now you feel safe in Florida when it comes to pills? You seem to really have a good grip on sobriety damb you have helped me stay sober, but this is no joke HARD(or just a BAD day)!!! Where do you find your strength?? She talks to angels-Black Crows you prob know it Bad company-Shooting Star
I had a Jack Russel mix, and black lab mix for 14-15 years, Samantha and Peaty, both passed this year, a part of me went with them, I care for animals as much as I do for humans, sometimes even more than humans :) I have always wanted an Australian cattle dog, I hear they are real smart! Is she salt and pepper color?
Yeah, I feel safe from myself, I know my will not give in. It was too hard seeing my brother die from drugs and my mom being an alcoholic, for me to want to go down that same path.(now I also want to be there for the step grandson) For awhile I did not care, I felt I had an excuse with my problems.
My body on the other hand I am not so sure about. I have health issues, bad disc in my back, screws in my shoulder and screws and a metal plate in my neck. I have weak tendons and disc, docs say it is some kind of collagen deficiency, so my disc started going bad and it is real easy to tear tendons. One day I may be forced to go back on meds, because of the pain, but for now the K works real well for my back pain (it is like some one just turns it off, really amazing, works way better than any of the pills did)
You mentioned pixies before, here is my favorite song by them;
Youtube-- Pump Up the Volume Soundtrack Wave of Mutilation UK Surf The Pixies
A great movie also!
"Cease to exist, given my goodbyes, drive my car into the ocean, you think I'm dead, but I sail away...."
I have an Android pad, with the Kindle and Nook apps, so I get books pretty cheap, I can read 3-5 novels a week if have to. Everything from horror to history and sci fi. As far as my strength, I want to try and make the world a little better if I can, for my family, nieces, nephews and friends on the internet :)
I know it sounds cheesy, but I want to be there for them, to maybe help them one day when they need it, try to explain some of the BS in the world and help them to make the right choices, if I can.
Thought I would check in with my tapering experience. I wrote a couple mornings ago. I had a hydro and oxy habit as I said. At worst 40 oxy and 20-30 mg hydro. When I wrote two days ago I ditched the hydro out of my daily dose. Wow! I had about two days of living hell! That was some serious pain. Took 800mg advil and it did nothing. I am now tapering the oxy. from 30mg, yesterday 28mg, today will be 25mg. Last night the 28mg wore off even before I got to bed and last night was sleepless and painful. This morning is painful, but not as bad as two days ago, depression comes and goes. I feel mentally good that I am going to get off this stuff, but the chemical depression comes back if I drop my guard. It would be easy to just kill oneself. The depression effect of withdrawal is NEVER, EVER to be undersestimated. Physical pain can be endured, the mental is the worst.
So today I do 25mg oxy, then 20mg tomorrow and we'll see how bad I feel. I do notice that even with the pain and depression I have more mental clearness at times. This is a boring experience as well! Very boring! I have run out of TV to watch, I love English Premier League Football but I have to wait for Sat-Sun. I am even watching reality shows for some way to take my mind off of this. Thank god I do not need to work right now, I can handle the expense of laying at home for a few weeks getting clean.
It is SO easy to get hooked on this stuff, be warned all who read this. It sneaks up on you and destroys your life and your mind!
youtube--Meet Carly Rose Sonenclar - THE X FACTOR USA
"it's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me..and I'm feeling good.... river running free, you know how I feel"
Here is the original version;
youtube- -Feeling Good, Nina Simone