I want a baby, but my husband "isnt ready"

We did have unprotected sex once. But it didnt work... I just got my period. I cried when it came becasue I was disappointed. He agreed to do that once- and I'm not allowed to bring it up again. Im off BC and he knows I'm ready. Now it's just a matter of when he's ready. It's just not fair that it's up to him. And now everytime we have sex he pushes me off so he doesn't go in me. It makes me feel used and obviously disppointed.

I am beginning to think I will just have to wait until he is ready. We're financially more stable than most couples our age. We have a house- most everything paid off- etc. I think he just needs time. He says he wants to be a dad and is great with kids- its just not "time".  I guess thats what I will give him. It's just so difficult to surpress the feelings of wanting a baby when being a mother is what you feel you're meant to do.

Hi, I'm glad I found these posts because it's nice to know that I'm not the only one struggling with the desire to have a baby.  I'm 24 years old and my husband is 28. I'm in graduate school to get my doctorate and he has a good job.  We don't have credit card debt and we just got a house... Everything seems to be ready for a baby...except for him...He says that there we shouldn't have a baby until I'm finished with school...which will be be in about 5 years...I really don't want to wait until I'm 30 until I have my first child.  I feel like having children and having a family would be the most exciting part of my life...and right now, it seems like it is the most painful.  I don't want to have children with a man who isn't ready, but it is difficult to sit by and wait and wait and hope that he will be ready someday.  He used to always say in 2 years, in 2 years...well 6 years later...I'm still waiting. It's Mothers Day today...and this year, it's really hitting me hard...I've always dreamed about having kids and now if I see them or hear them cry, I just get sad...My husband keeps asking me what's wrong, and I don't want to talk about it with him because we've been down this path plenty of times before...It always ends the same way. He tells me that he wants to be a dad and wants kids someday but just not now...There is no point in talking about it after that...I've even stated to convince myself that kids are just a burden : (  I feel like I am starting to resent him...Why couldn't I marry someone who wanted to have kids like me...Why is the most exciting part of my life being ruined...I don't even know how to deal with it anymore.

I am so glad I am not alone in the feeling of wanting a Baby so bad. My husband and I have been together for almost 6 years married for 2 years. He has a very good job and I work part-time. I have been trying to discuss having a baby with him for the past two years. It breaks my heart that he keeps pushing back our goal date. Now he says he wants to wait til we buy a house. Before he decided we could try and did one day. But then the next day he changed his mind. Well I didn't get pregnant on that one try which sucks cuz now he decided he wants to wait. I am so annoyed. I told him I am unhappy and keep having days where I feel depressed because I dont have a baby. I dont understand why men have to control everything...I think this should be a mutual decision. His younger sister just had a baby and his two cousins just had babies and now one of them is pregnant again. Ugh how do I get through to him!

I struggle with this everyday. I know my DH is SO tired of hearing about it. I try to convince him we should start trying now because it could take us a year to get pregnant and then its another 9 months before the baby gets here. He is making progress though. Says we can discuss trying after August if I have my car paid off. I am worried however that this is just his way of getting me to stop talking about it so much until then. Its like he thinks the second we try a baby will be here. Why can't he realize that the baby doesn't come for NINE months!?! He'd like to wait to try ideally for another year. It makes me sad because that means it will be 2 years before we have a baby.
There are times when I convince myself to wait. I know it could only help and make us more prepared. I dont want to have a baby until he's ready too because I know i'll need his support. But even then- it's always in the back of my mind. He's caught up on the fact that all of our friends who have kids say "wait to have kids". But also remind him... they ALL say they wouldn't change it for the world and it's the best thing thats ever happened to them.

I hope he will agree to try soon. Until then I will just have to get over it and deal with the hurt and pain. He says he'd like to have 2 kids by the time he's 30. He's 25... All I can do is pray. I know God will change his heart and I will get pregnant when the time is right. It's so hard.. but thats all I know to do. Pray.

You are right. Prayer is the answer.  God has a plan and I have to trust Him with my life...even if it means not having a baby right now.

Hey everyone. It breaks my heart to read all of your posts because I know all too well what each one of you is going through. I have posted about a month ago or so. I want a baby so bad. We have a one year old niece and she is OUR world. My husband is wrapped around her little finger and he loves her sooo much. He keeps saying she is enough for us right now. But the fact is, I really didn't have 'baby fever' until she was born. I always said I wanted to wait 5 years after marriage but now its been only 2 and I am SO ready. I have already looked into everything, drs, hospitals, cord blood registry, college funds, cribs, etc. Of course my husband doesn't know this because he would be disappointed in me. He thinks I need to stop talking about babies and looking at baby stuff on the Internet. Thank goodness he doesn't know about this website. I am really frustrated because I would do anything for him to come to me at dinner or wherever and tell me he is ready. Even after that, it will still take time to get pregnant and then 9 more months. I have gotten pretty slack with my birth control pills. Sometimes I will miss one or two and then take them. I just HATE preventing something I want so badly. I think it's up to  him to have protection if a baby is not what he wants. Like I said in an earlier post, my birth control prescription runs out in a few months and I even reminded him this morning that I am not going back to dr to get another. I told him the next time I go back will be when I am pregnant. He said that was fine. I told him he will have to either not have sex with me or buy condoms. Of course, I want him to be extremely happy and ready but every woman I have talked to said they had to pretty much force their husband to want a baby. I pray every night and I pray that God will bless us with a baby when he thinks we are ready. Good luck to all of you! I will keep you updated!

