Major depression and grief after abortion, very confused...

Hi Guest,



I DO NOT believe ANYONE in these posts has the right to say bad things about anyone else. There are ALOT of young ladies whom have made the difficult "choice" that you made today. In my humble opinion, I believe that it is VERY important for ALL young ladies to FULLY understand what they are doing to their baby.



Guest, I DO NOT judge you for the decisions that you made, my heart TRULY goes out to you. I cannot tell you HOW MANY times I have seen this very thing happen with younger AND older ladies like yourself.



I do not believe in abortion, that is my personal opinion and also my belief. I myself, MANY years ago believed that abortion was ok.....that is until I found out what is done, and the absolute destruction that I saw happening not only to the baby, but to the mother as well. I researched both pro-life and pro-choice websites OVER AND OVER.



Please understand, guest, that there IS HEALING and restoration, but there are going to possibly be some rough times ahead for you. YOU ARE NOT ALONE





It doesnt really matter what "stage" the baby is in, embryo, fetus or what have you, I often believe that some women choose to call the baby by different names (in their developmental stages) to somethow maybe try to lessen the impact that it is a life.



It is REALLY important for you to make sure that you are talking with someone about what you are feeling. You need to know that grieving is a NATURAL process, and you are grieving the loss of a life right now. Your body and mind and heart are most likely going to be going through some "roughness".



There are some post abortion recovery centers, you can look them up for your area, on the web that can help you with this difficult time.



I have worked with girls whom are in the EXACT same shoes as you are. You arent alone !!!! I honestly must say that about 95 % of the girls that I have counseled have been severely effected by this. I wish I could help you out, I am here to listen if I can help, ok?



As women, we ARE NOT statistics on why, how or when we chose to abort, we simply need to know the truth. See if you can check out a recovery site called Rachels vineyard. I think you might like it.



Again, if I can help you in any way, please dont hesitate to post me here, or at yahoo where my email address is Hizgrace4all at yahoo. Blessings to you, sweetie, keep your chin up and know you are not alone, there are MANY women that I know personally whom are healed and restored (through time), and these are the women you need to seek whom can help you because they have been through it !!!



Grace to you,



Hizgrace4all

It's been 27 years for me also. I was barely 18, in college and in love with the man whom I hoped to spend the rest of my life with. I was terrified and so was he but I had an abortion for all the wrong reasons. I was the one child that was never supposed to mess up. I was the good girl. I didn't want him to feel trapped. I cared too much about what everyone else thought and went against what I really wanted. I wanted my baby so badly but I ended the pregnancy. It's been 27 years but I can recall every single moment of that day, from what I was wearing, the other women who were waiting with me, the doctor's face, the nurse holding my hand, my utter despair.



It's been 27 years and I am still suffering. Time has not healed anything in fact it has only gotten worse over the years. Lately, I've thought about just ending it all. I can't cope any longer. I feel so hopeless and devastated and don't know how to stop the pain.

Wow, this is exactly how I feel. I am 28, married with 3 kids now when I started feeling sick one day and found out I was pregnant. I was in complete shock, I distanted myself from most people and within 2 days found myself at an abortion clinic. I was so anxious and shocked, my husband told me to keep it, and that day I actually left and went home after sitting in a room for 2 hours. I should have took it as a sign that I couldnt go through with it, I had found out that I was 6 weeks along. But then monday morning I went right back, and again started feeling immense anxiety and my thoughts were so clouded, after an hour of debating, I took the abortion pill in my hand and swallowed. Now I am so regretful...All of my reasons were selfish for not wanting another baby, I am in school and was too scared to have 4 kids. But now I see the bigger picture and I feel completely hopeless and dead inside. I have a strong desire to want to be pregnant still and I fear that if I do get pregnant that something will be wrong with this new baby...I wish I could talk to someone that could understand...I wish I had never went back, and I wish I could go back in time...

