Is it normal my husband masturbates too much ? Newlewed

Masturbation in men are very common.  Its up to his partner to decide on how his masturbating life goes forward after marriage. Masturbation gives opportunity for men to maximize the pleasure. In a sex life, you cannot do that, however sexy the women  is. Masturbation is a sex life in its own right for men. Women also masturbate, but its not that common.

If you want your man not to masturbate, then its a matter of discussion between you both. As not everyone is the same, some people can control but some cant.

Generally, masturbation in men will not effect fertility, sexual health etc. Its in fact a good practice, they will always be sexually active.

You should leave him.  This is not normal for all that is good and decent.  I would recommend that you find a good, strong and decent man.  A man that you would be constantly proud to be with and to grow old with.  A man that would enjoy walking arm in arm any where in the world.

i understand what all of you are going through. i understand that men need to get them selfs off. i get it i do. but every single day? no thats not ok. he does it when im in the shower or bath and when he gets up for work. i dont get it. i mean wtf im naked and always show interest. i love sex. its amazing and i offer my self all the time but he is always to tired. in my eyes if your turned on then join me in the shower. your a man take control. i love it when a man takes control. i have told him all this and he promised that he would stop. he has admitted that its an addiction. i have tried to help him by letting him watch it when we have sex. but he doesnt like to watch it with me. i have even let him record us so that i would feel better when he did do it atleast he would be thinking of me. be he doesnt watch it. its always the stick women with the big boobs and big ass and air brushed. it makes me feel like im not good enough. and i can tell when he does because he goes soft in the middle of sex. i just dont understand why he does it all the time. i can understand if im tired or on my period. but im begging for sex all the time. i even do sexy messages to try and build him up. he seems to like it but then when he gets home i get nothing. i feel like you women i dont know what to do. he lies to me about it all the time. what im afraid of is that he will take it to the next level. i hate not having anyone who understands what im going through.

watching porn is not healthy especially in married couple because this will create a problem besides, it is not right in the sight of God. If there is no satisfaction either the husband or wife then most likely divorce will follow. So watching porn must be stop.

Its not ok. I'm going through the same and it isn't normal. I have been doing research and it is a problem that needs to be addressed asap. We have been doing therapy. Seems to be helping.

then y have women God should just take us all out of the equation and let them plesure them selfs when ever they want no bitchin or ne ting ooooooooooooooo sh*t but wait the they wont have porn to masterbate to what a frikkin worl catch a women mastubating to a hot guy and they dont love u ne more but catch u guy masterbating to a gurl and its ALL frikkin NORMAL how da f**k is dat

I feel for you and my heart goes out to you. I hope you find peace either way. I feel a lot like you most days. Maybe she isn't the one for you. I have realized that about my spouse. Hope you figure things out and be happy.

Change a few phrases and I'm just like you only I've been married 45 years. The love making is all up to me, she refuses to make any effort at all to learn what feels good to me or to try to do it. It's as if she thinks my total satisfaction comes from doing her.

I wonder what the percentages are of truly satisfied husbands and/or couples. My take is it's about 10% off the wall wonderful and 10% as far off the scale to the other end. Then the rest of us are somewhere in between.

I do the best I can for her and then I find hobbies that I like. If she cares to join me, that's fine and I like it a lot but I don't expect it.

People seem to be leaving an awful lot of personal info here. I don't mean that in a bad way but everyone is different so one person telling another they masturbate daily and can still have sex with their partner may be different than another person. I myself have been masturbating twice daily (minimum) since I found out how to. And yet I can still get around to doing the girlfriend five times a day. But that isn't helpful to anybody else's situation (for example the one woman banning her hubby from watching porn because he won't be able to get it up for her).

It all boils down to communication. If you guys can't talk about things like masturbating and sex in a relationship, it probably won't last that long. Maybe he is masturbating beside you just to get his jollies off, maybe he likes knowing your close while he does it, maybe it is an invitation saying "come on honey I'm ready for takeoff!". If it is hampering with your sex life, find a way to integrate it instead of banning it (generally when you tell someone not to do something, they'll do it anyways, refer to Adam and Eve), banning should be an absolute last resort, if done at all. Maybe it could be a game, see who can orgasm the fastest, or mutual masturbation, maybe he has a hand free and can play with you at the same time. Or if you catch him masturbating he has to do something for you like some oral maybe.

