Dawn-you had me in stitches!!!Ive only managed to clean one toilet.Ive still another toilet and an entire kitchen to gut!!!! o.O
Yeah-move in-witness his behaviour and call the police-when are you coming? Ill bake you a cakeand some scones, and find a good cd and we can chat about the rotters!!! hes at work ( so he says, until midnight-yeah right, im supposed to believe that now.
I also found a photograph of him sitting with his arm around some vietmanese woman-bluh!!!!!
I am really daft. i think about the close times, ( you know when youve been through the nightmare of chilbirth, and are both crying looking at your first born)/ Your RIGHT, hes not doing that, so why do I? I need to harden up!!!!
Ive not been out the house today. alex has a stinking cold, and is choked...we are all fed up, beccas playing mums with her dolls, and I am the nutty granny! Yes, so far Ive driven the car at full speed, with the baby drinking out a bottle and my pants on my head, becca was howling with laughter, ( and she wants an ice cream forom the van man!)
I know , I have always felt like a maid to him ( anyway) whats for dinner , wheres my tea? But theres a side of me right now, thats so lethargic Im making a rubbish mum-I mean I do the necessity things for them and I play, but at the moment too scared to tae them anywhere as I always ed up soending, and as I cant drive even just something as much as bus fares makes me panic as like you have said , ill need money for later! Im trying to keep some aside for the Big Move-but really I couldnt even afford to caret one room , nevermind buy a washining machine.
I definately have to stay on this med though, as off it , I think id be planning my own funeral and his! I remeber my dad , when he got his new girlfriend, and my mum chased them down the street, then put me and my sister in the back of the car, put her foot down and tried to run him down-yeah-I can see why you might be worried. I may be slow on doing things, but I think your right, It is done!!!! hes moved on, and doesnt give a damn about me, thats ok, I know that!
Men crave sex, women crave affection -do you think thats true? I dont like to believe it, but I m starting to!
Ill mail the letter, ill just put Becc in the buggy to the post box-so I can get home easily. (I hope no one sees me 8)
Take care of you, and DONT WORRY! Ill hopefully not do anything silly, I tend to hurt myself more than anyone these days anyway!
Yeah-move in-witness his behaviour and call the police-when are you coming? Ill bake you a cakeand some scones, and find a good cd and we can chat about the rotters!!! hes at work ( so he says, until midnight-yeah right, im supposed to believe that now.
I also found a photograph of him sitting with his arm around some vietmanese woman-bluh!!!!!
I am really daft. i think about the close times, ( you know when youve been through the nightmare of chilbirth, and are both crying looking at your first born)/ Your RIGHT, hes not doing that, so why do I? I need to harden up!!!!
Ive not been out the house today. alex has a stinking cold, and is choked...we are all fed up, beccas playing mums with her dolls, and I am the nutty granny! Yes, so far Ive driven the car at full speed, with the baby drinking out a bottle and my pants on my head, becca was howling with laughter, ( and she wants an ice cream forom the van man!)
I know , I have always felt like a maid to him ( anyway) whats for dinner , wheres my tea? But theres a side of me right now, thats so lethargic Im making a rubbish mum-I mean I do the necessity things for them and I play, but at the moment too scared to tae them anywhere as I always ed up soending, and as I cant drive even just something as much as bus fares makes me panic as like you have said , ill need money for later! Im trying to keep some aside for the Big Move-but really I couldnt even afford to caret one room , nevermind buy a washining machine.
I definately have to stay on this med though, as off it , I think id be planning my own funeral and his! I remeber my dad , when he got his new girlfriend, and my mum chased them down the street, then put me and my sister in the back of the car, put her foot down and tried to run him down-yeah-I can see why you might be worried. I may be slow on doing things, but I think your right, It is done!!!! hes moved on, and doesnt give a damn about me, thats ok, I know that!
Men crave sex, women crave affection -do you think thats true? I dont like to believe it, but I m starting to!
Ill mail the letter, ill just put Becc in the buggy to the post box-so I can get home easily. (I hope no one sees me 8)
Take care of you, and DONT WORRY! Ill hopefully not do anything silly, I tend to hurt myself more than anyone these days anyway!
That was ( i was drinking out the dollys bottle BY THE WAY ) before you think anything else XD
NOW that's an image!!!!! The girls sitting around playing tea party and there's mommy drinking out of her own special "Bottle!!" LOL!
