I want a baby, but my husband "isnt ready"

 Hi ladies.I wrote a post on here, it says about a month ago. I'm the one whose hubby said we could have a baby when we got married, then when we got our own house, then decided to make me wait longer.Well, yesterday ... I had a break-through....I hadn't mentioned wanting a baby for weeks. I still felt what I have always felt, but I managed to keep my emotions under control and actually kind of accepted that it wasn't going to happen yet. Though, this past week or so, I started getting baby fever back. Tralling through Facebook ... The usual!It took me a few attempts, but I said to my husband "I want to have a baby!" And to my great surprise, he said he'd been thinking about it too and he wanted to have a baby. I WAS GOB SMACKED! I couldn't believe it! We talked for a little while about it and decided that this month wouldn't be a good month to try, coz if I got caught pregnant, the baby would be due in May, which is a bad bad month .... About 10 birthdays in may and another may baby would be a nightmare! ... Well our conversation pretty much ended there.TONIGHT! Me and my hubby are lying in bed talking. He mentions pregnancy in a conversation and I ask ... "So when can we start trying?" He answers "well we have established that this month is not a good month." I agree and ask "can we start next month?" Huge smile on my face! He answers yes and I am on cloud 9 ... I can hardly believe what I am hearing!He admits he is frightened and unlike me, he hasn't had much experience with babies ... He tells me he is TERRIFIED and he doesn't think that he is good enough .... AT THE MOMENT!I knew it .... So I ask again .... Can we try next month ... His answer??? "We'll see"Heartbroken isn't the word ... There is no word that can describe how I felt! I feel like I have taken 1 step forward and 100 back!He knew I was hurt and worried, and he told me that he isn't going to make me wait ages .... WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN???I couldn't speak. I couldn't open my eyes. I could feel tears building up inside and it took all of my might to hold them back ... He turned the lamp off and I cried and cried in silence for ages!I don't know what he is thinking. What does he think he is saying that is helping me? Coz whatever it is, it isn't working ... It's making it a damned site worse.I have never felt this hurt before. And I really can not take this backwards and forwards of playing tennis constantly!I have nothing else I can say to him. I tried to re-assure him and told him to read up on things he is unsure of ... And heck .... No parent is perfect and definitely not with their first!What do I do?

I really want a baby, I have wanted one since we got married over a year ago, but himself of course wanted to wait!!! We've been together for 13 years so really and truely it is time! We have good jobs and our own home so money is not the issue, he just won't grow up! Scared he says! It makes me mad when he makes so many negative comments if I bring up the topic! I have said this to him, but instead he keeps hinting at plans to put it off even longer! I have been crying reading these posts because I really want a baby now! All my friends have kids, are pregnant or trying, it's just not fair! Like we've had so many years as a couple, he cannot complain, but he's still making me wait. I love him, I really do, but it will give. I'm going crazy! It hurts inside, it really does!

I know how you feel. I'm terrified that my growing desire for a baby is going to destroy my marriage. We had talked about wanting kids and my husband even suggested I go off the pill. I know realize he was thinking it would stop my mood because it wasn't to start trying for a baby. He is a new lover of the condom. When I questioned hi sudden desire for condoms after going off the pill he replied 'don't want to get pregnant do we', When I told him that I thought thats what I was going off the pill for he told me he would just suprise me one day by not using a condom. Over the last few months my desire to be a Mum has gone into overdrive. I feel like I'm going insane. My husband just doesn't get that I have a biological clock screaming at me all the time and when I try to explain how I feel he presumes that its just mood swings. I cry myself to sleep and have lost interest in life. Prefering to be by myself because putting on a happy carefree face is exhausting. We constantly have friends and family asking when we are going to have a baby. Today has to one of my lowest days though. It is after lunch and I still haven't been able to pull myself together enough to top crying and get out of bed. I should be at work but the boss is away so no one will notice I'm not there. we have worked really hard to have our house almost payed off, no other debts. I now hate my job and wouldn't care if I lost it. Writing this I can't see a point in working hard at something I hate for no end goal. I love my husband but am scared that I am starting to resent him and destroy our marriage. The thought of sex now does nothing for me, when we are getting close and he pauses to grab a condom I feel like screaming at him to finish himself and not to touch me, even when seconds before it was amazing and he was the center of my world. Everyone talkes about post natal depression but could there be such thing as pre pregnancy depression. This just isn't me, still in bed crying in the afternoon, not caring if I loose my job. I just want to be a Mum, with all the sleep deprivation, dirty nappies and an amazing little person to treasure and are for.

