Your husband is bi-polar I went through the same thing. I finally figured it out when i kept reading online. The next time he was mean I left for two days . Then when he was begging for me to come back, I told him he would have to see a pscy, so they put him on seroquel, and he is so wonderful. It takes about three weeks, to kick in. Yeh it is a lot for visit but it will be the best money spent. Try to go to a doctor that has samples so u dont have to pay for meds. If you do decied u need to make sure he is taking his meds everyday!!! This is key, trust me it will work!
I am reading these postings as a last resort, 99% of the postings I have read are all about the male being angry all the time, taking it out on his kids, etc., but I am the female with the same feelings.
As to quote one guest "here's the thing you might not realize, each time i do i break inside, it hurts me and I'd don't forgive myself."
Where does that leave us, as for right now I have no earthly idea. I love my family very dearly, I would die for them. If this so true, then why am so abusive in this manner?
I want it fixed. Everyday I ask myself how can you stop this, and i have yet to come up with any answer.
Not taking the male's side here, but I am this person, and I don't like it. I find myself everyday fighting with either my husband, my daughter or my son, because I feel disrespected, but when my caring husband asks to talk about it I clam up. How do you express those feelings.
As to quote one guest "here's the thing you might not realize, each time i do i break inside, it hurts me and I'd don't forgive myself."
Where does that leave us, as for right now I have no earthly idea. I love my family very dearly, I would die for them. If this so true, then why am so abusive in this manner?
I want it fixed. Everyday I ask myself how can you stop this, and i have yet to come up with any answer.
Not taking the male's side here, but I am this person, and I don't like it. I find myself everyday fighting with either my husband, my daughter or my son, because I feel disrespected, but when my caring husband asks to talk about it I clam up. How do you express those feelings.
I am having a hard time with my husband - he truly believes I do things to annoy him and make us argue - which is absolute c**p. Honestly - i have a hard enough time as it is let alone causing arguments. I love him dearly and I have helped with pyschologists and doctors and he responded well but sh*t a brick he is sometimes like a child. Anyway I really do love him and to all of you men out there - this is something my Dad taught me from a very young age and it was from his mindset. A really good wife will never get in your way unless you are on your way down. Husbands please remember this when your wife steps in. She isnt trying to control you she is stopping you from falling.
hello, my husband is the same. i have been married for 3 years but i have been with him for 7 years, he is the most amazing bloke you could ever meet, he does everything, i have corrsion of the spine so i cant do as much as i would like, he helps me with the house work, with my 4 little girls, 2 of which are not his, but he has brought them up as if they were his own, i love him so much, but i just cant take his anger any more its only 3/4 times a fortnight but its not fare on the kids, he blames them for everything,he doesnt hit them but he does grab them by the arm and drag them up the stairs to there room this might not sound weird but when they scream that he is hurting them on there arm then i say something and he gets angry, he chucks things eg: saucepans, books that bsort of thing, i have had to replace so many things that he has broken its getting silly, i have asked him to go to anger management but he says he doesnt think he needs it, i dont know what else to do? im thinking of telling him to leave until he gets help and then he can come back after? what do you think? maybe im just being silly and its not that bad i dont know maybe its me, im just so confused i am only 27 and if i ask him to leave then my family will find out and to them he is perfect, i dont want people to know any different. any way thanks for reading sorry for going on just needed to get it out i dont have anyone else to talk to, :'( :'( :'(
My husband is the same, the only difference is that he will resort to violence, i love him dearly but now am starting to hate him, i wish death upon him, as i cannot live like this any longer, he will explode for no reason.
it is the summer holidays and i had planned many outings for the children, i will do all the preparations, and the minute we get in to the car he will get angry about something, our family vacations now always start with a beating and him screaming at me for no apparent reason.....i think i will leave him, as i cannot put my kids through this anymore, i no longer have the will to cope with him and i am worried that my kids will grow up to be warped psychopath like him
it is the summer holidays and i had planned many outings for the children, i will do all the preparations, and the minute we get in to the car he will get angry about something, our family vacations now always start with a beating and him screaming at me for no apparent reason.....i think i will leave him, as i cannot put my kids through this anymore, i no longer have the will to cope with him and i am worried that my kids will grow up to be warped psychopath like him
Well.... I've read quite a few of these comments and have a few replies.
