I want a baby, but my husband "isnt ready"

adopt a baby

Yes! someone please give us some ideas. i have always wanted children young for many reasons...and i am mentally/emotionally ready and it is driving me mad! my partner isnt ready for kids yet, but he does want them. I am finding it very hard to wait and am worried that im going to crack under emotions and become depressed.

I am studying and have a hobby so i have tried to keep my mind off this topic but it just pushes through..its what i think about all day...every day :/

I'm 25 and my partner is nearly 37. He wants to wait a few years. I know he has the best of intentions and only wants it to be totally perfect for our child, but it wont ever be totally perfect in terms of money or housing or work, and we have been together for 4 years, and we're comfortable and would be fantastic parents. It's tearing me apart inside and I have no idea what to do.

I too am glad I came across this thread.. 

I'm 20 years old, mentally and emotionally very ready for a child. But my partner does not want one yet. He keeps saying it's the money, or time.. but when will it be a good time? I've tried to talk to him about it, as many other woman have with their spouses. He originally said wait 5-6 years.. now he is talking about waiting till late/early 30's. I really can't explain how I feel, but this past year something kicked in emotionally, and I just would really love to bring life into this world. I know I am ready and have the time to care for a child. 

I can't go out in public without noticing how many young couples have babies.. i'm rather envious of them. :'( Whenever I try to tell him that I would like to have our children at a younger age if possible, to avoid later pregnancies, he just won't listen to what I have to say. I don't know if men are always going to make excuses, but it breaks my heart every time he tells me I have to wait till i'm 28+.. and says "MAYBE" then. But not for sure? 

I had a late period a few months back, and hoped it may have been the blessing I was wishing for. But turns out I have just been stressed thinking about a baby. :( 

I wish there was some easy way to get your man to say "yes" to a child. But I really don't know... I am glad i'm not the only one feeling like this. As it does feel selfish and almost like I am obsessed with the thought of a baby. But I don't know.. in my heart I am  MORE then ready to bring life into this world and raise a child. It's just something I want more then ever as I am getting older. (20 is not really OLD, but having my children young is something I have always wanted for many reasons.)

%-) What can us women do?

Wow I felt kinda stupid for a while now, being as young as I am. You here silly things about a "clock". Its true though, I am almost 21 years old and my fiancee is 28. I am a very mature 21 year old and lately have yearned for a baby. Every month or so I am reminding him or playfully whining about it. He is almost 30 and I would much prefer being younger and having children.. more time over a life to spend with your kids, being able to keep up with them a little better, and less of a chance of something going wrong later. He used to say wait a couple of years, or wait til we are financially set. We aren't perfect with finances but we hardly ever hurt for money. My implanon birth control ends and must be removed in April 2014. I asked him if I could just not go back on birth control then. He said that he would highly consider the option but he wants to wait til April of 2014 to really make that choice. Is it sad that it kind of upsets me that he doesn't want children as bad as I do? Some times I wish really hard, even though im on birth control that I could magically get pregnant.. because he does have this philosophy that if it happens it happens and he would except it, but he prefers to wait. Sometimes I feel bad like I am forcing him into a decision that he doesn't want to make, but I am almost so desperate that it isn't funny... sometimes I go down the baby isles at walmart and target and think about buying stuff.. or sometimes I research things just because.. I am so glad that I am not alone.

