Ok honey! I know you think you don't need help or to see the doctor but I REALLY want you to phone a mental crisis health line! I am VERY worried about your mental/emotional/physical state right now! I think you are having a nervous breakdown honey! I know you don't believe it, but you are SO overwhelmed right now! There is nothing I can do from here honey, or I would! I would phone for you! You NEED some help IMMEDIATELY, I am worried you are going to do something to yourself or others, and you are coming SO close to the edge honey! You are becoming bed ridden and refusing to take your medicine, PLEASE phone your hospital Katy!!! I kind of know where you live, but I wouldn't have a clue on how to get the paramedics to you, because I don't know exactly your address! You NEED to get some help, some therapy and some sleep and rest! This IS about you right now, not the future, not the children, not him, not the past, just YOU!!! I am out of my league here honey! And I can't do anything for you! That's all I can say is for you to call 999 and mention that you think you are having a nervous breakdown!
Nahh!!!!!!I cant be! Ive been studying since I got out of bed....and Ive never sweated so much (Lol) Listening to billy joel"pressure" nearly throw up in the kitchen, theres a smell and it makes me gag. Im not having a breakdown,im too up and down for that.Maybe its early menopauseHm Ive just realised how much work ive got to do. im like a cling on on this computer-mind you at least i knkow how to switch this one on. Ill be okay. Hope your all right.
Dawn-Iknow!Pleaease.im not elree,wdinburghni 553 6998-im not right-pls someone help?but inscared as i can act norma;
Dawn Pls dont leave me here. Im begging you. I am fed up with my dysfunctional family and its only going to get more dysfunctional. My mum clicks her fingers , then his dad clicks his fingers, then his mum ,then his brother, then my dad calls out the blue...i wan out of here my god, all in one day .Is it any wonder I turned to alchol-Ive started back on my meds, as i can no longer take anymore. My most common phrase swiring in my head begins with F and ends in f( Not good) I cant stomach going to work tomorrow yet, really anxious about going back-really dont know if I can face them. Im worried about this massicve bruise at the top of my thigh -spreading everywherer. My house is a mess, Ive been screaming at ex about compromise and how I dont owe him money and that he should stop enjoying this co dependancy Make it change and help it happen -even if we are no longer an item. The children are getting older evreyday and gof forbid if its like this when they are teenagers Im going to scream. that citalopram stuff makes me gag rench up chuck. I want to get on with my work but cant. hmm im realy tired I dont think I am having a mental breakdown-I think like you said earlier its time for me to change and really stand up to llife. But no one really truthfully can get beneath how I feel. I dont want this life for my children its one big headache!
Im renching so bad just now-and complete paniced. Ive just had my dad over, I didnt tell him anything-though I dont know if he lnows. Ive gone from boiling hot, so hot to ruinsing my wrists under the tap to frezing cold, Ive tried to spew about 3xs and nothing just so sick! Ill be ok , I will. Im going to chill -actually watch some kids dvds or something-was goingto study and really worried about all that too. On Sundays I used to do my homework-im not doing it on a sunday anymore-it makes me feel eraly nervous and gives me the sunday night jitters. I am going to be ok, im not going to do anything stupid-I think ive done that.Men just dont care.
Okay, I hink I am getting back on track. I know I shouldnt be messing about with medication and alcohol, but well I know me. OK, so far Ive got obstructive sleep apnea, somesort of pupura simplex , also dvt and worying I am not going to make it through the night. That really shouldnt bo on the internet. I only googled bruising and ended up reading through silent killers. Wwhats the worst thing to do when your feeling a bit anxious, goggle silent killers, If I carry onr eading that Ill not be here within the next half hour.I dont know if this bruise is serious or just a brusie, Its still really swollen and warm to touch Its day 3 with it and its spreading. God dawn Im reading a book stil on D/a and its just about the book, its almost as if thisp erson has been me. Its quite good if you sit on a bus or train-everyone takes a wide bearth and you get an entire tabe seat to yourself. I may get a t shirt, see if that keeps them away.anyway, I may eventually do something today-but been lynng on couch doing nothing, and notknowing what to think and getting the odd anxious waves. Im not even thinking about this situation anymore.