"Hell has no wrath like a woman scorned!" That is why we are capable of muder! Many years ago, here, a woman (socialite) shot her husband 3 times in the back, after he told her after 50 years of marriage he was leaving her for HER 27 year old neice!!!!!!!!!" The entire city was divided between support for her and for him! GUESS what side I was on!!!? :D ANY woman that has been abused and treated so badly - as she was, when all the dirt was washed out in court - understands that desperation! Unfortunately she lost her family, was jailed and he went on to bigger and better things! She died alone in a condiminum about 5 years ago!!!! :(
And he's leaving those pictures around for you to see, just another little kick! I think all three of you have a bug, and you keep giving it back to each of you! Last week it was Becca and now Alex!!! I think all 3 of you should get checked out! And also because your nose has been like that for a year!!! Then you will definitely be having a problem with an allergy or something! Could be coffee, could be wine! dust, HIM!!! It's something though, and perhaps the girls are having the same reactions. There is also a thing called Black Mold it can be in the walls, roof etc, then you will have ALL these problems including runny nose and eyes, sore throat, vertigo, dizziness, even depression! Ask the council to do a test, better yet! MOVE!!!!! and then you can see if it is acutally the house making you sick!
As long as you are there for your girls and get things moving, they wont remember that you've been off for a bit!!! Because they are in limbo too right? Children who are from abusive homes grow up a LOT more quickly than children that aren't! You know why? They learn what it takes to survive and they understand and have to come to grips with stress ADULT stress! So you are doing it for YOUR family - you and Beca and Alex! The 3 Amigos! It will give them something to look forward too - what room they want, what to decorate it, no more upset and indecision! It's for ALL 3 of you honey! It's fresh start!
Has your doctor put you on Clonazepam? Ask him for that one - it is REALLY good for panic attacks! I've been on it for years, it's awesome! Also Cymbalta REALLY works for me - I'm just even!!! I laugh, I cry etc. TOTALLY normal - no zombiness, I haven't had an episode in over a year!! It's been VERY nice in the house without me being up and down! because that is who I am - that is my essence! I am a very even tempered person usually - unless you get me pissed off then watch out!!!! But I like even things - as I think most women want - just to be at ease and no roller coasters - right?
"Hell has no wrath like a woman scorned!" That is why we are capable of muder! Many years ago, here, a woman (socialite) shot her husband 3 times in the back, after he told her after 50 years of marriage he was leaving her for HER 27 year old neice!!!!!!!!!" The entire city was divided between support for her and for him! GUESS what side I was on!!!? :D ANY woman that has been abused and treated so badly - as she was, when all the dirt was washed out in court - understands that desperation! Unfortunately she lost her family, was jailed and he went on to bigger and better things! She died alone in a condiminum about 5 years ago!!!! :(
And he's leaving those pictures around for you to see, just another little kick! I think all three of you have a bug, and you keep giving it back to each of you! Last week it was Becca and now Alex!!! I think all 3 of you should get checked out! And also because your nose has been like that for a year!!! Then you will definitely be having a problem with an allergy or something! Could be coffee, could be wine! dust, HIM!!! It's something though, and perhaps the girls are having the same reactions. There is also a thing called Black Mold it can be in the walls, roof etc, then you will have ALL these problems including runny nose and eyes, sore throat, vertigo, dizziness, even depression! Ask the council to do a test, better yet! MOVE!!!!! and then you can see if it is acutally the house making you sick!
As long as you are there for your girls and get things moving, they wont remember that you've been off for a bit!!! Because they are in limbo too right? Children who are from abusive homes grow up a LOT more quickly than children that aren't! You know why? They learn what it takes to survive and they understand and have to come to grips with stress ADULT stress! So you are doing it for YOUR family - you and Beca and Alex! The 3 Amigos! It will give them something to look forward too - what room they want, what to decorate it, no more upset and indecision! It's for ALL 3 of you honey! It's fresh start!
Has your doctor put you on Clonazepam? Ask him for that one - it is REALLY good for panic attacks! I've been on it for years, it's awesome! Also Cymbalta REALLY works for me - I'm just even!!! I laugh, I cry etc. TOTALLY normal - no zombiness, I haven't had an episode in over a year!! It's been VERY nice in the house without me being up and down! because that is who I am - that is my essence! I am a very even tempered person usually - unless you get me pissed off then watch out!!!! But I like even things - as I think most women want - just to be at ease and no roller coasters - right?
