I want a baby, but my husband "isnt ready"

I wrote a few weeks back when I was feeling so horrible and down in the dumps. I am now seeing a therapist about this baby fever that I have. I think it is actually helping. I was not sure if this was the right path for me to take but I thought at this point I better do something because I was so emotional about the baby topic. The therapist reassured me that I am not alone and that many woman feel this way. I knew from everyone on here that I was not the only one but it was nice to hear someone tell me that. I am just taking things day by day. I haven't really mentioned the baby thing to my husband in over a week and I think that has helped me out a bit because I am not hearing him say "I'm not ready" and me being crushed all over again. This last past weekend I had my nephews who are 4 and 2 and my husband and I enjoyed every moment with them! When they left I could tell he missed them and wanted them to come back but I do not get to see them too often. I am hoping that in the next few months that my husband will bring up the baby situation and we will be able to move forward with our lives together.

I am so happy I found this forum. I have literally read just about every post on here. I am going through "baby fever". I have been with my husband for 7 years, married for 2. I am 23, he is 25, (still young I know). I have always dreamed of being a mother and felt like I was put on this earth to be a mother. We have both graduated college and both have really good state jobs. For the last 6 months or so, I have started having the desire for a baby. When I talked to him about this at first, I told him I wanted to start trying this upcoming summer. He really didn't oppose and said he was excited. Well, now that has all gone down the drain now that the time is getting near. Now he has decided he wants to find a new job and he says this is his reason why. We already built a house and have safe vehicles for a child. We live very comfortably and keep adding money to our savings. I have been so excited for this summer to get here but he sat me down a month ago and said we will "definitely not be trying for a baby this summer". He said he is not sure when. He wants to try to get a new job this summer and wants to work at it for "awhile". I am not even sure what he means by this.

Well, I thought I could handle this but I am finding it harder and harder to deal with it. I feel very very resentful of him. He goes on little vacations with his guy friends and has his own hobbies, and I am starting to get so irritated about this. I keep on him about applying for jobs and he just gets mad at me.

People around me are getting pregnant and I am happy for them, but secretely jealous. This is all I can think about now and I really do not want this to ruin our marriage. And to top it off, my parents are really old, in their late 70s. I would feel so resentful if we wait and they do not get to see their grandchildren.

I need some advice! Thank you all! 8-|

I still feel pretty alone. My husband is 23 and I'm 24. He wants to wait 5yrs just because.... he says he still wants to play and be a kid. He wants to buy stuff for him right now. Like 4 wheeler and a jeep and a new truck etc etc... I have giving up soo much for him. I just don't feels he has compromised at all. Example... I always wanted the big wedding with fam and close friends with a great dress and an awesome reception after. But... he doesn't like crowds or being up infront of people so we got married at the city hall. We had no reception and no wedding dress for me. No honeymoon either. He agreed on our anniversary to rent a tic and go get pix done and id still be able to get my dress. Nope... changed his mind. Itd be ok but we own a home with 3 rooms so it feels so empty now. Originally we agreed to start tryin for kids at the age we r now. And I asked him and he said 5 more yrs. Ugh. I feel like he isn't gettin the big picture. I want kids early so I'm fairly young when they r teenagers. Also they say once u get over 30 birth defects are more likely and its harder to get prego. I duno What to do?

I really have to say that I'm glad I stumbled upon this site. My husband and I have been married two years now and I have some serious baby fever. I am the oldest of seven and I'm a personal nanny. So being around children is my life. I am so ready for a baby. MH on the other hand is not. He is so worried about money and how it would work and how he wants to finish his school. I am 100% behind him with everything. But when he goes on to talk about the money, I can't help but to think of every other person out there who has children that are far worse than we are.

I can't tell you how many times I've thought of just having an 'oops' condom broke moment. But I could never do that to him because I so want him to be ready and I want the trust to be there. I ask quite often and I know it puts his mood off so I try to stop asking. He knows when it's on my mind because my mood changes as well. I just don't understand how he can stand to see me so upset and it doesn't change his mind.

Although I'm really glad that I'm not alone in this because I was starting to think that I was the only one who thought like this. All I ever wanted with my life was to be married and have children. I feel so incomplete with out them in my life. I know that he can not understand this because he doesn't have the same feelings as we do.

I've tried backing off and waiting it out, but my emotions always get the best of me and ends up leading to an argument or us just going into different rooms to try and calm down. I know that we can't force them into having a baby with out them holding a grudge against us, but does he not think how it kills me each time he says no?

Here's what I've done to try to help myself. I stay away from baby sections in stores because it just brings more emotion into my life. I know that I probably should go see someone to talk about this because it is a number one reason why we fight so perhaps you should try to do that. I got an animal that needed me from a shelter. My cat was so ill when I brought him home, that I didn't have time to think about anything else. He became my baby for a while and it eased my mind for a few months.

Any other suggestions?