I, too, live in an emotionally and (sometimes) physically abusive situation. It's very hard to leave due to the fact that there are kids involved. I know it would be best for the kids, overall. But, sometimes it's easier said than done. My husband doesn't want to be this way... he states that he wants to be different, but this just comes naturally.... I will explain as I reply.
To the young 21 year old.... How do you expect females to "please" a man's ego (sexually or non-sexually) when the females are so emotionally and mentally drained that you don't even have the 'pleasing' emotions left. Maybe the man should stroke the woman's ego once in a while. It takes so much more in a relationship than just stroking a mans ego to make HIM feel needed.
My husband is has emotional issues, physical aggressions and mentality (childlike) issues. Oddly, he is an extremely hard worker.... and devoted to his family. We KNOW he wants to love us all.... he says he does..... and tries in "his way" to show us. But, if you knew his nutty upbringing and his mothers childlike ways... you see exactly where he's learned all of this. I'm certainly not saying any of this is right at all.... but, it's what he knows from his upbringing. His mother was 15 having him and continued to have 2 more kids in the next 2 years. All three before 18 years of age. Then some people wonder why he handles things so child like..... he was brought up by a child ! And his father worked three jobs to just support all of them. His mom has a wicked temper and unfortunately all of her kids do to...... it was a learned behavior.
One of the comments from someone was that her husband basically blames anyone and everyone else for his issues. He points fingers at others and defends himself constantly. My husband is the same way. It's always someone else's fault..... He was brought up defending his mothers honor... so that's the way he still handles himself to this day and he's almost 50. It's sad and we've tried to get help. He even blamed the psychiatrist for siding with me... how ridiculous. The psychiatrist was just trying to explain how to handle things differently to him and he got all defensive and told the psychiatrist off. How immature...... but.... sadly, it's what he has learned throughout his childhood.
Another gentleman commented that he has become verbally aggressive. He said it's due to the fact that "he's not happy with himself" and where his life is. I truly believe this is my husbands issue as well... amongst other things. But, he doesn't know how to handle it.
I am the kind of wife that would be happy living in a 'shoebox' as long as my marriage and my family were emotionally well...... I lived in a shoebox as a single (divorced) mom and I was happy, happy, happy. And I only was divorced previously because I caught my ex with another woman.
I have a beautiful home now and a budding career, but, I'm not happy because my husband makes us all walk on eggshells.... my whole family feels this way.
He, unfortunately, had a mom that was NEVER happy with anything and to this day is always complaining about something.
How do you break this cycle? I wish I knew.
I hang in there because the man I fell in love with was phenomenal.... kind, sweet, never aggressive (while we were dating), loved my daughter. I would like to help him as well as myself and our kids. I want to find that man that I met 7 years ago.
I know I'm probably reaching for the stars when I say this, but, I guess I'm just wishing and hoping.
I, too, live in an emotionally and (sometimes) physically abusive situation. It's very hard to leave due to the fact that there are kids involved. I know it would be best for the kids, overall. But, sometimes it's easier said than done. My husband doesn't want to be this way... he states that he wants to be different, but this just comes naturally.... I will explain as I reply.
To the young 21 year old.... How do you expect females to "please" a man's ego (sexually or non-sexually) when the females are so emotionally and mentally drained that you don't even have the 'pleasing' emotions left. Maybe the man should stroke the woman's ego once in a while. It takes so much more in a relationship than just stroking a mans ego to make HIM feel needed.