Hi Dawn-something has clicked inmy head from what you said in your previous post.
Well, its weird, Im having a good nose day, but ears are all liquidy, and yelow gunk coming out!
Ive the new Moby somg "Mistake" ringing round in circles in my head, and I have to keep listening to it.
I was looking through older posts before and I couldnt find what that was called Clonazepam-ok, The drinks nurse and I were talking and was thinking about Becalofen or something ( a muscle relaxant) Im (again ) not sure-because what are the long term effect????
Im starting to think , theres no way around it-feel sad, angry , and the rest -just get on with it-its normal
yeah-where my mum was brought up a husband and wife ( loch lomond area) argued cat and dog, black and blue.They both startd to drink heavily. She ended up in hospital several times and apparently they used toattake turns locking each other in the shed. She ended up stabbing the fella 20xs and murdered him. Apparently there was blood everywhere, She was imprisoned for a short while but was released due to domestic abuse. Now though, I find this WEIRD-she still live in the same house ( where she had stabbed her husband to death-thats mad!!!!!)That rash on my arms is really itchy now, and spreading
Hes left for work...He does this thing everyday. he says"See ya folks", then he says in a muffled straange tone"See ya Katy", why does he do that? and why does it bother me so much? I get that sunk in feeling-then all I want to do is sleep, but then get this -argh -I dont really - I want to get it sorted-im gonna be 40 before I know it
That teacher tone -those words my mum said to me "I never heard you complain before" Runs round my head and makes me feel guilty -for the girls too
What is the matter with me???? I can see sense. I know what to do-I NEED to do it. But then there is this sense of what if I feel worse and more lonely , alone and scared on my own? kNOCKING ON MY WOOD AND ASKING "Heeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllllllooooo, Katy are you there?"
anyway, Im gonna try and have a little nap then get up-its sundayDefinately think your right, definately think theres something in this flat that I am allergic tooo 8-|
Well, its weird, Im having a good nose day, but ears are all liquidy, and yelow gunk coming out!
Ive the new Moby somg "Mistake" ringing round in circles in my head, and I have to keep listening to it.
I was looking through older posts before and I couldnt find what that was called Clonazepam-ok, The drinks nurse and I were talking and was thinking about Becalofen or something ( a muscle relaxant) Im (again ) not sure-because what are the long term effect????
Im starting to think , theres no way around it-feel sad, angry , and the rest -just get on with it-its normal
yeah-where my mum was brought up a husband and wife ( loch lomond area) argued cat and dog, black and blue.They both startd to drink heavily. She ended up in hospital several times and apparently they used toattake turns locking each other in the shed. She ended up stabbing the fella 20xs and murdered him. Apparently there was blood everywhere, She was imprisoned for a short while but was released due to domestic abuse. Now though, I find this WEIRD-she still live in the same house ( where she had stabbed her husband to death-thats mad!!!!!)That rash on my arms is really itchy now, and spreading
Hes left for work...He does this thing everyday. he says"See ya folks", then he says in a muffled straange tone"See ya Katy", why does he do that? and why does it bother me so much? I get that sunk in feeling-then all I want to do is sleep, but then get this -argh -I dont really - I want to get it sorted-im gonna be 40 before I know it
That teacher tone -those words my mum said to me "I never heard you complain before" Runs round my head and makes me feel guilty -for the girls too
What is the matter with me???? I can see sense. I know what to do-I NEED to do it. But then there is this sense of what if I feel worse and more lonely , alone and scared on my own? kNOCKING ON MY WOOD AND ASKING "Heeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllllllooooo, Katy are you there?"
anyway, Im gonna try and have a little nap then get up-its sundayDefinately think your right, definately think theres something in this flat that I am allergic tooo 8-|
Strange-i keep getting this really sharp shooting pain inmmy lower back and it goes into my buttocks-what is that. So far its happened 3xs today. Right, Im gooing to bath kids, have a shower, go to the post box, Collect boxes and ramsack the kitchen ..I could just smask all the dishhes up and then we could just use paperplates from now on. That would be an idea. I wouldnt have to do another dish, and I wouldnt be accused of missing bits.