Hi, Ladies. I'm another who can relate somewhat to your problems. Im 23 years old and my husband just turned 22 not long ago. When we first got married i went on birth control and told him that we would wait a year or two because that too, is what he wanted. So, that pretty much made of my mind so i can make him happy. I love my husband with all my heart and don't want to change anything about him or with us. I have been wanting a baby since december but my husband always comes up with an excuse to prolong "our deal." We talk about the situation with having kids and he always has an answer as to why we should wait. I feel as i've waited long enough but he doesnt. When we always talk about this he always replys with, "why are you tried or bored of me already? Am i not good enough? Im not ready...look at what were now....were poor...the baby will cause too much stress..we dont have the money right now...i thought i was ready but im not...im sorry honey.. you think its all wonderful and all but in reality its not..." That one hurt a bit. Ouch. And so on and so on....Of course, i dont' have the problem with him wanting sex. if fact, sometimes i make up my mind that i dont want to give him any unless he agree not to be protected. But of course, that doesnt work we just argue about the situation and then leads to a fight...im tired of fighting and im tired of asking...sometimes i just feel like i should give up on this situation because i dont think he will ever be ready and i dont want this to come between us. It break my heart that he doesnt see this pain through my eyes and my way he only tells me to look at it through his eyes. I do, honestly. We were going to try for my birthday but then he wasnt ready so we changed it to our first year of marriage in July. Which of course, I agreed too. This May, we were talking while on vacation about "a kid." Out of know where he was talking about having kids and maybe about trying...so we were gonna try...like one before I get all excited as were gonna finally try to get pregnant. Low and behold, what happens again??..Yup, he changes his mind....and says were not ready. He has done this about 3 times. I tell him not to do this anymore because this makes me feel like he is tricking me. I hate the feeling of being tricked or lied to. That is what hurts the most, i guess. He said i could take his word on it this time because of vacation he actually did it. But that didnt last long..he promised that in July no matter what we will def try. Im so scared that he is going to back out on me again...I dont know if i can take him getting me all excited and promising me and then taking it all away again..I wish there was a way i can make him see my way...Good luck ladies!<3

I am 26. Me and m husband been married for 1 1/2 years. We have been together for 7 1/2 years. He is 24. I've been feeling more and more incomplete without a child. I have pcos. I've been on Meds to help me get pregnant and I've been talking prenatal vitamins. But my husband keeps backing off about trying. He keeps saying he's not ready yet to give up things and wants to wait til we are financially ready. I feel like I am at a dead end with this. It hurts me emotionally when I think about it. I don't know what to do.

Girls, you're not alone! I'm 23, my husband is 24 and we have been married a year in July. We have been together over 6 years.We have always openly spoken about children and he has always known that I have always only ever wanted a family. A little time before we got married, I began talking more about having children, bringing up name suggestions and different things. My husband said the sensible thing "lets just wait until we are married". We got married ... I brought the subject up again, at this point we were still living together at my parents, saving for our first home. My husband says "let's wait until we're in our own place, I don't want to have a baby while we're at your parents". Which, ok, I can understand, but it still hit me where it hurt.We finally got into a house and my broody bug got broodier. I couldn't wait to start trying for a baby. I knew that my time was now and felt the instinct to continue our new beginnings as a family! Again, I brought up the subject in a round about way, only to be pushed back once again ... "Can't we just enjoy ourselves in our own space for a bit"... "Just because we're in our own place, doesn't mean we have to start trying for a baby". .... I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. The wind was completely taken out of my sails and I instantly withdrew. Every night, I would sneak out of bed to sit in the bathroom and cry. I trailed through friends baby photos on Facebook, wishing it was me smiling at the camera with a bundle if joy in my arms. Some evenings, I would sit in silence, not able to look or talk to my husband, because I felt so hurt. He would always ask what the matter was and I would never want to tell him, because I knew how he would react. Until one day I broke down. I told him exactly how I felt, I told him about my bathroom tears, about not even being able to watch tv without coming across some birth documentary. I told him how I thought about babies /pregnancy every hour of the day and that i felt he had been leading me on since I first suggested having kids, which he told me he felt awful to think he'd been leading me on and actually apologised .... But it didn't make a blind bit of difference to his opinion. It seemed to annoy him even more, like I was being a nuisance. From then, I have never really said anything else to him. I hold every baby related emotion in. I still sit and cry in silence and I still look and watch people's babies growing up ... I just never know when my time will be, if it will ever be!People constantly ask when will we think about children and I feel like saying "Ask him, coz I haven't got a clue!" I love my husband and nothing will change that, but I'm questioning his love for me, though I know he does love me .... Why is he holding onto time like this? He knows how it makes me feel. Is it a control thing? Is he scared? I'm frightened to ask, in case I get an answer I don't want to hear. I haven't got a solution to those asking "how do I stop feeling like this" because I don't think I ever will!