My husband is has emotional issues, physical aggressions and mentality (childlike) issues. Oddly, he is an extremely hard worker.... and devoted to his family. We KNOW he wants to love us all.... he says he does..... and tries in "his way" to show us. But, if you knew his nutty upbringing and his mothers childlike ways... you see exactly where he's learned all of this. I'm certainly not saying any of this is right at all.... but, it's what he knows from his upbringing. His mother was 15 having him and continued to have 2 more kids in the next 2 years. All three before 18 years of age. Then some people wonder why he handles things so child like..... he was brought up by a child ! And his father worked three jobs to just support all of them. His mom has a wicked temper and unfortunately all of her kids do to...... it was a learned behavior.
One of the comments from someone was that her husband basically blames anyone and everyone else for his issues. He points fingers at others and defends himself constantly. My husband is the same way. It's always someone else's fault..... He was brought up defending his mothers honor... so that's the way he still handles himself to this day and he's almost 50. It's sad and we've tried to get help. He even blamed the psychiatrist for siding with me... how ridiculous. The psychiatrist was just trying to explain how to handle things differently to him and he got all defensive and told the psychiatrist off. How immature...... but.... sadly, it's what he has learned throughout his childhood.
Another gentleman commented that he has become verbally aggressive. He said it's due to the fact that "he's not happy with himself" and where his life is. I truly believe this is my husbands issue as well... amongst other things. But, he doesn't know how to handle it.
I am the kind of wife that would be happy living in a 'shoebox' as long as my marriage and my family were emotionally well...... I lived in a shoebox as a single (divorced) mom and I was happy, happy, happy. And I only was divorced previously because I caught my ex with another woman.
I have a beautiful home now and a budding career, but, I'm not happy because my husband makes us all walk on eggshells.... my whole family feels this way.
He, unfortunately, had a mom that was NEVER happy with anything and to this day is always complaining about something.
How do you break this cycle? I wish I knew.
I hang in there because the man I fell in love with was phenomenal.... kind, sweet, never aggressive (while we were dating), loved my daughter. I would like to help him as well as myself and our kids. I want to find that man that I met 7 years ago.
I know I'm probably reaching for the stars when I say this, but, I guess I'm just wishing and hoping.
Boy, can I relate to all of this! My husband is very abrasive, verbally abusive and harsh. He became physically abusive yesterday and I put him out of the house. He blames me and the boys for his outbursts, he never accepts the blame or responsibility for his own actions. He calls me names and yells over the stupidest things. He get angry if my son (his step-son) just walks in the room, it's like the sight of him angers him. He treats my child like he is jealous of him. He gets angry with me if I disagree with him about anything, he gets angry if I do something with the boys that doesn't include him. He gets angry if I don't sit right beside him all the time. If he wants to lie down during the day and I don't, he gets mad. If I drive the car, he gets angry and says I don't trust his driving because he isn't "good enough" for me to ride with him. Ridiculous stuff like this. I am always afraid of his anger and I have always known he would eventually get physical and yesterday, he did. He was cursing my child and called him terrible cursing names M..F.. this and M... F... that, and I told him to stop, that I had had enough and he pushed me down and grabbed my shirt and pulled his fist back to punch me in the face, I ducked my head and then he spat in my face. Then he kicked the coffee table and broke it and then threw the computer at me, thank God it missed. After that, he got a knife from the kitchen and threw it at me. (missed again). I got the boys and the keys and got into the car and left, I never said a word, just walked. I went strait to the police station and got an EPO. He has called me several times and so now he is arrested after falsely stating that he was attempting suicide, I think they are going to get him some mental evaluation today, I have no further contact with him and I don't know what the future holds. It's crazy, but, after all of this, I still love him. You can't just stop loving someone in an instant. I do know that he isn't comming back until he gets some control over this anger problem of his and then I am adamant about family counselling as well. I am not going to risk my family's safety ever again.
