I want a baby, but my husband "isnt ready"

I know how you feel Hun I am 35 this year been married Nearly 3 years and together 6 years and I am ready to have family but husband keeps making excuse too does not help our neighbours child scream and cries all the time trying to move as child 3 years old now reported it to rooftop investigation still going on but child is love and cared for just screams a lot now my husband has changed his mind now love him so much but I have always wanted a family means the world to me love my husband and really want a baby as getting old now but can't talk to friends about it as they have kids and don't understand . Even though 23 if you want baby talk to him Hun you have more time than me I am nearly 35 time is ticking for me but people don't get that hope all works out for you you sound like you be a good mum

Yes that's exactly it. Even if I know he loves me to the end of the world, I can't help but wonder "Am I not good enough??" :((

I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. We can't even talk about having kids without him feeling like I'm rushing him. Not even the mention of the word "baby". He avoids being around our friends' babies if he's with me, because he doesn't want me to feel left out and talk to him about it. I feel devastated. He says he wants kids, but he's so broad on the scale of time in which he wants to make it a reality. I would rather be told that he wants to wait a year or two before having one. Instead, the answer I get is "I don't know. I can't tell you when I'll be ready because I don't know when." We are financially stable, happy in our relationship, and can talk about anything except that topic. I feel like I'm getting kicked in the stomach every time I think about it. I can't help but think that it's me and he's waiting for me to prove myself worthy somehow. It's a terrible feeling, and I'm growing so much animosity towards him about it... We've been together 6years. I'm 27, he's 28. If he doesn't want a child at this very moment, that's fine. I just want to know when he thinks he might want to. It absolutely kills me not knowing. I don't want to be in my mid to late thirties having kids, and I feel like that's what will happen. It's a terrible feeling, and it feels like rejection.

Hello, I have been married two years now i met my husband when I was 25 we dated for a year in a half he purposed to me when I was 26 and we got married. He is four years older than me. So im now 28 and hes 31. During our second anniversary I had prayed for a long time wither starting to have kids was a good idea and my answer was yes. So on our second year anniversary I had talked about it with him and this isn't our first discussion about having kids we talked about it while we were dating and even a lot afterwords. He told me the reason why didnt wasnt ready for kids yet was because we could afford them and I thought well hell if we wait til we can afford them than we will never have them. On our second year anniversary ALL day long we had an arguement about me stopping birth control cause to be honest im getting sick of taking it everyday and my insurance wouldnt take the IUD installment. *sigh*.. But now its gotten to the point that I cant bring up about us having kids anymore cause we will get into an argument and I honestly just dont want to deal with that every time.
So for the most part we get along extremely well we think much alike how ever when it concerns having kids we think very differently. And for his reason for not feeling ready I also cant be angry about either, he wants to wait til we have a house we are renting a two bedroom apartment with rent that not cheap, so a house would be cheaper so I cant argue with that, and we have looked at houses many many times but he is insanely picky of which house we get he has a very particular image of what kind of house he wants again i cant argue with cause once you have a house your stuck with the payments for 30 on years. Also he wants to accomplish certain dreams he has always wanted to do, and I cant say what they are here but in a way its to make an imprint on this world. SO for two out of three things he wants to do before we have kids I cant blame him for or argue with his reasonings cause they are good ones. But I feel that the longer we take the less of a chance that what i want will happen, I already feel defeated and that my heart is crushed, I feel like i am screaming inside and that I cant really talk to anyone about it cause our family from his side mainly would yell at him and if he feels pushed into something he isnt ready for he will push further away even to the point of not wanting to do it anymore. So I cant push him into wanting kids, i cant push him trick him into this either.
And I have done my research on it of when the latest time you can have kids before it gets dangerous it that age is 35 so I still have some time but these things do take time a lot of time. I feel like if he wanted to wait to long that we should of met sooner like in our early twenties so we could have ALL that time to wait but im not getting any younger. I have cried about this time and time again I feel the yurning in wanting to have kids to know and feel that experience to have a little someone growing inside you all the good and bad. And I feel that I have been patient perhaps not patient enough with him i dont know. So my plan is that when i become 30 to 32 and we still "arent ready" for kids im gonna tell him well you dont want me to do this ******* that i want to do for myself not concerning having kids so its either we have kids or im doing this.