I really do not like this baclofen stuff. A) it makes me pea. B) Im so tired dazed and confused on it-I want to cry. C)Ive never felt so out of control. D)Ive never been so crabbie, to the point I cant talk. I dont like it, and I am thinking about going on my own with this-Im fed up with it, and it makes me sweat-or am I getting a cold or something? It makes me panic before taking it- I dont really fully trust it. It does however take my craving away from any alcohol beverage basically because i feel ill. Is it supposed to do this? I know too that now I definately cannot drink - which is a good thing, but on the other hand its pretty impossible to do anything while taking this stuff.
Morning dawn. This is c**p! No sleep , atil feel yuck, really crabbie-shouted at the girls for the state of their room. Hair took long to dry .Toolk an absolute bennie (like a spoiked teenager-I hate my hair) Missed my eye with my eyeliner, looks like Ive drawn a big black eye on. Cant stop thinking in a queen bee like fashion , that my life has been set up-that the job I have is provided for me by a medical team and that the course Im doing is just to get me better-I fllike Im going mad!
I feeel like im being controlled by a nazi party , do this, dont do that, even though I want to get better , It feels weird, but then I guess , it salways been like.Obce you start school , you never realy leave that role, get up, have breakfast, clean, goo to work , maybe try and make some friends, Go home, have tea, argue with family meneber. Oh-I managed to spend the night thinking"how did this happen" wanting to cry and Bnon bon my cat came in and it was like he knew. My stomach gurgled all night , really loudly and have odd thing in it that I dont think should be there.
Now Ive got to go to work and argh! Why am I so so stupid/
Im sure its this baclofen stuff htat makes me behave totally irrational. i also seem to get a rash , pea alot , sweat , I dont know I really dont like it. i was rtelling my sister-its not right. Its like you are anxious just about everything, which mean syou have to keep on top of things, so you do get very whats this?, do this do that clea this, whats that mess.?..so when you take something that just seems to relax my muscles but my head still buzzing along-how does that work?
Acht Im just in a bad mood! Could be worse, maybe as its seems so undigniffied going to work today. My colleagues will have no respecyt for me-even that makes me fel crappie!
I hope it gets better.
Hope your all right, thats if your still listenening to me babble on
Id better go.
I feeel like im being controlled by a nazi party , do this, dont do that, even though I want to get better , It feels weird, but then I guess , it salways been like.Obce you start school , you never realy leave that role, get up, have breakfast, clean, goo to work , maybe try and make some friends, Go home, have tea, argue with family meneber. Oh-I managed to spend the night thinking"how did this happen" wanting to cry and Bnon bon my cat came in and it was like he knew. My stomach gurgled all night , really loudly and have odd thing in it that I dont think should be there.
Now Ive got to go to work and argh! Why am I so so stupid/
Im sure its this baclofen stuff htat makes me behave totally irrational. i also seem to get a rash , pea alot , sweat , I dont know I really dont like it. i was rtelling my sister-its not right. Its like you are anxious just about everything, which mean syou have to keep on top of things, so you do get very whats this?, do this do that clea this, whats that mess.?..so when you take something that just seems to relax my muscles but my head still buzzing along-how does that work?
Acht Im just in a bad mood! Could be worse, maybe as its seems so undigniffied going to work today. My colleagues will have no respecyt for me-even that makes me fel crappie!
I hope it gets better.
Hope your all right, thats if your still listenening to me babble on
Id better go.
Dear Katy! I am VERY worried about you! So much so that you are in my mind constantly, I am so worried that you will go over the edge and do something to yourself or someone else! I feel SO powerless that at times I feel like walking away from this!!!! :'( I know I have asked you and begged you to go to your doctor or the hospital, but you haven't! So I am at a loss, I am NOT a professional Katy! I can only tell you my experiences and listen to you! I think your mental state is FAR beyond anything I have come across. I know you don't believe that, and you are in denial, but I NEED you to get some help! It's not the Baclofin, it's not the Clonazepam, anytime you drink and take antidepressents you are endagering yourself! I need you to listen to me Katy and phone the doctor and tell him what is REALLY going on! While you still are in control to some degree you HAVE to reach out, OR if you do go over the edge, then others will determine your future! The course doesn't matter Katy! You can take that when you can deal with it, you can be excused on medical grounds - with no penalization to you! I HATE to say this Katy, but if you do not get the appropriate help I can't do this anymore!!! :'( It breaks my heart Katy to think of such a wonderful woman as yourself not reaching out for help! So PLEASE!