Wow-I am going through similar stuff to many of you. My husband will not hit even though he has physically hurt each of us in the past. He is the angriest person I know. He seems to hate our son and has even told me he does. He can be having a great day and suddenly be angry over the stupidest thing. If the child is caught in a little thing or a big thing, he displays the same out of control anger. He screamed tonight because our son did not get his chores done because he was at work at his job. We have no friends who stick around after witnessing his outbursts because they all give me these sad pathetic looks and then slowly quit doing things with us. My mother once told him how he was when he was going through one of his phases and he pretty much indicated she couldnot be a part of his life anymore. She quickly learned her lesson and never criticizes him. I am afraid every day for when the bad shoe is going to fall. WHen I finally tried to tell him tonight he basically blamed me for it all then gave me a speech about how I blame everyone else for my issues. The most amazing thiing to me was the other night when he told me the three of usw are all f--ed up and he is not. He does not get that he drives the family attitude 99 percent of the time and we all just wish we could make him happy. TOday he told me again how he can't possibly be at fault because he is so successful in life. I think it is funny how men who see how he really is stop being his frined pretty fast. I can't figure it out and thought he really did ove us once. Now I believe he does not. Our son and daughter are good kids who dont do drugs or sleep around and he finds fault with them like they were as bad as we both were when younger. The worst PART FOR ME IS HOW HE TALKS ABOUT FATHERS WHO HAVE RAISED TIGHT FAMILIES AND i CAN;'T GET HIM TO UNDERSTAND THEY DO NOT BELITTLE THEIR CHILDREN. i ALSO DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY GOD WONT OPEN HIS EYES. iT JUST DEPRESSES ME TO THE POINT THAT i WISH i WOULD DIE.
It just pains me so much to read these posts. My husband and I have been married 5 years - together for 8. We had a wonderful marriage up until I became pregnant. He is not physically abusive but is so angry 90% of the time. He refuses to see the good in anything and can only focus on the negative things that happen and this is slowly destroying my marriage. Granted we have had a difficult year, he got laid off, we had trouble selling our condo...but, our daughter is happy and healthy, we finally did sell and moved into a beautiful home in a great neighborhood, made some new friends, our daughter learned to walk, got teeth and since he got laid off, he has been able to stay home with her to watch her grow. In the mean time, I do 90% of the housework, hold a full time job and look after our daughter from the time I walk in the door til the time I leave for work in the morning, including weekends. He does close to nothing unless he is nagged to do so and swears and grumbles about it while he does. Still he can not be happy, millions of first time dads out there would give anything to have the opportunity to stay home. What I have realized though after talking to his family is that it is likely that he is suffering from depression and I am going to confront him with an ultimatum that he talk to someone and get on meds, or else. I am not willing to give up on my marriage, but I am also not willing to put up with his anger and negativity. Depression is a serious disease that I think alot of these angry husbands are suffering from. I am keeping my fingers crossed that the man I married will come back to me, and I pray for all of you out there and hope you all find a solution.
Depressing to see all these posts. So sad as life is really short, but lets face it, there are a lot of us wives who are stuck in this nasty rut, and because of children and security, etc. have quite a struggle with leaving these men cold turkey.
It's a vicious cycle, simply put. As wives we have pledged love, but it becomes loveless lovemaking when we are not cherished and loved, respected and honored. With angry husbands the relationship becomes shallow, especially when it all revolves around keeping the peace with "him". This only brings more anger, as husbands sense this, but because of pride and foul temper, don't really want to deal with it....so it goes on and on and on.
Angry men/husbands don't realize that the women that live with you and bed you, feel like we are sleeping with the enemy. As a matter of fact I'm sure we feel much like women who are sold and bartered for. (Doesn't feel much like love!!!) Just do what you got to do to, what is expected, and pretend everything is all right. Isn't that really sad.
I know we wives have many faults too, but taking out your c**p on us is like repeatedly stabbing your your best friend, and expecting them to still be your best friend. What really amazes me is that then the phone rings, or a friend drops by, and then these men put on the best behavior and the nice guy comes out. They can do it for everyone else, except for the wives they supposedly love. And then what really puts the icing on the cake is that these men always expect us to be nice, and sweet, and lovey with them (after they've stabbed us repeatedly).