I already know what his reply will be and to be honest during that time by than im not even sure that I will care. I have thought about "what if we ended up divorce?" because of this "not ready" thing would that really be worth it? The heart ache? the loneliness? etc.? If by than he's still not ready all i can say is that i guess we will see what happens if he's still not ready than hopefully by than my yurning will have gone.
I hate to be one of those women of "i love him i cant leave him no matter what heartache i have to deal with". I think though if others can raise a kid with very little money but still make it through than so can we. But to be honest if I met another man dated him and had to do this again or worse than it wouldnt matter if i had left him we would still be two heart broken people. So looking at it logically no i wont ever leave him because of this or for any other reasons except abuse.
But i do ache all the time cause I want to have a baby yes we are still young but for those of you who are much older than me and we have plenty of time but to be honest we also dont have a lot of time to have kids. I would like to have as many as my body can have, but the later we wait the short of a time shortens. Also I grew up with a medical condition that may or may not allow to me have any kids.. And he knows that very well...
Anyways his reasoning also lengthens out even more but he does say that he wants them but just not now..I have even told him that he can stay at home with the kid while im at work..But i wonder if I'll ever hear from him when the right time is...

For all you women out there reading all these comments, stories and replies. Maybe someone can answer me this. What I don't get is that why is it that the men arent ready to have kids? It's us women who should be more freaked out about the idea than they should be. We are the ones who have to go through morning sickness and grow another person inside OUR bodies for nine months, nearly a hole year! Shouldnt we have more say into when we are ready to have kids than our husband or boyfriends just say yeah ok sure and understand that fact. Is it because they most likely will be the ones in having to support not just themselves anymore more a women and a child? It's called maturity. And im not saying that all men are immature but if we women are the ones having to carry a child for nine months than be willing to go through the hours of labor than we should have more say into "as a couple" when we are ready... Some men know this and think yeah the women do have more say in this and so they go on with what there other half says when.. However I also know other men out there that would also argue this point as well.

HELP! I haven't read somebody in my situation yet as I'm almost 4 years older than my partner, I'm 25 and he is not even 22 yet, I've wanted children even when I was one, at the start of the relationship which is 2 and a half years old now i was very open and told him i know you are young but I'm at the age where I want kids, we had a big discussion and said he 25 and I 28, this is pushing 4 years longer for me, we have since had many arguments about what if he is not ready by then. I do really love him but I believe there is more than one love for everyone, where share a house and a dog, what do i do? Should I stay? or look for someone who is older and ready for kids? please help me :(

Forgot to mention I have a babysitting business to fill the hole in my life of wanting and needing kids. I am very surprised at all the women that feel the are born to be mothers like me :)

You're yurning will never go, if I stay with my partner and and he still isn't ready by the time I'm 30, I'm doing it on my own, I really don't want to have to wait for that

Hi everyone!
I wish I could say to you all..."hang in there, it will get better.." but here's my story- I found this blog today searching for what to do when you hate your husband for your situation. I am almost 34 years old and my husband is 35. We have been together for 15 years and married for almost 10. We had big plans to have 2-3 children close in age. He felt strongly that we have a long engagement (2.5 years) so I wanted to start a family soon after we got married. About 6 months into it I started the pleading. I basically wore him down a little over a year and in 2008 we had our son. Now, one thing I would like to share with you all is this- I am and was glad that I got my way, however it was just that. It was a first time pregnancy, I was scared, didn't know what was going on with my body, and I was in it alone. I think because I pushed before he was ready he had no part in any of it whatsoever. He has been a great dad since but it was not the magical experience you dream of, sharing it together. Now, since then, I have still been waiting for the others. He put me off for a long time, he wasn't ready, he wasn't this or that...now my son is almost 8 and I have an only child. I resent my husband everyday for this. I often wonder if he agreed to keep me here, he knows I would never leave and bear through this because I am not willing get to leave and have to share custody of our only child.

I feel that it is very selfish and controlling for one partner dictate and not work together towards a solution that is fair and good for you both. Just simply putting you off and not talking about a plan is not fair. That is what has happened tonme.over the years. So, keep in mind that just because you get him to agree to that first child does not mean that your planned dreams will come true. If he is controlling things already, it is unlikely to get better...I say this from my experience only. It just makes things more difficult because you then will have a little one.

