First and foremost if your husband says he isn't ready for children listen to him. You will be raising that child on your own even if he is snoring next to you. He will resent you and that child. In the begining it will be cute but after a while when he can't do something or go somewhere as any spoiled child he will retaliate. He may be great with his "brothers or friends kids" but guess what they go home. You want the TV fantasy but that only comes when your with a man who wants children with you. Not one who feel hes being pressured. I have plenty of friends, family member, associates, co-workers, people in my neighborhood, people I see in my office where I work for a divorce lawyer. Frustrated women because they put them selves in that position with a man who isnot going to feel the same way about kids that most women do or rather programed for. A child will not bond u most likely u will break up because of them and he will final move on and find a women and have more children he actually cares to be around. u see it all the time with middle aged men and grown kids they ignore. Where as there younger kids they wanted get the love an affection. U may feel I am angry cause my husband left or something like that no hes snoring next to me and I finally just got the baby he asked me to have asleep that he claims is to small and he may break her if he holds her. Or some other c**p. He likes to know we are home but he does nothiing with her except stare or wake me to put her back to sleep.
I have been googling lately looking for others going throug the same thing i am going through and here it is. My husband is 31 and i am 28. I am the youngest of 4 children. 2 of my brothers have 7 kids between them. I always dreamed of all of us having kids that grew up together. Their youngest is now 7! My husband keeps giving me excuses of why we shouldn't have kids. Debts, time and of course the big 1 is money! We make $28 an hour between the 2 of us and that still is not enough. I tried explaining to him you can never truly be 100% ready for a baby. He watches me cry as i yearn to have a baby. I don't want a handful of them. I just want 1. I do have medical issues and it will probably take time to get pregnant if i even can get pregnant. He doesn't even want to try. When i told him our medical covers 100% of infertility diagnosis and treatment plan it didn't seem to spark an interest for him. All i know is i am not going to stand by and let him make the decision of MY future. When he married me he knew i wanted a family and to be honest we aren't getting any younger.
same story here.. I am 29 and my husband is 35. We want several children, and he wants to wait because of money issues. I am only part time employed and he is afraid of getting fired because of the bad times.. Not sure if I should tell him that I'm quitting birth control or just wait and see.. the child fund was a good idea!
I totally feel you girl. I'm 26yrs old and have been with my husband for 7 1/2 yrs and married 2 of them. Before we got married we had the perfect plan so it seemed about starting a family. But now the economy sucks, we are loosing out on money and it seems like there is never a perfect time...but then again there never is so I've heard. Good luck to if you do have a baby, and good luck if you don't. I wish you all the luck in the world either way.
Am I crazy to want a baby right now. My husband and I are both 19 which is really young and we have almost been married a whole year in less then a month. I know that we are young and there is plenty of time to have kids but I want one so bad now. He says that it is the whole money thing, but he is in the military. We don't have to pay for housing or anything like that so I know that we will be okay. He wants to wait a few more years and I don't want to because I want to have a few children and I want to have them young. I don't want to wait until my late 20s or early 30s to start a family. I want to be able to fill this hole in me. I do child care and I love children. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm not on any birth control and we don't use any protection but still nothing. He doesn't "go" in me so nothing... I just wish there was a way to make him understand where I am coming from. I don't want to wait too long and it be too late.
:-( I have been with my husband for 6 years were 30 years old we both have stable job's, and every time I talk about starting a family he says we will have 1 next year, and that we don't have a place of our own.how long is he going to say that for? %-)
Well I am in the same situation as you all and i do feel utterly depressed and am always hiding and crying because my heart is so broken.
I am 28 and my husband is 34. We have been married 6yrs now.
I have recently had surgery for endometriosis in Aug which has now come back. My options were to get pregnant or go on the pill so i said i would wait to see if we get pregnant but since my husband uses the pull out method, this was a slim to none chance. So, i decided since he was not ready i would go on the pill for a year then breach the subject again. I went on the pill for 6 days but the effects were so horrible I stopped. I refuse to do that again. My husband told me as well to come off it as he saw how much i was suffering. So you think since that one of the 2 options didnt work he knew what the other (only) option is????
