I'm pregnant and married but my husband doesn't want it, what should i do?;

Hello, I was desperately looking for someone who has been in my shoes and found this thread.

Me and my husband have been married for almost 9 years (I am 33 and he is 39). We have a beautiful 7 year old daughter together, as well as two teenage girls from his previous marriage (13 and 15) who are with us part time.

My husband was always very aware that I wanted to have more kids, and recently I have been talking more and more about having a second child.

We are currently both students, I am finishing up my nursing degree while my husband is in his second year of medical school. He also lives away from us, and comes home to visit for a weekend about once a month and all holidays and school breaks. I took it upon myself to take of all three kids while he is in school as any wife would, I suppose.

I recently found out that I am pregnant with the due date just around my graduation:) I got super excited as I would still be able to finish school and study for NCLEX overe the summer while I take care of our baby. I thought this couldn't be more perfect.

My husband, sadly, does not share my excitement and demanded that I have an abortion or he would have to leave me, because he cannot deal with the baby right now.

I feel very alone and scared. I have decided to keep the baby, but not sure what to do now...He won't even talk to me. He even went as far as removing me from his FB page. I wonder if there is more to it than just the baby....

I am not sure where to go from here....Any advice would be appreciated.

Thank you

I have just come across your post. I think you are wise not to have the abortion, and there does seem something else rather than just the baby. There are support services available. I don't know where you live, but I assume somewhere in N. America. If you want to chat, please respond - privately if necessary.

It is both sad and comforting to know that so many women are in the same situation. I just found out today that I am six weeks pregnant. My husband and I have three children ages 9, 5, and 17 months. He had a vasectomy two years ago before he went on a year long deployment. When he came home he got tested and was told there were still some left, though very little. I was using spermicide until we could figure something out, but there were a couple of times when we didn't use it. The chances of us getting pregnant were so low, but it happened anyway. Now he wants me to take the abortion pill and says its just like taking the morning after pill. He says that financially we cannot bear to have another child. He said he will support me either way but that I know what his view on the situation is. Now I am faced with the dilemma of either having an abortion and living with that the rest of my life, or having a child and my husband being forced into a situation he never wanted. Looking forward to some advice. 

I appreciate the difficult situation you are in. I wish you best of luck whatever you decide. There is one other option for you to consider and that is adoption. Many living people or there would give their entire lives over to have a chance to be parents. I understand if you can not be parents for whatever reason. You might consider giving a wonderful gift of a baby to someone who would otherwise never be a mom.

I know this must be very hard. I myself terminated a pregnancy a couple years ago because of my husband telling me literally the same thing. I felt desperate, alone, unprepared to say the least and just wanted to "go back to normal" but you never do. I regret my decision in every way. I'm so sorry he's putting you in this position, it's crual, and unloving. Do what is best for you, but believe me or not, your baby if alive and as many times as you try to justify that fact will be in the back of your head eating at you.

Wow, you read my thoughts about some men. My husband wanted, and begged me to do abortion. We have three children, the youngest is 10 years old. When I found out I was pregnant my husband got so upset saying things like it can't be his etc. He went as far as to promised me everything if I only get rid of "it." I did an abortion already and there is not a day that passed that I don't regretted it. When my daughter born we tried to adopted a little girl, but it did not work out. Now, after all these years I found out I am pregnant. Because I did not do it I became the worst person in the world. Yes, I am alone and pregnant, but, I rather my husband go because he is not a real man. I cry alot because I feel like a curse. I am going to file for a divorce soon. I was thinking about it for a while now anyway, this just confirmed that I was making the right decisions.

Hi Strong,

I am in the same position as you. I am married (almost 14yrs) and we have 2 children 11 and 8 who are the best things that have ever happened to me. I always wanted a 3rd child and 6 years ago begged my husband to try for baby #3. He adamantly refused so I kept telling him to get a vasectomy if he definitely did not want more children. He refused that too...even though I kept on for a few years on and off and warning him we may have an accident. Well, here I am at just turned 42 years old and approx 6 weeks pregnant! He has been pushing me to get an abortion and keeps saying it's just a ball of cells etc and that he doesn't want to be a 50 year old Dad at the school gate and that he wants to retire at 50. Yes, it is all about HIM. Shouldn't really surprise me as he has always been selfish and put his own needs ahead of mine.