I went through same soul destroying experience early last year.I have 3 children and had just come out of a terrible 12 year relationship with their father. I very quickly met someone else, quite alot younger but so much more grown up than my ex. We seemed to be in love as much as you can without knowing someone for very long.About a month after first dating we made love ,neither of us were expecting it so we were unprepared. i took the morning after pill as soon as I could but it failed.I did a test and I was about five weeks pregnant.This was a disaster but at the same time I got excited about it even though I knew how much trouble it would cause because I hardly knew my boyfriend and my kids didn't know him yet, money problems etc etc. My boyfriend was thrilled and I tried to be thrilled with him, my ex had never wanted me to have any of our children,though he loved them once they were here. I knew my parents would disapprove and not be happy as I had had to rely on them quite alot with my other children as their dad wasn't a very hands on father. What I didn't expect was for my parents to be totally against it and suggest very seriously that I have an abortion for my existing children's sake. Last time I was pregnant I had a sort of pre natal depression but I had support from my family and no pressure to abort so I was able to carried on with the pregnancy and the depression wore off . This time I gradually got more and more depressed and couldn't see any joy in the pregnancy despite my boyfriend 's excitement and support. I just prayed for a miscarriage or a car crash , I just wanted it over. I went to the clinic for a pre abortion check and spoke to a counsellor who wasn't at all helpful.then the following week I went for the abortion.I had to wait about three hours before I was seen then I chickened out , I thought it was because I was scared of going under general anaesthetic. My father was waiting in the car for me when I came out and wasn't happy that I'd bailed out, he softened a bit when I burst into tears. I made another appointment for the following week, all week I felt more and more suicidal and ill and was kicking myself for not going through with it when I had the chance, all week I was chopping and changing my mind. Then I finally did it, everything went as well as it could and afterwards I felt fine, relieved and not feeling sick anymore. It wasn't until a few hours after I got home that it hit me like a Freight train what I had done, what I had lost. The emptiness is so painful especially when it's your own fault. I cried on and off for months. Now it's much less and I outwardly appear quite normal, but I sleep alot , I have no energy , I haven't done much housework ever since. I just scrape by on what needs to be done the most.I feel like I will never be back to my old self. I keep thinking I need to have his baby to make us both happy again but I don't know if it would work.

Yes. It was all hormones. They do things like that to you. You're either grossed out by friends, baby's daddy or in your case, pregnant women. It changes you mentally, and things that would not have bothered you before do now. What I don't understand is why you didn't really ask any questions before you got the abortion. Especially knowing that in the beginning you wanted a baby. That didn't make you question anything? But shoulda, woulda, coulda right. I don't agree with abortions, but what can you say now? Just next time, if this happens, which I doubt because all pregnancies are different. Just in case though, ask questions babe. It will be ok. Just pray about it if this is what you do. Don't know any other way to get over anything. I hope you get better is all I can say.

tnicolle wrote:

sad/confused wrote:

I am 31 and desperately wanted to have a child with my partner. Last month I found out that I was pregnant and I was suprised to feel absolutely nothing positive about the fact. After the initial shock wore off all I felt was indifference, fear and depression. The sight of women with babies etc. provoked feelings of nausea... I took this to mean that I didn't actually want the baby and last week i had an abortion. Now that my body is returning to its normal state I feel exactly the way that i did before I found out that I was pregnant! I don't understand how it's possible to feel so emotionally estranged from myself during pregnancy. Is it possible that this happened because of pregnancy hormones? I feel like my body betrayed me. I wanted that baby. Has anyone else experienced anything similar to this? It's very disturbing...

Yes. It was all hormones. They do things like that to you. You're either grossed out by friends, baby's daddy or in your case, pregnant women. It changes you mentally, and things that would not have bothered you before do now. What I don't understand is why you didn't really ask any questions before you got the abortion. Especially knowing that in the beginning you wanted a baby. That didn't make you question anything? But shoulda, woulda, coulda right. I don't agree with abortions, but what can you say now? Just next time, if this happens, which I doubt because all pregnancies are different. Just in case though, ask questions babe. It will be ok. Just pray about it if this is what you do. Don't know any other way to get over anything. I hope you get better is all I can say.