I keep trying to make excuses as to agree with him that we are not ready but all my friends have just have kids (i'm the only one that doesnt) (also not the reason why i want ) but all of them are not as financially stable as us. Yes they struggle but we are more prepared and more stable. Plus one of my friends had a child working part time and was a student and her partner also wasnt wrking and her daughter is 2. My husband keeps saying that her parents are rich and help her out. I know for a fact that this is 99% not true. They wil buy gifts for their grandchild but she doesnt accept money from them. Anywhoo, his mum and family all think that Im the one that dont want kids now even though I told them my fertility is fine. Everyone that asks makes me feel like a failure.
I too have grown up raising kids as my mum had a nursery and also had my lil sister at 44 so had a had in rasing her as well.
My husband knew how passionate I was about having kids and he always talked about it before we got married. Now we have been married it has been excuse after excuse. We rented a room in a house and he said that we can't have a child there so after much frustration I found us a reasonably priced two bedroom flat in a nice area. Now he says, He wants to change jobs because we dont have enough money for a baby. He was unhappy at his job so i thought ok I will help him achieve this and wait until he settles. I was willing to wait a year.
He got the new job, he has a great salary, he has the best time off as he wrks shifts (perfect for helping with a newborn), not to mention a spare bedroom, a wife with a great job, great benefits, great maternity package.... What more could you ask for?
Nope, we still dont have enough money and we need to get a house of our own plus he wants to move to a higher position at his work, which means less time off and longer hours!!!!
To add insult to injury, his much younger brother just got his girlfriend pregnant! She also had the same situation as me with the endo. They are preparing their wedding and my mother-in-law is over the moon!
What makes this all the more sickening is the fact that my husband can rub my tummy and talk to it if I get bloated as if I'm pregnant. %-) >:( He is always saying 'she this and 'she that'... always talking like he is excited and ready to have kids and my heart breaks a bit more everytime. :-( :'(
I am 28 and my husband is 34. We have been married 6yrs now.
I have recently had surgery for endometriosis in Aug which has now come back. My options were to get pregnant or go on the pill so i said i would wait to see if we get pregnant but since my husband uses the pull out method, this was a slim to none chance. So, i decided since he was not ready i would go on the pill for a year then breach the subject again. I went on the pill for 6 days but the effects were so horrible I stopped. I refuse to do that again. My husband told me as well to come off it as he saw how much i was suffering. So you think since that one of the 2 options didnt work he knew what the other (only) option is????
I keep trying to make excuses as to agree with him that we are not ready but all my friends have just have kids (i'm the only one that doesnt) (also not the reason why i want ) but all of them are not as financially stable as us. Yes they struggle but we are more prepared and more stable. Plus one of my friends had a child working part time and was a student and her partner also wasnt wrking and her daughter is 2. My husband keeps saying that her parents are rich and help her out. I know for a fact that this is 99% not true. They wil buy gifts for their grandchild but she doesnt accept money from them. Anywhoo, his mum and family all think that Im the one that dont want kids now even though I told them my fertility is fine. Everyone that asks makes me feel like a failure.
I too have grown up raising kids as my mum had a nursery and also had my lil sister at 44 so had a had in rasing her as well.
My husband knew how passionate I was about having kids and he always talked about it before we got married. Now we have been married it has been excuse after excuse. We rented a room in a house and he said that we can't have a child there so after much frustration I found us a reasonably priced two bedroom flat in a nice area. Now he says, He wants to change jobs because we dont have enough money for a baby. He was unhappy at his job so i thought ok I will help him achieve this and wait until he settles. I was willing to wait a year.
He got the new job, he has a great salary, he has the best time off as he wrks shifts (perfect for helping with a newborn), not to mention a spare bedroom, a wife with a great job, great benefits, great maternity package.... What more could you ask for?
Nope, we still dont have enough money and we need to get a house of our own plus he wants to move to a higher position at his work, which means less time off and longer hours!!!!
To add insult to injury, his much younger brother just got his girlfriend pregnant! She also had the same situation as me with the endo. They are preparing their wedding and my mother-in-law is over the moon!
What makes this all the more sickening is the fact that my husband can rub my tummy and talk to it if I get bloated as if I'm pregnant. %-) >:( He is always saying 'she this and 'she that'... always talking like he is excited and ready to have kids and my heart breaks a bit more everytime. :-( :'(
I am 29 years old, my husband is 34, the issue is the same as above. He has a stable job (although it is difficult to say these days!).
