this is almost exactly my situation! except my husband already has a child, he had one very young & regrets it every day & tells me he wants to enjoy being young for a few years, then he will have another one. we are both 22 & i know he's extremely immature for where he should be in life because his mom has pretty much helped raise his child with him. so yes this heartache can definitely hurt a person pretty bad when you know someone wont budge.
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Everything you said I feel on a deep level. I'm 27 in September. I've been with my partner for 7 years and 4 months, married for 4 months (we got married on our anniversary). I always said when I was younger I wanted kids at age 23. That was my goal and I've waited and waited for him and we had the talk about it just last night and nothing. I'm heart broken and utterly depressed. And I agree with you I see babies everywhere and it hurts so much. My big sister AND my little sister both have 2 kids each my cousin who is like 5 years 8 years younger than me is having a kid. All my friends from school have kids and all the people the grade younger from my school have kids and even the grade younger than that have kids. Everybody friggen has kids but me. I'll tell you though I was so so excited last night because before our talk last night I told him the day before that I had everything sorted we'd have enough money and blah blah blah but we were busy at the time so he said we'd talk later and it all sounds good. Then last night just said let's MAYBE try at the end of the year but I know there is just going to be another excuse. I'm so so lost and don't know what to do. Part of me just wants to give up... on everything. I'm sick of the hurt, the pain in my heart everyday. I wish it would just go away...
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Can we swap emails? Our stories are exactly the same? Any updates on how things are with this situation with you and your husband?
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I'm 33 and my husband (who is the same age as me) wants to wait until we are 35-36 to start trying for our first. This makes me very sad, l am desperate for a baby now. l feel old already, l really didn't want to be that old!!
Basically there is nothing l can do about it. If he says no then that is final, it isn't right to push him into it, or worse get pregnant on purpose by stopping birth control.
Basically there is nothing l can do about it. If he says no then that is final, it isn't right to push him into it, or worse get pregnant on purpose by stopping birth control.
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I'm in almost the same boat. I'm 25, my husband's turning 31 this week. We've been married for 3 years and met 6 years ago. We actually have a son. We were extremely excited and planned on raising him. We even picked out the brand of stroller and his name. But when I told my family, I was immediately shamed. (pregnant out of wedlock) they invited me to dinner and then had an adoption attorney waiting for me at the door. Long story short our sweet boy is almost 4 and I've never seen him a day of his life. So here I am yearning for a child we are able to raise. But he has a list of things to "check off" before we raise a child. We've barely "done the deed" ever since because it leaves me in tears about our baby and how it will probably be years until my husband even considers us getting pregnant. My worst fear is that when he finally decides we're ready, we won't ever get pregnant. I get all his reasons for waiting but seeing everyone around me having babies, babysitting my step-siblings (and rocking it!), having a little one the is part of you but will probably never know you, all while knowing there will probably be at least 6 more years to wait, is heart breaking. Stay strong ladies. We will all get there one day. I pray that day comes soon for all of us.
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He is a man and does not bother for the fact that you are a female and your biological a clock is ticking. He is being selfish. My advice is to give a time frame and see what happend if he still not ready then let him go. Trust people wont change right away and you are not going to wait for ever. you are aging till when then? I wish you the best of luck!
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Does he have a reason for that? I would warn you not to wait too long. My ex husband used to say the same thing to me and he manipulated me for so many years. Till one day I had enough and I walked away. You give him a time to think about it if he still think you should wait then I will let him wait by him self. There are so many men out there ready to have a family with you. I hate when men put women under pressure like this. It s all about them so whenever they are ready then you are allowed to have a baby. Hell no!
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I can relate so much to this! So happy to have found other women in the same boat. My husband and I are 25 and I suddenly have this urge to become a mother. Obviously he doesn't understand this feeling and my biological clock ticking so he wants to wait until we're at least 27 to start trying. But what if it takes a while to get pregnant?? I really want to have kids before I'm 30, and we want to have at least 2. I've also had a lot of hormonal issues that I'm currently sorting out so I'm worried I won't get pregnant right away. I feel like he thinks we'll get pregnant first try when we start trying, but I don't think that's realistic.