Ok. I'm sorry, and don't mean to be mean, but that was dumb as hell. Regardless of what happens, you should never live your life for someone else. You are the only one who has to answer to God. Not your parents or anyone else. Then what makes it so bad is that your boyfriend wanted his baby, so it wasn't really your parents right to tell you to kill his baby. He was gonna be there and that was between you and him and not your mother or dad. I'm pregnant now and though I don't believe in abortions, I was gonna go through with one because my mom thought that I should. So did the baby's dad. I was gonna go through with it, but when I got to the clinic, I broke down really bad in the car. I prayed. I was telling myself to get it over with. And the whole time I'm sitting in the waiting room, I'm pissed at myself for killing my baby because it's convenient for the father. Or that my mom thinks I have to do this. I'm talking to God the whole time. They call me back and do the ultrasound to see how far along I was, and could not see the baby. They couldn't do it for that reason. So I had to reschedule for the following week. Did I go back? Hell no. I thought about it. I took that as a sign from GOD that that was not what I was supposed to do. I thank God that he made it to where they could not see it, because the way I cried and broke down BEFORE it happened, I know I would have been worse AFTER. I told myself they would be sleeping peacefully at night while I'm tossing and turning and crying and depressed. They wouldn't have thought twice about it. So I told my mom I couldn't do it, and surprisingly, she was supportive. I told the dad and he was a little mad, but f.. him. What can I say. I told him we don't need him and that I didn't give a fu.. about his problems or why he didn't want my kid. I'm a single parent, and though I don't try and make this a habbit, I don't need no one.
Anyway, I hope you feel better.

no offense to any of you ladies... but i keep reading about what you wanted.. how you wanted a family and how your sad because you don't have your family.. but does anyone ever think about the baby? i ask because i feel like society has painted this picture that it is okay to have an abortion simply because you don't want a baby...that they are just removing some kind of parasite or disease and that everything will be okay after. it sickens me that these abortionist (who only see you has dollar signs) don't give you the 100% truth. girls we are being oppressed... and its not by the pro-life activist, its by these abortionist. they lie to you and tell you its a blob of tissue but after the whole procedure your emotions tell you other wise. you find out that your innocent little baby had arms and legs and was sucking its little thumb. if they care so much about our rights then why dont we get the complete truth. do we not have that right? we need to embrace our unique and powerful privilage to bear a child because not everyone has that privilage. it's a gift and babies change people in a good way. its hard but life isn't easy!! i hope you all know that it's not your fault... society misguids people by building a bunch of blind spots and says its a women's right when in all reality it is up to noone to choose who should live. you'll get thru it, and it can only make you stronger! my heart goes out to you all... take care

its been just over a month since that dreadful day when everything in my life came crumbling down...and why? all because i thought about myself and my family, i think about it everyday and still pray and wish that somehow i could still be pregnant with my innocent little baby who did nothing wrong to anyone..whats worse is that before i got pregnant i prayed to God to give me a baby and when i found out i was pregnant i was so happy and worried at the same time, i went through severe sickness and pain, my family stopped speaking to me but i wasnt really bothered, but then it did start bothering me and i began to blame my pregnancy and as i got back in contact with my family that was when my mother acted on my emotions and talked me into the abortion which she suggested right from the start of my pregnancy, i fell for the stupid sweet talk and booked my own self in, and had the abortion done, it all happened in the space of a week of getting in contact with my mother. when i think back i see myself as a cold, heartless person, on the day i was emotion-less, i didn't know how to feel while i was waiting there, i just kept it all bottled, i didn't speak to a counselor before or after and even up to now.
since the abortion i have researched intensely into it and what i have found out is shocking and disturbing, WHY don't those murdering bastards tell us this? only praying to God is helping me through each day but the pain will always remain there and i will always think about my baby..i love my baby so much, may God forgive us all and give us some peace in our hearts.

