I want a baby, but my husband "isnt ready"

This is the same as me. My husband and I are both 33 years old. I had a miscarriage the beginning of this year...and now it seems he's coming up with any excise not not have a kid. I know I have fertility issus and him making me wait is the worst pain a human being can do to another human being. Everyday my heart breaks and feels so heavy. I feel like I'm no longer the same person anymore. All he ever says is he wants me to save up money....how much money? He never tells me how much....in my mind he will never feel prepared enough for a baby...even though when we got married 3 years ago he always said he wanted kids.. ..so now it's like he lied to me...

I just turned 27, my husband of 2.5 years is 26. He graduates nursing school in 2 months and avoids the topic of having a child. I feel a deep longing to be a mother and he wants to wait 5 more years. I’ve known since I was a little girl that I wanted to be a mom. And now, the one thing I’ve always wanted has to wait. I have funded his schooling for 4 years, waited, lived on one income, struggled, for him. And the mention of having a child just turns into a fight. I want to have a child when I am still young and not in my 30s. Any advise? I feel so lost and stuck. It makes me resent my husband, and think of divorce and all other things.

I read many women’s story about get pregant and their husband. I can related to this because i am very ready to have a baby but my husband perfer to say “wait” and he thinks that i am not ready for baby. I’ve been frustrated with that for two years and now I realize that i can wait and i aint worry about it. He knows that i love kids. Also i shouldnt bring it up about babies cuz he will feel gross. I have to wait and its let it flow. God will bless us anytime. And ive pray for it.

Some very touching responses here. I hope the OP appreciated all the effort people went to,
In my profession as a therapist I can tell you that it is extremely common for one partner to be more keen than the other one for having a child.
The reasons for this are too numerous to mention. Usually its harmless. its a scary thing to have a child even for the male partner so its perfectly natural to be unsure or worried.
The changes a baby brings to your life are drastic for both parents .

One reason that hasnt been mentioned as to why a husband or bf doesnt want to have a child is that he is unsure about the relationship itself.
If any woman suspects this is the case then it is important to address this before talk of pregnancy. Couples counselling maybe the way to go in that situation.
If you feel the relationship is strong then often all that is required is a comforting chat with your husband/bf telling him what you expect from him realistically. Many men feel that they will have to be superman when the baby comes and provide almost limitless amounts of money for the family. Its strange but that is how they feel. An honest conversation, putting his mind at ease, letting him know you dont expect everything under the sun from him can work wonders.
Well done to all the ladies sharing here. Its very brave of you!

Hey I'm really intruiged as to how your situation panned out as I am currently in a very similar situation...

I am with you on many of these aspects. 

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I am 24 about to turn 25 in a month. My bf is 29 and he is finishing his residency in family medicine. He then wants to do a year in Sports Medicine as a specialty. Basically, we want the same things he says I’m the one and he wants to marry me all the time but he needs to finish his school first. The problem i have with this is he wants to wait 2 -2.5 years to begin trying and we will be married by then according to him. That’s reasonable except I don’t want to wait because I’ll be 27.5-28 by the time we begin trying. 28.5-29 by the time of conception. And 29-30 years old by the time I have a child. I have a family history of major complications around this age. My mother aunts and cousins are proof of this to the point that my cousin won’t have any more than her two precious kids because of it. My younger brother was born with klinfelters, and all were bed ridden. I already have one daughter at 22 but I had a lot of issues with the pregnancy It makes me feel so sad because I don’t want kids past 30. Money is not an issue and we will always be busy especially with him being a doctor. There is no excuse here except his school. What should I do?

Same thing happened to me. I'm 26 and my husband 34. We completed 4years of marriage now. And now I want baby but by husband never seriously about sex. He went to abroad in month after marriage and never think of me so we don't have sex for 2year after marriage whenever I going to ask him he always being arrogant and fight with me but not clearly answerd me what he think.And main thing I'm a house wife no work to do so think if I have baby I'm busy .Now our marriage was like a two stranger live together and trying to be together. But I don't want to live like this what should I do.His mother forced me to have baby not tell him anything. Whenever my husband friend told him to have baby he said we tried that time I feel so angry on him how lie he said to his friends. Trying tobe good in front of them. And at home wife was nothing to him. Sometime I think to leave him but not.Help me I'm so depress.