Moonwillow, I don't think it's about "having to support" as my husband still refused and I was the breadwinner. He would have been more of the stay at home dad as his role, which seems a lot easier to me but he still refused. I think it's more selfishness and not maturity. Some are "boys" they want to play and have fun and so on...I guess the "men" are the ones that are ready.

Well I'm glad to see its not just me. I'm 36 and my hubby is 44 we have been together for 18 years and married for 12. No kids yet. I'm the breadwinner we are financially secure have a big beautiful empty home and I have frankly grown bored of my husband. I have depression now over this and can't stop crying just thinking about it. We both don't have strong family connections so it is literally us and that's it. He wants to wait but he won't commit to anything firm regarding time other than to say let me turn 45 at least. I don't understand how he could feel rushed we have only been together for almost two decades! I think I need therapy. Now my fear is that when we do get pregnant I will have disgust for him for making us wait so long or he still won't be ready and resent me...

And the truth is he might never feel ready. I'm that guy. Kids sound great to us(me) from a safe distance of 2 or 3 years but when it comes time to pull the trigger we find anything we can use as an excuse to wait another year.
He may have realized that he never really wanted kids, but doesn't want tell you that now.

I thought I wanted kids because I felt I was supposed to want them. I've done this dance with a couple of women, I've always ended up sabotaging the relationship between 2-4 years. I've had this codependent thing where I just try to be how I think other want me to be, or want what they want because it's easier or something. I'm 33, middle of my first and last divorce, no kids. Now I never have to try to tell people what they want to hear. I know now that I do not want kids and probably will never want to get married again. Those were two things that I thought I wanted because according to our society, i was supposed to want them as some sort of measure of success. Damn it's taken a long time to even start to figure out or admit what I really want as a life. I can own it now.

As a man I can say that you both need to get honest, He may know that he never want kids, but for us to actually say that is taboo. I've said that plenty of times growing up and family and friends would think I was joking, Momma almost slapped me. So I was conditioned to never say that I never wanted kids, I really thought that I would eventually actually want to make some babies. That has yet to happen. So staying together is kind of not the right thing to do. Babies or no babies, one of you might be very unhappy or resentful at having to compromise on something that was truly too important to you to compromise on. So I've definitely been the selfish as****e in my relationships, not because of my belief, but because I should have been able to be honest about it in the beginning.

The very cool thing about babies today is that a woman doesn't need a husband as a necessary step in order to have or adopt a baby.

Men need to step up and be real about how they feel and not settle with someone until they figure what is important to them. and women can... do what they do. Ain't about to go there. I shouldn't marry someone if I'm placing conditions on how they should be or what they should have in a few years. Marrying an imaginary future version of someone and marrying someone whose beliefs are different in such an uncompromising way have both probably been the super destroyer of marriages.

Damn I'm rambling

I would humbly suggest that a husband may never be ready to have babie, until that baby is delivered. Supposedly that's when we get a biological nudge or shift of one or some of our neurotransmitters that will boost our paternal instinct. Our rediness will increase and hopefully we'll be become superdad. So with that in mind the goal becomes easier for the ladies to make. Stop the bc, get him ready to go, and then as sex progresses, tell them in as many dirty ways as possible that you need their "juice" inside of you. For example "fill me up daddy" would be almost impossible for me to resist. It's legal, if you have those powers it's your right to use them. I don't know if this has been discussed before. might have to get a little freaky to get that load delivered but sh*t even if it doesn't work everytime, both of you probably had more fun than usual.
Seriously, I'm not trying to tell any woman what they need to do, Like if your man saying he's not ready but has steady work, pays his bills, owns a car, works good, he's capable, and he's a decent man. You might have to make that decision for him with your powers that you have. Stop talking about babies, and we will forget, and you will gain even more power. I'm not trying to push any buttons or be disrespectful, hopefully didn't break any women code about even speaking about such things. I've been up against these techniques and remember having no defense and it resulted in a pregnancy. It was very surprising. As long as your guy is not a total shitbag, he might be the most ready he'll ever, until he sees that baby get born

You need another man. Sorry if that sounds flippant, but if he won't sleep with you even with contraception, I feel he may have such messed up personal issues that he needs his own psychiatrist and years of therapy before he could consider being a parent. Maybe you two could approach counseling together? Good luck.