OK, this blog is 2 years old and piling up with women like us. I wish that someone could get on here and help out! I don't know what to do either!
I'm 26, my husband is 25. We have been married for 3 years and all i can think about are BABIES. We both want to have children and he'll be great with them, but like everyone of your husbands, he says its about money or that he's just not ready. I asked him when he'll be ready "Is it when all you think about is babies, like me?" He looked at me blankley and I replied, "that's excatly how I feel and you'll NEVER understand it... its a woman thing."
Lots of people also tell me that I have plenty of time, I'm young. But, I feel that I'm not really under control of what my body and heart are telling me. My mind cannot over rule these feelings. We would be prefectly fine having a child now. I too, secretly wish it would happen as an accident. LOL, I have an ovulation/ period app to keep track of something that we aren't trying to do. It has been a little ironic that we have sex when I am ovulating, but only notice after the fact.... but, we're too careful for it to be an 'accident'.
UGH, I am so frustrated. %-)
I'm 26, my husband is 25. We have been married for 3 years and all i can think about are BABIES. We both want to have children and he'll be great with them, but like everyone of your husbands, he says its about money or that he's just not ready. I asked him when he'll be ready "Is it when all you think about is babies, like me?" He looked at me blankley and I replied, "that's excatly how I feel and you'll NEVER understand it... its a woman thing."
Lots of people also tell me that I have plenty of time, I'm young. But, I feel that I'm not really under control of what my body and heart are telling me. My mind cannot over rule these feelings. We would be prefectly fine having a child now. I too, secretly wish it would happen as an accident. LOL, I have an ovulation/ period app to keep track of something that we aren't trying to do. It has been a little ironic that we have sex when I am ovulating, but only notice after the fact.... but, we're too careful for it to be an 'accident'.
UGH, I am so frustrated. %-)
I was brought to bittersweet tears reading this! I thought maybe I was unreasonable or even a little crazy feeling this way. I am 24 and my husband will be 39 this year...yup 15 year age gap. We love each other and never notice our age difference but it is a real factor when it comes to having kids! I mean, I don't want our children to graduate high school with their father being a senior citizen! He is healthy and lively and looks much younger than he is, but as I've told him...a lot can change in 10 yrs. I have decided to go back to school for teaching and will be done in 2.5 yrs. But I want to have a baby now and he feels that we won't be able to afford a baby if I'm not working and going to school full time.I've told him if I was in school and not working full time I'd actually spend lots more time at home and we wouldn't pay nearly as much in child care and having a baby may qualify me for more financial aid. I don"t know what to do...he sees children as something we "will" do in "the future", bit come on how much time does he think he has?!? And this is just planning for one child! What if we want another?? I am NOT having a child and a husband in diapers at the same time!! Lol. It is a relief to feel less alone :-) I wish you all the best of luck!
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I've read a few postings so far and I think I can relate to all of you in some way. My husband and I have been married for a year, we are both 25, soon to be 26. We've been together for 6 years. We have great careers and we have lived in our house for a year. Financially, I think we are more than ready.
When I bring up the "baby" word, he tells me that he isn't ready. He flat out tells me he isn't ready for the responsibility of working, having a child, and his own stresses, but I came down to it, that really you'll never be ready because you'll have to juggle all of these things no matter what time frame in your life. No one is really ever ready. I figured maybe it would be good for him to talk to his Dad to get another mans perspective, who's been there done that. His dad told him, "I've had 3 kids and I'm still not ready."
I think my husband understands that no one is really ready. Sometimes I can understand where he is coming from. I was thinking that maybe he is worried that we will be 2 to 3 steps ahead of our friends. Most of friends are still single and it can be difficult to relate with them.
