Sometimes I just cry wishing things were different with this age difference thing because although it may feel great right now... I feel there is going to be a time where I am going to be cast off. I will be asked to understand, be assured that it is not me, but just the circumstance blah blah blah... but it will still hurt immensely. My bf/lover worries about growing old and being alone. He also does not want to be denied being married. That comment in itself kills me! What am I supposed to say to any of that? Geesh I got married myself at 19 years old and knew nothing about life or love. Thirty years later, and coming out of it, I feel like I have been returned to that same place... so naive! Of course I have life experience... and I know a thing or two about raising children ;) but this whole dating thing is completely a foreign language. So, my question... when a man says I love you and I wish you were here... and that "here" is not just in bed... does that mean anything these days? I'm asking cuz it sure means everything to me!
Only you can make the full decision as to whether you want to pursue this relationship. Love must be two way, loving and being loved. You also have to think this very carefuly for your sake. I understand that it is painful now for you, but is it not worth it to take the risk in the name of love. Come the day that your fear which is losing him, then you deal with that when it comes. When a man says I love you....wish you were here ...maybe the sweetest word a woman would ever want to hear from someone she adores,action speaks louder than words. You alone would know the sincerity when he told you that word, and if your heart believe, then listen to your heart. I wish I could lessen the pain you feel because of the age difference, the uncertainly it brings, but you have to live your life. If it is meant to be....it is meant to be.
Good luck....
I'm 34 and in the last month i met a man. I went home to see my parents for a weekend and there was a carpenter doing some jobs for my mum. This may sound crazy but as soon as we saw each other, there was such an attraction, such a spark that I have never had with a man before, he is not even my usual type and generally go for tall and dark hair, whereas this man is blond and blue eyes.
Immediately i felt the need to give him my number, we could not stop eyeing each other up throughout the 30 odd mins of meeting whilst he was working. i never eye up men and feel a chemistry like i felt when i met him...I work for a clothing company and the only way I could exchange emails or numbers was to say if he wanted anything with a discount i could get it...we exchanged numbers and started texting immediately about the spark,attraction we had towards each other...he was very open about his feelings and so was I, very mature, has an older head on his shoulders...
we have been texting for 2 weeks and I planned to come home for a week holiday. We arranged to meet and throughout that week met 5 times out of 7 days. the spark and instant attraction is still there, we compliment each other so much, and we want to be together so much, aquarius (me) and he an Aries and even the stars tell us both it is fantastic match. we have planned things already...we both feel amazing when we are together and such physical attraction too, we go into our own world together....Only one massive issue...he is 22 years old...and my nephew's friend :-) . No one knows about us and we have kept our relationship private. We believe its love and we both have never experienced such passion and feeling and want to someone before...i dont know what to do...do you think the age gap is massive? there is such a stigma toward a younger man with an older woman...what do you think?
Aqua8971
Thank you for your encouragement. I know that I always look at all sides of a coin before taking the plunge. It's just part of who I am. Here's the thing.... I hate that whole Cougar stereotype!! I do NOT have money. I still have small kids at home even though I'm older, and I'm not this aggressive-knows-what-she-wants hottie. I'm just me! And I fell for him in the strangest of ways. And I was shocked to death that this successful, kind, and relational man would want to spend time with me. We were actually friends first for a very long time. And then it changed. Yes, the uncertainty makes me nervous. But I do remember that there is uncertainty in many things in life. I guess going from a long term relationship.... marriage.... where Divorce was not an option, was not in the vocabulary, to something new with someone else, I feel confused. I hear from my college age daughters that jumping to a Define the Relationship talk is a real turn off, so I don't want to go there. However.... when he says to me, "So you wanna work it out with your ex? I feel like physically slapping him. He has no idea what the heck that does to me! I asked him if this was a Booty call. He got offended. So what is this? A great friendship that has intimacy and the security of being loved by someone? Somewhere to go (emotionally) for him to be "not lonely" I think. Yet I love him! I think I just want more with him! I want him to know me and care about why I'm sad (he's awesome about accepting it, but not so great about finding out why) and I want him to be drawn to me, pursuing me. Thinking about me.
Ugh. I want clarity!
I have fallen in love with a younger man, but I am married, unhappily, and the younger mand doesn't know. I think he has feelings for me, but I don't know how to tell. And, then if he does, what do I do about it?
19 years but i bet u look the same together just grown adults . age is in ur head not in ur hearts.
