Is it normal my husband masturbates too much ? Newlewed

i was having the same problem or maybe worst i had to find out my husband who i have to kids with is masterbating himself in the bathroom looking at porn pictures of girls. i first couldnt understand and until now i cant even forget about it. cuz it just happen i didnt even know that he was masterbating himself i had to find out myself. i always argue with him about it and think is he not happy with the sex we having or he just not satisfied with wat we have.. we dnt have sex everyday but we do have sex, and i could tell you im not like a sex freak!. i dnt like to suck penises or doing alot of the positions its unconfurtable for mii and i think mabe thats why he doing it cuz he wants something new or something im not sure. i had ask him if he nt happy with wat i give him he says yah he happy ! but not sure if he lieing or saying the truth he says masterbating is normal too. and i believe its normal but my point of view is its normal for those who dnt have a girlfriend or havent had sex in a while!. i really dnt knwo whats the deal with him? I MOST say even though i dnt like giving head or any other posisions i still do it sometimes not all the time once in a while i would give him head and do others posisions with him.. but im not sure thats enough.. and maybe im pushing to the point were he doing that and maybe even go farther like cheat on me or something. i told him to promise he wont do it again .. cuz thats why he got me . im not sure he will keep that promise after learning from yu guys that its norma for the guys to do and even though they are married.

I have this same issue with my husband! It started right after we got married, My sister says I just didnt realize it since we didnt live together.

It bothers me that he has to masterbate everyday! How can men be so turned on???

I have this same issue with my husband! It started right after we got married, My sister says I just didnt realize it since we didnt live together.

It bothers me that he has to masterbate everyday! How can men be so turned on???

Hi I have been married for 14 yrs, I found out 6 yrs ago my husband nit only masturbates everyday but he talk to nasty live web cam b$&@/!? S ,I confronted him and he became very defensive and everything went down from there,we have children and it's too hard for me to leave him I tried before and I just haven't had the heart, he makes me so very unhappy he enjoys Porno movies but not the couples one he loves the lesbo Ones I hate it... He swears he loves me but he also makes me feel as I was a yoyo....

My James and I have been together for 31 years. Always had an amazing sex life! Yet, there are times when he prefers to masturbate. He has no concerns about "getting caught", because there are things I help with when he wants me to. Sometimes, he wants to be alone. A lot of the time he will let me help - stroking him everywhere, but the lovely penis. For this time, that is his alone. Don't wait for him to have to ask. Talk to him. TALK TO HIM, not us. Don't make him feel like a bad boy if you "catch" him. Give him your biggest smile and ask what you can do to help. When he's in bed next to you masturbating, instead of doing nothing, touch him. Perhaps, he wants to get caught. The fact that he does it in bed, next to you, suggests this. I see that this post is old, but I wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

James masturbates many times in a week. We still have amazing sex. We watch porn together, occasionally. But, it doesn't turn us on. It's our comic relief. We are our own porn. Hope this helps.

