I read a bunch of the comments here and I feel the same way. I already graduated from college, am settled into a career for, been married to my husband for 2 years, and our income is very high compared to our parents, siblings, and friends. We've been sharing finances and debt for over 5 years and are financially stable and cutting our debt down in a fast and steady pace. We also have a little piggy bank that we put money in and say is for our future children. My mother was in her early 20's when she had her first kid, and his mother was around 30. I am 24 and ready to have a baby now. I wish there was a way for him to understand this feeling of wanting a baby so bad, when he doesn't want it yet. It is pretty stressful. I tried to compromise and have children between the ages of 25 and 26, but the way he reacts to it, seems like we'll be waiting until he wants it... is there anything I can do to not feel so helpless? Most of my friends, my cousin my age, and my sisters either have babies, or are pregnant. I also do not want to be too old and tired to enjoy my children in the future. Is there any way to show someone how much having a baby means to you, without making them feel stuck or forced?
I felt really silly googling "I want to have a baby and my husband 'isn't ready'" but, I am so glad I did! Like most of you, I feel completely overwhelmed, frustrated, heartbroken, and hopeless when it comes to the topic of having a baby. My husband and I have been together 5 years and married 2. We are both 28 and secure in our jobs. He has always said he wanted kids but I'm not sure now. We are the only couple out of all our friends/family/tri-state area that are not currently trying to get pregnant, or already have children. I keep bringing the topic up and it is always a lame excuse and inevitably a huge argument as to why he's not ready....(not enough time, not enough money, wants our relationship to be better, and the oh so detailed excuse, "I'M JUST NOT READY, OK!!!") I feel like our relationship keeps getting weaker because I resent him for not wanting a child now. Its ALL I think about, I feel like an obsessed crazy woman. I notice EVERY pregnant woman/baby/small child anywhere I am!!! I even saw my doctor for a pre-conception visit a YEAR ago in order to get all my ducks in a row and be informed for whenever he decides to say yes. My doctor told me it was normal for women to obsess over babies and pregnancies and that men will never be ready. What I don't understand is why is everyone else's husband chomping at the bit to have a baby with their wife? I just found out today that a girl I work with, barely 24, and only married a month, is pregnant, and they have been TRYING for the past three months. It devastated me and threw me right back into this vicious emotional cycle! It's not that I feel getting pregnant is a competition but when EVERYONE around you is pregnant or a parent its hard to hear their happy announcements....it just opens the wound deeper!!!
I have thought about going to talk to a counselor myself because my husband refuses to. Is this a good idea??? I feel like nothing is going to get better until he finally agrees. I don't want to wake up 10 years from now and find out he doesn't want kids at all! I HAVE to have children! Any suggestions or words of encouragement?????
I have thought about going to talk to a counselor myself because my husband refuses to. Is this a good idea??? I feel like nothing is going to get better until he finally agrees. I don't want to wake up 10 years from now and find out he doesn't want kids at all! I HAVE to have children! Any suggestions or words of encouragement?????
look, if your husband wants to wait until you have a baby, you cant force him to. dont you love him? you should try to understand how he feels. but untill you guys can have one, try to save up money. you know, just try to scramble up a little each week. eventually you will be able to afford a baby. but just be patient.
I know exactly how you feel. It's a difficult situation if I must say. I am going through the same. Talk to your husband about the way you feel. Even if you are beggining to resent him, still tell him exactly how you feel. If money is the problem, find a way of earning more. Try to improve on every factor that he complains about concerning having a baby now. I feel he is acting this way because he's not the one that will bear the body changes and everything else that comes with child bearing and raising. But whatever you do, don't trick him into having one. Make sure it is a mutual and happy agreement between the two of you, if not, you both may regret it. Cry if you have to. Show him how much this means to you. If he sees how hard you are working towards it, I'm sure he'll come round. You could even try babysitting and bringing kids around both of you. Hope this helps. Take it easy.