Jenna

@forgetmenots1187: Your situation sounds very similar to mine. I feel incomplete without a baby in our life. We adopted a dog last October and this took the urge away for about 4 months but now I am completely ready for a child. I watch TLC's baby story and I have decided to stop watching these. These only make it worst. I will try and stay away from the baby section in stores now..that is a great idea. and I do not want to force him because it hurts me because I feel like he should want a baby. We are very stable and I think he is running out of excuses. All of my friends keep telling me to have oops BC pill but I do not want to do that. I want to bring a child into the world that is sincerely wanted by both of us. My BC pills run out this October and I told my husband that I am not getting the refilled. He seemed okay about this but we will see. Good luck to you! Please let us know if you have any more advice on the situation.


@jcdyd4u : I think that my husband has the same mindset as yours. He wants to be young and buy his toys and such. The only thing is that if my husband wanted something as bad as I want a baby, I would easily give into him and actually be happy about it. I have actually made up my mind that I am not waiting over 1.5 years. I refuse to wait that much longer. My parents are in their 70's and I am in my early 20's. I want to be a young mother. I really sympathize with you and I know exactly what you are going through. I just try to forget about having a baby and not saying anything to my husband about it but of course about a week later, I can't help but bring it up. I know talking about irritates him but the fact he is saying no irritates me so I feel I am justified.

Some updates. I have written on here before stating that my husband wants to wait and that I have baby fever to the max. Well, I have been backing off the whole waiting a baby conversation with by husband becuase everytime I would end up crying becuase he would say things like "I am not ready" and "Let's wait". Well, a week ago I went to a preconception evaluation and everything looked good after all results came back. I told my husband about this doctors appt and the results and now out of the blue he is saying that we can start trying here in June and July. AHHH This makes me so happy becuase this is what I have been waiting for. I just want to let some of you women know that a slight nudge might get him to change his mind. It took alot of No's to get to this point but now he has come this far. I know that it might not work for every guy but it worked for mine. Please stay positive bc I know it gets discouraging.

hi all i posted on here a few months bk and since then some things have happened one of my younger sisters got married and the youngest just got engaged as well and that left little old me i was happy for my sisters but sad for me as i thought id done something wrong by my partner and and he didnt wanna marry me or have babies i felt like i had a big pause button on my life and it was heading no were
WELLL!!! im telling u girls that there is hope after all my partner and i had a talk and he said he had been doing alot of thinking and he decided that he does want kids and that the most important thing to him was me and we will get married and that he wants me to go off birth control so i have and things are looking up for us now im very happy and i hope that next time i post on here i will have bigger news for u all dont give up ladies it will happen xxx XD :-D :-D XD

Hey

I am only 20 and i cant help but want a baby now. Ive been through two abortions with this man and now i cant get children off my mind. In the last 8 months i must have taken 15 pregnancy tests. Im an a junior in college and he is currently working. He says we should wait for the right time, money, and marriage but i dont think I can wait two years. Its getting to the point wheree i cant enjoy sex, dream of children, sometime I even hate him for not wantting one now. I know we dont have much but i know we could make it. Someone please help.

This has been SOO helpful to me. I finally know im not crazy.

I posted awhile back but here is what i've done. See about a month ago I told him I wanted off birth control so now that was gonna be up to him. He was ok with it. Then a few days later we had friends come over who are our age with children. They were HIS friends and they tried to convince him its better to start young. Also the fact that 1 couple tried for 4 YEARS to have kids kind of helped me out. I told him if it takes the average couple 1 yr to get pregnant then another 9 months before child birth and that is if everything goes well then we'd be older than he thinks when having kids. He thought as soon as we stopped using birth control methods that i'd get pregnant right away. I dont think all men understand how the process works. So once I explained this to my husband and told him yes I could possibly get pregnant sooner but chances are it is still going to take some time.... I explained the ovulation process to him. Now that he knows it could possibly take longer than a day to get pregnant it is helping me out. So for those of u whos husband says wait a yr-2 yrs... explain this to them explain that u really only have 12 chances in a yr to get pregnant and that odds are it wont happen right away. Hope this helps out!