I am so amazed at the loyalty I see women giving their men, even so. I'm really sad for these marriages (mine included), that deal with this. Believe me, our lives and marriages could be so much more if our men would take the anger management courses that are out there, get treatment for their depression, etc. But, many of our men would never consider such a thing....it's weakness to these men, to their inflated male prides/egos to admit such things to outsiders. Well men, that's actually very wrong, it's actually a great sign of strength to admit your faults and actually do something about it. Isn't that what you expect of your wives...every day...perfection...getting it right...doing things your way...preparing meals you like...dressing the way you like...wearing our hair as you like it, etc. But when it's your turn to plug something into the relationship to improve it....no way...you're above reproach...just try it and the resulting rage will prove it....right?
Women...if you are in a physically abusive situation, especially with children, make arrangements to get away, or you and your child/children may end up very dead. For the rest of us, keep making friends with other women to create a very necessary support system. Unfortunately, minimizing time with these spouses is another method...I mean after all fellows, if you are just mad, irritable, and harsh at us all the time...why would we want to hang out with you any more than minimally...really!!! Look for options out, we all have them. A grocery run, taking kids to the park, visiting your friends, taking classes, walks for exercise, joining a support group, all can become breaks from the hot heads we have at home. I've also found it helps to count the hours....just 4 more hours till he goes to bed....or just 1 hour till we go to friends, etc.
We'd love to be loved by the men we've chosen, but when that doesn't happen, and we just can't leave (or won't), there's not much else to do. Thanks so much for this posting spot....it helps to put our thoughts here, and maybe actually help someone else in doing so.
It's a vicious cycle, simply put. As wives we have pledged love, but it becomes loveless lovemaking when we are not cherished and loved, respected and honored. With angry husbands the relationship becomes shallow, especially when it all revolves around keeping the peace with "him". This only brings more anger, as husbands sense this, but because of pride and foul temper, don't really want to deal with it....so it goes on and on and on.
Angry men/husbands don't realize that the women that live with you and bed you, feel like we are sleeping with the enemy. As a matter of fact I'm sure we feel much like women who are sold and bartered for. (Doesn't feel much like love!!!) Just do what you got to do to, what is expected, and pretend everything is all right. Isn't that really sad.
I know we wives have many faults too, but taking out your c**p on us is like repeatedly stabbing your your best friend, and expecting them to still be your best friend. What really amazes me is that then the phone rings, or a friend drops by, and then these men put on the best behavior and the nice guy comes out. They can do it for everyone else, except for the wives they supposedly love. And then what really puts the icing on the cake is that these men always expect us to be nice, and sweet, and lovey with them (after they've stabbed us repeatedly).
I am so amazed at the loyalty I see women giving their men, even so. I'm really sad for these marriages (mine included), that deal with this. Believe me, our lives and marriages could be so much more if our men would take the anger management courses that are out there, get treatment for their depression, etc. But, many of our men would never consider such a thing....it's weakness to these men, to their inflated male prides/egos to admit such things to outsiders. Well men, that's actually very wrong, it's actually a great sign of strength to admit your faults and actually do something about it. Isn't that what you expect of your wives...every day...perfection...getting it right...doing things your way...preparing meals you like...dressing the way you like...wearing our hair as you like it, etc. But when it's your turn to plug something into the relationship to improve it....no way...you're above reproach...just try it and the resulting rage will prove it....right?
Women...if you are in a physically abusive situation, especially with children, make arrangements to get away, or you and your child/children may end up very dead. For the rest of us, keep making friends with other women to create a very necessary support system. Unfortunately, minimizing time with these spouses is another method...I mean after all fellows, if you are just mad, irritable, and harsh at us all the time...why would we want to hang out with you any more than minimally...really!!! Look for options out, we all have them. A grocery run, taking kids to the park, visiting your friends, taking classes, walks for exercise, joining a support group, all can become breaks from the hot heads we have at home. I've also found it helps to count the hours....just 4 more hours till he goes to bed....or just 1 hour till we go to friends, etc.