Thats mad!!!! just goooooooooooooooogggledan abstract on the differences betwen clonazepam and baclofen. If Ive understood right, tinnitus in the ears can be due to the lack of Gaba (or something) in the brain and baclofen can sort this out , whereas the one your on reacts more as a muscle relaxant -though aopparently in clinical trials, it has been proven to help tinnitus sufferes become more balanced. So it looks like this may weel be a good one for my nueros (God I must be bored!)And, this info could be wrong, and I could have missunderstood.It takes me back , reading all that gobbily dee guck-I mean some abstracts make my dissertation a goor read 8-| :$
Anyways, going out at 4 to post box. Im just going to do it. I mthinking we are both as stupid as each other. Im being stupid by hanging around here blindly hoping he will go . hes only going to get more comfier , if the new kitchen arrives and Im going to get more angry. I am going to ask him when hes going to go tonight "as my DAD want sto come and visit HIS grandkids". I rang my dad tonday and he stated STOP-DONT MAKE IT EASY FOR HIM . iF ITS OVER ITS OVER, AND REALLY DONT DO ANOTHER THING. Just like you stated, who wouldnt want to saty with a free housemaid? Spots have sperad to the back of my neck now. Grrr!!! Itchhhhhyyyyyy. Im sure E45 will sort it. ok, Id better go now, Take care and sorry about my waffle earlier, interesting though
Anyways, going out at 4 to post box. Im just going to do it. I mthinking we are both as stupid as each other. Im being stupid by hanging around here blindly hoping he will go . hes only going to get more comfier , if the new kitchen arrives and Im going to get more angry. I am going to ask him when hes going to go tonight "as my DAD want sto come and visit HIS grandkids". I rang my dad tonday and he stated STOP-DONT MAKE IT EASY FOR HIM . iF ITS OVER ITS OVER, AND REALLY DONT DO ANOTHER THING. Just like you stated, who wouldnt want to saty with a free housemaid? Spots have sperad to the back of my neck now. Grrr!!! Itchhhhhyyyyyy. Im sure E45 will sort it. ok, Id better go now, Take care and sorry about my waffle earlier, interesting though
Do you think it would be way to silly of me to sign those parental documents as wel? Would that be a stupid thing to do?
Get yourself sorted first THEN you can deal with the forms for him after! You don't need to sign those right now! And make him sweat! He's hung that over your head long enough! And tell your dad from me, "Good for you for telling what I've been telling her!" ;-)
The thing is Dawn, my dad thinks hes a nice person.
Made a few sales over 100 pounds today. Guessed the incentive again, ( whoopppeee!!!!)
This house is a mess, a bit like me, and going to have to satrt and finish emptying from top to beottom tomorrow, I emptied one cupboard of food ..It took 5 cardboard boxes, and I dont know where I am going to store the stuff. Then ex was trying to put it all back in .
Sinuses are still blocked, and really feeling run down/dizzie but okayish, My entire foot has decided to start throbbing on me-its not like childnirth yet, so I am not going to complain!
Anyway..I better get a move on...I have no clue how to eat this week. It will be cup a soups and chees toaties for the next we while.
Anyway, thought I d pop by and say hi
Made a few sales over 100 pounds today. Guessed the incentive again, ( whoopppeee!!!!)
This house is a mess, a bit like me, and going to have to satrt and finish emptying from top to beottom tomorrow, I emptied one cupboard of food ..It took 5 cardboard boxes, and I dont know where I am going to store the stuff. Then ex was trying to put it all back in .
Sinuses are still blocked, and really feeling run down/dizzie but okayish, My entire foot has decided to start throbbing on me-its not like childnirth yet, so I am not going to complain!
Anyway..I better get a move on...I have no clue how to eat this week. It will be cup a soups and chees toaties for the next we while.
Anyway, thought I d pop by and say hi
I am in a complete fluster. Apparently all our electrics are getting done-that means every room needs done o.O HELP!!!! Its chaos!Im not complaining AT ALL-just feel a bit overwhelmed by it all.
After last nights outburst, he has again said he would leave.
So , I dont know whats going on-im in a muffle. Theres clothes everywhere, pots pans, food, cooker, fridge...its a mess, and I want to ...hide ( Im not responsible) and blame it all on him :-D He also asked who I was talking to on the computer, and did that bully thing with his headup close and in my face.How I survived it-Ill never know!
Anyway, really , this will pass.-im just in a panic about millions of workers coming in my home!
After last nights outburst, he has again said he would leave.
So , I dont know whats going on-im in a muffle. Theres clothes everywhere, pots pans, food, cooker, fridge...its a mess, and I want to ...hide ( Im not responsible) and blame it all on him :-D He also asked who I was talking to on the computer, and did that bully thing with his headup close and in my face.How I survived it-Ill never know!