I would like to be a younger mother since my parents were near their 40's when they had me. Currently, I have only one pack of my BC pills left because originally he had said he wanted to have a baby with me sooner rather than later. Now that it is 6 months later since he had said that, "sooner" is now. I think he is getting really nervous about the idea that he seems like he is changing his mind. I think it is is reality hitting him in the face and that is why he is saying he isn't ready. It is very confusing. We have to figure out if we are to go on as planned or wait. I'd rather us be on it together than later he resents me and doesn't help me, because he'll come back and say, "it wasn't my decision to have this baby." Then I'll be alone taking care of it. My fear is being alone doing it all, just like mom. I want our relationship to stay strong as it has been. I'm hoping we can move on from him having cold feet. How do you make a guy not nervous about having a baby? I suppose time will tell, I just hope not forever.
When I bring up the "baby" word, he tells me that he isn't ready. He flat out tells me he isn't ready for the responsibility of working, having a child, and his own stresses, but I came down to it, that really you'll never be ready because you'll have to juggle all of these things no matter what time frame in your life. No one is really ever ready. I figured maybe it would be good for him to talk to his Dad to get another mans perspective, who's been there done that. His dad told him, "I've had 3 kids and I'm still not ready."
I think my husband understands that no one is really ready. Sometimes I can understand where he is coming from. I was thinking that maybe he is worried that we will be 2 to 3 steps ahead of our friends. Most of friends are still single and it can be difficult to relate with them.
I would like to be a younger mother since my parents were near their 40's when they had me. Currently, I have only one pack of my BC pills left because originally he had said he wanted to have a baby with me sooner rather than later. Now that it is 6 months later since he had said that, "sooner" is now. I think he is getting really nervous about the idea that he seems like he is changing his mind. I think it is is reality hitting him in the face and that is why he is saying he isn't ready. It is very confusing. We have to figure out if we are to go on as planned or wait. I'd rather us be on it together than later he resents me and doesn't help me, because he'll come back and say, "it wasn't my decision to have this baby." Then I'll be alone taking care of it. My fear is being alone doing it all, just like mom. I want our relationship to stay strong as it has been. I'm hoping we can move on from him having cold feet. How do you make a guy not nervous about having a baby? I suppose time will tell, I just hope not forever.
I am so so relieved to see that others feel the same as I do. I am 23, and although my husband and I have only been married a short time (2 months), I really want a child. He is in the Navy and is 29 years old. Before I moved to Washington state from Michigan, he told me he was ready and as soon as I get out here we can try for a child. However, as soon as I got here it was obvious that he had lied, and was not ready. He is catholic and just went through a divorce, so the first reason he didnt want to try for a child is because he still has not annulled his previous marriage. I told him that when I move out here, we can work on it together. But it is still incomplete. Now he says that we don't have the money for a baby right now, and that maybe once bills are caught up we can try. But seriously...bills are ALWAYS going to be there! It's just very frustrating. I have no one here in Washington, and he has all of his Navy friends. My family is on the other side of the country, in a 3 hour time difference. I feel very alone, and when his ship goes out for 6 months, I'm going to feel even worse. I just want to start a family, and it's emotionally draining that he said he felt the same, and now we still aren't trying...
Hi all i'm 24 years old , nice to no I'm not alone on this matter although I do already have a child he is four now , his farther and i split up after 5 years
for the last year we were together he was with someone else behind my back . He no longer wants contact with my son.
I am with a new man who is so lovely and perfect , just he doesn't want childern for a few years since being 15 i knew i always wanted two childern , so they could grow up together , and over the past few months the want for another child has gotten so bad i cry myself to sleep and i really don't no how to cope with it , or talk to my boyfriend about it I feel like i don't no how to be happy anymore i'm more than greatful for my son don't get me wrong i just feel I need to have another child to feel complet and the want is driveing me mad i feel i can't have sex with my man anymore because everytime we do I feel like i'm breaking his trust by not telling him the truth we use birth controll but it takes all the magic out of love makeing for me have this want for another baby. I just don't no what to do.
for the last year we were together he was with someone else behind my back . He no longer wants contact with my son.