Hey everyone I know exactly how you are all feeling I'm desperate for a child I'm 24 but my partner is only 22 he says no because he has mental health issues and doesn't want to pass them on to a child. I mean I understand but I feel like there's only a chance that that could happen and if it does then who better to be equipped to deal with it then us? We have been together for 7 years and I'm not a going out person and neither is he we are at home together evryday just the two of us and we prefer watching tv so we wouldn't be giving anything up I actually think life would be a lot more fun and fulfilling with a child as life is really boring right now.

I forgot to say I also am beginning to feel like maybe it's an excusend he doesn't want to be to tied down to me keeping his options open sort of thing because he also say we will never marry because marriage ruins relationships :( I'm so depressed right now I feel like all I want he won't give me.i have stood by him though countless issues and I'm his carer when do I get the life I want 

I'm 25, H is 26. Seeing all these posts, and knowing how everyone feels, breaks my heart more. It helps reading these but then again it doesn't...It's comforting knowing I'm not alone but makes me so angry for myself and all of you. I don't thinks its fair.. Like someone said, we could stop taking our birth control but a marriage is based on trust not deceit. And I do want him to want it as much as I do.. I also don't think marriage is based on ONE person decisions, therefore why do they get to decide? Because we let them? I just don't know we will ever get to that point. I've wanted this before we've even gotten married (been together 10 years, been married a few months). The only reason we waited to long to get married was money... And guess why we are waiting to have a child? Money. I don't think getting married later helped at all, it just pushed up back on our timeline of when we want other things to happen (ie. buy a house and have kids). I cry. A lot. And it's really hard being around friends with babies-which is every single one. It's also really hard when his family asks ME when we are having a baby- like another person said, ASK HIM! We get in HUGE fights about it, if anything this will be our demise. We have a perfect relationship other than this. I had to wait and wait to get married and now I am waiting and waiting for this.. I don't think its fair that it's all up to him and I am the one comprimising the ONLY thing I want. It probably takes up 80% of my daily thoughts, I just day dream about it... Please if anyone has a logical solution to distract myself tell me! I've already started multiple hobbies that keep me busy all week long, in addition to my job, and it's still not enough. Not even close. Please help me

I feel the same way you women feel. Though I am not age most of you are. I am 19, turning 20 in October. My husband just turned 19 and we've been married for a year and together for two. I know we still have a long time for us to have children, I am so prepared for a baby. I have took two years of early care and education clsasses back in highschool. Not to mention other countless classes and jobs working with children of different ages. My husband wants to be finacially stable before we have children, but I mean, as of now, we both work and almost make $4000 a month. Not to mention we don't pay for our home, electricity or anything like that because he is in the Navy and we live on base. I just don't want to be old when I have children because I want to be able to have good experiences with my children. My mom was older when she had me and my siblings and she paid for it with bad health throughout my childhood. My father was okder than her and he didn't even live to see us be past the age of 6. This hasn't gone as far as resenting eachother or anything because we know we still have time. But I know he would make an amazing father. I'm just glad to know I'm not alone in this.

Your insane and I only read two sentences from your point of view (gman92) There is nothing wrong with having kids or at least trying have kids, some women have to make there hubbies have sex to have some babies. Some women just have to talk to there hubbies to know when its the right time to have a baby, some guys just don't feel like its the right time to have a baby, my boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and 6 months and we both want to have kids but not right now because its not the right time to have a kid because of money problems and we're in college together, but some women really should talk to the hubbies and ask them when the right time is to have a baby, just don't over populate your car ;]  

I just want to have a baby but my boyfriend doesn't want to have a baby with me and he pushes it away like he gets mad and idk what to do. 