Hi Everyone,

I write this today with a heavy heart after yet another arguement over "readiness". My husband and I have been married for a little over a year now and I wanted to start trying right after we got married, but he wanted to wait until 1 year of marriage, paying down debt and "the move". He is military and we got stationed overseas a few months ago for the next 3 years. The wonderful thing is he will not be deploying in that time, which in my opinion makes it the best time to start a family! Well now all three items on his "requirements" list have been met (yes we still have debt, but we are managing it and even saving a little each month!)SOOO now comes the big talk again, and he shoots me down... again. He still isn't ready and has come up with another laundry list as to why we can't right now. It breaks my heart everytime he tell me no since I am sooo ready and he is sooo not. His exact words today "if we have a baby right now I will be miserable and resent you." oh and "I don't know what to tell you, it's not going to happen" as I am crying my eyes out! I have tried throwing every positive reason I can think of at him and hes like an emotional brick wall. I don't know what else to do and I am feeling so depressed and alone about it. OH and heres the best part, both of my best friends are pregnant, due two weeks apart! Talk about a knife to the chest everytime I talk to them and hear about the joys and wonders of pregnancy. They aren't exactly the best audience to talk to about this problem with. My question to all of you is, how do you keep from resenting your husbands unwillingness to even consider having a baby right now?? I'm dying inside because of it and he doesn't really seem to care, which makes it all the worse :(

I'm glad I found this thread but equally sad that so many of us ladies are in the same position re children...

I'm 24, my husband is just shy of 30. We both knew we wanted children but we both didn't want them immediately mainly due to financial constraints and responsibilities. Plus I didn't feel the mothering type at the time. We then went on to have a scare... we were convinced I was pregnant and at first I was bricking it but then I came to accept it. Then we found out I wasn't pregnant. I thought I would be relieved as my husband was but instead I felt gutted, like part of me was lost. It took me by suprise. It seemed to kick my maternal clock into gear and I can't stop thinking about wanting a child. Several friends have young babies / are pregnant and my heart sinks at the thought of not being able to have one yet.

My husband has a good reason with a realistic view. We had to push ourselves to the maximum to afford a family size home with a mortgage based on 2 incomes, Plus it needs lots of work which we can't begin yet as we still have about 6k wedding debt. Every month there is another set back.... you know how it goes, He wants to be in a position where we are in a comfy house and we can afford to maintain a basic standard of life on his wage and maternity pay / part time work.

Although I agree slightly and I understand where he is coming from. I just can't get my heart to listen to my brain. I'm gutted - I feel like something is missing. I feel low about money, work and the fact I can't do what I feel is my purpose, raise a family. I blame a society whereby house prices have been pushed way above and beyond inflation thus making two incomes a necessity for basic living rather than a luxury. It has ironed out the possibility for most families to have stay at home mums. I am educated and have a good paying reliable job but I just want to love my family, raise children and keep a house. Make my husband and children happy. Instead I'm constantly reminded that unless the lotto numbers come in, I can't fulfil my purpose in life and the waiting just hurts.

My mum had me at 21 and was a stay at home mum raising me and my sister in a house owned by my parents based on my dads wage as a semi skilled engineer! Now my partner and I are two qualified management accountants with no chance of having thatk- how did this happen to the world?

Sigh...