I am so glad for the internet, and for pages like this! I've been with my partner for a few years now and just recently engaged. I made it clear at the beginning of the relationship that i would like to start trying for a baby, well, as soon as possible really (im 28, he's 30). I've had a few problems down below and have been told I'll have trouble conceiving. I had the contraceptive implant and had it removed in april, my partner was aware that i wanted to start trying for a baby pretty much straight away. Having the implant removed was a joint decision, as well as it being the end of it's 3 year life. Although we didn't start trying immediately, we haven't exactly been 'safe' every time. He's in the army, but we have our own house, financially we're fine cos we've both had good jobs. Unfortunately i was recently made redundant and decided to go for a career change which means for the next three years i'll be studying, which i do from home, his generous wage allows me to do this. I've suggested several times that its worth trying now, but it seems it's one thing after the other as to why we can't. When i had my implant removed he was coming to the end of his army contract, with the option to re-sign for a couple of years. I did leave that decision to him, mainly because he's not enjoying it as much, but obviously financially it's a good job. I also made it clear again that i wanted to start trying asap. He chose to sign up for another 2 years. He has now recently been told that there's a good chance he'll be going to Afghan next year for a 6 month tour. I've asked again if we can start trying, but because he may be going away again he doesn't want to because he wants to be there every step of the way, which i do appreciate. I, like a previous poster had written, am obviously worried that he won't come home like many others haven't. I can't tell him that this is a concern because its not fair to put that stress on to him. We're at the point now where we argue about it all the time, i only see him at weekends, and these are now spent arguing. I've got another hospital appointment soon for more surgery on my nether regions which will only make conceiving that much harder. If i fall pregnant before the surgery i won't have to have it, and maybe still won't after having a baby. He doesn't seem to understand this and still wants to wait. I feel like I'm being selfish by being willing to take a risk that i would give birth whilst he's away, but at the same time he's known from the start my desire for kids. I'm at a loss as to what to do and how to make it clear to him how desperate I am, and how scared i am of losing him and the chance to have a family with him! I, like many of the other ladies on this site hope that it happens by accident..
If anyone has a solution to mine, and the other women on this site. please, please help us!
If anyone has a solution to mine, and the other women on this site. please, please help us!
I am so happy to find out i'm not alone! I've been married to my husband for almost a year now but we've been together for 5 years. He knows I want a baby right now but he's "not ready". I've tried talking to him about it but he always makes me feel like i'm wrong when I ask him about it. He keeps saying we need more money but I believe that you can never have enough money for a baby. It hurts me to see all my friends getting pregnant and having babies while i'm not. It hurts even worse when people ask me when it will be my turn and I have to tell them I don't know! I wish he would just get over his fear and let us expand our family. I hate this feeling of resentment I have against him and the thoughts of leaving him for someone who WILL give me a child.
Hi I am a 28 year old wife who has been married only for a month but I have been dating my husband for 11 years now. I want to start trying for a baby now, he doesnt. My hormones have been going haywire because of this and I have tried to reason with him, every time I bring it up he changes the subject. I have only been really wanting a baby for 6 months before that it was only my hormones driving it but now i really have the desire to have a baby. We have just bought a house and are well of for money. he wants to travel to the UK and now he also wants to go on a cruise with his parents in 2012 thats when we can start trying he says. i dont want to wait that long, we can still go to the UK and a cruise, his parents can look after the baby when we go to the UK for a few weeks and the baby is free on a cruise. he also asked me yesterday what i would rather, a cruise and a trip to the UK or a baby. without missing a beat i responded that i wanted a baby. all i want to do right now is stop using any birth control but he doesnt listen he is driving me insane i love him but its making me misserable.