Hi Dawn-I know you are worried about me-but to be honest (like youve said) i dont think Im that bad! To be more than brutal, Ive seen my doctor more times than any patinet could. Going into hospital for no real physical ailment just isnt for me.
Im still feeling really odd taking this stuff-and hot then cold-maybe I am just coming down with something.( it wouldnt be unheard of especially as my body doesnt have its usual chemical protector or dissolvent ( ie when I have a cold, wine seems to clear it up quicker) or simply Im probably to hungover to tell -who knows.
I am abit apprehansive about writing back to you aas I guess i do rely on your messages for support, but I really really do nto think I am that bad to see medical people-Im trying to calm it down myself-If by Thursday I feel no different I might ring breathing space or even ring my GP, but Ill try to calm down first. last week was just a very stressful week, and I did myself no favours. hence why I really do not want to go speak to anyone either!!!!
still been crabbie -and with the girls its like i just want them to listen and someone switch my grumpy switch off. Not had any kind of appetite, In fact my stomach been niggling me fo rthe past 3 days, but its not too bad! I guess I just want to cry about it all, really get it out of me so I can move on, sometimes it just doesnt feel real, nothing feels real.Everything foggie and wobbily and noises and oh god I or did I mention to you about my panic in class? There was something about the door and even though id been laughing I couldnt stop staring at it, then I got hot red, and sweaty and really thank god the lecturer made me laugh cause that feeling of despair was just about to asphixiate me tighter than ever before-the good thing was , was it never happened i stopped it-or I was distracted , which is a good sign -isnt it?
Anyway, ive managed to eat 2 biscuits today and had 2 coffees and a hot chocolate-all around big fat "dont eat that at this time of night". yes, you can tell by that I m not my mature self with my mum though I saw some of the old me coming through-shes just wanting to compensate for my lack of not being around the children.Theyve a school outing tomorrow , which she is attending, But what got to me was her bolunteering-I never asked, and plenty of other parents are not going-they too work, but it makes me feel guilty and then she starts with this"look Im getting up at 6 am.....well I never asked her to , but im calming and thinking , it is good that shes there for them.
Anyway, Ive not done a single pievce of reading tonight. Going to hit the hay as my tummy is playing fuuny buggers, probably looking for some alcohl or something who knows. Dawn , dont worry, if it gets bad Im sure ill probably just have oen of my funny turns or something. i want hurt anyone-maybe a moth , but nothing else-i think, I hope. No, if I would hurt anyting it would be me, I guess its like Ive numbed myself all these years and I cant come out of feeling numb-I ll do anything not to feelt the reality, even though my body doesnt like it.
Anyway, please dont worry about me-you have enough on your plate, and please dont leave me. Like ive promised, if I am no better by Thursday, ill maybe do something about it.
anyway, you, take care..
Im still feeling really odd taking this stuff-and hot then cold-maybe I am just coming down with something.( it wouldnt be unheard of especially as my body doesnt have its usual chemical protector or dissolvent ( ie when I have a cold, wine seems to clear it up quicker) or simply Im probably to hungover to tell -who knows.
I am abit apprehansive about writing back to you aas I guess i do rely on your messages for support, but I really really do nto think I am that bad to see medical people-Im trying to calm it down myself-If by Thursday I feel no different I might ring breathing space or even ring my GP, but Ill try to calm down first. last week was just a very stressful week, and I did myself no favours. hence why I really do not want to go speak to anyone either!!!!
still been crabbie -and with the girls its like i just want them to listen and someone switch my grumpy switch off. Not had any kind of appetite, In fact my stomach been niggling me fo rthe past 3 days, but its not too bad! I guess I just want to cry about it all, really get it out of me so I can move on, sometimes it just doesnt feel real, nothing feels real.Everything foggie and wobbily and noises and oh god I or did I mention to you about my panic in class? There was something about the door and even though id been laughing I couldnt stop staring at it, then I got hot red, and sweaty and really thank god the lecturer made me laugh cause that feeling of despair was just about to asphixiate me tighter than ever before-the good thing was , was it never happened i stopped it-or I was distracted , which is a good sign -isnt it?