That is such a hard one. I don't know your place in life, but I can share a little of my story. My feelings have been up and down and everywhere with this relationship. The man I am connected to treats me very respectfully. We were friends first. Then we were emotionally attached through a series of serious events in both our separate lives. He didn't know I was married but separated. When we made the decision to be physical, I was not prepared for the surge of doubtful emotions that would follow so much later. Weeks later. My first reaction was of being on Cloud Nine - not because oh-my-gosh I've got this younger, HOTT guy, but because it was oh-my-gosh I love this man. I couldn't get past it! Why would I want to? Anyhow, over the next few months, I went through moments of feeling confused, nervous, scared, sometimes apprehensive about the future. I felt foolish, and as if I was desperate and in Fantasyland. I also felt longer periods of true connectedness. I missed him when I was apart from him which is a completely foreign feeling for me. I also experienced times of wanting him to have the joy of a young love, a wedding, pictures, someone to show off to his friends. It's hard. Like super hard. And I think that's an indicator of my love because I'm not seeking only my fulfillment, but his also. I no longer wish for him to have another woman. He's settled into all the corners of my heart. And that is probably because I did not put ANY pressure whatsoever on him. I allowed him to express his confusion, his moments of soul searching, his many what-if questions (mostly I didn't comment back, but listened), his privacy, and even the one time he asked someone out. Thankfully she was unavailable. Some other feelings I have experienced is wondering what the heck he really sees in me. This also is an odd feeling because I actually really do like myself! It's the situation that puts you into the most vulnerable. Our age difference is 20 years. That's a big gap. I finally stopped trying to complete in my mind with a 25-35 year old. I still wish so badly that I was 40 cuz I could handle that. But I'm not. As time went by, I saw that he too felt at times insecure. It was surprising to me. He valued my opinion. He loved when I went to him for advice, yet he encouraged and expected my independence. He could have a clingy, inexperienced, whiny girl. He wanted a confident, loving woman. The sooner I realized that, the easier it was to feel more relaxed and playful, erasing those stoic years, and allowing myself to become my true self. Ours is still complicated. I have not filed for divorce at this time. He told me that is one thing I need to approach completely without him. The space he has given me is awesome because it has allowed me to do quite a lot of soul searching. I have been in counseling for myself. I have gotten a voice at home. I have learned to see my children differently and have worked at making sure our relationships are solid. I have also used the time to be kind to their dad, instead of teeter tottering for a power position. I want to co-parent still, but I want to be loved. What should you do, you ask? You need to decide what you are willing to do. Where are you in your marriage? Is it a passing unhappiness, or more like a for sure this isn't ok type of thing? As for moving forward while still married: everyone on here and in life will say don't do it. I actually believe it's awful and wrong. But I found myself there and it actually helped me see things differently, and brought me out of a depressive state of feeling like a tossed rag and a failure. In the last three months, I've been through 2 deaths, my oldest son's wedding, the birth of my first grandchild, 3 urgent care visits, a road trip, sending a child off to college, and legal yuckiness. My lover is the one I call first. Always. My heart is there. His ways calm me. My "husband" is on a need-to-know basis. Sad, but true. My advice would be to not act too boldly, guard your heart in regards to both men, take time often to self-evalutate, find one trusting person to talk to, take the time to get to know yourself again, develop interests, get relationships with others. Make sure your identity is not in a man. I am not a man-hater at all, I am merely stating that if your identity has been in your husband, and then you bring someone else in the picture, you will probably transfer that over to the new guy. Not good!
Love does not have age.
Wow,
Here I thought I was foolish. I'm 52 and am told I look thirty. I was pursued and fell for a 38-year-old divorcee. I've been married for 25 years but for the last five my husband has hardly been intimate with me..... once a year!!!!!:$ Added to that I'm the sole breadwinner and have been for the whole of my marriage. He's a jealous controlling person to boot.
The younger guy and I have had to go separate ways ....... job related.... we come from different countries. I can tell you now though it really hurts but I no longer have any desire for my husband.... although he says he now finds me very sexy. Too little too late though.
Huhuhuhu!
I am 59 and have fallen for a 38 year old man. He is in Liverpool England and I am in Indiana. He wants to come here for a date and we love each other. But I can't stop thinking about how good looking he is and what beautiful babies he could have that I can't give him. How he should meet someone his own age to continue life with and be happy. I just want his happiness and he seems to think I am it. I keep thinking of 10 or 20 years from now instead of right now. He calls me every day and I melt, I feel like a teenager again and loose all my walls around me and cannot begin to tell him to find someone his own age. I think I really do love him and don't know what to do.