its been 2 months since i had my abortion. i had sever morning sickness which lasted all day and all night. i could not even drink water. after 2 weeks of this, and my partners apprehension about me being so ill, i decided to have the abortion. despite seeing the scan pictures ( i was 6 weeks) i felt emotionless and just relief after the surgical procedure that i could drink a glass of water and not be sick. since then, i have felt relieved i no longer feel sick. till recently.
i think of that scan picture and am so depressed and sad. my parents would have disowned me, my partner didn't want it, despite always talking about kids, but yet i feel broken inside now. i think of all the possibilities, boy or girl, due date and it now tears me apart. if i haven't been so sick (i was hospitalized for it) i wud have been 4 months pregnant by now. seen 2 scan pics in total and it hurts cus i did this. its my fault with noone else to blame. i keep the feelings to myself, cant talk to my fella cus he didn't want a baby out of marriage, 2 ashamed to talk to friends. don't have that right cus i did this to me. il never forgive myself. don't think u get ova something like this, guilt tears u up inside an guess thats the punishment u get.

Hi i understand completely how u feel - i truly do - my family would have disowned me and looking back it was all the worry that added to me feeling so ill. its now been 3 months and it hasn't got much easier. everything makes me angry - especially the fact i feel so alone and yet had this abortion to please everyone else. noone can understand this but u cus its ur body so i no. everything makes me angry. i even saw my scan, my baby was so beautiful and yet i still did what i did. i took one dose of the medical pill, then naturally had a miscarriage (i never had the 2nd pill) the had the most painful miscarriage and then still had to have surgery to ensure my baby was actually gone in the miscarriage. the gp told me its not the 1st pill that aborts your chil but the second but still hurts so much. maybe if id been stronger, been more sure, thought about me instead of every1 else, would ow be four months pregnant. hope my baby forgives me. thats all....

Ladies,
Forgive me and please dont think of me as a jerk. I was reading about how SOOOO many of you had these "men" who didnt want a baby right away, yet wanted to have sex. When you have sex out of marriage, or married, pregnancy can occur. Most times, when a family member wants to the mom to have an abortion, it is usually selfish motives for THEM.....NOT the mother.
I have read story after story of abortions gone terribly wrong, and have personally spoked to many women who made this "choice". What would the "boyfriend" or parent say if the woman died from a problem not seen right away?
I was reading a post where the person was saying that these abortionists ARE NOT being honest with the women. I only pray that the woman in question of thinking of having an abortion will ACTUALLY read to see the baby's progress and what actually happens.
These people who say that a baby feels no pain, baloney. Wouldnt you feel pain if you were having your limbs torn apart?

Dear "hizgrace"

i find your blog most unhelpful. i have wrote the 2 previous posts as a guests. noone ever wants to me in a position of havin to have an abortion. of course sex always has a chance of pregnancy and had i not been severely sick, i may have still had my baby today. your blog makes it sound as if these women have made thoughtless decisions into abortion and having read alll the posts - i don't think this is the case at all! whether it is straightaway or years later, those who have had to go through the gruelling process are still tormented by it - i say this not only from the posts and personal experience but from others i personally know. it may be easy to say "i did not understand what was happening to the baby inthe abortion" is just an attempt to diminish responsibility as the truth can be difficult to bear. The actions of an abrtion take no light decision and it is something that haunts the individual as i only too well know.



i understand from your viewpoint you are against abortion and religiously and personally so am i, till i was so ill that i had no choice. However, im sure that individuals choice was not a light decision and each person has a right to do as they please with their body whether we agree with it or not.



its sad to say but my experience of being pregnant, being so so ill and then having to have a termination has put me off conceiving a child in the future. i am a selfless person but i couldnt take anymore in hospital and it was strong advice from my gp.



nothings been the sma since the. my personal and social relationships have suffered, works not the same - cant remember the last time i had a good nights sleep - that's the price iv had to pay in addition to the emotional turmoil - that's teh choice i made - il have to live with it.

Hi Again Guest,
Im sorry you found my "blog" "Most unhelpful". I appreciate your honesty and opinions. I was stating some "hypothetical" things that could occur, and from what I have read in some of these posts, have indeed happened.
The things that I have posted are truthful, and sometimes the truth hurts. I have myself been in situations where someone told me the truth, and it really hurt at the time, but it helped me to see things.
I have counseled young and older ladies whom are considering abortion, and from post abortion trauma, and I have heard these things over and over.
I have cried WITH these girls, and for these girls. There are things that I might not understand about each circumstance with each person, but I can tell you with UTMOST certainty, that the pain I see in each girl is IMMENSE
Yes, I understand about what they go through. I will leave it at that.