If the sex life is still suffering it may be that his masturbating is not the source of the problem it may be something else and he still wants to blow a load so he masturbates. Whatever the situation is, communicate. Sex is between the two of you and you shouldn't be asking anyone but yourself and you partner on whats wrong and how to fix it. Feel free to explore the internet and ask people if you need ideas to spice up the bedroom (or wherever else you do it). Couple of suggestions; 1. Download a kamasutra-like app, they tend to be a good starting point, 2. Both of you make a list of things you want to try and see what you can do about crossing off something from the list like once a week (oral in public, ha****b on a bus, sex on a beach, bondage, etc), 3. Watch some Dan Savage or read his article/blog, he's a sex columnist and he knows things

Enjoy

I so know that feeling I am in the same situation my finace' tells me he has no libido, but yet night after night he masterbates not just once but up to 3-4 times 2-3 for sure. I lay there thinking what a waste I am right here why don't you want me you prefer your hand over me why are we togather?. He says he has no libido but yet he can desire his himself and masterbate all night what is up with that and like you I see his fine tight ass and like you go to bed unsatisfied and pissed off night after night. I hate begging for sex when I do get it I feel like a charity case and like he is not even in the room with me like it is a big chore for him what a waste.

i have been married for 3 years and masturbate at least twice a day.Ihave great sex with my wife and my wife loves catching me wanking

What it really comes down to is your expectation of your husband. You most likely expect that your husband should only satisfy you, and only be aroused by you. This belief is taught to us as children, often through religion, but always by society and media, that you find a partner, and you are absolutely everything to each other. Is this realistic? Are there things that you do, not sexually, that you enjoy, but your husband does not? In essence, you are enjoying something without him, and he is not meeting that need for you. Why should sex be different? Obviously two individuals will share separate and different interests, and that is okay. That is what makes us individual's. Love is accepting an individual for who they are, unconditionally, without judgement. You should not feel inadequate because he masturbates. Should he feel inadequate that you enjoy knitting, or pottery, or whatever hobby that you may love, that he does not share an interest in?

You have identified you have a very sexual open, uninhibited sexual relationship. You feel that sex is good. But what are your feelings about masturbation? Often we are taught as children, we should never do this, as it is wrong, and immoral. Have you ever masturbated? If you did, did you ever have feelings of guilt associated with doing so? Do you think your husband is immoral or doing something wrong by masturbating? If you think this is an indecent behavior, and only bad people do this sort of thing, I believe this is the nature of your problem. Most likely, your husband feels that you think it is bad, and this is why he hides it. He does not want to be judged, or you to think poorly of him. Masturbating does not hurt anyone, and it makes him feel good. Why shouldnt he make himself feel good. Why shouldnt anyone be allowed not to make themselves feel good if they so choose, and it is not hurting anyone else.

I would recommend analyzing your expectations of your husband, yourself, and your marriage. This goes for sex, as well as for every aspect of your life. Is it realistic that you both will meet absolutely every need of each other? Is it realistic that you both will have interests that your partner does not share? Do you expect your marriage to allow for individualality, self expression, personal attainment? Do you expect support from each other, without ridicule or judgement in those things that you enjoy, or should those things be done in secret so that the other does not feel inadequate?

After analyzing those aspects of your life, your marriage, next I would recommend communication. Talk about your feelings. Tell your husband how it makes you feel. Obviously, he cant change how it makes you feel, and he is not going to stop. However, communication may help you understand why he does it, and that it is not taking anything away from you. Freezing in bed, because you do not know what to say, what to do, is not part of a healthy open relationship with communication, love, and support.

Finally, one of the most difficult aspects of marriage is understanding how you feel the way you do, and why you feel the way you do. When an individual does not understand personal feelings they become muted, often leading to resentment for feeling "bad", and then anger. Looking inward to your beliefs, your values, morals, expectations, will help you understand yourself, understand your feelings and then be able to express them to your husband in a meaningful way.

Good luck to you. I wish you a long meaningful, fulfilling marriage with open communication, trust, unconditional love from and for your husband.