Anyway, ive managed to eat 2 biscuits today and had 2 coffees and a hot chocolate-all around big fat "dont eat that at this time of night". yes, you can tell by that I m not my mature self with my mum though I saw some of the old me coming through-shes just wanting to compensate for my lack of not being around the children.Theyve a school outing tomorrow , which she is attending, But what got to me was her bolunteering-I never asked, and plenty of other parents are not going-they too work, but it makes me feel guilty and then she starts with this"look Im getting up at 6 am.....well I never asked her to , but im calming and thinking , it is good that shes there for them.
Anyway, Ive not done a single pievce of reading tonight. Going to hit the hay as my tummy is playing fuuny buggers, probably looking for some alcohl or something who knows. Dawn , dont worry, if it gets bad Im sure ill probably just have oen of my funny turns or something. i want hurt anyone-maybe a moth , but nothing else-i think, I hope. No, if I would hurt anyting it would be me, I guess its like Ive numbed myself all these years and I cant come out of feeling numb-I ll do anything not to feelt the reality, even though my body doesnt like it.
Anyway, please dont worry about me-you have enough on your plate, and please dont leave me. Like ive promised, if I am no better by Thursday, ill maybe do something about it.
anyway, you, take care..
Actually dawn-i think your right, ill have to go sooner. I cant sleep and all I have ranting in my head is how much a failure I am, what a c**p a mum ive been to my children -to how the hell and what the hell and why does he continue to make it seem my fault?Is it my fault? Irt doesnt matter-I know, but I really really mean this-hes never been fair on me-not by anyones standards,Its taken me a long time to see it, and then believe others that they are telling me the truth and then the rest.
At nightime i leave my bedroom door ajar, in case the kids want me, so I can hear them or so they know its okay to come in my room. he always insists on closing it. i feel like im being locked in. he also stook my bedside light out my room so i couldnt do any work formy course.Ive now decided to put the big light on as I cant sleep .Sod him!
Then I get this, this thing-we did this study programme and I cant but truly believe that this is a set up-not my homelife, but everything thats going on outside of it. Why would a comapny put up wwith me like this for so long?
Then i was lying in bed thinknig about my essays, and so on and how I cant see past them.
The cat came in my room , jumped on my bruise-then as i couldnt get to sleep and am getting more wound up about stuff-I couldnt stop crying. This mog of mine gets upset and stares at me with his big eyes.
Sorry dawn, if i dont sleep and have another day of upset stomachs and complete psychotic crabbiness, I am going for help as I am thinking about how if I had a shot gun id fire it in my mouth-thankfully I dont so dont worry about that one. then the other extreme, Im scared to go ut, Im scared in case I fall, scared in case I miss a step, scared in case someone follows me home, scared in case a car hits me, in case I get the bus and it crashes, yet when Iam at home and cant bear it-when Iam at work i cant do the doing, and when I am with my children or my closest Iam a complete cow! Perhaps I am changing into a vile b***h and I should just accept thats the way i am . Anyway, sorry if Im being to much for you-its just there no where else to go.It not like a physical illness, its not like Im dying-its mood, and at least I know that it can come and go, rarely goes though anyway, guess id better make use of the piece and quietand my incapable self and go read a book.But if I sleep in tomorrow I will be angry again!
At nightime i leave my bedroom door ajar, in case the kids want me, so I can hear them or so they know its okay to come in my room. he always insists on closing it. i feel like im being locked in. he also stook my bedside light out my room so i couldnt do any work formy course.Ive now decided to put the big light on as I cant sleep .Sod him!
Then I get this, this thing-we did this study programme and I cant but truly believe that this is a set up-not my homelife, but everything thats going on outside of it. Why would a comapny put up wwith me like this for so long?
Then i was lying in bed thinknig about my essays, and so on and how I cant see past them.
The cat came in my room , jumped on my bruise-then as i couldnt get to sleep and am getting more wound up about stuff-I couldnt stop crying. This mog of mine gets upset and stares at me with his big eyes.