I have been decided that i will make him listen to me even if it kills him, i want him to go think about it more and talk to some of our friends and his parents about things. we also dont need to buy anything for a baby as we are getting it all from his sister.
i hope everyone else can get what they also want out of these topics. I have just started up a new blog about me trying for a baby including my attempts to talk hubby into it. please feel free to read and make comments on my page
http://maybebabyrae.blogspot.com/
I have been decided that i will make him listen to me even if it kills him, i want him to go think about it more and talk to some of our friends and his parents about things. we also dont need to buy anything for a baby as we are getting it all from his sister.
i hope everyone else can get what they also want out of these topics. I have just started up a new blog about me trying for a baby including my attempts to talk hubby into it. please feel free to read and make comments on my page
http://maybebabyrae.blogspot.com/
I am glad to come across this site because I felt almost guilty feeling maternal. I am 23 going on 24 and my husband is the same age, we have been together for 10 years (we met very young), we got married this year. I am ready to have a baby, however my husband has money concerns. I realise we arent in the greatest position but we are not in an impossible situation either!
I am getting increasingly worse in attitude towards him :-( and I cant seem to get this baby fever to shift at all. It's like a little switch went off in my head and was suddenly like : You have to have a baby right now. I took the morning after pill a few days ago since I felt selfish wanting a child and my husband was adamant he didnt want the accident resulting in a baby. I cried so much... I feel so confused! I feel selfish at the same time as thinking hes being unreasonable. Im tired of thinking out logical reason to make sense of this. I feel so bad taking that pill...
I dont want a baby to fill a hole in my life, I want it simply for the reason of feeling like a 'complete family'. I seethe inside sometimes that it makes me embarressed when I hear of friends falling pregnant by accident. This is completely not me! Its weird since I was sure I didnt want a baby until I was 30.
Dont get me wrong my husband wants a baby too ... just not yet and im not sure he'll ever be sure when he's ready... hes a VERY indecisive person. It makes it worse when he highlights the fact if I were to 'accidently' fall pregnant there would be no issues - he would be very grateful. I realise everyone is on ' oh well its hard work and you have to give up so much' but I would not mind at all ! I am ready to be kept busy ! :-)
I agree that a baby fund is a good idea. At least this will make give him a sense of 'safety'.
I am getting increasingly worse in attitude towards him :-( and I cant seem to get this baby fever to shift at all. It's like a little switch went off in my head and was suddenly like : You have to have a baby right now. I took the morning after pill a few days ago since I felt selfish wanting a child and my husband was adamant he didnt want the accident resulting in a baby. I cried so much... I feel so confused! I feel selfish at the same time as thinking hes being unreasonable. Im tired of thinking out logical reason to make sense of this. I feel so bad taking that pill...
I dont want a baby to fill a hole in my life, I want it simply for the reason of feeling like a 'complete family'. I seethe inside sometimes that it makes me embarressed when I hear of friends falling pregnant by accident. This is completely not me! Its weird since I was sure I didnt want a baby until I was 30.
Dont get me wrong my husband wants a baby too ... just not yet and im not sure he'll ever be sure when he's ready... hes a VERY indecisive person. It makes it worse when he highlights the fact if I were to 'accidently' fall pregnant there would be no issues - he would be very grateful. I realise everyone is on ' oh well its hard work and you have to give up so much' but I would not mind at all ! I am ready to be kept busy ! :-)
I agree that a baby fund is a good idea. At least this will make give him a sense of 'safety'.
I'm in the predicament that my partner is 25yrs old (male..) I am a 31 yr old female who has has 2 spine surgeries and now has an implant in my lower spine.
We've been together for 3 years, and I said to him I'd like to come off the pill at 32 years old and leave it in the hands of the universe!
I've had the "I don't think I'll be ready to have a baby in 18 months time, but I want to be with you forever" c**p c**p bull!! I'm so mad - I feel like I'm the one doing all the compromising - even after my injuries - and he just doesn't get it.
Why are men selectively intelligent? What do I do?
So unfair :-(
We've been together for 3 years, and I said to him I'd like to come off the pill at 32 years old and leave it in the hands of the universe!