Hizgrace4all wrote:

Hi Again Guest,
Im sorry you found my "blog" "Most unhelpful". I appreciate your honesty and opinions. I was stating some "hypothetical" things that could occur, and from what I have read in some of these posts, have indeed happened.
The things that I have posted are truthful, and sometimes the truth hurts. I have myself been in situations where someone told me the truth, and it really hurt at the time, but it helped me to see things.
I have counseled young and older ladies whom are considering abortion, and from post abortion trauma, and I have heard these things over and over.
I have cried WITH these girls, and for these girls. There are things that I might not understand about each circumstance with each person, but I can tell you with UTMOST certainty, that the pain I see in each girl is IMMENSE
Yes, I understand about what they go through. I will leave it at that.

Hi HIZGRACE - guest here again
one would think and accept some level of post aortion trauma, of varying degrees to be present. However, would it make more sense to have a full pregnancy and bring a child into the world that is not wanted? who does not have a "full" family with both a mother and father present? yes there are many single parents who do an excellant job, but who ultimatly mmisses out? the child. The pain that you see is due to mainly girls/women who do not want to be pregnant, who dont feel the tim eis right, who dont feel settled in their relationships etc - end point being they dont want to be pregant - so why bring an unwanted child into the world?
Yes the truth hurts and as i said in my previous posts, individuals dont like to admit the truth and in this case in terms of an abortion where it is far easier to say i did not know what would happen to the foetus - this diminishes the responsibilty and makes one feel less guilty which is understandable. i had a partial natural miscarriage from an immese amount of stress i felt with my extreme sickness, on my bathroom floor and had to have a surgical procedure to remove any fragments. yes it wasnt nice but no guilt trips will mak me feel worse than i do, or can change things or take things back. there are so many unwanted and unloved children in the world and when i am ready, my child will be in this world because it is wanted and loved. i would not consider allowing my child to go into care so it can wonder all its life, why did my mother give me up?
those individuals who have been in the situation only truly know. iv known people who have been through abortions, iv seen their pain, their tears, their heartache, but seeing and feeling when it is your own body and own baby are two completely different things.

I had an abortion 18 months ago. I had just moved in with my partner i was studying and he was working and there was no question about it. I was told i was infertile from an earlier eating disorder.

I suffered very badly from sickness and tiredness before i had it and after i felt empty. Before hand i used to lye awake at night thinking about the little thing growing inside me, depending on me wondering what kind of person it would be even though i knew it would never be given the chance to survive.

Although selfish there was no way i could have had it, i was just learning to look after myself and discover who i was. I've always said if i had children i would have to be financially secure so i could give them whatever i needed and i wouldnt have been able if i had continued on with it. My boyfriend was with me every step of them way but somehow burried his head int he sand at the same time. He could never talk to me about it and i tried bring things up he ignored them or shrugged them off.

Well 18 months down the line i'm pregnant again we are still living together exceoti'm now working and hes studying and agin we're not in a postion to have a child at all.

As last time i have terrible morning sickness and tiredness and feel guilty as today i havnt gone into work because of it. I somehow feel like its an excuse.

Everytime i say to my boyfriend oh i feel sick he just ignores it or says "i dont know what to do"

The other night i was eating and i wanted to bring it up with him so i said "i dont think the little bean in my stomach is enjoying this food at all" and although he heard me he just didnt say a word.

I said you cant skirt around it and say your'll come to the appointments with me and think that's support i know you don't know how to stop making me feel sick but deneying why i'm feeling sick is stupid.

I just wish that i wasnt having to do this again i know its not the right time but i feel guilty and wish things were different.

I'm having all these symptoms and i'll have nothing at the end of it.

Does anybody else just feel like if they just shut their eyes and open them things will be different?