I am with a new man who is so lovely and perfect , just he doesn't want childern for a few years since being 15 i knew i always wanted two childern , so they could grow up together , and over the past few months the want for another child has gotten so bad i cry myself to sleep and i really don't no how to cope with it , or talk to my boyfriend about it I feel like i don't no how to be happy anymore i'm more than greatful for my son don't get me wrong i just feel I need to have another child to feel complet and the want is driveing me mad i feel i can't have sex with my man anymore because everytime we do I feel like i'm breaking his trust by not telling him the truth we use birth controll but it takes all the magic out of love makeing for me have this want for another baby. I just don't no what to do.
I am getting married this year and my Fiance is 39 and I am 28. I really really want to start a family next year but he wants to wait another 4/5 years which is absolutely destroying me. I feel so ready to be a mum and thought he would be ready to be a dad as he is much older. I've been in teaching 5 years now so have explained the benefits of child care and also have good savings but he wants to be more financially stable. but I don't really understand where he is coming from.
I'm really worried as he wants us to move to a larger property which will take up the majority of both our wages, keep the house for 5 years and then sell it and hopefully it will have increased in value and then start a family after thet but I worry if we can't sell I'll be trapped and unable to have children - I don't want to be 33/34 having my first child.
I moved away from all my family and friends and really feel alone on this and isolated, I see some of my friends on facebook most of my school year have had their first baby - and I was the oldest out of the year group. When I do see my family I am under pressure they are always suggesting babies and I know if they keep asking I will break down in tears
Really don't know what to do x
I'm really worried as he wants us to move to a larger property which will take up the majority of both our wages, keep the house for 5 years and then sell it and hopefully it will have increased in value and then start a family after thet but I worry if we can't sell I'll be trapped and unable to have children - I don't want to be 33/34 having my first child.
I moved away from all my family and friends and really feel alone on this and isolated, I see some of my friends on facebook most of my school year have had their first baby - and I was the oldest out of the year group. When I do see my family I am under pressure they are always suggesting babies and I know if they keep asking I will break down in tears
Really don't know what to do x
My husband and I got married April of this year (2010). I want a child now (I'm 22), but he would like to wait a while since he will be starting school in the fall. I understand where he is coming from since i will be deploying in the fall, but after many discussions about children and me telling him my feelings towards having a child he and I have come to an understanding that we will leave the decision up to God. We do not have protected sex, so if i get pregnant, it was just ment to be. I am a very straight forward person and a real go-getter. He knew i wanted children before we even decided to get married, so that makes our situation much easier.
Ladies, try explaining all of your feeling about children to your significant other and just put your foot down. I pray this helps you out in whatever child situation you're in and that you all become mothers very soon!! Best of luck to you all!!
Ladies, try explaining all of your feeling about children to your significant other and just put your foot down. I pray this helps you out in whatever child situation you're in and that you all become mothers very soon!! Best of luck to you all!!
Have enjoyed reading this thread a great deal. It has convinced me that all women are latent baby-obssessed succubi, self-centered, solipsistic, mawkish and manipulative.
What benefit exists for any man in his twenties to entertain a "serious" relationship when enduring all of the above will probably be the outcome. This is why men, on the whole, refuse to entertain commitment until they are well into their thirties. They can enjoy wealth, health, irresponsibility, sex, drugs and music- the whole multi-faceted palate of life's sensual and artistic pleaures. And all women really want to do is remove pleasure from their lives so they can share in their shallow, dull interests.
The age of female tyranny is over. Men have now realised they can enjoy a succession of caprices with 19 year olds up until they come to the point when their bodies will no longer allow them to do so- then, maybe, they will entertain the notion of children and find some dowdy homemaker with which to breed- exclusively so they will have someone to provide them with a regular supply of clean socks.
