I want a baby, but my husband "isnt ready"

You do not have the right to harm others. You do not have the right to commit fraud. When pregnancy binds two adults together both financially and morally through the eyes of the law, the prospective mother in the relationship no longer holds the liberty to create life with a blatant disregard for others through deception. A pregnancy as the law exists today is not just about a woman's body, but instead involves the imposing of obligations and responsibilities onto another human being - the father - for 18 years at minimum, and a fraudulent one not only brings into this world a human child thrust into a fractured family built on sociopathic deception, but undermines the freedoms and rights of another adult.

Rest assured; if it were to be proven in court that a child was conceived fraudulently, then you may personally not be willing to prosecute, but there wouldn't be a courtroom in the civilised world without a judge who would do just that. Just as a conman may not be caught, but is very a criminal regardless; just because one successfully deceives the law and cons another adult into a life-altering financial commitment does not make one any less a convictable degenerate unfit to hold custody of a child.

From the perspective of a 23 year old male, the fact that this is not common sense to women is as horrifying as it is perplexing. The invention of additional male contraceptives can't arrive soon enough.

I just wanted to give you all an update on me! Well, since I wrote that, hubby and I have been doing a lot of talking about the b-a-b-y. He agreed to see my OB/GYN to understand why we haven't been able to conceive. After alot of testing, my fertility specialist diagnosed me with.... "unexplained infertility". Basically, nothing is wrong with me, but I'm not getting preggo. So he put me on Clomid to start, and metformin because he thought I might be insulin resistant. well, that was all fine well and good, but it gave me some pretty serious heart trouble. So, as of right now, my MD says "no baby until your cardiologist gives the okay".

I felt so crushed by all the disapointment, but my husband was absolutely amazing. He was with me through every test, through every appointment. Last week when I got the news that a baby was a no go for now, he came home with a beautifully wrapped present. I opened it up and it said "I love my mommy" on the front, he had written on the back "I'm waiting in heaven until I can be with you". How sweet was that? His attitude has totally changed, I think part of it was being surrounded by my family and their brood, and part of it was him just deciding its time. His best friend has a 1 year old, and alwasy talks about how having a son was the best thing that ever happened to him. He is excited to have a child, hopefully we can begin working on it soon.

so ladies, get your men friends who love being dads, sometimes they just need to follow in their friends foot steps.

I am glad to know I am not the only one as well. I am having the same issue I am gonna be 30 and my husband 40. I dont understand what we are waiting for. He said he would like to, but he would like things to happen as a surprised  however we havent even get to the point of making the decision of not using contraception. Every time I ask, he says he wants, but never tells me when or anything. I feel like I am in a monologue. We are economically stable, both are professional, have our own house, think we are in love. I feel so sad because I am the one pushing the topic and I always wanted to be a young mom. I guess my recommendation a part from counseling, which we are doing, is to set some time frame? I told him tonight he needed to be honest and let me know so I can prepare psychologically and physically. I dont know, I think too much about the future. But even the counselor told me to have a date for myself. I dont kno if I like that, I feel like if that is not part of his plan for real I may have to end 5 years or marriage, which would be sad. But I feel is unfair to be with someone who doesnt really let you know what the deal is. Like it happend to my friend. After 10 years of being married and his husband not being clear about the kids issue. One night he told him he wasnt ready; this is right when she was 33 years old. He even told her to go and find someone else, cause she was still "young" and beautiful!

I feel so sad tonight. I love my husband with my heart, and even feel bad about telling him over and over again that I need an answer. But then I feel like I rather have a kind alone than keep pushing this issue without having his heart and mind in the decision. Or like go somewhere else and just start a journey alone. I feel like I am starting to resent him for this issue. 

 

im 20 and my fiance is 21 he knows ive wanted a child since i was very young i came from a broken family and never had the joy of parents that would do everything for there kids. i was abused bullied and molested, i felt i had no meaning in the entire world since i was fourteen i discovered my only purpose in this world was to be a mother, ive been waiting so long i graduated and i found the perfect man when i was 18 hes smart he's loyal hes got an unbroken family and a fantastic life not to mention very very good looking, American Indian/Italian. i new right when i met him he was special to me and we've been together for a while now. i love him very much and he knows i want a family with him desperately we agreed to wait till we were at least 25 26 27 around there and i thought it would be no biggie but now at least 8 people i went to school with have had there own babies and not on purpose   and at least 2 are pregnant right now, i held my best friends baby when she was born just a week ago and i looked right at him and gave him that look. he keeps saying why cant you wait why is it so hard for you to wait and i keep telling him because im ready and im sick of waiting for something thats never going to happen at this rate. he wants to wait till he's financially ready, i feel hes never going to be ready he doesn't want to get our own place yet, he would rather goof off and by things for his room and car. he says he wants to be out of college, and have his degree but he's going so slow through college because he's dyslexic and frankly i thought i could wait but im going insaine i get pissed when i have my period i try to have sex with him as much as possible but he pulls out and i keep hoping that one little sperm makes it out of a pre cum burst. now he wants to use protection again. i want one but im hurting him i know i am i have major depression and i get really upset every time somebody has another exiting pregancy  post on facebook i really want his baby but he is just not ready and i don't no what to do i want him and only him but i just don't think he wants one at all 

I am 33 and my girlfriend is 30 and i want us to have a baby but she keeps trying to change the subject when i say any thing about us having kids and when she told me she was not ready in the new year i felt like she had kicked me in the chest as she used to joke about what we would name our baby when we have one, i am planning on us getting married some time this year as i want us to have our own place together that we can call home. we have being together for 10 years going on 11 in march and all i see around me is my friends and family who have kids and then i look at my self and wonder where i've gone wrong.