I was so relieved to find these posts, I've started to feel more and more isolated until now. I KNOW that my story isn't nearly as bad as it could be, but that isn't a good enough reason for these feelings to disapear. I feel all of the above emotions! Suprisingly though, I'm only 21 and I have a two year old. I believe that many people don't find my feelings and urges to be a mother again justified; with the fact that I want another baby so bad even though I have one already that I love very much doesn't make sense to some. I've been with the man of my dreams for 7 years, married and we got used to the idea of having an only child. I never thought that I would be the one caught wanting to have a second child-- with my husband disagreeing... somewhat. I guess I'm here to voice how irratating it is to hear that your man 'wants one' but 'isn't ready yet.' I can't just ask, "Do you want to have another baby?" Because it's NEVER a straight answer, he want's one just not now. It's like all the men start to act the same, I don't have to explain any more because I can see that all you wonderful ladies know exactly what reactions I'm talking about. Somehow, no matter what my head tells me, good or bad, my heart still has the same answer: Yes, I'm ready. Why doesn't he have this? Suddenly everything reminds me of having a baby, and this time I'm ready to make the experiance my own- I want a home birth! It's crazy how I can already plan for a child when my husband can be like a blank wall. I know he doesn't feel ready, I guess I can't help him feel ready? Honestly, to me, it seems like he needs help to be ready! LOL is that immature or what!? But I tryyy to be patient but no matter what I do this newfound love doesn't go away. And it hurts when he tells me he doesn't want another one yet, I can't help but take it personally like a big fat "DENIED" sticker that he slaps on my forehead. I say there is no "right time" to have a baby! I start to wonder if it's because I'm not a good mom, or he doesn't believe that we can do it. Maybe he's afraid that our relationship will forever be ruined if we make the family bigger. These are guesses because I don't think he can tell me why he doesn't feel ready, and I'm afraid that if I keep trying to even talk to him about it we will start argueing about something that is sappose to be beautiful and happy... I know haveing a kid isn't always happy happy joy joy, but still. I know having a kid is a big thing, we all know this, but what else can I say? It's a calling so strong that it alone changes your life, it choses us... wheather we have kids or not yet.

I came here looking for an answer on what I should do, I'm starting to think there isn't one. But atleast I know I'm not alone and that I'm not crazy. Hopefully I'm not crazy... ...lol

To the person above: I know exactly how you feel. I posted some posts a few months ago. My husband is now using the excuse that he "isn't ready". We have been married for 2 years, been together for 8 years, both have college education, built our own house, brand new SUV,  we both have State jobs and so on. He says that he isn't ready for a big commitment like that. He said that he wants to keep going on trips, going fishing, doing man stuff, and he knows that a baby will change all of this. He is 26 and is just not ready to grow up. I have that same feeling about wanting a baby. It has consumed every bit of my life. I am planning for a future baby, I have been researching hospitals, drs, supplies, etc., and my husband only jokes about how we will not have a baby for 40 more years. He is so good with babies and he says how bad he wants to be a dad. It's not fair for the women to have to beg and convince their man to start a family or add to the family. I don't have any advice for you really. The only thing that has been helping me is to stop watching reruns of baby story and other baby shows on tv, stop going to the baby aisles at the stores, and I stopped asking my husband about it. Each time I ask him and he says no, I would get upset and we would be mad at each other for the next day or so. I know you cannot do this because you are already have a child and know how great it is to be a mom. My husband told me that he will let me know when he is ready to start trying. Well, I let him know something too. My birth control pills run out in September and I told him that I am NOT going to get another prescription. I told him that after this, he will either have to buy condoms or just not have sex. I told him my body needs a break and I am not going to keep preventing something that I want so badly. He surprisingly understood this and agreed with me. He said he may be ready by then but I am not going to get my hopes up. I am so happy to know there are other women out there going through this. This is the worst. I am sure that I will look back some day after I have children and laugh about how much this consumed me but oh well. Good luck to all of you! I will make sure I keep you all updated and hope you all do the same.

It has been so long since since the last reply, I wonder what happened to all of you. I have the same problem right now. I am 23 years old married for 1 year and I know my husband for 7 years. Last year before we got married I found out I was pregnant, and we just bought a house that needed lots of work and to save money we were going to do remodel it ourselves. My fiance (then) was very upset and did not want to have a baby, it just wasn't the right time as he said, I wasn't working and we were just getting into this huge project. I was very happy and concerned at the same time. we decided it wasn't the right time and I had an abortion. For a while I cried almost every night, and I still do, I feel like this was the biggest mistake of my life and I wish I had someone back then that would say no, don't do it! I really want to have a baby, now we are married and the house is finally finished, but he still says it's not the right time, we're not ready. My heart hurts so much, I think of that baby everyday, I just feel like I need this baby becasue I feel very lonely, I can't cry in front of my husband because he gets mad, that I think about it, but I will never forget that.... I am sorry for spilling all of this out but I don't ave anyone to tell the truth and to talk about it and my husband doesn't want to talk about it at all.... 

I was just wondering about an update on these women on this post. Its been a few years, and I'm eager to hear how/if you've resolved the problem. I got married last August 8 months ago- and I've got the fever. I agree with the first post- Its what I feel would make everything complete. My husband's main objection is money as well. However, sometimes he will say things like "we can try this august" and it gets my hopes up. But then he'll never bring it up again or admit to it. He says the one day excuse too.

We bought a house and recently paid off all debt BUT the house payment and my car (his car is paid for and we paid off my student loans) He says that when the car is paid off we can start trying- but I can't help but think... what will his excuse be then???

you could talk to him about having unprotected sex. Tell him you dont have to try, but if you get pregnant than its ment to be.

i have a 1 yr old son, its the most amazing feeling in the world. i didnt have a job when i found out i was pregnant, lets just say.

a child changes everything. its thee most amazing thing in the world. Good luck. ~*pray*~