What benefit exists for any man in his twenties to entertain a "serious" relationship when enduring all of the above will probably be the outcome. This is why men, on the whole, refuse to entertain commitment until they are well into their thirties. They can enjoy wealth, health, irresponsibility, sex, drugs and music- the whole multi-faceted palate of life's sensual and artistic pleaures. And all women really want to do is remove pleasure from their lives so they can share in their shallow, dull interests.
The age of female tyranny is over. Men have now realised they can enjoy a succession of caprices with 19 year olds up until they come to the point when their bodies will no longer allow them to do so- then, maybe, they will entertain the notion of children and find some dowdy homemaker with which to breed- exclusively so they will have someone to provide them with a regular supply of clean socks.
I am 36 years old. My boyfriend is 34. We have been together 5 1/2 years now. We had an argument about children 1 week after we started dating. I have known that I wanted a family since I was 10. At 28 I left an 8 year relationship because he didn't want children. I have been ready for a long time. At 35 I finally got pregnant. I lost it 10 weeks later. Since September 2009 I have been spending my energy trying to convince my boyfriend to try again. We are in debt and he does not want a baby now. He wants to wait until we are debt free. Did I mention that I am 36 years old? Debt free will take many years. It has come to the point where he is avoiding sex, because he does not want a baby now. At 36, do I leave him and waste time looking for someone else, fall in love, take time to get to know them, and MAYBE make a baby in 4 years? Or do I wait until he is ready? I have been waiting for 6 years now for him to be ready. My parents know me, and know how much I want children. They tell me, just do it already. Ya. What do I do, get him drunk and rape him? That is not how I want this to happen. I want a loving happy family, where the baby feels like he/she was wanted from the get go. From both parents. I am starting to resent him. I see that I am pretty much the only one from high school to not have had children yet. I am the only one in all my cousins that have not had children. My youngest cousin is 5 months into her second pregnancy and here I am contemplating drugging my boyfriend to get sex at the right moment just to conceive. Everytime I just have a little flash of living my life without children ever, I just go bananas. I almost feel as though I will need to be put in an insane asylum. For now I try and enjoy my dog (who is a big baby). But as each month passes, and I have not had sex in those 4 precious allowable ovulating days, I just die a little inside.
My husband and I are having our second wedding anniversary next week - we have been together for eight years total. I am 27; my husband just turned 30. We bought a house 4 years ago. I am in the same boat as the rest of you ladies, it seems; I am itching to have a baby, and he just seems to be terminally afraid.
I currently have a Mirena IUD, which was put in because of excessive bleeding. I was told by my obstetrician that I am very healthy - except she doesn't know why I bleed the way that I do. She told me that she didn't see me having any difficulties carrying a baby - but it could be difficult for me to become pregnant.
When I got the IUD put in, my husband and I had yet another discussion about having children. It was agreed that nothing would be decided until the IUD ran out and I had to replace it. It is killing me to wait, and although I am ashamed to admit it, I have hoped that my birth control would fail on more than one occasion. I have even toyed with the idea of quietly having the Mirena removed - a theory that I quickly abandoned. Marriage is not supposed to be manipulative like that.
It doesn't help that all of my girlfriends are having babies, either. It is so upsetting to me to have to watch their pregnancies and attend their baby showers and hold their children and know that I may never get to hold my own babies. I love my husband dearly, but he has a million excuses as to why we need to wait. It's like a replay of why we needed to wait so long to get married. We don't have enough money. He used to say that he wanted to finish school first; but since he graduated this May, it has changed to "he needs to get a new job first - that is, unless he decides to go back to school this fall". He drives me nuts!
Why don't men get it? When my husband thinks of having children, he thinks of the cost of diapers, and constantly sticky fingers, and having to haul a stroller around everywhere. He doesn't think about Thanksgiving or Christmas thirty years from now when we have no family to celebrate with. He doesn't think about the comfort of still having relatives who care about you when one of us eventually passes away. He doesn't think about the grandchildren that might not get a chance to enjoy having him as a grandfather.