He would like to have a child but has an idealistic view - more money, no arguments between us whatsoever, etc.. I feel that every time I speak to him about this, he gets pushed away more. I tried to wait approximately 6 months and then came back to issue, and he said that we should wait bit more. I am getting a PhD in science and I know I cannot wait for much longer and I am aware of the genetics disorders, probability of which increases with every year after you are 30 years old.
I tried both approaches - asking repeatedly and waiting. Now I am afraid to ask him once again because I do not want to be disappointed with his answer. I also do not want to pressure him as he needs to be ready himself, obviously.
I guess that some of men just never will feel ready, or have doubts, and we have to accept this and be happy with what we have, go to a counsellor, or leave them and find a person who would feel lucky to be a father but the second one for some of us may not be an option. I do not believe in divorce.
He would like to have a child but has an idealistic view - more money, no arguments between us whatsoever, etc.. I feel that every time I speak to him about this, he gets pushed away more. I tried to wait approximately 6 months and then came back to issue, and he said that we should wait bit more. I am getting a PhD in science and I know I cannot wait for much longer and I am aware of the genetics disorders, probability of which increases with every year after you are 30 years old.
I tried both approaches - asking repeatedly and waiting. Now I am afraid to ask him once again because I do not want to be disappointed with his answer. I also do not want to pressure him as he needs to be ready himself, obviously.
I guess that some of men just never will feel ready, or have doubts, and we have to accept this and be happy with what we have, go to a counsellor, or leave them and find a person who would feel lucky to be a father but the second one for some of us may not be an option. I do not believe in divorce.
Seems like all these posts are from women who dont have kids. My case is a bit different. We have been together for 3 1/2 years but we both have a child from different people. We have been married for 1 1/2 years and agreed to have a baby in october. He even told me months before he was excited and couldnt wait to complete his life with me. Then something changed his feelings. Now he uses money and not haveing an extra room for the baby. His son is only here for 4 days of the month. I thought they would just share. He didnt like that. I am so upset. I cant beleive I am his wife and he would tell me to wait 3 years. I feel like I have so much resentment. We agreed on a time and now after getting married he has changed his mind. I feel like it is affecting our sex lives as well. I dont feel like we should have to pull out we are married and it should be not planned but if it happens it happens. We are married and we will deal with it. How horrible does it feel to know you and your husband have kids from other people and you cant share it with him. I feel like he is most worried of his son haveing to share a room. But he doesnt live with us. It wouldnt be fair to make the 2 that live with us share a room with his sons is empty 27 days of the month. If i wait for him it will be in 3-5 years. I am going to be 29 this year and pregnanacies are harder on your bodies and our other children are going to be so far in age from the new baby. I have been on birthcontrol for atleast 10 years and it isnt good to take for so long. I just dont know what to do I dont want to have more problems if I get pregnant and he is not ready but the question we all ask ourselves is WILL HE EVER BE READY? I dont think so and I think it is selfishness. I am willing to trade email addresses with anyone wanting to talk.
I am amazed at how much these stories are just like mine...My husband and i got married this past summer 7-18-09 and have known eachother for 3 1/2 years...He asked me to marry him and 5 months later i had planned this big wedding. It was his decision to get married so fast cause he is 26 and he looks at all his friends gettin married and startin families and he thought he is only gettin older so he might as well jump on the band wagon and start this circle of life and he didn't want to be an old dad. Our problem now is he was so ready then and now its like well nevermind i am not ready yet.. in a way.. i feel like i was tricked. yeah i was ready to get married but at the same time i was excited about startin this family that him and i had both dreamed about. And why he wanted to get married so soon was to start a family.. so if i would have known he was goin to change his mind then i would have wanted to wait so that we could have saved a little more so that i could have had everything i wanted for our wedding. One reason he has come up with on why to wait is the money situation, like most men. But i make more now than what i did when we got married and we spent 5k on the wedding from just our behalf... so i tried explaining to him that hey if we can save that much then we will be just fine with a baby. I also had to sit down and show him how much money we have extra each month after paying bills. Also.. i stopped nagging him about it because in the long run all it did was make him feel like a fight when we got ready to have sex cause he didn't want it and i did... so i ended up just layin off and he came to me and told me that he really did think i was goin to be a good mom and just tonight he decided he was ready and i think it was because the stress wasn't there. So maybe stop and think about how he must feel... i now he wants kids but he just wants it on his time and really all he needed was reassurence that everything was going to be ok if we did have a baby.