Anyway, really , this will pass.-im just in a panic about millions of workers coming in my home!
Outburst?! What outburst?
Did you mail the letter? Because IF you have, I want you to call the housing society, and ask about the WHAT IF's as in!
1. As I have put in an application for myself and my children, what will happen with this house?
2. Does the work still continue even though we will be moving out?
3. My partner is starting to get more agitated and I am VERY nervous, and wondering how long I will be on the list etc?
You need to find out what will happen with you guys! AND IF he will be allowed to stay there after you move out! Because I don't think so! There are many families in need, so I really think he is not allowed to stay!
Just think of it - with regards to these workers coming in - you will have support and he can't be such a prick in front of them! And IF he leaves, then you will have a "New Place" technically! They are just REGULAR workers Katy - no different than you and I! It sucks having reneovations when you are still living there, but it's just a little inconvenience!
Due to him getting in your face, I would definitely like you to tell someone at the housing authority of the escalation! and IF you have or are going to mail that letter - DO NOT tell him anything OK? Or have you and that is why he was reacting!?
Did you mail the letter? Because IF you have, I want you to call the housing society, and ask about the WHAT IF's as in!
1. As I have put in an application for myself and my children, what will happen with this house?
2. Does the work still continue even though we will be moving out?
3. My partner is starting to get more agitated and I am VERY nervous, and wondering how long I will be on the list etc?
You need to find out what will happen with you guys! AND IF he will be allowed to stay there after you move out! Because I don't think so! There are many families in need, so I really think he is not allowed to stay!
Just think of it - with regards to these workers coming in - you will have support and he can't be such a prick in front of them! And IF he leaves, then you will have a "New Place" technically! They are just REGULAR workers Katy - no different than you and I! It sucks having reneovations when you are still living there, but it's just a little inconvenience!
Due to him getting in your face, I would definitely like you to tell someone at the housing authority of the escalation! and IF you have or are going to mail that letter - DO NOT tell him anything OK? Or have you and that is why he was reacting!?
Ok, I was like a raging bull last night! All my pent up anger-but hey , I get a high squeaky voice, and lumpy in my throat when angry/upset-so I never get taken seriously.
The rennovations happen regardless of the circumstances. It is the Housings departments decision to upgrade evrery 10 years.
I didnt tell him exactly what was happening. I stated that my dad was merely wondering when he could visit and see the children as he doesnt want to come with him about-so I highlighted this to him, and asked him if he was so mean as to make us move , when the children are allready insecure and they love the school they go to.
He stated that Id given him no choice and that hed have to leave. hes not given me a date or anything. Sometimes he looks over and talks to me as though he can win back my affection. (Ok, I think id have more understanding for Adolf at the moment)
My sinuses are extremly blocked and it s makieg me feel exhausted.
the other thing i was thinking was this:what will i do on my own night after lonely night, ( with no adult company to laugh about the children) Even though things are all wired wrong, in me and between him and I , we can stilll do this. I guess thats why I feel so damn guilty, and also i feel guilty because maybe I wouldnt have acted so brash all those years ago - jumping into a relationship with my eyes shut_ I dont know!
But , I will take your advice and ring the housing officer. They have told me that he doesnt need to move out even if i leave with the children.Anyway, Ill just carry on pulling myhair out and scrathching my skin off. so itchy.
One of my friends today showed me her excema-it was awful, and in between her fingers. It just looked really really sore.
Anyway, thats one of my first goals is to get back with a few good friends that I havent seen in a while. Its harder now though as most work full time. I only work part-time. Id love a true and proper career, but hey I aint qualified to do very much.
I was proud of myself today though. I got 6 stars next to my name on the shop incentive. Most only have one( Iwas like yipppeeee-this is easy!)
Anyways, better go, i ned an early night. I ve to rip everything out every single cupboard-thats a generation of mess, so will be busy tomorrow. I can see me though-I ll either get on and do it at full speed or fly to my bed and do an all nighter.
Hope your well, and tke care, Katy
The rennovations happen regardless of the circumstances. It is the Housings departments decision to upgrade evrery 10 years.
I didnt tell him exactly what was happening. I stated that my dad was merely wondering when he could visit and see the children as he doesnt want to come with him about-so I highlighted this to him, and asked him if he was so mean as to make us move , when the children are allready insecure and they love the school they go to.