I have been absolutely dying to have a baby for around 18 months, with my hubby bring up every excuse not to and it's completely killed me!After many tears, many arguments and me finally saying, this is what I want and I don't know how muc more I can take, my hubby finally agreed to start trying.I was elated and have done nothing but research and take calendars. Of course involving my hubby in everything, who seems to turn everything into a joke. Whether this is him when he gets nervous or if its just a man thing, I don't know.Soooo we decided to start trying this month .... Which only needed up being a one night thing ...I've explained that there is a 6 day window which is your most fertile days, but he's under illusion that "it can happen at any time". Since doing the naughty without protection once, he's completely avoided any kind of intimacy. I've practically launched myself at him and he just turns the light off and says goodnight. He might not mean to, but it's quite obvious to me that he is holding himself back from me, to avoid anything happening. He also stays up super late so he gets really tired and makes it very blatant that he's too tired to get it on! I've noticed also he's getting I'll all of a sudden, needing the pepto and taking paracetamol! I don't know. Maybe Im looking into this too much, but as he didn't want to start trying just a few months ago, is he just saying he wants to now just to shut me up!I want nothing more that to have a baby with him. And he knows that. I just can't keep being led on like this.

The same goes for me but me an my boyfriend. I'm ready for a family and I don't wanna wait anymore. I just want to have a son or daughter that would make our life complete.. The thing is he really got my hopes up about a family and then he decides he don't want a family yet after he agreed to it. I'm upset by it because he said we got years to go but the fact is that you never know when your time is. Your not alone and it does suck because it's all I can think of

You are 24! You have plenty of time. However I understand wanting to have a baby and being delayed by your spouse. I am 31, and we have been married almost 5 years, and I started wanting a baby about a year or so ago. I did not even bother him about it until I was 30. Well, he still wants to wait 1-2 years. Why? We have enough money and we are no longer that young. If we are to have 2 kids, we need to start soon. However, he just does not want to discuss it. I am getting resentful and it hurts every time a friend gets pregnant.
At this point though, what choice do I have? The best alternative is to wait and hope I get pregnant later when he "is ready". At my age, getting divorced and trying to find someone to reproduce with on time would be a gamble. If I just quietly go off birth control and get pregnant, that would be very dishonest and would not be good for the relationship in any way. Guess I have to wait. It stinks.

Hi

I am reading all these trends and am comforted in some way.:|. I am 35 and my husband is 34. We got married nearly 4 months ago. We are having our official honeymoon at Xmas. I would like to start trying then. My husband wants to wait until we are a year married before trying. I just think at our age its too old to be waiting that long. His problem is I have just moved to a new country. I am not working full time yet but have some decent saving. He has a reasonably good job but it will be a few months yet before we are residents in this new country. I find our marriage is currently under strain as I want to start at Xmas because of my age etc. He has been avoiding me () and doesnt want it to happen.

Any advice please? I can really down at the minute.

 

I figured I would answer to you, although you wrote this post 4 months ago you might still see this. I am 21 years old and my husband is 23. Your story sounds exactly like mine, all the excuses... I even got the "okay next year December I will get you pregnant." Mind you this was December 2012!.. My husband has heard me complain about the baby thing for about two years now, and he HATES IT. He tells me he doesn't want a baby yet and I keep telling him what am I doing wrong for you not to want me to have your child. The situation has driven me crazy.. I've cried and complained and cried and explained and shown him the benefits and all of the freaking above. I realized one of the main issues a couple of weeks ago. I grew up with both parents although our home was not necessarily the most happy home, I still grew up with both of them, compared to my husband which parents were divorced before he was born. He never experienced any family dynamic, never sat by the dinner table and ate together, never spent Christmas or Easter together. Although he always tells me this is what he wants with our family he still doesn't want one. I've begin to think it is because he is either scared of ending up in a broken home, paying child support, not communicating with me, getting a divorce and all of the above. He doesn't either help that everyone he talks to always tells him to waaaait to have kids. I wanted to write to you because maybe this is something that your husband went through growing up as well?

I know exactly how you feel about the "can't go a day without thinking about it." My husband works and I am a stay at home wife and I go to school so I have PLENTY of time to think about it, and tell him this is the perfect time since I am home so much I can take care of our baby. I never understood the whole thing to wait until ur in ur career.. and then what?? have a baby then?? then u put ur career on hold.. I feel like everything is about family and love and can't wait to start our own traditions and have people take us "seriously". UGH I know how u feel girl.

I realize it's been quite some time since your post but I just stumbled upon it today. I'm in a somewhat similar situation and was curious of your progress. Also, if you'd like to swap emails?