I am off brith conrol. It gave me horrible mood swings, increased a cup size, and I felt overall bloated. My husband agreed to let me stop taking them- but not to try to have a baby- Just to get my hormones back to normal. We don't use condoms, but he uses the POM so I don't get pregnant. I have been bugging him daily about my urge to have a baby (although I know I shouldn't)- but it seems to be working.

He started a new job last month and when he went through orientation of his benefits, he circled the Baby stuff!!!! :D (YAY!!) This means he's at least thinking about it right???

He wanted to wait and try until next august after we've been married 2 yrs+ but just this weekend he agreed we could "try" when we come home from our cruise this August! SOOOO excited knowing I may only have to wait 4 more months to try.

I am skeptical however, because he's done this before- agreed we could try (we even DID try once- it didnt work and he freaked out). He said before if I get my car paid off we could try. I just hope he doesnt go back on everything he's said now.

I'm throwing my SIL a baby shower this weekend- and while I am SO excited, it's still going to be a little hard. Its better now knowing this COULD actually be me in a few months! SOOOOOO- I'm here to say... DON'T GIVE UP LADIES! If you have that daily desire in your heart. PRAY. Pray everyday about it. God will work on your man. Of course it doesnt help if you work on him a bit too! And I am SOOOO very thankful for this post. It's helping to get me through one of the hardest times in my life. I just love when I get the notification that one of you has posted. We can get through this. I hope your men come around- and that mine sticks to it!

• Hi honey! OK! You BOTH need to know that the POM is ONLY successful - and slightly - IF you are not ovulating! The "Natural Method" of not having sex the week of ovulation and for the penis to be dry - and not masturbated that day - and pulling out in time is VERY time consuming and has to be done TOTALLY right for it to work - thus the lowish success rate (approximately only 60 - 70% effective)! A woman CAN have different ovulation times due to illness, stress, medications, hormone imbalance etc. So since you are doing it this way then there IS a chance of you becoming pregnant! And I also think that your husband is delaying things! For instance IF he is so worried about the car payment, then nix the cruise! If there is always a "one day" or "later on" this is SO vague you could drive a cruise ship through it! You need to sit down with him and tell him the information about pull out! I bet his next stop will be to the pharmacy too pick up condoms! I needed you to know about the POM because IF you became pregnant - before his rules - then you might look like you did it on purpose etc. 

I am in a similar but at the same time different situation.  My husband made me wait 3 years after we were married before he would be okay with trying to have a baby.  Two years and one miscarriage later we got pregnant with our son.  Now I want to have another baby but he wants me to wait another 1-2 years before we start trying for the next one.  I am 27 years old and desperately want to avoid giving birth after the age of 30.  So, for me to wait 1-2 years to start trying and then another 2 years to get pregnant would put me over the age of 30.  We are currently in therapy and it seems to be making a little bit of a difference but it hasn't made my wishes even close to coming true.

I always like to update you ladies, and hope you will all do the same! I feel like we're a little support group for each other and I don't know what i'd do without it. Recap- My husband has gone back and forth about 3 times saying we can start trying this coming August-September. He sticks with it for a few days, thinks about finances (he's an accountant- bless him), and decides he'd rather wait another year or more. It's so dissappointing because when he agrees to try after our cruise this august, I am on Cloud NINE. Only to feel like the rug has been ripped out from under me everytime.

I know I have a lot to be thankful for. At least my husband is considering it. It sounds like some of your husbands don't even consider it, and my heart breaks for you. Just when I opened my big fat mouth and told everyone to pray and it will happen for you too- My husband pulled the rug out again. Sunday he was on board, Monday he was on board, tuesday he was still on board but scared, and wednesday it was an absolute NO.

It seems that I talk to everyone who says to go ahead and try and not wait until your ready because it could take months or years to conceive. HE on the other hand talks to everyone that says to wait and that Kids change your life and turn your world upside down. When my husband's on board, all it takes is ONE person to say something stupid for him to question it.

Still, I must keep my faith. I pray to God everyday that he will work on my husband. You're never financially ready for children. But I also don't want a baby until my husband is 100% on board- because I know I will need his support and want him to enjoy the experience as much as I will. I pray for all of you too. I know in life you must be patient, and you can't get everything you want- when you want it; but why does this have to be so hard!!!!

DO any of you have any other advise as to how I could work on my husband or to help me deal with this pain? I pray about it, and I've been working out doing Zumba a lot to get my mind off of things. My sister in law is due in less than a month, maybe I will get my baby fix when I see my neice. I would get a dog- but my DH would rather have a baby than a dog. And I'm NOT on birth control- so there's a tiny chance, even though we use the POM that I could still get Pregnant. May God's will be done!