I am surprised there are so many women in the same kind of situation as myself.  My partner and i have been together almost 4 years and have an 8 month old son.  He has never been confident in bed but i have been patient with him as I love him alot and loved having sex with him.  He has always had problems maintaining an erection before and during sex.  I showed understanding and was willing to do whatever was necessary to help him maintain as best he could which included long periods of abstainance so he could let 'it' build up, or so i thought.  The real fact was he was watching porn or using images of other women and masturbating as soon as i wasnt around.  I tried to communicate to him how his actions made me feel.  I thought he cared and stopped but I was wrong.  Both times when i poured my heart out to him and thought i was understood i caught him the very next day even though he had agreed that it was wrong and taxing on our relationship.  I tried to understand his motivation behind this.  He told me he had always done it, that he enjoys it more than having sex with me, that he is self concious, and its easier.  I very objectively put my feelings aside cos it hurt to hear that.  I told him i am unable to stay in a sexless relationship so if he wants this relationship to continue he needs to make an effort to stop this habit and work with me on making our sex life better.   I am totally committed, ready and willing to do anything 'normal' to satisfy him.  When I got angry because the very next day after i had thought we had taken a step forward i caught him at it again,  he told me porn doesnt moan at me or judge me or need satisfying, I replied and said porn doesnt cook your meals, give birth to your son, cuddle you and keep you warm, love you or desire you either.  He tried to explain that most men do it.  I would assume that most men use it as a secondary choice to sex when their wife doesnt want it.  Or on the other hand porn has turned their wives off them and their wives end up having an affair in real life (I have seen this personally).  This issue has really taken its toll on my self image, he says its not about me but in reality it is in direct competition with sex in my relationship.  I have contemplated having sex with someone else and tried to start sexual relationships online  but my motivation was more about revenge than what i truly wanted so I have stopped pursuing that.  I have decided that i will put up with it for now and pray he realises that the grass isnt greener while using the pain im feeling to grow as a person and use it as a force to better myself, to take the focus off what he desires and focus on what is great about me and my beautiful son.  If the situation continues and my trust for him continues to decline i will leave him for someone who wants to give me the love i deserve.  It is a big challenge to change my mindset and battle feelings of unattractiveness, rejection and unworthiness but i know it is a worthy battle.  I hope all you women out there going through this type of thing can find the inner strength to not let this beat you, its not about our shortcomings it is about their selfish and unkind ways.  We all deserve love it is up to us to make sure we get it and not be victims of porn.  Porn is not liberating to women it is family destroying.  Sure it may seem light hearted and fun but as it develops and your man can no longer get an erection over you without it you and actually prefer it to you you will begin to understand the detrimental effects it can have.  And just so you know I am still young, I am in shape, very feminine and I absolutely love SEX!! So before anyone says it, its not because i let myself go LOL

 

 

hi i been with my boyfriend for 5 years and i know he likes porn . at the begining of or realitionship i found alot of porn movies in box's . He told me i can through it out . So i end up throughing it out. now one day we were laying in bed messing around but we never had sex so i go in the shower and he was acting weird. later that night he was out and i saw his ipod i was going to play some music but once i turned it on i saw a whole bunch of porn which pisst me of cause he must of watched it while i was in the shower. so that makes me feel like im not good enough for him like he wants the girl on the porn sites . i dont mind porn as long as hes watching it with me . im feeling really un easy with it. like i dont trust him and i feel like its going to break us up.

My husband has not made love to me for 7 years.  Yes, 7 years.  Something changed around the 3 year mark, and I just figured he had a low libido.  Some men do.  In fact, there are a lot of sexless marriages out there.  Before everything stopped, it was becoming less and less until it was like once or twice a year.  Then not at all.

So, I read most of the posts here and there are lots of suggestions that I think would work but the women here seem resistant and some of the males seem beyond help too.



I am a male and yes we masturbate a lot. I can only say for certain how it works for me and what my friends volunteer (usually threw jeers, jibes, and bad jokes). We are geared to have sex with lots of varied partners and the urge to have sex is huge almost all consuming for men. In fact, I feel I can safely say that most men make their life decisions based on sex or their sex drive, lol.



So the why's of masturbation. Imagine at 6-12 years old every male starts thinking UN-controlably about sex with no way to satisfy this urge/horniness. The urge is so big you can't sleep, concentrate, enjoy you normal hobbies, and no females in their right mind are going to want sex with a 12 year old (not a enough that is to satisfy this urge lol). Then we figure out from some other male that we can just masturbate and get it over with and have fun at the same time. HURRAH!!! (queue lighting, orchestra, sun, birds, the worlds align, bliss)



So I think masturbation is about control. If men/boys could satisfy this need at will on a willing supply of endless partners without check the world would be way different than it is now. Instead, however, men who don't want to force an unwilling partner, or those who want to stop thinking about sex for half a damn second, or even just to do away with the freakin horniness, have turned to masturbation early on and made it a ritual.