GoOd LuCk!! ;-)
GoOd LuCk!! ;-)
I am so happy to see there are other women out there who feel the same way I do. I think about children every day. When I see a child I get an overwhelming desire to have one of my own. I grew up with 3 younger siblings and many younger cousins. Ever since I can remember, I have wanted to be a mother. I struggled through university as I tried to find a meaningful profession. Now, 3 years after graduation, I have still not found that sense of contentment.
In september of this year I married a wonderful man. He is a social worker who works with disadvantaged youth, and grew up with 4 brothers. I expected that he would be as excited as I am to start a family. Sadly, I am mistaken. While he claims he wants kids "some day", he closes up completely when I talk about having one in the near future. I am 27 and a half; he just turned 31. I want all 4 of our parents to get to experience the joy of having a grandchild, while they are still young enough to enjoy it. We are extremely lucky to have grown up in privileged households where we were given every opportunity. I feel like this is having a detrimental effect on myself and many of my friends. While it is undoubtedly fabulous that I have many female friends who are doctors, lawyers, pharmacists or PHD candidates; many feel they are lacking a key part in their lives. They are approaching 30, with no prospects of husbands or families. I grew up in the 80's, where my peers and I were taught that we did not need to get married, or settle into maternal roles. The problem with this approach is that it completely ignores biology. Women are only fertile for a few years in their lives. After slaving away through undergrad, high-stress jobs, word travel, graduate and doctorate degrees; my friends and I are approaching 30 realizing that if we want to have children we have a short few years in which to accomplish this. While there are the occasional woman who conceives after 35, the risks are serious.
Why did our mothers not teach us that it is ok to want to have children? Perhaps because it was not a choice in their generation. In their generation, it was the norm, it was what was expected of them. If we have learned anything in the last 60 years, it is that humans do not want to be told what to do. We all want choices. Unfortunately, I did not realize that the choice to pursue higher education and powerful jobs meant that I was put having children on the back-burner. At this stage in my career, I am all too aware that I do not have the luxury of taking maternity leave. Yes, I am legally entitled, however I know that I will not hold the same level of respect with my male co-workers if I announce I am taking a year off.
What is perhaps the worst, is the fact that my husband cannot or will not share my views on the subject. He is convinced we will be able to conceive "when we're ready", which translates into when HE is ready. Men do not have biological clocks, as they are given the luxury to have a child at any age. This, coupled with the fact that they do not have to take a major hiatus from their career, make them completely insensitive to the wants of their partners who fear the biological clock.
I have been with my husband for 5 years, and married for less than one. I have a good job and supportive families. I typically make major decisions every day that impact many people. Sadly, I cannot make the decision to start a family alone. I am powerless in the shadow of my husband, and I wait every day to hear him say "I'm still not ready". For everything that I can accomplish, I cannot have the thing that matters most to me.
In september of this year I married a wonderful man. He is a social worker who works with disadvantaged youth, and grew up with 4 brothers. I expected that he would be as excited as I am to start a family. Sadly, I am mistaken. While he claims he wants kids "some day", he closes up completely when I talk about having one in the near future. I am 27 and a half; he just turned 31. I want all 4 of our parents to get to experience the joy of having a grandchild, while they are still young enough to enjoy it. We are extremely lucky to have grown up in privileged households where we were given every opportunity. I feel like this is having a detrimental effect on myself and many of my friends. While it is undoubtedly fabulous that I have many female friends who are doctors, lawyers, pharmacists or PHD candidates; many feel they are lacking a key part in their lives. They are approaching 30, with no prospects of husbands or families. I grew up in the 80's, where my peers and I were taught that we did not need to get married, or settle into maternal roles. The problem with this approach is that it completely ignores biology. Women are only fertile for a few years in their lives. After slaving away through undergrad, high-stress jobs, word travel, graduate and doctorate degrees; my friends and I are approaching 30 realizing that if we want to have children we have a short few years in which to accomplish this. While there are the occasional woman who conceives after 35, the risks are serious.