I believe that it is WE that decide our own futures, and your husband IS deciding yours! He is teasing you and personally I think it is VERY unkind and borderline cruel to say yes then no! It seems as soon as it get's close to C day (conception) he backs off! Of course a child changes your life - for the better! We are born to have children! And my heart breaks for men and women that CAN'T - but I also believe that we are also born to LOVE unconditionally and therefore make us able to adopt children in need! Forgive me for making this a bit too personal, BUT I think what is happening IS cruel! It is equivalent to him saying "One day soon I WILL tell you I LOVE you" or "When I'm ready we WILL get married" and then cancelling it! Personally I wouldn't be half as devastated him my husband had postponed our wedding - indefinitely - then postpone indefinitely having a baby! It takes 2 for a successful marriage, and it takes 2 to conceive a baby! And this is NOT just about when HE is ready! Because I don't think that will EVER be! I think he says it to make you quiet - kind of like the couples that are engaged for 3 or 4 years etc. This IS the most important decision of your marriage! NOTHING comes close to this - it is emotional, physical, mental etc And there is NO "Yeah, lets wait a few years, or I'll get back to you on that one"! Biological clocks tick, and we are NOT in control of IF we can even get pregnant! Everyone thinks it's SO easy - it isn't! Thus MILLIONS of people being devastated every month!

Bambi27-
Thank you so much for all of your insight and advice. I needed that! I appreciate the wake-up call more than you know. It's like my husband gets to do all of the things he wants, but I dont get the one thing I desire most. We just joined a country club so he can play golf every weekend. But yet, I'm not allowed to SAY the word "trying" or "baby" until after I get my car paid off and after this cruise.

I feel like I should be a little more transparent here though... When my DH and I were engaged, we agreed to 2 kids, and that we'd wait to have them 3-5 years into marriage. We've been married for only 9 months.

Our life pieces are falling together- We both have good jobs, we have plenty of money saved up, we have good cars, and we bought a house. I think the house part was what did it for me. We got into this house and decorated it how we want, and the baby bug bit me. I can't help it! and I dont think its something I will get rid of.

But did I mention that back in March my husband is the one that brought up the baby thing to me????? He now says he was just fantasizing?!? That it would be fun to have kids. Thats when he said, "what if we try on the cruise"?  And then as you know, has gone back and forth multiple times.

I think you're right Bambi27- IT IS CRUEL for him to keep going back and forth. and I've probably let it happen too many times. So what do you suggest? Letting him know this is very important to me??? But how?

You already said it honey! you talked about it before you were married so talk about it now! So basically what you have said is this! You BOTH have AGREED to having a baby! Which is great - so that is done - NOW it's about WHEN! Country Clubs - golfing, cars, cruises etc etc is quite the lifestyle! And he might be afraid of loosing that once the expensive little b****r comes along!  ;-) BUT he was the one that changed the date and now that things ARE in place you too have started "fantasizing" about "when?" So you both have changed the date so now the doors open to talk more! You sit him down and say "This is the MOST important thing to me right now, and I know we said in a couple of years, but I DON'T want to wait that long - everything has fallen into place, we have enough money and there is NO need to wait anymore, and you need to know that going back and forth on this is HURTING me more than you will ever know! So I think we should start to try on the cruise.." YOU need to take charge here honey, show him that you are NOT going to take this lying down anymore! You AND he WANT a baby, NOW it's going to happen, so he needs to get on board! Also IF that doesn't work, just say - well I think you could go on the cruise by yourself, obviously we need to have some time apart to think about WHAT we want out of this marriage and WHAT is important to us as individuals and as a couple!  

Just a quick update.  I have finally gotten my husband to agree to have another baby!!  The catch, however, is that I have to learn to be patient with him and I have a couple of things that I have agreed to work on that he wants me to change. 

The way that I approached it is that I told him this is something that I desperately want and what can I do to make this happen.  It came down to showing him that his reasons for waiting didn't make any sense.  He said that he wanted to wait because he didn't think that he would have enough time to spend with another baby and that he didn't think that we could afford to have another one.  I showed him that because of the demands of his job that the amount of time that he has to spend with his kid(s) would never change.  I also explained to him that there are people who are much worse off than us who have more children than us and somehow they are able to stay off of government assistance.  So our agreement is that he would agree to try for one more child if I agree to stop bugging him about the amount of time he spends on his hobbies.  In order to get him to follow through on this agreement I put it in writing and made him sign it.  We are going to take both of our agreements to the therapist and see what she thinks.

I hope that this gives some of you some hope for the future!!  I was able to do it and I have a very stubborn husband!!

-Mary

I swear men are children! So YOU can have a baby, IF HE is not hassled about the time and money he spends on his "hobbies" Which I have a feeling takes away a LOT of time from the family and also money from the bank! Is he even going to contribute with the baby? I swear that is SO childish! It's not like "OK You can go shopping at the GAP IF I can shop and Golf World" I tell ya!