I completely understand everybody in this thread.

I have been living with my boyfriend for 4 years and 7 months now. Before we moved in together, we had been dating for 2 years. I am 25 and my boyfriend is 22.

We both have full-time jobs. My boyfriend works as a web developer and his salary is £35,000 per year. He also has excellent company benefits. He also has savings of £32,000. I work as an administration assistant and my salary is £15,000. I am hoping to find a job with a higher salary at some point in the future.

We both comfortably rent our own flat in a quiet area on the outskirts of the city. We are very comfortable financially. We have no debts. We have plenty of disposable income - we have just returned from a 2 week holiday to Japan.

Regarding our relationship, I feel as though we are both very stable and loving and we are committed to be life-long partners.

I'm messaging here as I'm beginning to run out of patience, I feel like me and my boyfriend have reached the stage where we should have already started thinking about or discussing having a child...

We've briefly touched on the topic of having children a few times in the past, but the conversation is always very brief and in the air I remember my boyfriend saying "when we having children someday..." whenever we talk about children and he always acts as if having children is in the very far, far distant future for us. I also remember about 2 years ago... my boyfriend randomly asked me when I would like to have a child with him. I told him that I thought I'd be ready in about 8 years (I was actually downplaying my answer and I really wanted to tell him that I would be ready in a year or two, but I was scared about his reaction and I thought he might think I was crazy or just incredibly naieve or something). Anyway, I asked my boyfriend the same question and he responded that he thought "35 would be a good age to have a child". He didn't say anything else. We also had a conversation a few weeks ago about children as I was watching an adoption documentary and he was listening in, I told him that I would like to consider adoption and he asked me "when do you think we could consider doing that?"... anyway he answered first and suggested... "10 years... 15 years from now" 15 years from now is such a long long way off.

I have being on the pill ever since we started dating. My boyfriend always checks that I've remembered to take it every-time we go on holiday or go to visit our families. Every-time he asks me about it, I actually end up feeling resentful that he's still asking me. (it's been going on almost 7 years).

I honestly feel like we have a lot to offer a child. We are both very supportive and kind and caring. We both have wonderful supportive parents who would make excellent grandparents. My boyfriend is incredibly intelligent and he is also bi-lingual. He would make an excellent role-model for a child.

We are both responsible adults, working full-time jobs, just like and no different to most-other parents. I don't see the point of waiting AT ALL. Everyday we see other couple's just like us with babies and children and I don't see why we couldn't manage... I don't see how we are any different to these other couples... In fact, I can't help but compare and I feel like we are in a much better position than many other people who we see with children.

MY BOYFRIEND'S sister has just announced that she's pregnant. My boyfriend is really excited about the baby. My boyfriend's family are overjoyed. Me and my boyfriend were looking round a gift store and they had a baby section - my boyfriend was looking through some of the stuff and he tells me that he's really looking forward to his sister having a baby as he'll be able to buy lots of cute baby stuff for the baby. I MEAN... that's great and all... BUT WHY WON'T he consider having a baby with me?... I was actually annoyed after he said this. He's also told me that he's looking forward to us being able to look after his sister's baby if she needs to go out for the day or something... It kind-of upsets me to hear this. His sister had also only being with her boyfriend for 1 and a half years before getting pregnant, whereas me and my boyfriend have being together for 7 years now. I mean I just find it kind-of unfair...I am starting to feel like our children are just never going to exist.

And I'm tired of being on birth control. Anyway, I have set a date... I have decided that in 2 and a half years from now (the summer of 2020), I am going to tell my boyfriend that we have being together for 7 years and that I am going to be stopping my birth control. I will tell him that I don't see the point in preventing pregnancy as we have being together for 7 years and that I would like to have a child together. My boyfriend will be 25 at this point (so he will have had some more time to enjoy his youth). I've set the date on my calendar and everything for this. Waiting any further would just be excessive.

I thought my fears were just irrational. Im 27 and my husband is 30. I have this constant nightmare that we are both older with nicer cars, living in a beautiful home. Nothing amazing, but like how you would want to be if you were trying to start a family. But every time something goes wrong. I cant get pregnant or worse I lose the baby. I wake up crying. I have tried for months to explain this to my husband but its like Im taking to a wall. I tried talking to girlfriends we have families of their own but that made it worsr. Everyone's advice to me was to just wrap my legs around him tighter. Im so thankful that you ladies shared your stories. I know that I not alone.