 

Yet again, I'm having another wave where all I have on the brain is babies and pregnancy. After looking over my Facebook, I came across a girl who is coming towards the later weeks of her pregnancy. I see photos of her showing her bump daily, photos of her cute nursery with loads of baby clothes and videos of her baby kicking and moving around ... After looking at her latest baby status, I've felt something that I have never felt before .... I felt a pure hurt and almost a mourning feeling. I could literally feel this pull inside my chest!Yea, I've wanted a baby with my husband for a while now and he tells me in a round about way that he isn't ready, he keeps making one excuse after another. And I know my feelings on how badly I want to have a child, but I have never felt any feeling like that!I've tried speaking with my husband on numerous occasions about staring a family, but he fobs me off each time, which results in me ending up in tears in the bedroom and him downstairs complaining and muttering to himself.I haven't brought the subject up for a while now, I try to, but fail each time because I don't want the re-percussions and I don't want the rejection once more!If I can pluck up my courage, I'm going to offer him this .... There are 2 jobs which I have applied for ... If I don't get either, then I want to start trying for a baby. If I am lucky enough to be accepted for one ... Then I will wait 6 months until i want to start trying.It's a real tough decision giving him a whole 6 months, but if I can focus on a new career, maybe the time will fly!? ... Ladies, I will keep you posted! Good luck x

 

Im so glad im not the only one. My husband and I are both 23 we were just married in october but we have been together for 5 years. He has known since we started dating the only thing I have ever really wanted in life was my own family. It hurts to see everyone close to you getting what you want the most in life. His sister is pregnant for the second time and my cousin is trying for her second while im still waiting for my first. Does that sound selfish? It almost makes me question whats wrong with me? Why cant it be my turn? What have i done for it not to be me? I cry and cry about this all the time. He always says im sorry we will have one but never says when. We make good money for our age. Granted we live in a 2 bedroom apartment but were not struggling. When i question why cant it be us he always says we cant afford one, or we need a house first. I have always wanted my kids young so i can live to see all their milestones from graduating high school, college, getting married, having children of their own. At some point isnt enough enough? I fear that if i dont have a baby soon ill become depressed and grow to resent my husband. 

Hey everyone, thank you so much to everyone who has posted here. It made me feel so much better and less alone, as I'm currently going through a similar thing. I totally relate to the feeling of being punched in the stomach. :-(

I'm almost 23. I was hoping to have a baby around age 25. My husband said no. I reluctantly suggested 26, 27 and he was still shocked and appalled... he said 30 is the absolute minimum and that even seems too young to him. I tried to twist it as he is a year older by asking if we could do it when HE was 30, making me 29... he said no. We both have to be 30. Regardless of whether we have a house, security etc, it doesn't matter - no younger than 30 under any circumstances. He told me if I got pregnant by accident he would expect me to abort. I couldn't even CONSIDER that, my heart would break a thousand times over. I hope that never happens as I couldn't raise the child alone - we run a business together and my work is based on his. I'd have no income without him.

I can't even explain how I feel. All I want is to be a mother. I wanted to wait a few years, maybe 2 or even 3, but I had no idea it would be 8! Its good to know there are forums like this to help us all get through it. Hugs to all of you. <3

It felt good to let that out!

Whoever is reading this should share from my unending joy. I feel the same way as any other woman with heartbreak and What could I have done if not for DR. orinoko, I'm Mrs. Kathrine, I was married to my husband for 8yrs and we were both blessed with 2 children, living together as one until 2013 when things was no longer the way it was [when he lost his job]. But when he later gets a new job 3 months after with the help of my doctor, although my husband was not aware that i had contacted him, he started sleeping outside our matrimonial. until i was helped by the Dr. again to that did a love spell for me, and now he is better that he used to be today. get the dr by email on grandprinceoflove @ gmail. com

I'm 22 an my hubby is 24 I know we are young and all but we had a miscarriage may of 2012 I'm more then 100% ready to start a family! But every time I bring up the thought of kids my husband is saying we don't have a big enough house or that we "have a kid" an points to our puppy Ughs. Iuno what to do any more.