Anyways, it's nice to vent a little bit here. I'm thinking of asking him to go to counselling together and we can talk about our future plans in a safe and open setting. We talk a lot just us, but maybe having a mediator and third party influence give a few suggestions. I don't want to wait 2 years just for him to say he's still not ready.
Anyways, it's nice to vent a little bit here. I'm thinking of asking him to go to counselling together and we can talk about our future plans in a safe and open setting. We talk a lot just us, but maybe having a mediator and third party influence give a few suggestions. I don't want to wait 2 years just for him to say he's still not ready.
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im in the same boat.been with my partner for 5 years.have known each other for 9.ive been discusisng this topic with him for the past 2 years and like all of yall he always has excuses as to why its not the right time and just keeps getting my hopes up by saying o in two month we can try or for your birthday,or before the the year ends and times just keeps passing.its really stressing me out because i feel it pointless to even bring it up to him anymore...im seriously considering ending my relationship if by the end of this year he still doesnt decide to start trying!!!and it kills me to have these thoughts because i love him and want to have a part of me and him forever.indont think theres a solution for us that someone can just tell us do this and problem solved unfortunatly but atleast we can vent for now
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Hi, Guest! It seems to me that you should not put much pressure on your husband. Men do not like to be forced to do something. They consider themselves to be the most important, strong and irreplaceable. You just need to try to talk about children more often. Hints are small to do. You can tell him veiledly that it's time for you to give birth. Now there are many cases when miscarriages occur in late pregnancy. Explain that you do not want problems later. Children are the most beautiful thing that can be. But in general, do you have a brother or sister? If they have already have children, then it will be even easier. Just take your husband with you and go for a walk with the children. Men like eyes. Will see how wonderful it is to have children - and will want at once! And if nothing helps - then go to a psychologist. I think that in such situations, doctors will advise the right things.
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we actually have a niece that he loves and we have her about every weekend stay one night with us and everyone tells me and him that we are ready for a kid becasue they see how he is with her.he knows he will be a great father so i dont know what he is waiting for.he has mentioned alot of times his fear of me leaving over a fight some day and taking baby with me but i have explained it to him so much that he cant live with that worry.i let him know we will try to make everything work to mantain a finally but that nothing garantees we would not leave each other,that it can even happen when our child is 30!!! all we can do is try!
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I'm 33.5 and I too am seeking a plan. Been married 2 years and together for 5....Thank you for making me feel less lonely. I don't know how to not resent him at this point... -So Cal resident
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Hi everyone, I'm about to turn 30 this month and also feel like my husband has been putting off children long enough. We've been married 3 years and although he says he wants children, even up to 4 (I want 3), he's not where he wants to be career-wise and wants to be able to provide for us on his own. It doesn't matter that I'm willing to work part-time from home-- he's worried about pregnancy complications and him needing to support us fully regardless. I keep trying to tell him we can't live our lives in fear like that! If we have a plan and righteous desires, God will take care of us, I believe. I don't think it would be irresponsible. He thinks the other couples I compare us to have back up money from family but what does that matter. He's just afraid of struggling and I'm not if needs be. Plus he's looking for a new job to replace the one he has that doesn't pay enough, and a baby takes 9 months to make..... who knows how long it will take to even get pregnant. I share your frustration with these men who are avoiding parenthood out of fear or ego. It's not fair to us women who are willing to help and compromise, but it's never good enough for them. We don't have the time to wait like this biologically but they just won't face that fact. UGH so tired of this baby fever! I know it's my body telling me something. We deserve to have a stronger say in this decision as women. Perhaps the only thing we can do is keep trying or give ultimatums. We've had counseling before so maybe it's time to go back. I don't want to pressure him. I want him to come to the same understanding that I have and make the right decision for both of our desires! Why is it so much harder for men to compromise and make a move on things like this. Not fair.
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P.S. to this ladies, don't underestimate the power of prayer for those of you who are believers. It takes consistency but last night I prayed for God in the name of Jesus Christ to take this burden away from me and solve this problem, since I feel I've said all I can to my husband. Some things are just out of our hands and letting God comfort and guide you goes a long way and provides relief to your heart. I need to keep praying for answers so I can rest my soul. Writing about it helps to as this has done, thanks all of you.
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Yes!!! Im googling this because I cant stop crying Im praying for God to heal my heart and I know he is in charge it just hurts inthe process.
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