I thought I was alone, I am 34 I've been with my 37 yr old husband for 16 years, married for 5 years, I've had the baby fever bad the past 5/6 years, pass 2 years it's become an unbearable desire but hubby wants us to continue to wait, before marriage we said we would have kids with 2 years of marriage, obviously I've tried to talk to him about my ticking clock but he doesn't seem to take it as serious as he should because of the constant reports of women giving birth later in life, (trust me Janet Jackson didn't help my case) he says I'm worrying for nothing, our fertility is untested, he won't even do the check ups with me, at this point I'm considering leaving because I can't risk my life being childless based on his inability to take this topic seriously. He doesn't even really like entertaining the talk. All my friends, all our siblings have children, I find myself staying away from family gatherings just because it's painful to see everyone with their little families not to mention the constant questioning, but I still can't get his to take the topic serious, I spoke to his mum, all he said to her was that he has kept my clock in mind. We separated earlier in 2017 for 4 month because I couldn't take the uncertainty anymore he begged us to work it out and said he wants to start a family soon but since my returning to our marital home, he has gone back to block any mention of baby talk. I suggested Counselling but he shut it down saying he knows 100% that the only woman he ever wants as the mother of his kids is me so Counselling is pointless.
I feel he is wasting my time, life and trying to manupliate me into having a life I don't want
I feel at loss to the point where I have
started looking into the sperm donor route because it feels like there is no hope trying to talk to him about it anymore. I feel resentment but I don't hate him because aside from that we have had an amazing relationship, I think he just doesn't want it to change but it has, I don't vision children with him anymore, almost as if I've accepted I will do it alone, I want a future he doesn't and I've given him enough time to meet me somewhere. Considering my age I think I need to be realistic and fair to myself.
Saddest thing is he loves kids, and they love him.
I'm just don't get it, but I've managed to convince myself that when he does feel ready if it's too late for me he will end up getting another woman pregnant. But I have no evidence nor do I believe he has ever cheated. I just feel that because how sure he is he wants kids just not now.
Ladies please give your honest thoughts.

Tia

I realize that you’ve commented a year ago and you’re probably not in the same place now, but your comment really hit home for me and almost exactly my same situation. I’m wondering how things are going for you and if it’s any better now?

My husband and I have been married for 3, going on 4 years. All I can think about is getting pregnant. It is becoming the reason I want to have sex...I have never felt this strongly about it and have always kind of been impartial to the whole idea, and now it's engrossed me. I shared this with him, and got the typical male response of "we're not ready, how can we pay for a baby etc..." He wants to wait at least 2more years, and I don't think I can sit in this feeling for that long. It is so hard to ignore this like biological thing going on for me, and I also understand how I am putting this one him isn't fair either. I am stuck, stuck and sad :(

I know I have only found this post today but from the bottom of my heart thank you, your story especially is similar to mine im 33 and my husband is 45 we have been together for 12 years married for 2 I don't want to risk my health in having a baby late in life my husband refuses to even acknowledge us having kids as he feels im rushing him or pressuring him when I try to talk to him, I mean we have been together for 12 years not 12 minutes how much pressure can he really be experiencing. He keeps barking we can't afford it and that maybe is true but as everyone else mentions if we every could 'afford' children then we wouldn't. Everyone I know has children and the constant ask of when am I having kids is like carrying the world on my shoulders I love my husband but I do seriously consider that just us is not enough for our family I want children hell I would be happy with 1 child but then husband is like no we should have 2 really!!! Anyway im ranting but I just want to say thank you for this post I feel not so lonely as I truly felt like I was the only person feeling this sadness which I know sounds stupid but yeah it's hard when you look around and see everyone you know growing their families and your stuck

Hey, I know this is almost a year ago now that you’ve posted. So I’m sorry for being late to the party, but it sounds like your husband is scared re the miscarriage. I’d really urge you if this is still an issue to seek some couples counseling. It’s got to be something you two can work through. I can’t imagine the terror of being a soon to be father(or mother) and losing the baby. That’s a lot of stress for us guys who already overthink everything we do regarding our spouses. He likely feels a level of responsibility for what has happened. I really really hope you guys are doing well!