I've had the "I don't think I'll be ready to have a baby in 18 months time, but I want to be with you forever" c**p c**p bull!! I'm so mad - I feel like I'm the one doing all the compromising - even after my injuries - and he just doesn't get it.
Why are men selectively intelligent? What do I do?
So unfair :-(
Wow ladies.....I have taken away something from every single one of these comments. Thank you all for sharing your feelings. If you're like me, these aren't things that you can really share with anyone else in your life. It's so relieving to know that there are others with the same types of struggles that I face.
I know most of these posts are older, so I sure hope by now that some of you have been able to convince your men to become daddies. I am 24, my husband is 29 and we have been married almost 3 years, together for 5. We have a house, we're using the Dave Ramsey financial plan to clear up our debt, and both of us have good, steady jobs. Hubby and I thoroughly enjoyed the first 2.5 years of our marriage- we love to party, so we did plenty of that. :-) In the last 6 months, however, I have started to feel some pulls toward motherhood. We have a very open relationship, so I've talked to hubby each time these desires have surfaced, and considering he will be 30 in August, he is starting to think a bit more about it as well. In the last two months though, it seems like he did a total 180 in regards to having a baby. I have gotten to the point that I'm almost afraid to bring up the topic because he's got a million reasons why we shouldn't have a child (which seems to be pretty consistent with most of your men as well), and he gets short about it. Fortunately, I'm a pretty influential person (I probably should have been a lawyer...lol), so this last weekend, I convinced him to let me get off my BC and just "see what happens". He is a pilot and gone 3-4 days a week so we can't actively try, so I figure this will buy us a little more time to keep him happy. He's seemed to be ok with it so far, but because I had to convince him to let me get off my BC, it sure makes the experience a lot less exciting. I always imagined my husband saying, "Let's have a baby!" but instead mine likes to do what he can to avoid the topic.
We were very clear when we dated that we both wanted children, but I guess it will just always seem like one of those things that they want to do "someday", without realizing that someday sneaks up on you.
I truly believe that the biggest issue for men is the pressure to provide for their families. After reading through the previous posts, it seems that there is definitely a common denominator: they are afraid they will fail because they are either in school or don't have what they deem "enough money".
I could go on forever on the topic, but I just want you all to know that you're definitely not alone. I always dreamed that getting pregnant and starting a family would be a pleasureable and stress-free event, but it seems to be quite the opposite. Such is life.
"A woman becomes a mother once a child is conceived; a man becomes a father when the child is born".
I know most of these posts are older, so I sure hope by now that some of you have been able to convince your men to become daddies. I am 24, my husband is 29 and we have been married almost 3 years, together for 5. We have a house, we're using the Dave Ramsey financial plan to clear up our debt, and both of us have good, steady jobs. Hubby and I thoroughly enjoyed the first 2.5 years of our marriage- we love to party, so we did plenty of that. :-) In the last 6 months, however, I have started to feel some pulls toward motherhood. We have a very open relationship, so I've talked to hubby each time these desires have surfaced, and considering he will be 30 in August, he is starting to think a bit more about it as well. In the last two months though, it seems like he did a total 180 in regards to having a baby. I have gotten to the point that I'm almost afraid to bring up the topic because he's got a million reasons why we shouldn't have a child (which seems to be pretty consistent with most of your men as well), and he gets short about it. Fortunately, I'm a pretty influential person (I probably should have been a lawyer...lol), so this last weekend, I convinced him to let me get off my BC and just "see what happens". He is a pilot and gone 3-4 days a week so we can't actively try, so I figure this will buy us a little more time to keep him happy. He's seemed to be ok with it so far, but because I had to convince him to let me get off my BC, it sure makes the experience a lot less exciting. I always imagined my husband saying, "Let's have a baby!" but instead mine likes to do what he can to avoid the topic.