I feel this situation is fate. I am totally committed to having this baby and like you am rethinking my marriage. I agreed no more children years ago, but he wouldn't get the vasectomy and yet he wants to put me though the emotional agony of having an abortion (for a child I had wanted years previously). We have talked at length, but cannot see eye to eye. He is not going to change his mind. He hasn't threatened to leave but keeps going round the house sighing and saying his life is ruined! I want to enjoy this pregnancy as  know it wlil be my las (and life is too short!)t....but he is very good at being a 'rain cloud' in any situation and I fear he will suck my enthusiasm away. I do not want to spend the 7-8 mnths looking after his emotional needs (as I have been doing that for the 17 years since I met him!). I feel this is MY TIME and he needs to put his big boy pants on OR leave us and let me get on with our life without him. I do mostly everything for our children and run the home, run a business and help in our family business! I do waaaay too much and I certainly am not going to be catering to his selfish, unfeeling and horrifying demands.

As it stands I have decided to stop being the great wife I have been and shut him out. If he cannot come to his senses and realise everything he has here with our girls and wonderful life then he is a pathetic loser.

I do feel lonely (although I have a great family and support system)...any advice on what might make my husband grow up and take responsibility with this situation would be welcomed...I feel i have tried everything!

Oh and I visit my doctors for my 1st check-up tomorrow (and he wants to tag along to ask about health risks having a baby at 42 may cause....he NEVER came to any of those appointments with our other 2 children).

Stay stong to all who are in this boat.....good energy and strength to you xxx

Hello everyone! I'm currently in a similar situation. I just found out that I'm pregnant 3 days ago. I met my husband when I was 17 and he was 24, he had a 4 yr old son. We have been together for 11yrs now and I have done my best to raise his son as my own. I have PCOS and had been told that I would probably never conceive on my own with out medical help. SUPRISE! He has always told me that he didn't want more kids. But at the same time he vetoed sterilization for both of us because "what if we decide we want a baby?" We had always said if it happens, it happens. Well it happened. And one of the first things he said was " you know I'm not against abortion " I am not against it either but I know I would destroy myself if I went that route. He has also brought up adoption as an option. He says he doesn't want to raise another child. He also says that he will stand by me and support me no matter what decision I make. In addition to his feelings and my own, I have to think about how all of this will affect our son who is 15. Which would be more traumatic, watching me go through this pregnancy and keep the baby or watching me give away yet another sibling. His biological mom had a daughter who she left with that child's father and he wonders about her all the time. We haven't told anyone what's going on yet and probably won't till we see the Dr to determine how far gone I am and make a decision.

Hi there ... Please fill us in . How is things now in your marriage ? How is your little baby girl doing ?

Hi, similar situation. My husband of 10 years who says he loves me hates that I am now 5 weeks pregnant. We have two children already. He says this ruins everything. So I told him he doesn't have to be any part of it. I refuse to be used into another abortion because he's a as****e. So I straight up told him I would choose the baby over him without hesitation. I'm alone in this. I figured I would be once I realized I was expecting. The only advise I can give to any woman going through this is to chuck deuces to the bastards and love and care for your babies with all your heart and that will be enough. Things will be so hard but woman are strong when they don't have men holding them back. Be strong ladies every situation and story is different and painful but you GOT this!

I am going through the same thing now my husband and I already have a 4 year old daughter that was planned but once I actually be me pregnant he treated my like dirt he didn't come to any of my appointments didn't show affection towards me or anything now 4 years later I am pregnant and my husband told me if I keep this baby he will make sure I wish I never met him I told him I'm keeping my baby and whatever he plans to do to hurt me than go right ahead I never thought he could be so cruel so now it makes me think what did he marry me for and he must not really love me

I 110% agree with you i am in the same situation i have a 4 year old and i am 5 weeks pregnant when i told my husband he got angry and told me to get rid of it that we cant handle another child mind you we are both working with good salaries no rent to pay .

You are a horrible person! You chose the man over a life! The man will always bring you issues, even without the having the abortion. Smh!

It is YOU who is the horrible person for condemning her for making a decision that was NONE of your business. That was NOT a baby, not at that stage. She and her husband made a promise to one another and all she did was honour her end. She chose the very real love of a very real person over something that did not even exist yet.

Kids aren't always a blessing and it is incredibly naive to say otherwise. There are many parents who regretted ever having children, finding out too late that it wasn't for them. The original poster made the right decision for both herself, and her husband. Now they can enjoy a child free life together. And there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that.

A beautiful response...