Sorry dawn, if i dont sleep and have another day of upset stomachs and complete psychotic crabbiness, I am going for help as I am thinking about how if I had a shot gun id fire it in my mouth-thankfully I dont so dont worry about that one. then the other extreme, Im scared to go ut, Im scared in case I fall, scared in case I miss a step, scared in case someone follows me home, scared in case a car hits me, in case I get the bus and it crashes, yet when Iam at home and cant bear it-when Iam at work i cant do the doing, and when I am with my children or my closest Iam a complete cow! Perhaps I am changing into a vile b***h and I should just accept thats the way i am . Anyway, sorry if Im being to much for you-its just there no where else to go.It not like a physical illness, its not like Im dying-its mood, and at least I know that it can come and go, rarely goes though anyway, guess id better make use of the piece and quietand my incapable self and go read a book.But if I sleep in tomorrow I will be angry again!
Katy!! You DO have a physical illness, it is caused by stress, depression, anxiety etc. You are vomitting, headaches, stuffiness, irritabilty, itchiness, dizziness, I would say that ALL of those are physical symptoms. You are right when you say you ahve been to the doctor more times than most, BUT you don't tell him REALLY WHY you are there, You are drinking while on anti depressents, you have bruises you don't know where from, you have mentioned several times to me that you think about suicide! And when you are on a anti depressent and your depression worsens or you ahve thougths of suicide you HAVE to tell the doctor, it means that you have TOO much seratonin!
I don't know what else to say Katy I Really don't! You say I shouldn't worry, but how can I not? We have become friends on here, and I am seeing my friend go down hill RAPIDLY and I can't do a thing about it!
My husband and I were resident managers of an apartment complex a long time ago, and there was this really nice guy that moved in down the hall from us! He gradually went over the edge, it was HORRIBLE!!! He would be ranting and raving, and the priest had to eventually come over to get me to open his door, as he wouldn't answer it! My heart stopped, because I thought I would find a man hanging from a rope, he was just sitting there staring at the wall! He was hospitalized for a couple of weeks, and was put on the right medication, and he was a new person.
You are experiencing paranoia, anger, rage, hystericallness, self hatred etc. This is NOT NOTHING!! This is REALLY BAD!!! And I will not accept one more sentence of denial from you Katy! You are intelligent enough to know that when you are sick you go in denial, and you ARE in total denial, to think there is nothing wrong with your frame of mind right now. Wouldn't you like to have the rest of your life ahead of you without feeling like you have been? I GET it all Katy! I was there, and now I am not! BUT I asked and received help, the biggest reason was I thought my husband would go for custody of my kids, IF I didn't get a handle on my life, and basically get ME back!!! You have and are being wounded daily, from your past, this guy and yourself! You need to look out for yourself and get some time out and relax, and REALLY get to the bottom of WHY! In Britain you are lucky that they have GREAT resources for people who are either physically or mentally ILL!!!!! And it is right there if you reach out for it! That's all I can keep saying to you Katy! Because I don't want to come on here one day, and you havent been on in a long time, and I will NEVER know if you have commited suicide or not! Because that is what I think now Katy! There is no use you going to your doctors IF you wont tell him what's going on! IF you print off some of our conversations, and hand it too him I think he will completely understand what is going on with you and get your the appropriate help! Thats all I can say! Also IF you don't feel you can do that, why don't you give me his name and phone number and I will email him the stuff!!
I don't know what else to say Katy I Really don't! You say I shouldn't worry, but how can I not? We have become friends on here, and I am seeing my friend go down hill RAPIDLY and I can't do a thing about it!
My husband and I were resident managers of an apartment complex a long time ago, and there was this really nice guy that moved in down the hall from us! He gradually went over the edge, it was HORRIBLE!!! He would be ranting and raving, and the priest had to eventually come over to get me to open his door, as he wouldn't answer it! My heart stopped, because I thought I would find a man hanging from a rope, he was just sitting there staring at the wall! He was hospitalized for a couple of weeks, and was put on the right medication, and he was a new person.