Why did our mothers not teach us that it is ok to want to have children? Perhaps because it was not a choice in their generation. In their generation, it was the norm, it was what was expected of them. If we have learned anything in the last 60 years, it is that humans do not want to be told what to do. We all want choices. Unfortunately, I did not realize that the choice to pursue higher education and powerful jobs meant that I was put having children on the back-burner. At this stage in my career, I am all too aware that I do not have the luxury of taking maternity leave. Yes, I am legally entitled, however I know that I will not hold the same level of respect with my male co-workers if I announce I am taking a year off.
What is perhaps the worst, is the fact that my husband cannot or will not share my views on the subject. He is convinced we will be able to conceive "when we're ready", which translates into when HE is ready. Men do not have biological clocks, as they are given the luxury to have a child at any age. This, coupled with the fact that they do not have to take a major hiatus from their career, make them completely insensitive to the wants of their partners who fear the biological clock.
I have been with my husband for 5 years, and married for less than one. I have a good job and supportive families. I typically make major decisions every day that impact many people. Sadly, I cannot make the decision to start a family alone. I am powerless in the shadow of my husband, and I wait every day to hear him say "I'm still not ready". For everything that I can accomplish, I cannot have the thing that matters most to me.
It's relieving to know I'm not the only one having these feelings. My husband and I have been married for 2 years and I have recently brought up my feelings for wanting a baby. He disagreed with it so much divorce came into the picture and I told him that I could wait, which has proved to be easier said than done. He feels that our marriage isn't ready and that having a baby won't help for us to have a better relationship. He also feels we aren't ready financially.
I agree with some of the other responses that if you are waitint to be ready financially then it'll never happen. I don't work and am at home all day by myself and get quite lonely. I have been trying to convince him to allow me to get a cat since we've been married and have only just now come to an agreement about getting one this summer. I dont' think men realize women's need to nurture something. He has a 1yr old son (long story) whom I have never gotten to meet and who he only has gotten to see 3 times due to his job. I think because he has a child already he is okay with waiting a while for another one.
He suggested I go to work at daycare so I could get my "baby fill". This might help for a few months, but I really think it would make me long for my own child even more. I am so lost on what to do anymore. We use the pull out method for birth control so each month when it comes time for my period I get my hopes up that maybe this time he wasn't quick enough. I'm afraid to bring up this discussion with him again because it hurts me so much when he says not now....
I agree with some of the other responses that if you are waitint to be ready financially then it'll never happen. I don't work and am at home all day by myself and get quite lonely. I have been trying to convince him to allow me to get a cat since we've been married and have only just now come to an agreement about getting one this summer. I dont' think men realize women's need to nurture something. He has a 1yr old son (long story) whom I have never gotten to meet and who he only has gotten to see 3 times due to his job. I think because he has a child already he is okay with waiting a while for another one.
He suggested I go to work at daycare so I could get my "baby fill". This might help for a few months, but I really think it would make me long for my own child even more. I am so lost on what to do anymore. We use the pull out method for birth control so each month when it comes time for my period I get my hopes up that maybe this time he wasn't quick enough. I'm afraid to bring up this discussion with him again because it hurts me so much when he says not now....
I am so glad that there are other women out there who feel the same about this situation. I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to because no one else is going through this situation. I just turned 30 in January and my husband is 28. We have been married for 3 years and have been together for 11 1/2 years. I have a medical condition called autoimmune hepatitis that made the safety of being pregnant for me very difficult for a while, I was diagnosed 5 years ago. So my husband and I agreed that having children was not a big deal if it meant putting my health or my life in jeopardy, so we both kind of put the thought out of our heads for years. In the last year, my disease has come completely under control with the use of a wonderful medication and all of my doctors have told me that I have a big ol' green light in the pregnancy area, and if I want to do it, I should do it now. Because I am 30 years old, my best childbearing years are now behind me. As soon as I heard that I could conceive, all of a sudden it was all I could think about. I have a 2 1/2 year old niece who I just adore and another one on the way, most of my female friends are having children now and I feel so jealous and I have such an overwhelming urge to have a baby! My husband seemed to be very excited and open to the idea when I first presented him with the idea a year ago. Then he changed his mind out of nowhere and now he keeps coming up with all of these excuses not to do it. First it was money, then it was "our house is too small and we can't afford to buy a bigger house yet", then it was that he likes our life the way it is and he doesn't want to give up his freedom. We talk about it often because I want him to know that I still want a baby even though we don't talk about it all the time. I just don't understand why he wants to wait! He loves babies and always has a blast playing with the kids at family functions. I just know that he would be a great father, and it would make our lives complete! How do I convince him that now is the time to do it, and that it would be so great? I need advice!