I truely know how you feel. I am 27 and my husband is 36 with three children to other women. We have his middle child and she is a nightmare. We had the baby talk before we got married because I knew I wanted at least one child of my own and he was a OK with it. But a couple months ago he changed his mind and tells me he is not sure about having another kid he already has 3. I was just heart broken, Here I was taking care of his kid that he has had with someone else and telling me I am not allowed to have one. I am to the point of walking away. I had the same problem in my first marriage it lasted a whole of 2 months then he spilt because he knew i wasnt changing my mind. No here I go again 6 years later the same place. My whole family is just telling me to leave because he lied and there is no forgiving something like that.

I'm in exactly the same situation! Me and my partner are getting married next year, we will be 27 and I have the baby lust big time and want to start trying straight away, as soon as we are married! He however says that he doesn't want one straight away but I don't see what difference it makes. We've been together for years and live together, I don't think married life will be all that different from our life now apart from me having the same name! I'm not sure what to do either! I'm so glad that someone is in the same situation as me!

i am so glad i found this post and i am realising that im not alone in wanting to have kids but our partners dont. i have been with my partner for 11 years now and have been married to him for 3 years. and of cause he doesnt want to have children.
i have the same problem i see everywhere other people having children.
the only thing i can say is to talk to your husband tell him how you feel about having a baby. (if he is like mine he might get angry) at least he will know how you are feeling.

I am 22 years old and my guy is turning 23 in a few months. He said he wants kids with me just not soon. I have ALOT of issues and have been told by every doctor i go to that i will be inferetial by 25-26 years of age. I am one of those the thought of being a mother is the best thought in the world. I have acted as a mother to my 3 sibling who are now ages 14,12, and 11. Most people would care less about a having to hear a baby cry or scream to me i think it is a wonderful sound its magical and uplifting. i am starting to get fed up with the fact that hes know i dont have that long to let him think about about it for a few years and decide when hes ready and i dont know what to do. the thought of never being able to bear a child tears me up inside. yes i know there is always adoption but its not the same what so ever.. but anyways any ideas of what i should do or say to help this situation?

i like the way you tk.I am a mother of 4 and had to beg for all 4 and my current spouse wont even consider having a child with me. we can take care of a baby we arent on assistance and I am a damn fine mother. I just wish men could grow up and take fatherhood seriously. My children are my world and I am tired of being an object and not good enough to have a man willingly have a child with me without me begging and having my heart broken.... I damn near died bringing my 4th into this world but Id do it again and again to give as many children the love and affection they deserve. Children are our everything!

I feel so much better after reading everyone's posts. 

I am 24, married for 2 years (together for 5 years), my husband is almost 28. I have always wanted to start having kids by 22, and told my husband this early on when we were dating. We had agreed to wait a year after we were married to try to have a baby, but once that year rolled around he told me he wanted to wait 4 more years (if not indefinitely)! My heart wasn't just broken, it was shattered. We have tried talking about it from time to time, but it always ends in my crying and him pretty much saying "i'm sorry but i'm not changing my mind". He has since lost his job, and has been using being out of work as his reason that we can't have a baby... as in procrastinating on looking for a new job for months and months, because he knows that as long as he isn't working he can always say "we cant afford it right now". I have started going to counciling just to deal with the anxiety this has caused me. My only dream in life is to be a mommy, and I feel like I have to constantly put my dream and my feelings on hold for him. I love him so much that I know I would never leave him, but sometimes I am really mad at myself because of that. It puts major strain on our relationship, but no matter what I do or say I always feel guilt tripped into waiting. To be honest, I stopped believing that it will ever happen because at this point it hurts to much to have hope.  I have taken up countless hobbies and crafts to try to divert my attention, but I am running out of things to distract myself with. 

Oh, and it doesnt help that most of our friends already have kids and I have 6 friends that are pregnant right now. 6!! It is killing me!

Hun, I have the EXACT same problem as you do! I have the problems in the female department and am scared. All it has been lately is a constant fight and me upset and him not caring. Have you found a solution yet??

I must say I felt silly typing in google "want to have a baby but husband isn't ready".  Now I'm seeing It's not too uncommon for women to feel this way at some point.  What confuses me is that I do know some men, husbands of friends etc. who really wanted children so got their wives pregnant.  Meanwhile, the wife didn't want kids yet, or at all.  So I guess the situation could be reversed.