You are experiencing paranoia, anger, rage, hystericallness, self hatred etc. This is NOT NOTHING!! This is REALLY BAD!!! And I will not accept one more sentence of denial from you Katy! You are intelligent enough to know that when you are sick you go in denial, and you ARE in total denial, to think there is nothing wrong with your frame of mind right now. Wouldn't you like to have the rest of your life ahead of you without feeling like you have been? I GET it all Katy! I was there, and now I am not! BUT I asked and received help, the biggest reason was I thought my husband would go for custody of my kids, IF I didn't get a handle on my life, and basically get ME back!!! You have and are being wounded daily, from your past, this guy and yourself! You need to look out for yourself and get some time out and relax, and REALLY get to the bottom of WHY! In Britain you are lucky that they have GREAT resources for people who are either physically or mentally ILL!!!!! And it is right there if you reach out for it! That's all I can keep saying to you Katy! Because I don't want to come on here one day, and you havent been on in a long time, and I will NEVER know if you have commited suicide or not! Because that is what I think now Katy! There is no use you going to your doctors IF you wont tell him what's going on! IF you print off some of our conversations, and hand it too him I think he will completely understand what is going on with you and get your the appropriate help! Thats all I can say! Also IF you don't feel you can do that, why don't you give me his name and phone number and I will email him the stuff!!
Dawn-i dont think I ended up getting manymore than possibly 20mins sleep and when i wok I pamiced Id slept in. been feeling sick alday -as you do when your this tired-and sore . I couldnt even write ptroperly. My face looks old erinkled and pale and I feel like sh*t to be perfectly frank-than I think I wonder how many others are feeling like this-there must be millions.
i really am confused and bemused and over odd about his behaviour-in fact, it scares me. it scares me that he doesnt even have the respect for himself. actually the more I talk and tin a bout it the worse I feel
I do want to go for help-but dont really know where. i cant see how the doctor can help me anymore-and I really dont htink i will be able to say to him relly, and you have to believe me...that im having these demented thoughts-though they dont seem so warped at the time of thought, in fact more reliebving at the tim e. ( ie ) the thought of death right now seem totally relieving-yet I know when I am on my death bed I will regret that, these thoughts. Dawn I just think its my thinking , my reaction to this situation.i cant seem to change the way I think about it -no matter if I ehre good stories about children and divorces-I guess I blame both my parents for everything - and why shouldnt I-but I cant, Im a grown up with 2 children..Ive stuffed my face with tons of chocolate.it wworked for 5 mins.
Okay, so how can I put it , so that I dont sem totally mad.I dont want to be taken from my children and he wins, can you help with how to address this, cause I cant still cant even believe im in this place. Atleast tonight ill be too tired to shout rant rave or anything. Id better go-got to get kids.take care.
i really am confused and bemused and over odd about his behaviour-in fact, it scares me. it scares me that he doesnt even have the respect for himself. actually the more I talk and tin a bout it the worse I feel
I do want to go for help-but dont really know where. i cant see how the doctor can help me anymore-and I really dont htink i will be able to say to him relly, and you have to believe me...that im having these demented thoughts-though they dont seem so warped at the time of thought, in fact more reliebving at the tim e. ( ie ) the thought of death right now seem totally relieving-yet I know when I am on my death bed I will regret that, these thoughts. Dawn I just think its my thinking , my reaction to this situation.i cant seem to change the way I think about it -no matter if I ehre good stories about children and divorces-I guess I blame both my parents for everything - and why shouldnt I-but I cant, Im a grown up with 2 children..Ive stuffed my face with tons of chocolate.it wworked for 5 mins.
Okay, so how can I put it , so that I dont sem totally mad.I dont want to be taken from my children and he wins, can you help with how to address this, cause I cant still cant even believe im in this place. Atleast tonight ill be too tired to shout rant rave or anything. Id better go-got to get kids.take care.
All you need to do is print off some of our conversations on here Katy, and show them to your doctor, tell him you need Psychiatric Help immediately, and you feel like death is better than what you are going through! I GUARANTEE you Katy if you tell him how you have been and how you feel, then he WILL get you some help. Also phone the help line, and see what they can do for you! You wont be taken away from the girls Katy, you will be coming back to them instead!!!
Hi Dawn-hmm- I managed sleep last night, but wait theres a huge but!