HI all, im so glad to hear so many of you feeling the same as i do! its like noboby understands me and shes im still young. im been married for over 3 years and been together for 4. my husband is 31 and im 26. when we first got together i got pregant and as we didnt know each other very long i was influenced by him that its best we abort the baby. its been a struggle for years to forgive him and myself.We now are at a stable part of our relationship and ive been ready for a while now to have kids.
we agreed that i sort out my career first as ive been in the process of starting a buisness. he said if the buisness doesnt work out for you then we'll go ahead with kids.
its been taking ages for me to get this buisness running and ive not giving up on the venture but my first prority has always been a mom.
ive brought the subject up a few times and his said the usually "have you given your buisness your all?" and i say no of course and that the end of the conversation... his got a good job,we will be able to efford it but he says no we dont own our house...well who does own there house in this day and age... as long as you love your kids thats all that matters and besides kids are a gift from GOD and a blessing.
i wish and pray the day comes that he says his ready! im on the pill and wont force him into it as he will defo be recentfull towards me and the baby.
i dont knnow what to do...its so painfull,the person you love robbing you of whats yours.
its funny there two grounds you can divorce your partner in the u.k is cheating and not giving you children within reason..lol
i hope we have beter news next year this time.
we agreed that i sort out my career first as ive been in the process of starting a buisness. he said if the buisness doesnt work out for you then we'll go ahead with kids.
its been taking ages for me to get this buisness running and ive not giving up on the venture but my first prority has always been a mom.
ive brought the subject up a few times and his said the usually "have you given your buisness your all?" and i say no of course and that the end of the conversation... his got a good job,we will be able to efford it but he says no we dont own our house...well who does own there house in this day and age... as long as you love your kids thats all that matters and besides kids are a gift from GOD and a blessing.
i wish and pray the day comes that he says his ready! im on the pill and wont force him into it as he will defo be recentfull towards me and the baby.
i dont knnow what to do...its so painfull,the person you love robbing you of whats yours.
its funny there two grounds you can divorce your partner in the u.k is cheating and not giving you children within reason..lol
i hope we have beter news next year this time.
Okay y'all, I'm not even married (have yet to even be proposed to?), but have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now. He's such a great man and I know he loves me. I can tell he's pretty committed to me... his friends are my friends, my friends are his, he's a homebody so I know he's not into the bar scene, he works hard, and chills at home with me at night (even when I try to talk him into going out). We really get each other. The only thing is everytime any type of serious conversation comes up regarding our future (whatever it may be) he makes light of it... like turns it into a joke. Like the first 3 months we wre together I asked him if he was ever married or ever had any children... he said " No, because I've been waiting for you." I take my BC every night at 8 pm, and every night after 8 he'll say "take your medicine"; I used to be terrible at remebering to take it right on time. Anyway, I guess it's kinda frustrating because I'm shelling out $30 per month to make sure I dont get pregnant by accident, yet he doesnt even want to use condoms. The first 6 months we were using them, dont ask when or why we quit... I guess we just knew we could trust each other to be monogamous. Anyway, so he was asking the other night if I had started my period (WOW, I know, he REALLY pays attention)... I said no, probably not for another 2 or 3 days. When I finally got it, I went up to him and jokingly said, "ooh, you're lucky honey, I just started. But then I told him, my pills are only 96% effective so if you say you really dont want kids (he's only 38, but says he'll be too old to be a daddy...uh, WTF???) he needs to start wearing condoms, because if it turns out I get pregnant, its not my fault... I take my medicine, he needs to take precautions to make sure he doesnt get me pregnant too. He said he never wanted to get married, unless he found the right woman who doesnt want to have children. I'm kinda on the fence about children. Like I love them to pieces, but I don't know if I'd really want all that responsibility. But then again to have that unconditional love of a child made from two people who truely love each other... ahhh. I wish he was like me, and just let love lead the way instead of putting restricitions on it. I know I could handle anything that came my way, but he says if I got pregnant, I'd be on my own. But deep down inside I really believe he's the type that take care of his responsbilities. Do you think he's just not ready...yet???