Remember this start at about 12 years old and happen often.. I would say atleast 2-3 times a week minimum but on average I would guess 4-5 times weekly. Masturbating is quick, easy, feels incredible, and completely stops the urge for half a day or a whole day. Makes men people you can deal with.



Now imagine a kind boy, who wants a normal life with 1 wife and saves himself until he is in say first year of college to have sex with that perfect girl that fits him and how he sees the world. Now imagine that same boy who is funny, kind, caring, considerate but he has been jacking-off since he was 12 every other day and now fit a girl he loves into that picture. LOL!



( I tell you it's craziness. There is a reason for marriages at 12 and 14 like the middle ages.)



If the same said women previously mentioned frowns, condemns, scolds the boy then the average 80% of men out there who masturbate are going to have some issues with that girl. The effects are wide ranging but shame, avoidance, low sexual urge toward the women, low self-image, low self-esteem, guilt, fear, repression of sexual feelings, or self-loathing. Damn the list is endless. It is my guess that this is exactly what happens to the 80 percent of males out there.



So I think the issue is acceptance. If you treat it as if it were a normal thing and find a way to help or allow it without freakin out then you probably have a solid sex life.



Oh yeah, on another side note, masturbating will increase sex drive in older men. I have low sex drive so I can tell you for sure it is true and my wife is happy. Works for me. Also, it should be noted that while my wife is a do it at 10pm women I am a between noon and 6pm guy. So sex doesn't always workout during a busy week.



God I am lucky my wife and I figured this sh*t out.



-Cheers

anonymouse75 - THANK YOU!!

Well, here is a reason why YOU may be at fault. Do you want an active sex life with your hubby, but nag the c**p out of him the next day or after you've had sex with him? Are you constantly complaining about anything that comes to your mind? Are you become a hefty cow since you got married and now expect HIM to want to do you? You have to look at yourself, to see if you are doing something that causes your hubby to not want anything to do with you. If there's really a problem, look in your mirror to find the solution. My ex always appreciated a great sex life from me, which I gave her, but it was the time out of the bedroom that finally got me to thinking that masterbation "had less strings attached" to it.

Jeez, do all you women really spy on your men so much? If a guy wants to toss it off then that's his business,  looking for evidence is just sneaky. I know plenty of women who like to frigg one off too, even though they have partners. If he's doing in front of you then maybe you should try and help him out.

The user who posted about woman being more evolved than men is plain out of order, that's discrimination to it nastyist point- that some people are genetically inferior to others.

I know this is an old discussion but I figured if I could make a valuable contribution, I should.
I have had many learning experiences (relationships) and throughout those trails have found that the key is HONESTY! I have been with my current girlfriend for four years now and it has been my most successful relationship because I have been diligent in maintaining honesty. For me, I usually masturbate 1-2 time a day. I still have sex, often, and sometimes we will just play and masturbate together. We have even found porno that we enjoy watching together and are completely open with each other. I said right off the bat, "I enjoy jerking-off, I also love sex. Sometimes I'm in the mood for one or the other or both."

I believe that sexual openness is foundational for, not only a healthy relationship, but for a happy and confident self. I know what I like and what I don't like and am completely open and honest about it about it. This keeps me, and my partner, very comfortable and happy. Shame will bring you down and so will repression. If you cannot be open and honest with your partner then you must seek healing within yourself or find a partner who you are able to share these things, shamelessly, with.

Back to "is it normal..." yes, masturbation, even sometimes preferred over sex, is very normal. Like I said, I have sex regularly and still masturbate very often.

my man cant come with me, sometimes it takes hours, if he has masterbated recently. he loves porn- admitting to jacking off to it for hours at a time. its almost daily. he WONT let me participate & lies about his activity. this is the problem i have with it, along with the performance issue. and the fact he picks fights with me as a means to be alone to do his thing. and as if thats not enough, i left out the fact that he has built his own HUGE dildo!!! he cried upon my finding it. im just sick about it.

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