I reduced my baclofen-and then had half a bottle of wine, spoke to my sister then went to bed. Woke this morning shattered! This is the thing, as i got my children to school and even managed to speak t o good friends-I feel a bit better. My leg is throbbing -can bruises actually damage your legs-would you know?
Ive now convinced me that it is the baclofen thats making me psychotic, so feel little need to be seen by anyone.(Actually, the truth be told, Im too scared-and I really dont think im that bad), ie) Im not screaming and raging -im okay.
Also considering ive had so much help allready, Id be a completet freak to be needing more, and how greedy would that seem? Ive had weeks of being listened to by a cpn, then follwed by another psychiatric nurse, and they all seem to say the same thing-theres noting wrong with me. Everytime come home and someone asks how did you get on-id say oh apparently im normal. Even my mum has gone o.O XD thats good then! Also, I think if I was as bad as I had been prior to getting help i wouldnt speak to anyone, I had locked them out, avoided veeryone, went for extremly long tearful walks. Now I can speak to people. Im sure Im gettingb etter, Im sure its beeen a reaction to that pill.Im sure it is. God if it is I hope I never get MS.
Okay, I saud id have a tidy/study day-so I better get on.
I hope Im right here-If I happen to stand and stare at a sharp implement for along period of time (again!)Ill ring that helpline-I dont think Id ever actually do anything-but its why I have to saty of the drink, and also if I did who would end up worse, me or him-Id be lcky to survie..Oh and then theres this thought that I had last night, if things get really bad Ill just save up that crappie pill so as to go into a coma-but now Im thinking how insane is that? i dont know I walk on the edge of things all the time, probably why i am always dizzy , Ive that song (that upbeat god awful one) "Im so dizzie my head is spinnin.." around my head all day-i think cause im in a better mood. dawn, okay, Im all over the place, i just want to se the positives..i was thinking how long its been since ive studide , my god more than a decade-and I still cant writeso if i eff up-feel no presure-just laugh about it!
okay-Ive got to go.Should I be going for help or not? I realy dont know.Im sure Im not that bad-Im sure if I sleep agian tonight things will seem better.
I reduced my baclofen-and then had half a bottle of wine, spoke to my sister then went to bed. Woke this morning shattered! This is the thing, as i got my children to school and even managed to speak t o good friends-I feel a bit better. My leg is throbbing -can bruises actually damage your legs-would you know?
Ive now convinced me that it is the baclofen thats making me psychotic, so feel little need to be seen by anyone.(Actually, the truth be told, Im too scared-and I really dont think im that bad), ie) Im not screaming and raging -im okay.
Also considering ive had so much help allready, Id be a completet freak to be needing more, and how greedy would that seem? Ive had weeks of being listened to by a cpn, then follwed by another psychiatric nurse, and they all seem to say the same thing-theres noting wrong with me. Everytime come home and someone asks how did you get on-id say oh apparently im normal. Even my mum has gone o.O XD thats good then! Also, I think if I was as bad as I had been prior to getting help i wouldnt speak to anyone, I had locked them out, avoided veeryone, went for extremly long tearful walks. Now I can speak to people. Im sure Im gettingb etter, Im sure its beeen a reaction to that pill.Im sure it is. God if it is I hope I never get MS.
Okay, I saud id have a tidy/study day-so I better get on.
I hope Im right here-If I happen to stand and stare at a sharp implement for along period of time (again!)Ill ring that helpline-I dont think Id ever actually do anything-but its why I have to saty of the drink, and also if I did who would end up worse, me or him-Id be lcky to survie..Oh and then theres this thought that I had last night, if things get really bad Ill just save up that crappie pill so as to go into a coma-but now Im thinking how insane is that? i dont know I walk on the edge of things all the time, probably why i am always dizzy , Ive that song (that upbeat god awful one) "Im so dizzie my head is spinnin.." around my head all day-i think cause im in a better mood. dawn, okay, Im all over the place, i just want to se the positives..i was thinking how long its been since ive studide , my god more than a decade-and I still cant writeso if i eff up-feel no presure-just laugh about it!
okay-Ive got to go.Should I be going for help or not? I realy dont know.Im sure Im not that bad-Im sure if I sleep agian tonight things will seem better.