He stated that Id given him no choice and that hed have to leave. hes not given me a date or anything. Sometimes he looks over and talks to me as though he can win back my affection. (Ok, I think id have more understanding for Adolf at the moment)
My sinuses are extremly blocked and it s makieg me feel exhausted.
the other thing i was thinking was this:what will i do on my own night after lonely night, ( with no adult company to laugh about the children) Even though things are all wired wrong, in me and between him and I , we can stilll do this. I guess thats why I feel so damn guilty, and also i feel guilty because maybe I wouldnt have acted so brash all those years ago - jumping into a relationship with my eyes shut_ I dont know!
But , I will take your advice and ring the housing officer. They have told me that he doesnt need to move out even if i leave with the children.Anyway, Ill just carry on pulling myhair out and scrathching my skin off. so itchy.
One of my friends today showed me her excema-it was awful, and in between her fingers. It just looked really really sore.
Anyway, thats one of my first goals is to get back with a few good friends that I havent seen in a while. Its harder now though as most work full time. I only work part-time. Id love a true and proper career, but hey I aint qualified to do very much.
I was proud of myself today though. I got 6 stars next to my name on the shop incentive. Most only have one( Iwas like yipppeeee-this is easy!)
Anyways, better go, i ned an early night. I ve to rip everything out every single cupboard-thats a generation of mess, so will be busy tomorrow. I can see me though-I ll either get on and do it at full speed or fly to my bed and do an all nighter.
Hope your well, and tke care, Katy
Honey I can send you my cardboard cutout of Strider and you can laugh with him! He might even give you more affection too!!! And another thing, you can lay him in bed and have a snuggle and he wont say ANYTHING!!!!! Wouldn't that be hysterical!!!!? ;-) XD XD
Actually I've just been researching something! My son is doing a paper on the poor girl that was kidnapped for 18 years and had 2 children with the pig! And is "sympathetic" to him and his wife - this is called "The Stockholm Syndrome" But there is another theory called "The Learned Helplessness Syndrome" Where people "Think and Truly believe that they are helpless" And thus become so! They think there is no way out, thus they don't find one or try, or sabotage any help!
Another theory is "The Battered Womens Syndrome" here is a web essay about it!
http://www.cyberessays.com/Politics/75.htm
It's a LOT to read, but VERY interesting! You HAVE become his door mat, and feel you "shouldn't or can't" live without him! This is common in people in your situation! So take a look = when you need something to get to sleep with?!!! ;-) XD
You will feel better once this process has started - did you mail the letter!?
Another theory is "The Battered Womens Syndrome" here is a web essay about it!
http://www.cyberessays.com/Politics/75.htm
It's a LOT to read, but VERY interesting! You HAVE become his door mat, and feel you "shouldn't or can't" live without him! This is common in people in your situation! So take a look = when you need something to get to sleep with?!!! ;-) XD
You will feel better once this process has started - did you mail the letter!?
This is mayhem. Honestly-Ive not even finished the kitchen yet....WAH!!!!!!! ive been at it all day! Its bad, and now I am living in a I dont knkow what????Everywhere is chaos, and I am tired before its even begun-looking forward to it though!
Hes been helping me, and been nice. he even took me out for lunch-I tried to bring things up (a little) and he said "One thing at a time, Katy" But I just want I dont know. I despair that I couldnt switch off, and I stated that I didnt want to go for lunch as thats a couples thing to do , adn we never did that before, so why would we dio it now????????? (Okay, maybe as thers no food in this house to be had and our kitchen has been upturned!) But grrr! and I feel like I am letting myself down, and even think sometimes we can part maybe as friends.But that thought angers me, its like butter wouldnt melt and as though things never happened, and its easy to forget as its convienent-RIGHT NOW!!!
Hes been helping me, and been nice. he even took me out for lunch-I tried to bring things up (a little) and he said "One thing at a time, Katy" But I just want I dont know. I despair that I couldnt switch off, and I stated that I didnt want to go for lunch as thats a couples thing to do , adn we never did that before, so why would we dio it now????????? (Okay, maybe as thers no food in this house to be had and our kitchen has been upturned!) But grrr! and I feel like I am letting myself down, and even think sometimes we can part maybe as friends.But that thought angers me, its like butter wouldnt melt and as though things never happened, and its easy to forget as its convienent-RIGHT NOW!!!