I want to be young enough and energetic enough to chase around after my kids and rough house with them. I want my kids to be close enough to my girlfriend's kids' ages that they have someone to play with. Think back to elementary school and remember that one kid in your class whose parents looked twenty years older that everyone else's folks. I don't want to be them. By the time my husband finally decides one way or another, I will be too old to have a baby.
Like I said, I love my husband. But this is driving me insane. I want to have a baby - but I want him to want it, too. And the worst part is that I can't talk to him about because he changes the subject. Do any of you have any suggestions as to how I can talk to my husband so that he doesn't just shut down or change the topic?
I currently have a Mirena IUD, which was put in because of excessive bleeding. I was told by my obstetrician that I am very healthy - except she doesn't know why I bleed the way that I do. She told me that she didn't see me having any difficulties carrying a baby - but it could be difficult for me to become pregnant.
When I got the IUD put in, my husband and I had yet another discussion about having children. It was agreed that nothing would be decided until the IUD ran out and I had to replace it. It is killing me to wait, and although I am ashamed to admit it, I have hoped that my birth control would fail on more than one occasion. I have even toyed with the idea of quietly having the Mirena removed - a theory that I quickly abandoned. Marriage is not supposed to be manipulative like that.
It doesn't help that all of my girlfriends are having babies, either. It is so upsetting to me to have to watch their pregnancies and attend their baby showers and hold their children and know that I may never get to hold my own babies. I love my husband dearly, but he has a million excuses as to why we need to wait. It's like a replay of why we needed to wait so long to get married. We don't have enough money. He used to say that he wanted to finish school first; but since he graduated this May, it has changed to "he needs to get a new job first - that is, unless he decides to go back to school this fall". He drives me nuts!
Why don't men get it? When my husband thinks of having children, he thinks of the cost of diapers, and constantly sticky fingers, and having to haul a stroller around everywhere. He doesn't think about Thanksgiving or Christmas thirty years from now when we have no family to celebrate with. He doesn't think about the comfort of still having relatives who care about you when one of us eventually passes away. He doesn't think about the grandchildren that might not get a chance to enjoy having him as a grandfather.
I want to be young enough and energetic enough to chase around after my kids and rough house with them. I want my kids to be close enough to my girlfriend's kids' ages that they have someone to play with. Think back to elementary school and remember that one kid in your class whose parents looked twenty years older that everyone else's folks. I don't want to be them. By the time my husband finally decides one way or another, I will be too old to have a baby.
Like I said, I love my husband. But this is driving me insane. I want to have a baby - but I want him to want it, too. And the worst part is that I can't talk to him about because he changes the subject. Do any of you have any suggestions as to how I can talk to my husband so that he doesn't just shut down or change the topic?
I'm sorry, you must be a sixteen year old kid, and as such I hate to insult a child. However, that does not change the fact that you appear to be an unintelligent, self-indulgent pig with a lack of self-control. What makes you think that ANYONE should indulge in irresponsibility, sex, and drugs? (And how can you list "health" and "drugs" in the same category, exactly, when they clearly contradict each other? Can I say, ignorant?). Decent men, the men women actually want to be with, unlike yourself, are the ones who find the most pleasure in being with the person that they love, not feel that being with a women removes the pleasure from their lives. Real men are the ones who find the most pleasure in sex being with someone that they love. Real men are devoted and loyal, and have developed brains large enough (again, unlike yourself) by the time they are in their twenties to realize what true happiness is. And, I'm sorry... female tyranny? Piggish, ignorant men, now like yourself, disregarded women the way you are back in the more primitive ages - the 19th century and before. If you continue to view women as "dowdy homemakers to provide a regular supply of clean socks" you will live alone and unhappy, and good riddance in my opinion. You deserve it. Your views are truly extremely old-fashioned, and you have less intelligence than a two month old. Grow up. Get smart.
And to the women on this forum, I apologize for his sheer stupidity and ignorance. He is a disgrace not only to mankind, but to humankind in general.