Doc, I appreaciate your help in every way, in answering your question I have/do masterbate. No I do not want to take that from him my question is why does he prefer to masterbate than have sex with me we do not have sex. I have done everything to motivate him, to excite him, suggested many things to jump start him, And I have talked in depth to him about his needs, my needs and how this makes me feel not wanting me or touching me. He listens says he has no libdio which is his answer to everything or says he doesn't want to talk about it again he has no libido. I then say but you have enough urge to masterbate what is up with that? He does not answer only he has no libido. I am very open minded I ask what do you want, need, or want to explore? What can I do to stimulate you? How can I make you feel better? I would like to give you a hand job, blow job, whatever it takes. He will allow me to give a hand job loves my blow jobs, but that is it he will not go any further just his needs. He will go a month if I don;t say anything or just keep getting his blow jobs with out regard for me. I am wanting to have sex to be with him to have a romatnic or just plan good romp with him wanting to share each other and our love togather. He acts like it's chore just get yours and leave me alone then back to wacking away all night. I feel so empty. I am at a loss everything is good between us it is just the sex, and intimacy its like he is selfish with himself like he is only wanting to share his beautiful big one with only himself. I don't get it. I have looked every where thinking it may be andropos, or he is just tired form work or maybe of course its me being a female well I know its not me because I can rock his world if I am giving him a blow job and we are only focusing on him. He is with no emotion when having sex. I mean I have to move his hands touch me here or there he will feel me for a sec then stop like its a chore or he just doesn't want to touch me. I know he loves me in everything else he does he shows it in someway, but for sex he prefers his hand I mean for real he will go months with out touching me if I never say anything. I need to know what is going on what is he thinking? why does he not want to be intamate? Okay he can masterbate all he wants but how can he not want to have sex with me? I really feel empty inside. I pray this gets resolved I still have a very healthy sex drive I would never go out on him I care way to much for him, and I do not want to be with a vibrator as my relief that is just to depressing. I want him his touch, his body, his manhood, everything he has to offer I want to feel him wanting to be with me in bed no as a duty that has to be done and ooh brother let me get this over with. I would love to hear what you have to say about this.

I can understand that your frustrated with the situation. From what I understand there is a lot more going on, or lack of going on then what is happening, or not happening in the bedroom.

To start with what is going on in your husband's life and your marriage that he is not interested in sex? Difficulties with work, financial troubles, death in the family, just about anything that happens in life that is bothering someone will likely manifest itself in the bedroom by a lack of interest. Does he have interest in anything outside the bedroom, hobbies, friends, anything at all? Does he enjoy his work? If there is a lack of any interest in anything, the signs point toward depression.

Secondly, how is the emotional state of your marriage? Are you close, or distant? From your post it sounds like there may be some distance between you two. You say you feel empty. Couples that are not happy, do not communicate, dont laugh and play together are not close. This lack of closeness manifests itself usually in the bedroom. Believe it or not men, just like most women often require emotional satisfaction and stimulation before there is any interest in the bedroom.

You say you communicate, but obviously he is not communicating with you. Next time you communicate try to understand what he thinks you are saying. Often times people that are communicating feelings, do it in a way that another perceives as an "attack". When someone feels "attacked" it is a natural response to close down, not communicate, or become defensive.

Finally, besides depression there are a number of medical conditions that may decrease libido. If this is something you think may be a possibility, or even if depression is a possibility I would recommend consulting your family healthcare provider.

Okay, to address your post. He does not like his job, but it is not the job he was like this before he got this job. No he doesn't absolutly hate just is not liking it. No financial troubles we are making it, no death in family only a mother that verbally beats him up shes has menatl issues. We do talk, laugh, he shares when he is happy, or upset about things. We do share and play togather were are close. I try my best to give him emotional satisfaction and stimulation, but he just listens and doesn't respond.


I have tried to make sure he understands what I am trying to say to him we are both patient and very clear in that we both are on the same page in understanding whatever we are trying to communcate. This is what makes me so frustrated. I never attack him or talk to him in anger we are both older and have been through relationships and agree anger is not the road we want to go down on we both agree we have enough of that to last a lifetime. We both agreed to talk, understand each other and if not do not move on until we are clear. He also does not come at me in anger.


I know at one time he felt depressed but that is no longer an issue I keep a close eye on that. He is in his early 50's we have dealt with and low T he got the blue pill etc., but still he will take it but again no intamacy acts as if okay do the job and be done. He does not express love I know he does all other actions say he does, but sex nope he even said once "we will do it get yours and were done sorry no romance lets just do it." I was like what I feel like a mercy F---K no way I want to be with you I want you to particpate like you want to be with me. He was like no why can't you just get what you need. I said jeeze like a dildo only attached to you. I so want to understand why he prefers hand over me. NO he is not gay or gay want experience I have asked and looked into that.


Okay, now what?