We were very clear when we dated that we both wanted children, but I guess it will just always seem like one of those things that they want to do "someday", without realizing that someday sneaks up on you.
I truly believe that the biggest issue for men is the pressure to provide for their families. After reading through the previous posts, it seems that there is definitely a common denominator: they are afraid they will fail because they are either in school or don't have what they deem "enough money".
I could go on forever on the topic, but I just want you all to know that you're definitely not alone. I always dreamed that getting pregnant and starting a family would be a pleasureable and stress-free event, but it seems to be quite the opposite. Such is life.
"A woman becomes a mother once a child is conceived; a man becomes a father when the child is born".
I know that this has been said before, but I am SO very thankful I came across this site. I have been married to my wonderful husband for 1 1/2 years, we have been together for four years, and best friends for six years. My husband is currently in graduate school and wants to continue on post-graduate to get his terminal degree. I am currently taking online classes and have applied for graduate school for next fall. We are both 26. I have had a baby itch since I was a teenager because I absolutely LOVE kids, always have and always will. My husband and I discuss having kids ALL THE TIME! He tells me all of the time how he thinks I will be a fabulous mom and how we will have adorable kids; but he wants to wait. He talks to friends who are pursuing their terminal degrees in the same area he wishes to pursue, and takes THEIR advice as to when we should have kids. I am so frustrated by this because that is THEIR life, not ours. My husband is not very good about looking into the future and seeing how wonderful things would be. He did not want our dog (which I adopted while he was out of town) but now he absolutely LOVES him and tells me how I was so right about getting him. Every day I have more and more friends that are pregnant, and most are not even married! I pray all of the time that God will give me sign or peace or patience or anything to help me feel more settled and calm with not having a child yet.
Ladies, I just want you all to know you are not alone! I have faith that God has a plan for everyone and when they are supposed to have their families. It is so difficult not to compare our lives and desires with what our friends and families have, but I think with some heavy duty faith and hope, God will give us what we most want....the precious gift of a child. The hardest part is wondering when will that wonderful day come? When will I get to tell my mom she is going to be a grandma? When is my turn to be a mommy?
Hang in there! I will be praying for all of you...... ;-)
Ladies, I just want you all to know you are not alone! I have faith that God has a plan for everyone and when they are supposed to have their families. It is so difficult not to compare our lives and desires with what our friends and families have, but I think with some heavy duty faith and hope, God will give us what we most want....the precious gift of a child. The hardest part is wondering when will that wonderful day come? When will I get to tell my mom she is going to be a grandma? When is my turn to be a mommy?
Hang in there! I will be praying for all of you...... ;-)
Well I am not as old as everyone else but I am married and my husband is in the air force and I have such a need to have a baby and he wants to wait. It kills me to think that he doesn't want one right now when i can barely keep myself from freaking out. His little sister just got pregnant and she isn't even in a relationship. it doesn't seem fair for her to have a baby when I am happily married and I cant have one. Am I being selfish??
Well I am not as old as everyone else but I am married and my husband is in the air force and I have such a need to have a baby and he wants to wait. It kills me to think that he doesn't want one right now when i can barely keep myself from freaking out. His little sister just got pregnant and she isn't even in a relationship. it doesn't seem fair for her to have a baby when I am happily married and I cant have one. Am I being selfish??
Well I am not as old as everyone else but I am married and my husband is in the air force and I have such a need to have a baby and he wants to wait. It kills me to think that he doesn't want one right now when i can barely keep myself from freaking out. His little sister just got pregnant and she isn't even in a relationship. it doesn't seem fair for her to have a baby when I am happily married and I cant have one. Am I being selfish??
Well I am not as old as everyone else but I am married and my husband is in the air force and I have such a need to have a baby and he wants to wait. It kills me to think that he doesn't want one right now when i can barely keep myself from freaking out. His little sister just got pregnant and she isn't even in a relationship. it doesn't seem fair for her to have a baby when I am happily married and I cant have one. Am I being selfish??