And to the women on this forum, I apologize for his sheer stupidity and ignorance. He is a disgrace not only to mankind, but to humankind in general.
wow after reading all of your posts i know know im not all alone on this one. Why is it that men do not understand that we dont want to be 40 and nursing a baby? Weve been together fot 7 years and married for just over 1 year, His excuse, we dont have the money or space. But when I bring up moving into a house its just too much for him to wrap his mind around and he forgets we even discussed it. Now don't even get me started on the baby talk becasue he told me "he" wasn't ready. I said what arn't you ready for? All you have to do is provide the sperm and take care of them after they are born, you don't get the pain of child birth and not to mention 9 months of pre-pain and blosting, nausea, stretching....what inst he ready for again? really...im sick of it. Dont know what to either. I wish I could help everyone out, but im at a loss on this one. Im just glad im not alone.
thanks. :'(
thanks. :'(
I was so glad to find this forum. Even though no one seems to have the answers, at least it's good not to feel alone. I am 26 and my husband is almost 29. We've been married for 1 1/2 years and together for 5. Like many of you, I've wanted children since I was young and have been completely open about it with my husband since we started dating. I knew he wouldn't want to have children right after getting married, but I thought after a year or two we'd be trying. Now he seems to want to put it off indefinitely. We are both in Ph.D. programs, hoping to finish in the next year or two, so he wants to wait until we have jobs and are "stable". Right now we each have teaching positions, make plenty of money, and live in married student housing surrounded by children and pregnant women! He simply says he's not ready, but he's nearly 29, and I'm wondering what about our situation is really going to change to make him "ready".
It's just so hard to wait. I would never ever do anything sneaky, but I find myself hoping that our birth control fails. Today we got in a big fight because we were at a pet store and I wanted to get a cat, but he refused... he wouldn't even let me have a fish!!! I feel like I have a big aching hole in me that won't be filled until we have children. Am I crazy?? Like many of you I just find it so hard to wait when I don't know what I'm waiting for.
It's just so hard to wait. I would never ever do anything sneaky, but I find myself hoping that our birth control fails. Today we got in a big fight because we were at a pet store and I wanted to get a cat, but he refused... he wouldn't even let me have a fish!!! I feel like I have a big aching hole in me that won't be filled until we have children. Am I crazy?? Like many of you I just find it so hard to wait when I don't know what I'm waiting for.
I kinda skimmed thru this blog, only reading some of the replies, & I don't have the answer either. I just found out this morning that my husband doesn't want to have a baby. It's something that I have always wanted & I thought the feeling was mutual. We were in bed this morning & I bring up our 'no sex' issue. He tells me it's because he's afraid of me getting pregnant. Ok, we have been having unprotected sex for the last 5+ yrs and now it's a problem. I have been on birth control the whole time, but now we have sex maybe once a month. It's really frustrating & I feel rejected. I feel like I'm constantly giving in to what he wants, but this is big. I don't want to force him into it or try without his knowledge, but I have no idea of where to go from here. I don't feel as if it's worth divorcing, but I feel like I didn't have a choice because he told me he wanted kids prior to us marrying 14 months ago. I agree, we are still in the newlywed phase, but according to him he never wants kids & just told me he did so I wouldn't leave him. Not fair & he lied to me!!!
I'm just so heartbroken & confused at this point, that I don't know what to do. It's hard talking to him because he just feels like 'at least I told you now than later.' My problem with that is the fact that you tell me after we are married. All I can do now is cry & wonder how I'm gonna live with him without becoming resentful. I feel as though I'll regret staying and giving up my dreams of one day having children.
I'm just so heartbroken & confused at this point, that I don't know what to do. It's hard talking to him because he just feels like 'at least I told you now than later.' My problem with that is the fact that you tell me after we are married. All I can do now is cry & wonder how I'm gonna live with him without becoming resentful. I feel as though I'll regret staying and giving up my dreams of one day having children.
I posted the last msg. I'm 30 & my husband is 28.