We'd love to be loved by the men we've chosen, but when that doesn't happen, and we just can't leave (or won't), there's not much else to do. Thanks so much for this posting spot....it helps to put our thoughts here, and maybe actually help someone else in doing so.
Ugh - mine too., such an as****e. He actually sought help once, got it, went on anti-depressants, and did improve. The meds seem to have stopped working now and he's back to his as****e-self. 2 kids. Lovely. I can't wait to divorce his stupid, fat, lazy ass. I could have done better.
So many brilliant, beautiful women, caught up in the anger trap. These men should be so so grateful. Women seem to have this infinite capacity to love , while men just ain't that smart. Caregivers unite for ever. I pray that everyone finds a way to escape of correct their situations and that we can stop this cycle for our next, wonderful generation.
Love to all
xx
Love to all
xx
I will be married 2 years next month. The last few year I have been riding a roller coaster. I have 4 children all very good and respectful - they have never said anything negative to my husband although I know sometimes they wanted to and rightfully so. This last week, things were really good between us until Saturday. He woke up and I know things were going to be tough. His breathing was different and he didn't really talk to anyone when he woke up. It was downhill from there. He went to the gym and when he got back my 14 year old son was using the vaccum cleaner and he didn't like the way he picked it up and started screaming at him. They my son put it away and got yelled at for not putting it away correctly. He said to my son you always do things half way......................... My son was then excused to walk away. Later my husband came in the living room and said something to one of the other kids and they had a short response. My husband said I wish someone around here would say more than 2 words to him. My kids live on this roller coaster with his mood swings as well. I really think my kids are afraid to talk to him not knowing what kind of mood he will be in. When he feels "good" we have fun and the kids are more relaxed therefore they talk to him more. His mood cycles are about every 3 weeks. I have been to counseling by myself and he doesn't feel he needs it. When I say something to him, he says it is all my fault (my husbands) and you and your kids are so perfect...... I hear this at least every 3 weeks with one week good. I love him and try to hold on to his good qualities but don't know what to do. I feel he is abusing my kids. He never does anything fun with my kids, he is a drill instructor in the house. He tells me he is going to leave but never does. ANY SUGGESTIONS?????????
My husband is a sweet man but is very angry. He is dealing with alot of stress at work and I have come to realize that he can't handle it and in turn has become very angry at the smallest things. I having been blaming myself, thinking there is something wrong with me...thinking "what is wrong with me? why does he hate me so much?" after coming out of a deep depression thanks to God and medication, I am realizing there is nothing wrong with me, there is something wrong with him. He has an anger problem and he will have to deal with it in his time. I am praying for him, that God will help him. In the mean time, I am taking care of myself, my emotional well being. I do not want to add fuel to the fire. I need to be clear of mind so I do not drink or do recreational drugs to ease my pain. I stay close to God and I pray. He needs help with his anger and I need support in dealing with it. I need to do whatever I can to not add to his anger, to protect myself and my kids. Maybe one day I will leave but for now I am staying, puting my faith and trust in God. For better or worse I will try to support my husband. So long as he is not verbally abusing me or the kids. If he ever lays a hand on us...its over. May God's love and protection embrace us all, every wife, husband and child. Amen.
i've been married for 22 years now and my husband is always angry everyday even for no reason...I always told him his like his father (we used to live with them before, lucky we decided to move)and one day his gonna be like his father his gonna be sick and nobodies gonna look after him.
i've been praying for years now that someday he will change but until now his still the same..
Lucky for my children cause they've already move both of them are grownups and i think its much better for them to move than to live with the evil person..Cause one of my children is starting to be like my husband.
but i really love my husband thats the only problem im just hoping someday his gonna change WHEN??????i dont know
i've been praying for years now that someday he will change but until now his still the same..
Lucky for my children cause they've already move both of them are grownups and i think its much better for them to move than to live with the evil person..Cause one of my children is starting to be like my husband.
but i really love my husband thats the only problem im just hoping someday his gonna change WHEN??????i dont know