My story is that my husband and I have been married for only 8 months, but I am dieing to have children.  When we were in pre-marital we talked about starting to try in 1-2 years from the time when we got married.  We agreed to this.  Since we got married though I have had this yearning to get started.  My husband keeps reminding me of our agreement (I know he's right), and gets frustrated that I mention babies and such at every opportunity.  I just can't help that babies are literally surrounding me.  I am 29, and husband is 31.  Everywhere I turn there is a pregnant belly, or newborn baby.  Have been to 3 baby showers this year alone.  Mind you, my sister-in-law is the same age as me and has 3 already, oldest being 10 yrs.  I'm feeling like I'm getting too old, and that once we do start trying it won't be that easy to get pregnant.  My husband feels quite the opposite.  He has sex with me very infrequently b/c of it, and any time he suspects I might be ovulating he is extra cautious...or makes every excuse under the sun to avoid sex with me. 

I did not hear anyone else mention this here, but sadly, I terminated two pregnancies before.  I did so once when I was just 21.  I was having a health scare when I found out of the pregnancy 5 weeks in, and was told I'd probably miscarry.  I got scared and just terminated on my own (against my boyfriend at the time's will). We broke up later.  The abortion was a terrible experience both physically, and psychologically.  I since became pro-life.  Then, when I was 26, I traveled abroad to visit some family, and a guy I'd been talking too whom my family knew.  I had a romantic rendezvous of sorts with this man, but only had sex once, and got pregnant.  He wanted to marry me, and I just about went through with it when I decided that it would be a HUGE mistake, and that I did not love him the way I needed to love a husband.  I tried to come back home to America, but was told that based on "Shariah" law (in Turkey) I must terminate the pregnancy because I could not take a child out of that country without the consent of the man.  So I was forced to terminate, against my will.  I now know that I maybe could have done something to stop it by going to the US Embassy.  Too late now..

I regret that I terminated two pregnancies.  I long to be a mother so much, and had the chance then.  Although, it was not with the right men.  Now I'm married to the best man in my life, everything I could want in a husband, and love of my life.  He knows everything about my past, and understands.  He has really been there for me in working through a lot of that, and I've been to counseling as well.  I just want so badly now to have a baby, with him.  I never felt this before, and am very sad that I didn't hang on to the children that I was blessed with then.  The first time by my choice, and second I feel I had no control over.  Either way, they're gone, and it cannot be undone.  My doctor say's I am fine, and healthy to have kids.  Sometimes I feel afraid that I missed my only chance.  I'm so tired of waiting to find out, but my husband insists on it.

Waiting is the HARDEST thing.  I don't quite know what to do with myself.  I almost feel as if my life has little purpose unless I can be a mother.  I feel like it's a huge chunk missing.  I feel that everything I do has less purpose without a child in our lives. 

I am both happy and sad that i found this post. Im happy because I know im not alone but Im sad because it seems like every man is using the same excuses. that they want to wait until they finish school or have a good job, or our own place, or i finish school, or that we're financially stable. I am still young, 20. But, in my graduating class in high school 10+ people had already had a child by the time graduation rolled around. And some of them are onto their 2nd or 3rd child by now. No, that is not the life I wanted for myself, but I see that all these people are doing FINE. they're managing to support their child(ren) and live life. They aren't on the streets or anything ridiculous like that. My boyfriend just keeps making promises and then doesn't fall through. I think he is petrified of commitment. He told me that we could have a baby, if that's what I wanted. But then within a few weeks, he took it back, saying he wasn't ready. Him and I recently designed and put on lay-away a $1,250 engagement ring BUT according to him, we're not engaged!!!! it doesn't make sense to me, why jerk me around and do/say things like this if you aren't in it 100% I love him and I know that I want to be with him and start a family, but I truly feel like he doesn't feel the same way. Why else would he change his mind about having a baby with me, or agree to purchase an engagement ring but not actually be engaged....im lost and im hurting. I have no idea what to do... :(

Sorry to butt in ladies. I found this post searching for the opposite. I am 36 and my wife is 28. We have been married for one year. She has always had some concern about having a child, but before we were married she told me she wanted to have a child with me, but that she wanted us to have time together first, which is something I was and still am in agreement with. It was nevertheless important to me that she wanted to have a child at some point, and I talked with her about it on many occasions. Tonight while talking she let out that she didn't want to have kids. A bit of a shock, and though I understand people are capable of changing their minds it still hurt to hear that. After more discussion she let me know that she just wasn't sure if she would ever really want to have a child, that she doesn't remember ever telling me otherwise, and that she must have used the wrong words. I'm a bit heartbroken by this. Little to do now but have hope that she changes her mind one day. It is not always the man who holds the "power", it is the one who wants less. Thinking of it as "power" probably isn't the most productive thing to do anyhow. In any relationship, there are always times when someone will need to compromise willingly, and barring that, the relationship is over. Careful consideration should be made to determine if compromise will create resentment. I am dying inside tying to figure that out for my own situation. I love my wife. I don't want to go searching for someone else. I want to have a child someday.